We all are a lot more alike then different

[Jenny Doolittle]

Are we so afraid to be taken as someone who is different that we have a difficult time telling others about our secret?

I got to thinking, I really don't believe anyone is totally all male or all female.
We all enjoy things that are common for the opposite gender. (Heck, My wife loved an auto mechanic class years back).

I have only told a few family and friends that I am a cross dresser, or that I feel as though I am different then most people. I say it that way because really I can't say I am just a cross dresser, i feel there is something more then just a person who dresses in the opposite gender's clothes. But obviously I am not a woman either.

I am now thinking that if we consider that we all are a little bit of each gender, it would make it easier for us to open up to family and friends by using that rational.

What do others think?

[marlaNYC]

Are we so afraid to be taken as someone who is different that we have a difficult time telling others about our secret?
a fine question. i've put a lot of thought into this myself, even spoken with the few that know this part of me, and they and i agree that, while the majority would probably not even bat an eyelid or be in the least bit surprised, there are those that (i imagine) will see me as someone else completely, and judge me in a very different light - even though all the time i've been around them, i've been dressed in some manner. this shouldn't matter, but it does. and that fear is always in my mind.

[Rachel Morley]

I know I for sure would have no problem telling people I am different from most men, that I'm a crossdresser, and I like things, and like doing things, that are usually what women tend to like. The problem for me is, not that I mind that they know that I am different, more that I am concerned about what their reaction might be. I'm talking about being treated differently, changing our relationship, being ostracized at work, or even being a victim of a hate crime. That's what causes me to be careful, not them knowing that I different per se.

[Karren H]

We can think what ever we want to but its not what we think that's usually the issue.... Its what they think... Changing that is not an easy task... Imho.

[TVKellyNY]

I agree with Rachel. We have to be careful of how others perceive us. People are so judgmental. Hell, I was doing it in the mall yesterday. I was playing my own game of What Not To Wear on both men and women. I must share this one major fashion faux pas. When wearing pantyhose with a miniskirt, maybe wear sheer to waist so others don't see the change at the thighs. I'm sure standing there at the mirror (I hope), things were in the right place, but once she started moving, her hemline rose.

Kelly

[RenneB]

I wish the world would just let me be who I am and that no one would ever judge me no matter what I look like, but I'd have to be livin' in bizarro land as that is most likely never going to happen. Back in the day, I had to keep many different kinds of secrets. A friend of mine and I kept the fact that we smoked non-tobacco products from others, like bosses at work, family, etc. As soon as his girlfriend's mom found out she disowned him. So what I'm saying is that being different is a matter of degrees and depends on the person that you let out to.

If I was at a party, where college kids hang out, I had no problem letting out that we could go and smoke some stuff. But I would never tell my teachers. Depending on the crowd and depending on the issue, I let it out. Kindof like a peer to peer thing.

Hope that makes scense...

Renne.....

[Jason+]

Renee,

Book me two tickets on the first train to Bizarro Land. Once there let me succeed where my strengths are rather than where they "should" be.

What you are saying about who to tell makes perfect sense. It's all about the potential return on the investment whether positive or negative.

[Rachel Flowers]

I have to say, when I'm observing women in short skirts, the change in the tights at the thigh is part of the interest for me. I mean for my male alter ego!

[Jonianne]

.....I am now thinking that if we consider that we all are a little bit of each gender, it would make it easier for us to open up to family and friends by using that rational.

What do others think?

I think it is a good rational, however trying to explain that to someone who only believes in binary, such as a pastor at church I recently wanted to join, got me nowhere.

[Joanne f]

I would go along with what Karren has said in that it has a lot to do with what others think and you are inclined to only tell the ones who you think will be understanding of it , like all things in life you have different degrees of things so the average person may have bits of both genders within them and some will show it whereas some will try to hide it, then you have the two extremes of the one gender thinkers whether that be a all male thinking males or a all female thinking females.

