Sexuality & Dating under the "Umbrella".

[Kittie]

I have been following a TV documentary lately called My Transsexual Summer, maybe some of you have watched it. In one of the episodes one of the girls mentions on camera that she was asked on a date by someone she'd met in the bar they went to that night. Also in this episode there was a man saying (about the MtF half of the group) that he found them attractive, despite knowing how 'unique' they are, he was unsure whether it was right or wrong to feel this way towards the girls and he stated that it "worried him, for himself".

It got me thinking about dating and relationships as a whole, firstly about how unsuccessful people could be if they outright told someone who had shown interest, that they had this uniqueness about them - and where does the threshold lie when it comes to divulging such information, when a person first shows an interest? Or when it escalates and you realize a person is trying to go further with you?

How many people are there in the world that STILL have no clue whatsoever that any of this sh!t exists? Even in the documentary above, a guy admitted he did not know that transsexualism existed.

So, after I'd processed these thoughts and written them down in my proverbial diary, I thought about something else:

Now I know every persons sexuality and views are different and I'll try to keep this question as open ended as I can, but this is the general theme of what I'm exploring: In the TS community, would someone who is FtM and heterosexual, rule out someone who is MtF as a potential partner and only be interested in genetic females? Likewise for all variations of sexuality; homosexual, bisexual, lesbian.

Of course you could then make arguments about falling in love with a person and their gender or how they identify has no bearing whatsoever.

What are your opinions?

[CharleneT]

. . .

Of course you could then make arguments about falling in love with a person and their gender or how they identify has no bearing whatsoever.

What are your opinions?

I would agree with the above idea. Since I'm post-op, and I hope and pray that people will just take me for me -- I shall do the same for them !

[Rianna Humble]

Now I know every persons sexuality and views are different and I'll try to keep this question as open ended as I can, but this is the general theme of what I'm exploring: In the TS community, would someone who is FtM and heterosexual, rule out someone who is MtF as a potential partner and only be interested in genetic females? Likewise for all variations of sexuality; homosexual, bisexual, lesbian.

Of course you could then make arguments about falling in love with a person and their gender or how they identify has no bearing whatsoever.

What are your opinions?

If I recall correctly we have members on this forum who form a couple - one FtM and the other MtF. If they are heterosexual, why should a man not want to date a woman?

For me, personally, if I fall in love with another woman, I certainly would not be crass enough (IMSNHO) to turn her down because she had had to have a birth defect corrected.

[sandra-leigh]

For myself... I don't know.

I would prefer (from ethical and "nobility" and "be a better person" perspectives,) to be the kind of person who would accept a transsexual as a partner -- but I don't know if I could, and my instinctive reaction is that I would have difficulty with it. What would happen in practice, I really don't know.

[Starling]

I have a female partner already, to whom I am committed, and who I hope will stay with me through and after transition; but I don't think I'd have any problem falling in love with a transwoman who was post-op or soon-op.

:) Lallie

[*Vanessa*]

IMHO
Really it's about what you think and not how you look. Love and compassion, not number of operations or size of his pants. You are who you are, and want people to take you as you are. There is no difference in that and that old song "Let It Be"

[melissaK]

I think your question is in some regard premised upon stereotyping the gender community. Society at large generalizes and equates sex with gender, M or F, end of story. So in the trans population there are those who have only set some of the stereotyping aside, i.e., they are just changing their anatomical sex and they expect to fit into the M/F roles of society with a new anatomical sex. Then there are a goodly number who have set all the stereotyping aside and they just find someone they are sexually interested in.

My second marriage might be a relevant example. I was a closeted MTF and repressed, and she was a FTM, equally repressed and closeted. It took us 15 years to come out to each other (we took our own closeted frustrations out on each other - it was a pretty stormy 15 years). I think the words we use to describe sexual preference and sex anatomy get muddled, so for clarity let me just explain it. My anatomical desire is mtf/ my sexually interest is women. And my second wife's anatomical desire is ftm/ and she is sexually interested in women. I think our relationship was founded on us sensing each others mutual state of being closeted, and of the mutual cross genderedness we sensed in each other. But in the end, our differing sexual interests - we both wanted to be with a woman, was the point of incompatibility.

I know a lot of us wonder if sexual preference will change with HRT and SRS. Some have reported it did. For me, I am not the full test. 3-4 years of HRT has hammered my libido and T levels, but I have not undergone SRS, still have testes and I live in the male role despite B- cups breasts (I don't recommend this path of compromise if anyone is asking) but I still sexually prefer women. I think that this sexual preference for women is why I can live this compromised way - at least for now.

I look at genetics in a Watchman (DC graphic novel) sort of way - each of us is astoundingly unique. So my answer to your question is, I am sure there's at least one relationship with every MTF/FTM/G/L/M/F combination possible out there. :-)

hugs
'lissa

[joannemarie barker]

I think I could fall in love with a male or a female which would both include CDs and ts girls.i love people :)

[Aprilrain]

I kinda like that pokey thing that guys have but girls are soft and usually smell better than guys.

Right now I have a boyfriend.

[Bree-asaurus]

If I recall correctly we have members on this forum who form a couple - one FtM and the other MtF. If they are heterosexual, why should a man not want to date a woman?

For me, personally, if I fall in love with another woman, I certainly would not be crass enough (IMSNHO) to turn her down because she had had to have a birth defect corrected.

Yuppers, my boyfriend is FTM. What affected my decision to be with him? He's a man and he's handsome and fun :D The fact that he's FTM didn't matter to me.

[sanderlay]

So here is my take... my opinion...

Forget the umbrella. Get past the labels... male, female, TS, gay, straight, lesbian, MTF, FTM, etc..., look past the color of their skin, look past their nationality, their political beliefs, their gender and you look into YOUR heart... YOUR emotions... YOUR dreams... who YOU are attracted to... and forget what society might say... or has said. You might... just might discover who YOU are attracted to... who could become YOUR best friend.

Remember... think outside the box society of what society says. It's YOUR heart you must follow. Love knows no boundaries... so don't create one... or let someone else create one. The person that YOU decide to love... to give YOUR heart to will let you know if they want to be YOUR best friend. And in time... if they become YOUR world... you will know.

Now I'm single... have been for over fifty years. But I believe there is someone out there who can be your best friend... if... you let yourself take a chance... give of your heart.

The rewards of a great relationship... of love... are tremendous... and the agony of betrayal and loss can be devastating.

[Traci Elizabeth]

For myself... I don't know.

I would prefer (from ethical and "nobility" and "be a better person" perspectives,) to be the kind of person who would accept a transsexual as a partner -- but I don't know if I could, and my instinctive reaction is that I would have difficulty with it. What would happen in practice, I really don't know.

Like Sandra, if I want a man, I would want his male body parts to be part of that relationship. But that is probable a mute question since I am a lesbian.