Exploratory Steps: Outing myself on Facebook to a very tiny number of people. Sort of

[vetobob9]

Not sure which forum this goes to.

I have begun initial steps to out myself. I messaged two of my neices and one of my friends that I was officially what the Bible calls a "eunuch".

I did not use the word transgendered because I think that when a person first outs themselves they should use a word that is already familiar and some semblence of acceptance. So I chose eunuch because it is biblical and has many meanings.

I messaged one of my sisters simply asking if she knew what a eunuch was.

I thought about just putting an announcement on my wall but I decided it would be best to do exploratory steps first.

This does not mean that I am planning to go in and whack any thing off with a knife or anything like that.
At least not yet. One cannot speak for the future.

[Jorja]

Just to give you some advanced warning.......... Make sure you are mentally and physically ready to take the verbal abuse you are about to receive. It can crush you. If you are ready for it and have a plan, stick to it and do not let anyone deter you. Remember, this is for you not them. Do what you must do for yourself preservation. I wish you all the best.

[Melody Moore]

I am on Facebook and have no issues, to any member of the public my profile just looks like that of any other woman,
when I add friends, I check out to see who their associations are and what friends we have in common to determine
which group I put them into. So when I post trans related content, only my trans group of friends or other members
of the gay & lesbian community can see this content. If I get anyone who is abusive, then they simply will get blocked
but that hasn't happened yet. I had the odd tranny chaser who found me through some other trans friends, but they
also get blocked as I dont have any time at all for them.

So the bottom line is you dont need to be paranoid about using Facebook, if you use some common
sense in how you set up your groups of friends and assign permissions when posting content. A lot
of my Facebook friends are starting to do the same thing now to better their online privacy :)

[Katesback]

Telling someone your trans when you are presenting to them the boy they always knew is really not too terribly productive. It is like an alcholic telling me they are going to quit drinking. I will believe it when I see it. Do you get the point?

I tend to see these micro baby steps as part of the process but the fact of life is that if you are going to transition you really have to be willing to put everything on the line and give it 100% effort. That means taking all the negative and painful crap that comes with it. It also means that often your decision is seen as selfish in the eyes of other people.

On the other hand if you continue to exist as someone trying to transition but not exactly willing to put it all on the line you will join the countless trans people that will turn a relatively short process into a decades long affair. Or worse lifetime affair. I cannot tell you how many of these people I have met when I was working with trans people. Its very sad and perhaps the biggest reason I have little patience for trans stuff these days. I have seen so many miserable people that take baby steps and not give it 100% effort.

NEWSFLASH. TO be the woman you claim you are requires an effort that is 100%. Perhaps thats why you wont ever meet a CD that can pull off being a woman. Some might be very pretty but they are still a man and they know they are a man which is a huge roadblock to being a woman.

Katie

[*Vanessa*]

....

I did not use the word transgendered because I think that when a person first outs themselves they should use a word that is already familiar and some semblence of acceptance. So I chose eunuch because it is biblical and has many meanings.
...


The replies that are directed to you are about your own life. I won't talk to one of the obvious issues that I see so like the others will do so sparingly.

I don't get it, you want to 'come clean' with people yet mask that attempt in doing it. It all sounds a little off to me.
Transsexual: I think maybe a more appropriate word after all we (figuratively speaking) are dying to use it.

Truly, why not use modern words? Appropriate words that people should know and use the ones that other Transgendered people are literally dying to use. There is so few people working to make life a little more tolerable for those wanting to transition why make it tougher on them?

If, in fact, you are publicly telling the world you are a 'eunuch' through Facebook then why the heck wouldn't you tell them in plain English that you are "transitioning to be female". Personally, in this situation, I don't think even 'Transgender' is an appropriate term to clearly defines an act.

I maybe venting a little here and apologize for that. It is not my intent to attack anyone, it just niffs me a little as stated.

[Avana]

TO be the person of any gender you claim you are requires an effort that is 100%.


there, i fixed that for you.

[Aprilrain]

so by calling yourself an "Eunuch" this is what you are telling your family.