[josee]

I think it is a good rational, however trying to explain that to someone who only believes in binary, such as a pastor at church I recently wanted to join, got me nowhere.
So are you saying that a church pastor refused to make you a member because you admitted to being a crossdresser?
What kind of church was it?

[Rachel Flowers]

What kind of church was it?

Whether it was conservative or liberal, it'll be one that chose carefully which bits of the Bible it took literally. (Thread closure alert!!!)

[*Vanessa*]

Dido on what RenneB has send

[Jonianne]

So are you saying that a church pastor refused to make you a member because you admitted to being a crossdresser?
What kind of church was it?

Non-denomational.

At first they told me I would be welcome to be a part of the church family, but later in a telephone call I was told I could not be a member, refering to Deut 22:5. Then later when I had the hour and half meeting, with a more senior pastor, I said I was upfront with you all, please be upfront with me, can I or can I not be a member? He said it would be hard, but after saying some more, I think he finally said "yes" but I wasn't exactly clear on that.

Anyway, after having to go through all that, I think my interview for my job (of the past 28 years) was less than 1 1/2 hour, I just didn't have the heart to persue it any further. The last church I was in, a Southern Baptist (a more liberal one), I also told the leaders there and they expressed no issues and later asked me to be a decon. I had to move from that city years ago and very much miss that church. The youth minister of that church even had GLADD to come to speak to the youth.

At first, this church seemed to remind me of that past church and I was hoping they would react the same.

Anyway, back to the OP, one of the things I shared with the pastor was that we all have varing degrees of both male and female hormones and some have more and some have less with the normal being a very wide variance, so why can't our personalities be the same? Some males having more female attributes than other males and visa versa. It just went past him.

[Melody1985]

My 2 cents

We are all alike in some ways, and different in others. The fact is people can't even accept the "normal" differences such as race, religion, etc. And those, in comparison to accepting TG's are easy. My belief is most people don't accept CD's very well because they equate dressing up with homosexuality. And I shouldn't have to explain how unacceptable that is for a lot of people. If something is abnormal in this world, it is rejected. Although you are right Jenny, if people would accept men and women as being a little of both, the world would be more peaceful for us.. But peace would also be attainable if we as humans stopped worrying about; race, height, weight, religion, political beliefs, dog or cat person, jobs, hair, personality, hobbies and a boat load of other things. I may have went out on a tangent there, but it's hard to tell others because we all know how accepting, or non-accepting people can be.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Thank you all for the great replies. All said and done, I think it is not us...It's them! Smile, the world is not as open as we all are accepting someone who is different then themselves.

I certainly understand the fear of being discovered as a CD and have it negatively affect your income or how you are recieved at work. Perhaps that is why I am much more open now that I have retired and are self employed for additional income. I think is may also be a rational about why more are coming out after they retire fro that reason.

Thanks all for your response.

[docrobbysherry]

"We all are a lot more alike then different"

Going back to your original post, Jenny, I must respecfully disagree! I've met quite a number of CDs at conventions. And, while I've liked everyone and feel they r ALL very interesting people, I find I have very little in common with most! Other than that we all dress!

[Cheryl T]

Are we so afraid to be taken as someone who is different that we have a difficult time telling others about our secret?



It's not at all about being taken for someone who is different. I've been different all my life and I'm so used to that.
It's about being ridiculed, persecuted and avoided for something that is so natural and so much a part of me. I could care less that they think I"m different!

[Barbara Ella]

I feel that we all start out a lot more alike than different. As docrobbysherry points out, it is when we get old enough that we realize the outside influences have been different on us, and moved us further apart than when we started. Children are wonderful because their filters are wide open. Then adults come along and slam then shut.

Even members of this forum, who you might think would all be very similar. NO WAY (thank gooddness). This diversity that develops in a kind and gentle manner as i find here is what makes us alike in a special way where we can all celebrate our diversity. In that celebration I think we are all together.

