Some people will never understand us (CDers) but that's okay.:)

[Marleena]

The most common question is why? It does not make sense to many people that we do this. Since we are such a diverse group, and at different levels of CDing there really is no clear answer. None of us asked for this but the only common thing I see is we are compelled to do it.

So it will remain a mystery until scientists take the time to analyze it and even tell us Cder's why. They seem to find answers for everything else.:)

[BRANDYJ]

We are compelled to do it is the simple short answer that covers all of us. We don't know why anymore then we know why we like anything we do. I have some idea of how I got started and how and when the compulsion started, but no idea as to why this compulsion is so strong that we can'
t stop if we wanted too. All we have is theory after theory and no concrete reason that fits all of us.

[Dami]

The most common question I get from people who first find out is, "are you Gay or Bisexual?" Really kinda weird they automatically asssume you can't be a straight man who enjoys dressing up like a woman. Never once had I gotten excited about going shopping for a new suit, jeans or shoes, until I went shopping for womens clothing. Just recently me and my wife made atrip out of state to see one of her high school friends, the area she lived in was full of small boutiques and shops and as we walked to a local bar for lunch the day we left I kept nudging her in the side telling her to look at this shop or that shop and how next time we need to stay longer and do some serious shopping. Another thing, my wife described going out with me dressed to her friend "He dressed in a nice dress and we did his makeup and we went to the club, but he didn't speak with a feminine voice, it was just him in a dress all dolled up, and we had a great time."

[monalisa]

Simply because we like to and it excites us. I wonder if I am now a mad scientist.

[Karren H]

That's not the most common question I get....

"Would that be cash or credit?"

That's what I hear most often.

[JC]

i do not know so i could not answer this

[Emma England]

I don't understand why I do it myself, so I don't expect a stranger (a scientist or someone else) to come up with an answer.

[EllieOPKS]

I agree with Mona Lisa (like your smile by the way but your hair is really dated). BUT there is more than one shoe size. What floats my boat is entirely different than what works for others.

[Jenny Doolittle]

It would only be considered a cure if you felt it was an illness. I find my feminine side an asset in that I have a more sensitive side then most men. If a pill were developed to change me from a CD to a typical male I would throw it away. Maybe a better pill to develop would be to enhance the understanding of others who are different then themselves.

[CloserthanthisGG]

But it makes so much sense to me! But what i have to say may not be true for all of you... I am sooooo curious to see if it is even slightly true, my theory... So let me know?

But here is why it makes sense to me. Because for whatever reason, you are sensual. More so than other men and apparently most women. Not me though... ;-). Things proba.bl.y move you. Emotionally. Sensations. Butterflies in your stomach. Music gives you goosebumps maybe. It does me... I get lost in music absolutely and if i really like a song i feel like my stomach is on a roller coaster and my heart flutters and my entire body is covered in goosebumps... Its like a whole body orgasm.... Things probably really thrill you like this. They dont affect every one this way and i feel so lucky that they do me....

But my point about dressing is that when a man feels sensual like this he has nowhere to go nothing to wear in order to express it. There is nothing easily available or acceptable in most circles to wear to enhance this feeling. Silk and velvet do. Lace has a roughness that is very stimulating. Net and tulle. .. Well i could go on forever. I have said it before but i will say it again... There is no male equivalent to VS. But men can be just as sensual as women or even more. So if there is nothing for a man to wear in order to feel sensual, then it just makes sense to wear womans. I sometimes get dressed up for no reason... I mean to the nines. Sometimes i will go out like that... Just to feel things.... I love to feel. Do you?

PS. I am not talking about people who feel they were born the wrong gender.... Personally I do not understand this because it really is not important to me... Gender. But i will try to understand it. I am open to learning.

[tiffanyjo89]

The sensual side is probably most CDrs response.

As for me, I don't completely understand why I like to do it myself some times...so I'm not expecting someone on the outside to suddenly no why I do what I do better than I do...

[Cheryl T]

If I had the answer to the WHY of crossdressing I could make millions doing counseling, writing books on the subject and lecturing. Unfortunately, I don't have that answer, so I'll just kick off my heels and wait for the person who does have that answer to come forward and tell me.