The most common group that actually embraces the term "eunuch" are the contemporary voluntary eunuchs, who number 7,000 to 10,000 in North America, with many more around the world.[60][61][62] Many of these are males who have a Male-to-Eunuch Gender Dysphoria. While they are born with male genitalia, their brain tells them that they are not male, but neither are they female. They seek castration to align their bodies with their brain sex. A second large group of the contemporary eunuchs have a Body Integrity Identity Disorder. This occurs when the brain does not accept the presence of some specific body part.


Is this how you feel or is that not accurate? If you are a transsexual then you probably shouldn't beat around the bush. I used the term transgendered when i was coming out because i felt it was less scary than transsexual but frankly the nuances that are so important to us here are completely lost on the general public. Sometimes I just have to say "I want a sex change" then they go AHH! I hate that term but it is what most people get.

[arbon]

With all the stories about trans people and issues in the media the last several years I would think saying you are transgender would be a lot easier. I think Eunuch is very confusing. You could just ask what they think about Chaz :)

If you tell just a few of the right people, you don't have to worry about telling everyone else, they will take care of that for you! Once you open that door, it is open, and you can loose control of who knows and what they know pretty quickly.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I think you are making a huge mistake...

No one will no what you are talking about or what to do...

If you cant strongly express who and what you are, then what is the point? I know how powerful the urge to scream to the world....THIS IS WHO I AM!!! But what u r suggesting is saying that you don't know who you are...itis a message that is more likely to hurt you than help you

[Starling]

"Eunuch" is often used figuratively as an insult, vetobob, and I would be reluctant to sign on to that possibiity--especially if it wasn't true. I would suggest you take that word down and replace it with something more accurate, after trying it out here first! After all, that's the kind of thing we're all here for.

:) Lallie

[vetobob9]

Just trying to use a term that the Christians can live with. I was told you don't have to "whack" anything off. You can still be a Eunuch if you deliberately avoid sex for spiritual reasons. Admittedly I am playing semantics. You know that, I know that. But I do not think they can figure it out yet.

I just used something similar to get some Christian blogger, who said she opposed rights for Trans people, to say she accepts "people who are born that way". For some reason she differentiates them from most transsexuals even though, she does not realize, that some trans are born that way.

The point of going slow, is to educate in a way that is not offensive and non combative.

[Niya W]

Who are you doing this for ? You or them? If you are doing it for don't put it in terms that they can live with. You to frame it how it is . They way you phrase it makes sound like you are looking for acceptance of the Christian community. As saw with that blogger she really did not accept trans folks . A lot folks equate this with homosexuality and deviance. What you are going to find is that people who think negatively about trans folks will things in their life to re enforce this believe. So if you take a Christian that is against trans folks there is no way you can phrase it to appeal to their Christian side. They will use their region to find things to support their side . You saw it on the blog. What to appeal to is them knowing you . Telling them you know me I'm a good person the only thing that has changed is that I'm trans gender . This is only a question you can answer. Is this group of Christians the type that hate the sin but love the sinner, or do they belive you must condemn the sinner . That showing compassion for the sinner is condoning the sin . If it's the later you are wasting you time .

[vetobob9]

I recieved only one response. It was to ask what a eunuch was. So I explained that. Then she asked, "What is a transsexual". I simply replied, "Think Chaz Bono".

I do not think they get it. Back to the planning stage.

[Niya W]

You could tell them to watch soldiers girl.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I recieved only one response. It was to ask what a eunuch was. So I explained that. Then she asked, "What is a transsexual". I simply replied, "Think Chaz Bono".

I do not think they get it. Back to the planning stage.


well duh... i'm sorry but you don't get it.

you have to really get smart or this is gonna go south for you

by smart i mean think of what works best for you..you have to show courage and strength or you will get steamrolled..i don't know your whole situation..i don't know why you want to disclose on facebook...it doesnt seem like it will get you what you want..

and what do you want???

if you are aiming towards transition, then you don't need to tell anyone until you know for certain...there is just no need... if you are aiming that way, telling them you are eunech or kumquat will only confuse and frustrate them...

[Katesback]

Perhaps very bluntly. People dont want to hear about this stuff. They dont want to hear your trans, if you begin transition they dont want to listen to your trans stories. This trans stuff is stuff they dont understand. IT would be like a Jewish person talking to me about thier religion. I dont understand it and I dont want to hear about it either.

