Told wife I tried makeup... Didn't like me using mascara

[Katecat]

Edit!!
I told her and she was ok with it. Thanks for the encouraging words :)
---------------------
So I sort of half came out to my wife today about crossdressing.
She was in the dark aside from knowing I tried her eye liner when she was gone.

Today, while she was buying makeup online, I said "I should get my own eyeliner... It's not supposed to be good to share." I went ahead and started to add things to a second order from ELF.

She laughed and said, "yeah, it isn't good to share..."
I confessed,"sometimes when you are gone, I like to put on makeup and See what i look like... It's not sexual. It's just fun to do sometimes."

I was so relieved to hear her say, " aww that's cute that you tried on make up .. Wait ... You used more than just eyeliner? I hope you didn't use my mascara."

I just clammed up , couldn't think of what to say. I just laughed and smiled. "I don't know... Maybe, why what's wrong with mascara?"

She said, "that's just kind of weird to think about, you with mascara"

Soooo. Topic changed and we didn't talk about it for the rest of the night.
Should I just keep taking it slow with telling her?
I do not want to scare her with a full confession.
I am glad that she thinks eye liner is cute.

When we get two boxes from ELF, should I tell her I got my own stuff?
Trying to spill the beans in a controlled manner.

[Miss Maxine]

Someones's jealous because your eyelashes are better. ^_^ (meant completely in jest)

[Cynthia Anne]

Baby steps, baby steps are so important some times! I feel this is one of those times! Move slowly and wisely and you can conquer the world! Too fast and '''it hits the fan! Just becareful and she may accept! Wishing you the best! Hugs!

[SweetPea_GG]

I don't know you both personally to say my opinion on it but how long have u been married? Keeping a secret like this in a marriage can sometimes hurt it. Just coming from personal expirence. Although she could be very accepting but then again she could be devistated as to why you kept this from her. So just be careful and I'd you feel u need to just drop small hints then do so. But that could back fire too. It's really just a tricky situation. Sometimes your damned if you do and your damned if you don't. Just follow your heart. And GL!

[Marleena]

The good part is she's okay with you wearing makeup.:) When it comes to makeup mascara is the best part for me. It feels so feminine! That could be her thinking too. Taking your time is the correct approach.

Oh.. I would tell her you got your own makeup too so you won't touch hers. Ask her if she's okay with that. She already hinted it was okay other than mascara.

[Rachel Morley]

She probably thought eyeliner was cool .. just look at people like Johnny Depp and various male pop stars, goths etc. Mascara is at the moment outside of her comfort zone (although I'm pretty sure Johnny Depp wears that too). In the beginning my wife was not that comfortable with me wearing wearing subtle nail polish in boy mode .. now she thinks I look nice with an American manicure! Slowly does it.

[Samantha_Smile]

When you eventually tell her for reals, you will work out that this "Weird to think of you with " extends to much more than mascara.
The truth of it is, she still see's you as 100% male, Im assuming youve never given her/shown her any reason to think otherwise, and to think of you in any other way than what she knows is scary. It's gotta be.
Eyeliner is not a femme piece of makeup these days, as Rachel M said, it's been popularised by modern culture trends and its now in a place where men use it too. It [I]does make your eyes 'pop'.
Any further than this starts to become feminine and for her, uncomfortable.

My advice, is to fess up entirely.
You said this is your wife, not your girlfriend, so I think I can assume you want to spend the rest of your life with this lady?
How can you or your wife know whether forever is realistic when all the cards arent on the table.
Twist or stick?

[Eryn]

Remember to tell your wife not only what you are doing, but also why you are doing it, and try to be completely frank with her. If you're fascinated by makeup tell her that. Explain that what she views as commonplace and boring is somewhat mysterious and exotic to you and you want to explore the look and feeling of wearing it.

She went through the same thing (probably at age 13 or so) and might even be a bit empathetic. In any case, it is better to clear the air.