In the meantime, someone please pass the Victoria's Secret catalog...

[Badtranny]

But it makes so much sense to me! But what i have to say may not be true for all of you... I am sooooo curious to see if it is even slightly true, my theory... So let me know?

Wow. What a fantastic post. That actually helps me understand a little better.

[Shananigans]

Well, I will say that most SOs are going to have questions. (I had a lot of them). I still do and that's okay. Part of living in the world is trying to explain what we feel and what we think to everyone around us. CDs are no exception to this. But, the kinds of questions that you get are rather unique and are usually more imperative (maybe your wife found a stash of women's underwear and your relationship rides on how you answer her questions and make her feel comfortable).

I would feel mildly sorry that CDs have to explain themselves, answer questions, and think critically. But, I really don't.

Why? Because, everyone does. Many of my friends were upset that I came out as being bisexual, they wanted to know why and I told them. If my SO transitions, I am going to have to come out to my family. I will have to explain it to them and not be hostile or offended. I have also gotten a lot of responses from GGs in my life about my SO CDing, "Why do you let him do that? Are you really attracted to him? Does that worry you?" These questions are kind of loaded, but I take them in stride and answer them.

Why? Because, I am not immune, privileged, or special either. If I want to be understood, I have to explain...and, I hope my explanations make for more accepting people in this society.

It is impractical to throw up my hands and just say, "Well, people aren't going to understand...so what!"

But, that's just me and I've been explaining myself for quite a while. It may be newer to CDs...but, if you take it beyond the computer, you will have to learn to be socially competent in explaining yourself, answering questions, and in turn listening to people and being understanding towards them.

Just my two cents ;)

As for "the why" it can be hard to explain WHY I'm attracted to women and men, but that doesn't mean I can't try or that I can't explain why I think I am. It's really kind of easy. I also find it relatively easy to explain why my SO is sexy to me, why I would support her transitioning if it was best for her, and why her CDing doesn't bother me. Do I have to know myself to know these answers? Sure...I had to do some soul searching for the answers. But, it was beneficial in the long run and it helps people around me be more sensitive to gay right and transgendered rights. We are often the first TG couple that people see around here (and they don't see the Cami half much, unfortunately)....but, our explanations and how we handle people kind of sets an example.

I'm also proud to say our family members are accepting of us and so are our friends. Coincidence???

[Kate Simmons]

Hmmm, Hopefully they will get the answer before 12/21/12 or it will most likely be moot.;):)

[Lorileah]

Because. Anything else you want to know?

[JoyceJ]

Why crossdress?

Why not? It's delightful ^_^

[Marleena]

Because. Anything else you want to know?

Me? I have no questions, it was a statement.

[KellyJameson]

You understand CloserthanthisGG, Sensuality is the shared blood. I use different words like sensitivity,balance, connectivity, intuition ,openness, nurturing, protective, feeling, logic as a tool not as a replacement for emotions, Aggression in defense of life not as an act to accumulate power, friendly competition to strengthen all participants not to destroy rivals.

Highly developed seven senses of hearing, sight, smell, touch, taste, equilibrium and intuitive insight. Intuitive insight includes conscience or the moral sense and this opens the person to emotional suffering.

A very high awareness of and sensitivity to beauty but not just in human form. For me it is the shape of clouds, the vivid colors of nature, smell of flowers, the movement of well defined muscles rippling under the skin of a running horse, simplicity of design, expressions of tenderness and the absence of cruelty. It is a movement away from the instinctual animal that resides in every person to the expression of the devine that also resides in every person.

Sex can distort or enlighten ones understanding of this state depending on how it is used.

Concerning gender I see myself as female in a male body but only because my energy is Yin and usually found in females not Yang an energy usually found in males. Everyone is a mixture of Yin and Yang but I'm an extreme form of Yin and society would have allowed and even encouraged this expression in a female body but actively seeks to suppress it in a male body. When I crossdress it heightens my awareness of my natural energies because I create the illusion that my body matches my energies but this was learned by living in the world and is in reaction to it. Being a GG women would bring me into acceptance and not conflict with the world because than my Yin energy is in the correct body according to historical norms. Men who crossdress but like being men have a balance between both Yin and Yang energies and men who are mostly Yang would never crossdress, the thought would never even occur to them.