[Badtranny]

You know Bob, I always say that it's impossible to offend me. I always make jokes about being a pansy, or sissy, or tranny, or queer or fag or whatever would get my point across with the people I'm chatting with at the time. Sometimes I want to disarm them, sometimes I want to make them comfortable and sometimes I want to make them uncomfortable. The important thing is I try to stay in control of the conversation in regard to my "condition".

...but I gotta say, if someone called me a Eunuch, I think I would be a little irritated. I don't know why, but I would.

I've always found "fairy" to be a good ice breaker. ;-)

[Kelly DeWinter]

I thought a enuch was a person born male most commonly who was castrated very young ?

Also coming out by telling a lie, is not the way to establish credibity with you family. I would suggest that if you are not confortable enough tell the truth, then you are not comfortable with the truth.

Good luck

Kelly

[Badtranny]

I would suggest that if you are not comfortable enough tell the truth, then you are not comfortable with the truth.

OMG did you write that? I love it.

That is brilliant advice Bob and I think you should definitely ponder that for a bit.

[Niya W]

"Don't surround yourself with yourself, move on back two square"

"Mandy Burgundy" (https://www.facebook.com/mandypop)

[Starling]

...I've always found "fairy" to be a good ice breaker...

And I've always thought it would be more fun to be gay. Transness can seem so tragic.

:) Lallie

[Badtranny]

And I've always thought it would be more fun to be gay. Transness can seem so tragic.

Tell me about it. I totally wish the "trannier than thou" folks were right and I was just a femmy queer. Believe it or not, that would make things soooooo much easier on me. Everybody already accepts that, but I know that after FFS, people who have known and worked with me for years are going to freak out a little bit. Why should I put myself through that? Why should I spend every cent and risk my (meager) retirement just to look like a woman? I'm already a one person rumor mill in the office because they all know what my plans are, and you would think I was the first tranny in the Diablo Valley. Being a gay man seems like a cakewalk in comparison. I just don't like being treated like a man.

Vetobob, this is the end game. This eunuch phase is fine as long as it's short, and you just use it to find your footing for the next step. I can promise you it gets easier. I went from terrified to proud in less than a year. It ain't easy, but it ain't optional either ;-)

[Melody Moore]

I thought a enuch was a person born male most commonly who was castrated very young ?
I couldn't think of a worse word than Eunuch, because it does not describe who
you are if you are transsexual and will only be more confusing to other people.


A eunuch (play /ˈjuːnək/; Greek: Ευνούχος) is a person born male most commonly castrated, typically early enough in his life for this change to have major hormonal consequences. (Less commonly, in translations of ancient texts, "eunuch" may refer to a man who is not castrated but who is impotent or celibate.) Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eunuch
Perhaps very bluntly. People dont want to hear about this stuff. They dont want to hear your trans, if you begin transition they dont want to listen to your trans stories. This trans stuff is stuff they dont understand. IT would be like a Jewish person talking to me about thier religion. I dont understand it and I dont want to hear about it either.
This is so true, a lot of people don't want to hear about transsexualism because they have a hard time understanding
it. so just BE who you are, if you say you are a woman, then BE a woman and people will just accept you as a woman.

Additionally, it is some of those friends who knew me previously as a male that have the hardest time coming to terms
with my transition. I cannot force them to accept me as I am now which I think is a shame, however the friends I have
lost don't hardly figure in the overall grand scheme of things. Because I have many more people in my life now who only
seen me & know me as a woman. And to be accepted for the person I truly am is so liberating. Last night another lesbian
friend came up to me who use to be a DJ for a drag show I once hosted and she made a comment to me about how she
thought I was very different to the drag queens we both worked with once. She said that she only sees me as a woman
and could understand all my reasons for quitting as the MC/Hostess of the drag show. She said it was extremely obvious
to her why I didn't belong there. I also said to her that I also didn't want to send the wrong messages to other people
and get a 'drag queen' label that can be really difficult to get rid of. I think you can have a very similar problem with other
people when you start calling yourself a eunuch.

[Starling]

You are, in fact, a eunuch if you've had a bilateral orchiectomy, for whatever reason. Some MTFs with health challenges have that procedure to reduce their need for anti-androgens, especially if SRS is several years away. But most do not, so eunuch is a very misleading term.

:) Lallie

[Starling]

...Why should I put myself through that?...I just don't like being treated like a man...