BTW, unless she volunteers, she is not your makeup artist or instructor! Putting her in that position may well put a bad taste in her mouth for the whole concept.

Eryn

[DebbieL]

Eyeliner and Mascara sharing is a good way to share eye infections. It's also why you should throw out old mascara. You don't want to get conjuctivitis or dry-eye from your wife's mascara.

As as telling her that you want to do more, I'm suspecting, if that's your picture, that she may have picked you because you have such a pretty feminine face. In fact, she may be scared to death to tell you that she would like to feminize you. Women are always afraid that if they make such an offer to a man who is not transgendered, it would threaten their masculinity, which can cause a man who has fought hard to prove his masculinity numerous times to get very upset, even violent.

Many women, actually 1 in 3 women, have been the victims of male violence, experienced, or witnessed domestic violence prior to their first marriage. For many such women, the prospect of a nice "pretty boy" who ISN'T macho is a huge attraction, and a "Pretty boy" who is even willing to allow himself to be feminized, could be even more interesting to her.

What you might want to do is wait and open your boxes together. You might also ask her opinion of what you got? If I'm right, she will be thrilled that you have asked her to help you. If I'm wrong, you will have the ability to let her know.

A simple thing you might want to do in the meantime. Ask her what she loves most about you?
If she loves how you are gentle, tender, you listen, those are good signs.

Does she tell you you are handsome (not good) or cute (very good)?
Does she like that you are her protector (not good) or that you're so tender (very good)?
Does she love that you are well hung (not good) or that you make love (very good)?
Does she love that you are "All Man" (not good), or that you are so sweet (very very good)?

When you make love, do you let her give you guidance, even encourage it?
Do you spend lots of time on foreplay rather than rushing to penetration?
Do you cuddle afterward, or does she get up first (both good)?
Does she like to take control during sex?

These are all good indicators that your wife chose you BECAUSE you were obviously feminine,
but she is scared to death to let you know, because she doesn't want you to feel threatened.

Do you have lost of beefed up muscles from working out at the gym? (Bad)
Or do you have soft slender arms that have little if any bulk? (very good)
Do you have dark hairy chest and back? (very bad), or are you mostly hairless naturally?
Is your body hair course and thick? (bad), or thin and soft? (very good).

And by the way, she may have been watching your reaction.
Women don't want to threaten a man's manhood if they don't want it threatened.
But if you let her know that you aren't defensive about your manhood,
then she can open up an share her real desires with you.

If you were all "up" when you asked "what's wrong with masquera"
and suddenly went awkward or looked a bit sad when she said "that's just kind of weird to think about, you with masquera"
You may have told her more than you wanted.

If she does something like that, suggesting that doing something feminine
would be "weird" or strange, exaggerate your disappointment, but seriously.
You might even do a "pout" and fight the urge to break into laughter.

Based on the dialogue you have shared here, and your profile picture,
I'm suspecting that your wife is just ITCHING to dress you up and make you pretty.
But she's scared to death that you will thing she doesn't love you, doesn't respect you,
or that you might think that she doesn't want you.

More than anything, she loves you and hopes you love her.

[jennCD]

As long as she knows some things now, allow her the opportunity to dictate the speed with which she can handle the information. You don't really want to overload her, especially if she appears to push back against your disclosures of reality.

Shortly after I first told my wife, we had a discussion about the use of makeup. Subsequently, she bought me my own non-waterproof mascara so that I wouldn't have such a hard time removing it (after I had mentioned what a pain in the butt it was to clean up). That was over four years ago and was the closest thing to "acceptance" she's shown regarding this (besides not not having packed up and run away from me, of course) since then.

:)
jenn

[Katecat]

Thanks for the advice. The next step will happen whenever my makeup order comes in the mail.
To answer some of the above posts:
We have only been married for 5 months. Been together for 6 or 7 years though.
I am smaller than her which bothers her sometimes. However she usually refers to me in mosre endearing terms such as "cute" and "caring". I am not too muscular, however I do work out and my wife appreciates my athletic body from time to time. Still, nothing too big. In fact she has said many times that she doesn't like guys that have giant muscles.

