SO's can say the most wonderful things.

[Barbara Ella]

Hope I am not stealing anyone's thresd. Am new, and first thread. Hope it starts some talk.

You may know from my intro that I am struggling with opening up to my SO, and have received hints via jockey bikini in my drawer on several occasions that encourage me but frighten me.

Two things have happened recently. One a while back that I just remembered. We separate the laundry on the bed together, making our separate piles. She puts my bikinis (womens) into my pile without a second thought, and I cannot see how she cannot recognize them as female. One time she made the comment that "my husband has sexier underwear then i do." I said thank you, i try. If she had said panties I would have kissed her.

To try and indicate to her my feminine side, I have been buying sexier male things, like CK lounge pants in microfiber, totally out of character for me, and Tommy John microfiber undershirts that are long and clingy (nice, but not satiny enough). So yesterday we were changing after a funeral and I purposely take off all but the undershirt and the hanes cotton stretch bikini, nude (not many male bikinis in nude?) The undershirt goes down below the bottom of the panties, so i pull it up above them to pose while hanging my suit. She looks, and says pull the undershirt down again. I do, and she says. You look like a dancer. My knees got weak and I managed a For you dear response. This is going a long way toward moving me to come out to her. I have never felt quite so good as I did then.

Question is, does anyone else have experiences with their supposedly unknowing SO saying things that seemed to indicate that really knew and were trying to give you an opening to talk. And beyond that, SO's who are already clued in also say supportive things when we are questioning our choices for our life, and I would be encouraged to hear those also.

Thanks for listening, sorry for being so wordy.

Babes

[Alice B]

I atarted out with the talk and it made things much easier. From what you say it seems clear that she will be receptive to the talk, so do it.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Ask her if it bothers her, if she says no, I would tell her. It sounds like shes figured out something. You're the one with the "local knowledge" so to speak, but from what you're saying here, I would tell her. It's still your choice, but that definitely indicates someone asking for more information from you. Doesn't mean acceptance,, but how long can you leave it before she gets upset you won't tell her?

[Jenniferathome]

Babes, don't bother with hints. Most likely,your wife suspects anyway,but it is best to just sit down and talk. You'll be much happier. Good luck.

[Marleena]

Babes, don't bother with hints. Most likely,your wife suspects anyway,but it is best to just sit down and talk. You'll be much happier. Good luck.

I agree totally with Jennifer, it's time.:)

[Rachel Morley]

Well, my wife knew from the get go as we met on a Cding site (not this one) so I can't really comment about coming out to an SO as a CDer when she doesn't already know you are one, but I can say that I think if you are lucky enough to have an SO that already perhaps has a hunch (she sure sounds like she might do) and if she is the kind of SO who finds it non-threatening and fun to be a part of (believe me, there are SO's out there who think this way) then you are wasting value time by not sharing your thoughts about this with her. How did we get started? .... by having a few glasses of wine and talking to each other about our fantasies, before you know it, all sorts of stuff is being volunteered .. and if it starts to get a little uncomfortable you can always say "yeah, well, it's just a fantasy .. not something that has to happen". If I was you I'd start off doing what I said or talk about how nice it makes you feel wearing your women's Jockey bikinis.

Good luck!

[AllieSF]

It sounds wonderful for you. But just remember that fooling and kidding around does not necessarily mean that she will be accepting nor tolerating, except for those rare moments when she is in the mood. Go slow and enjoy it while you can.

[Marcella]

It sounds to me like you're already out but you're the one that doesn't know it. Maybe if you go shopping together, when you get to the area where the panties are you could just say something like "I could do with getting some new underwear" and see what the reaction is. You might be pleasantly surprised and this will give you the door to open dialogue. Gently does it, though.

[Eryn]

She knows precisely what gender your underwear are since, IIRC, she's the one who bought them. They don't stock "Jockey No Panty Line" bikinis in the men's department! That part of your CDing is very well outed indeed!

That said, the door is open for a discussion. When you have time for a serious conversation sit down with her and say "Dear, there's something I've been wanting to discuss with you." and then discuss it! Nothing will (or needs to) be resolved right away, but explain your feelings to her as best you can. She'll likely have questions. Answer them if you can, but "I don't know" is an acceptable answer if you truly don't know. Listen very carefully to what she has to say, as her feelings are just as important as yours and you should acknowledge that. Above all, don't make promises that you cannot keep.

Take it slow, and keep us informed of your progress.

Eryn

[Christinedreamer]

I did not tell my wife (now ex, but unrelated to CDing) until the wedding night and it really was her asking me as opposed to me volunteering. back in the day (1975) women still wore beautiful wedding night peignoirs (my fave outfits) I kept telling her how beautiful she looked in it, how soft it was and started going on with details that most guys simply would not know. Add a little champagne and building romantic emotions and she eventually looked at me, paused and asked "Do you want to wear this?" I stammered a bit and then said, "Well.........yes I would love to wear it"

She said OK, stood up and took it off and helped me put it on. -wit my hands and knees shaking. From the next night on and every night we both wore nightgowns and spent a LOT of time "cuddling" etc. After the honeymoon was over I went in late to work several times as we just could not get up and get dressed.

I realized that she was so happy that we could talk about anything so easily. She even confided some early not so fun times she had with a family member and she told me I was the first person she trusted enough to talk about the episode with.

We found that our mutual trust as was apparent on the wedding night of things that we BOTH were guarding allowed us to enjoy a very close relationship earlier than most couples can create so soon after the wedding. Sometimes it takes years and sometimes it never happens.

To this day I miss her so much.

[Holly]

...but how long can you leave it before she gets upset you won't tell her?Look, honey, it's ultimately your decision to make. If this is the person you are sure you are going to spend the rest of your life with, it it were me, I wouldn't wait a moment longer. I can't begin to guess how it will come out, Babes, but one thing I can assure you without question... it will not get any easier with the passing of time. In fact, it will get more difficult. Not only will you have to deal with the issue of gender, you will also have to deal with the question of why it took you so long to come forward with this information about yourself. More often than not, this is perceived by an SO as a lack of trust issue and can become a bigger stumbling block than the TG issues themselves. Get your thoughts in order, prepare your information, schedule a time where the two of you will not be interrupted and have a nice from the heart talk. Best wishes and let us know how it goes.

[giuseppina]

Hello Babes

This thread has a lot of good ideas in it. I wish it wasn't removed from the stickies at the top of this section.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner&highlight=

[Barbara Ella]

Such wonderful and thoughtful responses. i totally agree that delaying causes problems Holly, and after 41 years of marriage, I think i am sure I want to spend the rest of my life with her (LOL) but have only come to the full realization of who I am over the last 2-3 months, so the feelings and concerns are really new and frightening. What I do know is that i want to discover where I am going with my wife at my side, so it will happen sooner rather than later.

I feel so blessed to have the support of this forum and the ability to discuss these new feelings and fears. All i know is that I want to share myself with her without jeopardizing the support she has come to expect after 41 years. As my signature suggests. I am finally standing, but have not yet walked in the heels, I really hope to join you in the dance and to dream of flying.

Thanks for the responses and suggestions - Babes

[Jenny Doolittle]

I also think your wife already knows and in fact think that maybe you have a harder time admitting that you are a CD then she has accepting it.

Just take the bull by the horns and open up to her in a frank honest discussion. I think clearing the air will be good for you both.

[Karren H]

It sounds wonderful for you. But just remember that fooling and kidding around does not necessarily mean that she will be accepting nor tolerating, except for those rare moments when she is in the mood. Go slow and enjoy it while you can.

Yeah!! And her acceptance of others or acceptance in general is totally different than accepting you! TGNIMBY!