abigailf
11-29-2011, 03:53 PM
I have been reading through the many threads on this forum about the self discoveries and journeys people have been on. This gives me a chance to reflect as well and think about my Journey.
Now I have been a cross-dresser for most of my life, even before my epiphany and realization that I am TS. At the time I only considered it a fetish activity and just continued with my life. I didn’t realize then that I was actually soothing an inner biochemical need.
Anyway, I thought about some of the signs that I had prior to my getting hit on the head and just glossed over. This one amuses me. However, as I was writing this post I learned something new that saddened me.
I travel a lot for business and about 7 years ago I went to a huge technology conference in San Francisco. It was Oracle World I believe. However, I have been to so many out there I can’t remember which is which anymore.
Now this was even before I figured out that I could dress while on travel so it was just little ol’ Tom out there in the big city. Which by the way is one of my favorite cities I’ve been to in the entire world. I mean, I have been to some places that are beautiful and have great qualities, but SF has many of endearing qualities all at once and something about it just appeals to me. However, I digress so back to my thought.
At the time and still today, my rule of thumb whenever I traveled was drink at a local pub and eat at a local eatery. No chains or fast foods allowed. The only real way to experience a culture is to eat and drink what they eat and drink. Well, in my little mind anyway.
So, I stayed at the Hilton Hotel at 300 O’Farrell I believe. Which by the way has a spa and you must spend time at if you are there. Up the street from the hotel was a pub called (damn! What was the name, one sec, let me go to google). Okay, I’m back – I searched for “Irish pub san Francisco on O'Farrell” the first link was it, Johnny Foley’s. They have great tap, good food and good entertainment. The latter is where this story is supposed to go (several paragraphs later).
So, on Tuesday night at Foley’s there was a standing act. A woman named Nicole sang and played instruments. She was very entertaining and I was so enthralled by her. Later that evening, I learned that she was a post-op TS (however it was not said in those terms). This only intrigued me more. So I stayed for her entire act with a colleague of mine. At the end of the show we helped her carry stuff to her car.
Now, I never met a TS before and I didn’t really know how to act, even being as loaded as I was. So I was just being kind and helpful. Also, the fact that I was hiding inner TG feelings myself that I didn’t know about just made it all the more difficult. In hind sight, there is so much I would have wanted to talk about – had I been more honest with myself then.
For several years after whenever I had shows, conventions or customers to visit in SF, I would go to that pub and see her perform. I was so proud to be part of it, even if just to be in the audience. When I was with other people, I would brag about her performance and we would all go to watch.
Well, I have not been out there in a couple of years now, and looking at Foley’s web site I see that Nicole passed away in April due to complications from non-Hodgkins B-Cell. It broke my heart when I read that and had a little cry. Rest In Peace Nicole and I hope you realized your dreams before you moved on.
A little diversion here: Just after I read that about Nicole, my wife comes in wanting to talk. She had been to the doctor for pain in her side. She was told it was the result of stress. Yea, who do you think is the source of that. So I put this post on hold and had a nice cry with her. Finding out about Nicole already had me crying, That conversation really put me over the edge. But that is a story for another post. After about thirty minutes of crying we had lunch together and now I am back to finishing my thought (which by the way I forgot what it was).
Okay, signs of being trans as I recall. So it interests me that I took such a fancy to her and now as I reflect I wonder if my inner girl was trying to tell me something. I am sure she was and had I not been so blind to her existence, I may have known much sooner about me.
I guess however, that to some degree, Nicole was that nudge to my inner girl that started me down this road. I am guessing that my father’s sickness and inevitable death was the push (or the “big swift kick in the arse!” as he would say).
Following is a pic of Nicole performing in 2006. It seems strange, but I will miss her.
Thanks for listening
Now I have been a cross-dresser for most of my life, even before my epiphany and realization that I am TS. At the time I only considered it a fetish activity and just continued with my life. I didn’t realize then that I was actually soothing an inner biochemical need.
Anyway, I thought about some of the signs that I had prior to my getting hit on the head and just glossed over. This one amuses me. However, as I was writing this post I learned something new that saddened me.
I travel a lot for business and about 7 years ago I went to a huge technology conference in San Francisco. It was Oracle World I believe. However, I have been to so many out there I can’t remember which is which anymore.
Now this was even before I figured out that I could dress while on travel so it was just little ol’ Tom out there in the big city. Which by the way is one of my favorite cities I’ve been to in the entire world. I mean, I have been to some places that are beautiful and have great qualities, but SF has many of endearing qualities all at once and something about it just appeals to me. However, I digress so back to my thought.
At the time and still today, my rule of thumb whenever I traveled was drink at a local pub and eat at a local eatery. No chains or fast foods allowed. The only real way to experience a culture is to eat and drink what they eat and drink. Well, in my little mind anyway.
So, I stayed at the Hilton Hotel at 300 O’Farrell I believe. Which by the way has a spa and you must spend time at if you are there. Up the street from the hotel was a pub called (damn! What was the name, one sec, let me go to google). Okay, I’m back – I searched for “Irish pub san Francisco on O'Farrell” the first link was it, Johnny Foley’s. They have great tap, good food and good entertainment. The latter is where this story is supposed to go (several paragraphs later).
So, on Tuesday night at Foley’s there was a standing act. A woman named Nicole sang and played instruments. She was very entertaining and I was so enthralled by her. Later that evening, I learned that she was a post-op TS (however it was not said in those terms). This only intrigued me more. So I stayed for her entire act with a colleague of mine. At the end of the show we helped her carry stuff to her car.
Now, I never met a TS before and I didn’t really know how to act, even being as loaded as I was. So I was just being kind and helpful. Also, the fact that I was hiding inner TG feelings myself that I didn’t know about just made it all the more difficult. In hind sight, there is so much I would have wanted to talk about – had I been more honest with myself then.
For several years after whenever I had shows, conventions or customers to visit in SF, I would go to that pub and see her perform. I was so proud to be part of it, even if just to be in the audience. When I was with other people, I would brag about her performance and we would all go to watch.
Well, I have not been out there in a couple of years now, and looking at Foley’s web site I see that Nicole passed away in April due to complications from non-Hodgkins B-Cell. It broke my heart when I read that and had a little cry. Rest In Peace Nicole and I hope you realized your dreams before you moved on.
A little diversion here: Just after I read that about Nicole, my wife comes in wanting to talk. She had been to the doctor for pain in her side. She was told it was the result of stress. Yea, who do you think is the source of that. So I put this post on hold and had a nice cry with her. Finding out about Nicole already had me crying, That conversation really put me over the edge. But that is a story for another post. After about thirty minutes of crying we had lunch together and now I am back to finishing my thought (which by the way I forgot what it was).
Okay, signs of being trans as I recall. So it interests me that I took such a fancy to her and now as I reflect I wonder if my inner girl was trying to tell me something. I am sure she was and had I not been so blind to her existence, I may have known much sooner about me.
I guess however, that to some degree, Nicole was that nudge to my inner girl that started me down this road. I am guessing that my father’s sickness and inevitable death was the push (or the “big swift kick in the arse!” as he would say).
Following is a pic of Nicole performing in 2006. It seems strange, but I will miss her.
Thanks for listening