It would be great if she was itching to dress me up. Dream come true. However I have a hard time imagining her doing that when she is weary of mascara. But only she knows. I will continue to drop small hints. Maybe even next time I am home alone, text her with something like "I cant find your corset" :p

[kimdl93]

Kate, make sure to read the tread on "how to tell your SO". The better prepared you are, the easier it will be to answer her questions - and she will have lots of questions. Also, I might consider beginning this conversation before the receipt of the make up order. If at all possible, find a could you find a time just to talk...and go beyond the I like wearing girls clothes to express your feelings. Why is hard to answer, but you can give some thought to how you feel. And give her time to talk about her feelings - remembering that her feelings are valid - even if they aren't what you'd wish them to be.

[*Vanessa*]

gosh, can't add anything to this thread but Good On Ya, come clean and be considerate to your wife.

[Karren H]

I'll bet after she finds out you wear bras and panties and stocking and heels..... She won't think that wearing her mascara was such a big deal! Her lawyer might though! Lol.

[Jenniferathome]

Kate,

There is no such thing as spilling the beans in a controlled manner. If your relationship is rock solid, sit her down and talk to her. The door is open. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done, but once you open up you will happier than ever. Good luck

[5150 Girl]

Well,, a lot of so called "glam rockers" do eyeliner, lip gloss and a few ohter minor tings... It is likley she sees maskera as going to far... I'm guessing she would have the sme recation to foundation as well.

[Sandra]

Telling in bit and pieces is no good and I imagine that she may not thank you for it.....If it was me I would prefer to be told outright and not had hints here and there....sorry but IMHO hinting is just not right.

[Katecat]

Telling in bit and pieces is no good and I imagine that she may not thank you for it.....If it was me I would prefer to be told outright and not had hints here and there....sorry but IMHO hinting is just not right.
I know what's right, and that would be telling her this afternoon when I get home from work.
She will be goin out of town next week. I don't know if it will be good timing.
I am just making excuses. I really should tell her but it is hard just to say it outright.

I suppose that us why I am dropping hints. It's easier for me to tell her in a Half joking manner that I need more eyeliner than it would be to have a serious talk.

Now I need to get myself motivated to tell her.
Should I wait untill after her trip? Ahh I guess I won't know untill I try :p

[larry]

Easy Girl !! Do not rush too far forward too fast just because you are in this forum ! Remember that you cannot take some things back once you say them. Breathe relax hehehe

[Chickhe]

Don't 'tell her' anything. Instead, show her. When your makeup arrives, go put it on and ask her for help and show her what you look like. Get her involved...and do it together as a 'fun' activity. After it is done, let her do the talking and find out what it is she doesn't like so you can work on it. From what you said, she may have a problem with you looking like a guy with makeup on...what you can do is say that you agree and you are going to try the whole deal next time...makeup, clothes etc....because it sounds like a lot of fun.

[tiffanyjo89]

It's likely she has her own insecurities of her ability to please you and likely thinks that if you are wearing makeup and stuff that you might be gay...

It's a woman's worst nightmare to find out that she has a relationship with a man, gets married to him, and finds out he is gay and isn't attracted to her. I know that being gay is something with the person, not situations (at least not 100% situations) but she might fear that she is unable to please a man if he is gay (not saying you are...).

She also might feel that you in makeup and women's clothing would be weird cause she married you as a man, not as a woman.