Yeah, that's it. And I don't feel like reciprocating. I want to be hugged. I like to cuddle. I don't want to shake hands, I want to be kissed on the cheek. And I don't want to sit in the backseat of a coupe when I'm wearing a dress and heels, like guys have to.

:heehee: Lallie

[vetobob9]

I dropped the eunuch thing because she was not getting it. So when she asked what a transexual was I said, "Think Chaz Bono."
Her response, after a day, was:

"You dress as a woman? Hope you look better than Chaz. She makes for an ugly dude." That was funny but would it be safe to mean that this particular person accepts?

[Aprilrain]

I wouldn't jump the gun but maybe she will be accepting. My question to you is don't you have an idea of who would be accepting, of who you would like to tell first? I knew it was going to be my oldest sister, I had a feeling it would go well and it did but at the same time I kept the reality that it may not go well close so as not to delude myself or get to excited.

The fact that she called Chaz a she means she has not really had any exposure and is un aware of how offensive that can be

[Risque_Christine]

The term "eunuch" has some special relevance to the tiny number in this community that happen to have had testicular cancer. It unquestionably had its effect, and still does.
Best, Christine

[arbon]

"You dress as a woman? Hope you look better than Chaz. She makes for an ugly dude." That was funny but would it be safe to mean that this particular person accepts?

No. It takes a lot more dialog and time to really see who does and does not accept. Some will seem accepting at first, but when what you are saying really sinks in they don't like. Let alone when they actually see you dressed, then all bets are off. It is a real crap shoot. You come out, telling your truth, and how they take it is out of your hands.

Have you thought about being more direct and have a conversation with them about it? maybe offer some links that may be informative?

but, why are you doing this? Is this something you feel you need to do and are ready to do? have you really thought through the consequences? The more you open that door the harder it becomes to ever close it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I dropped the eunuch thing because she was not getting it. So when she asked what a transexual was I said, "Think Chaz Bono."
Her response, after a day, was:

"You dress as a woman? Hope you look better than Chaz. She makes for an ugly dude." That was funny but would it be safe to mean that this particular person accepts?


Yes yes yes!!! and so much more honest than saying you are a eunuch ....i'm glad for you!

[vetobob9]

The term "" has some special relevance to the tiny number in this community that happen to have had testicular cancer. It unquestionably had its effect, and still does.
Best, Christine

My own risk of that problem is particularly high and I prefer not to think about it. It's always in the back of my mind.

The other people, I told, were one of my sisters and two of my nieces. The nieces are always busy so that is understandable. But the sister... I had assumed she would not be accepting as she openly hates cross dressers, and I have never seen eye to eye with her. I told her as a test to see how well I will do with a possible wider rejection. Interestingly, I don't feel anything about it. Probably because I don't really care for her opinion.

I am going to wait until I start the laser hair removal before telling anymore people. I already know my younger bro and one of my other sisters definitely will not accept. Then again, I am at that point where I really dont care what they think.

EDIT 3#: o crap. Now she wants to see a picture.

[Kathryn Martin]

Not sure which forum this goes to.

I have begun initial steps to out myself. I messaged two of my neices and one of my friends that I was officially what the Bible calls a "eunuch".

I did not use the word transgendered because I think that when a person first outs themselves they should use a word that is already familiar and some semblence of acceptance. So I chose eunuch because it is biblical and has many meanings.

I messaged one of my sisters simply asking if she knew what a eunuch was.

I thought about just putting an announcement on my wall but I decided it would be best to do exploratory steps first.

This does not mean that I am planning to go in and whack any thing off with a knife or anything like that.
At least not yet. One cannot speak for the future.

Really, a eunuch. A first tiny step, declaring yourself a eunuch? " ...a servant castrated to perform a specific social function". I would think this would be the height of confusion. So did anyone indicate acceptance of you as a eunuch? The biblical "eunuch" or "saris" indicated a servant without speaking to whether they were castrated in the first place. In the new testament Matthew's references to eunuchs (19:12) has been misinterpreted to mean homosexual men by some but is generally considered to refer to those who are either castrated or incapable to have sexual intercourse because of a birth defect.

You may not have helped your cause with this.

And what is it about "outing myself on facebook" "to a very tiny number of people". Oh my, facebook does not seem to be the fortress of discretion and confidentiality. Please re-consider, for your own sake.