Babes

[Jenny Doolittle]

"We all are a lot more alike then different"

Going back to your original post, Jenny, I must respecfully disagree! I've met quite a number of CDs at conventions. And, while I've liked everyone and feel they r ALL very interesting people, I find I have very little in common with most! Other than that we all dress!

Perhaps you mis-understood what I meant by "We all are a lot alike" I did not limit that to just CDers. I think we as all people are a lot alike. Regardless of what gender we were born, we all have to some degree, more or less, feelings that are common with the opposite gender. The difference between "we" CDers or Transgender folks is that we are brave enough to act on that inner being within and experience that other side of our personality.

[docrobbysherry]

Perhaps you mis-understood what I meant by "We all are a lot alike" I did not limit that to just CDers. I think we as all people are a lot alike. Regardless of what gender we were born, we all have to some degree, more or less, feelings that are common with the opposite gender. The difference between "we" CDers or Transgender folks is that we are brave enough to act on that inner being within and experience that other side of our personality.
I think I see what you're driving at, Jenny. We all eat, sleep, cry, laugh, live, die, etc., etc. On the other hand, I'm quite involved in online dating at the moment! If ANY experience enphasizes the differences between people, particularly men and women than dating when your older, I don't know what it could be!

Everyone says they like; walking on the beach, to sit by a warm fireplace on a rainy winter nite, to cuddle and kiss, to find happiness with someone compatible and grow old with! Yet I and they continually reject each other for the TINIEST negative traits we sense or imagine we sense from that first nervous phone call or meeting!

[KellyJameson]

This is a question that torments me. Can the female or male mind produce thoughts or experience emotions that are unique to their sex. To feel feminine or masculine really has no meaning other than what we assign to it because the feeling is still unique to the individual and what feels feminine to one may be experienced as masculine to another. It is possible there is no such thing as gender outside of the biological definition other than the meaning we asign it as individuals. If men were the only ones who shaved their legs and wore heels would this than become a masculine behavior and so by doing it we would than say we feel masculine ?

[Jenny Doolittle]

I think I see what you're driving at, Jenny. We all eat, sleep, cry, laugh, live, die, etc., etc. On the other hand, I'm quite involved in online dating at the moment! If ANY experience enphasizes the differences between people, particularly men and women than dating when your older, I don't know what it could be!

Everyone says they like; walking on the beach, to sit by a warm fireplace on a rainy winter nite, to cuddle and kiss, to find happiness with someone compatible and grow old with! Yet I and they continually reject each other for the TINIEST negative traits we sense or imagine we sense from that first nervous phone call or meeting!

Yes Sherry, it is always so easy to see the imperfections in others, but yet so difficult our own.


This is a question that torments me. Can the female or male mind produce thoughts or experience emotions that are unique to their sex. To feel feminine or masculine really has no meaning other than what we assign to it because the feeling is still unique to the individual and what feels feminine to one may be experienced as masculine to another. It is possible there is no such thing as gender outside of the biological definition other than the meaning we asign it as individuals. If men were the only ones who shaved their legs and wore heels would this than become a masculine behavior and so by doing it we would than say we feel masculine ?

There is no doubt that what "society" places on how people are suppose to think plays a central role in this discussion. Unfortunately "society" is very much like what "normal" is suppose to be, but there is no such thing as normal either, just the cumulative sum of all of us as individuals.

This topic is maybe way to abstract to make a lot of sense. I just hope I as well as others can see the big picture when trying to understand and accept each other as individuals.

[elizabethamy]

The poet Walt Whitman, who was also a nurse, a journalist, and possibly a CD, said: "I contain multitudes." I believe we all do. Not in the sense of multiple persoalities, but multiple perspectives and ways of thinking. What is that "unused" 80% of the brain doing there? Waiting to be heard from? It seems to be saying right now, "hey dude, it's girl time!" and how is that a bad thing, beyond the rules and strictures our society has placed around it?

let the multitudes have their say, whatever their gender(s).