[Katecat]

Easy Girl !! Do not rush too far forward too fast just because you are in this forum ! Remember that you cannot take some things back once you say them. Breathe relax hehehe

I think I will wait untill a weekend to tell her. That way she can be relaxed and we can discuss any issues. She was grumpy last night. Didn't want to fan the flames with "I like to crossdress" :p

[ROXXYDENIMDOLL]

It is a very touchy thing to come out to your significant other. I would tread lightly and put your feelers out a bit more. My experience with this was when my wife and I were dating 12 years ago. I went for the blunt approach and put a shirt and pair of her jeans on and walked out of the bathroom. It was a gamble but a gamble I was willing to take as I could not hold in my desires for much longer. I was fortunate that she accepted it and even liked the way her jeans looked on me. That is when the evolution of Roxxy began and look at me today. Don't get me wrong though, there has to be the right elements for my wife to want Roxxy to come out for the evening. If I had it my way Roxxy would be here all day. Just remember that a relationship comes down to compromise and you should have no problems.

[Renee W]

When you do decide to tell her, make sure you are prepared and have your back-up material ready. She will have lots of questions...Are you gay?...How long have you been doing this?...Do you want a sex change?....and a host of others. Replying to her questions with "I don't know" would be the worst thing you could do.

Start bookmarking information on the internet. Do a search for "Crossdressing Psychology". There are a lot of hits that will let her know you are not alone, it is a rather common practice, you are not a pervert, etc.

Also try the site http://cdsecretgarden.femmegetaway.com/. This site is primarily for the SO of a CD.

[ReineD]

" aww that's cute that you tried on make up .. Wait ... You used more than just eyeliner? I hope you didn't use my mascara."

"that's just kind of weird to think about, you with mascara"

This was your cue to open up and be honest about your full intentions.

There are some people who believe it is good to expose a SO bit by bit to the CDing, and I agree, as long as it is HER choice ... for example, if she knows you crossdress and SHE is the one who chooses when she is ready to see you with forms on, or a wig and makeup.

But, to slowly inure her to the fact you like to wear things that may be considered androgynous in our culture, such as eyeliner, or tight pants, or jewelry (or whatever else young guys who want to go for the androgynous or goth look wear these days as a fashion statement), will not make it any easier to tell her eventually that it is more than a desire to be cutting-edge fashionable and that you really do want to present as a woman (with boobs, wig, makeup, fully femme clothes and all).

Telling her you tried on her makeup and leaving it off as if it was on a lark or as a matter of curiosity is just as misleading as not saying anything ... or at least, she will see it that way when you do tell her the whole truth eventually, and she will feel lied to if you keep silent for too long.


Don't 'tell her' anything. Instead, show her. When your makeup arrives, go put it on and ask her for help and show her what you look like.

Bad, bad idea. No one knows what her attitudes are about the CDing. It's WAY better to tell first, and then both can discuss when and where she may want to see. Some girls will think it's great and will want to see right away, but others may have a harder time with it.

[PretzelGirl]

I think I will wait untill a weekend to tell her. That way she can be relaxed and we can discuss any issues. She was grumpy last night. Didn't want to fan the flames with "I like to crossdress" :p

With this and your comment about not telling her because she is about to go on a trip, I would say that you survey days and pick the right one. Sometimes you aren't making excuses and there are bad times. And you certainly don't want to tell during a bad time. So think about when it will be good so she won't here about this and then go right to work, or hit the road. Once you pick the date, no changes unless something major changes. If you start changing for minor things, then you may be right about making excuses. Good luck!

[linda allen]

.......... It would be great if she was itching to dress me up. Dream come true. However I have a hard time imagining her doing that when she is weary of mascara. But only she knows. I will continue to drop small hints. Maybe even next time I am home alone, text her with something like "I cant find your corset" :p

I would like my wife to "dress me up". She did once for halloween many years ago. I haven't found the nerve to tell her about my dressing. It would seem easier if it were her idea and she took part in it.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Katekat,

Just be honest, it seems from you post that you tell your spouse what you think she can handle, and leave out the meat. "I like to wear eyeliner" vs "i like to wear makeup". She sounds like a loving and caring person. I'm not saying blurt it out, but I am saying establish an honest open relationship now, it will save a lot of heartache latter. Truth and honesty is a glue that binds a relationship early on.

Edit.

and from you other post you may have a bigger issue, which is you wearing your wifes clothes without her permission. If you read posts in other places here, you will find that is a huge issue.

Kelly

[Stephenie S]

I would like my wife to "dress me up". She did once for halloween many years ago. I haven't found the nerve to tell her about my dressing. It would seem easier if it were her idea and she took part in it.

This is a fairly common fantasy in this community. Having someone else "dress you" takes some of the guilt and shame away.

"She made me do it", makes it a bit easier to avoid any responsibility for your actions.

In reality, however, taking responsibility for your own actions and desires is FAR, FAR, more rewarding. You aren't five years old any longer. You really don't need to be "dressed" by another.

Learn to do it yourself. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn the needed makeup skills. Learn how to put together an outfit. Learn how to sound female. Natal women (girls) do this. Why can't you? It's not rocket science. And the rewards of being able to take care of yourself are great.

Oh, and DON'T try to share makeup, especially eye makeup. It's a sure fire route to cross infection. No wonder your SO is upset. Buy your own darn makeup.

Stephie

[Katecat]

Ok. So I finally told my SO that I liked to crossdress.
We were cuddling on the sofa when I confessed that when she was away, I liked to dress up as a girl. "I know it's a little weird...but I felt like I had to be honest with you. Or else it would feel weird hiding something from you. "

She laughed, "I am glad you told me. Hah well that is....different.
What did you wear? Did you wear a skirt? "

"yeah. I wore the black one I gave you...I guess I shouldn't be wearing your clothes. "

Then she asked. "were you wearing a bra too? And a wig?"

" yeah..."

"which bra?" she asked.
And which tops did you wear?
After I told her my outfits, she replied, "wow that must have looked funny on you. The things you do when you are alone..."

I jokingly argued, "hey, I thought I looked pretty good. But I am glad you are ok with it "
She said: "I am ok with it, as long as I don't see you in a skirt. That would just be weird. But you can do whatever you want when I am out. "

Later she asked me more about the clothes I tried on in a curious but shy manner.
She even gave me a new mascara that she had gotten free in the mail.

This all happened Friday night. Since then, she has brought up cd in joking manner " better go put on your skirt ;)"
I told her that I will be getting my own makeup kit from ELF in the mail.
She said, "so now you like all the clothing styles and makeup girls have?"
She even let me pick out her outfit for the evening. Something that she normally doesn't consult me on.


Well. Thanks to everyone for thier insight on telling your SO.
We will see where this takes us as a couple.
-Kate

[Sarasometimes]

Katycat you have made a lot of progress in just 26 posts. Does your wife know you posted pics of yourself on the world wide web? I'm outta here!

[Marleena]

It sounds like things are going well Kate.:) One word of caution, take it slow. Getting permission brings on the pink fog! If you proceed too quickly she will get overwhelmed by it all and you could turn her off about CDing. Pace yourself.:)

[tiffanyjo89]

She seems to be okay with it...but still take it slowly.

I think she's okay with not seeing it, just because she thinks of you as a man and doesn't want to associate any thing feminine like makeup or stuff with you.

One piece of advice, get your own clothes...you yourself told her that you shouldn't be wearing her clothes, so get your own and you won't have to worry about messing up her clothes.

[Katecat]

Katycat you have made a lot of progress in just 26 posts. Does your wife know you posted pics of yourself on the world wide web? I'm outta here!
No. She doesn't know that I have posted pics of myself. I don't think she wants to see me as Kate just yet.

I will acquire my own wardrobe slowly. This weekend I am going to shop for myself at khols... Maybe as Kate.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Katecat,

I'm proud of you little sister for giving your spouse the honesty she deserves from you, I formaly appologise, and wish the tow of you the best . My your relationship be an inspiration to all . :)