I have a male roommate who is Yang with elements of Yin and he laughs everytime he see's me dressed not to be hurtful he just cannot help himself and he is actually a very kind person and are energies match very well. His wife is very Yang with very little Yin but because they are the opposite sex it works well, they balance each other.

[Josephine]

This is totally how I feel when dressed CloserthanthisGG! Great to know that the feeling is mutual with other CD's

[ReineD]

Because for whatever reason, you are sensual. More so than other men and apparently most women.

... But my point about dressing is that when a man feels sensual like this he has nowhere to go nothing to wear in order to express it.

Hmmm. I always wondered why Hef always wore those silky robes. Now I know. :D

[GaleWarning]

Because I can. Love to wear hosiery and heels.

[Shananigans]

Correct me if I'm wrong. But, from what I have heard on this forum, it would matter if there were nicer male clothes that tailored to your tactile sensations. (For example, silky male boxers). The point is that you are wearing Women's clothes and presenting yourself as a woman.

I figured this was part of the excitement of being a CD...looking like a woman.

Maybe I have been wrong all along and perhaps everyone on this forum just doesn't know where to shop for better male clothes that tailor to your sensory needs.

But, I bet my bottom dollar this isn't the case ;)

[Babeba]

Shanan,

I wonder about the whole nice male things bit - like, if I went up to the gay lifestyle store in the city my parents live in that I remember having awesome boy underwear a few years ago, would any of that awesome clothing interest my SO? I really don't know. Maybe I should do some Christmas shopping there and find out!

[Cynthia Anne]

My doctor said it was because a woman had my soul first and she wants it back:brolleyes:! I've looking everywhere for that woman! So if you spot a woman walking around without a soul tell her I'll share:heehee:! Hugs!:)

[Marleena]

Correct me if I'm wrong. But, from what I have heard on this forum, it would matter if there were nicer male clothes that tailored to your tactile sensations. (For example, silky male boxers). The point is that you are wearing Women's clothes and presenting yourself as a woman.



In my case, yes.:) As for why, I really don't know why.

[Rhona]

I don't want to make light of anyone who feels deep anguish because of their CDing, it must be awful to feel that way day after day, but to me it's just great fun. It's naughty, it's still taboo to most of society and it makes me feel great. My SO will never find out with any luck 'cos it's my business. The buzz I get out of talking to people and thinking 'you wouldn't believe what I looked like three hours ago' is priceless.

[Piora]

Correct me if I'm wrong. But, from what I have heard on this forum, it would matter if there were nicer male clothes that tailored to your tactile sensations. (For example, silky male boxers). The point is that you are wearing Women's clothes and presenting yourself as a woman.

Didn't you mean " But, from what I have heard on this forum, it wouldn't matter if there were nicer male clothes that tailored to your tactile sensations."? If so, then you are correct.


I figured this was part of the excitement of being a CD...looking like a woman.

Maybe I have been wrong all along and perhaps everyone on this forum just doesn't know where to shop for better male clothes that tailor to your sensory needs.

But, I bet my bottom dollar this isn't the case ;)

You can bet the whole farm on that....and quite safely, Shan! :) I have tried very hard to get those out there who, for whatever reason, just don't get crossdressers and what drives them, to understand that the vast majority of us aren't interested in anything that isn't actually made for a woman. Some cannot understand it, and that's fine.

When I shop for male clothes it's [yawn] [ho hum] [boooooriiiiing!] and that's regardless of what type of clothing it is, whether cool jeans, new suit, nice shirt etc. etc. Now let me see some hot cocktail dresses, feminine tops or blouses, skirts, panties, bras....well, I'm sure you get the drift.....and I feel like I want to go into orbit. My entire life, I have never been excited about buying drab clothes. I buy them when I need them, and never give it much thought. But, the excitement of buying some wonderful feminine piece of clothing cannot be measured in normal Time and Space......

[Tara D. Rose]

Some people will never understand us (CDers) but that's okay.:)

You have it all perfectly ture right there in your headline Marleena. There's nothing more that I can add that isn't already in the truth in your heading. Some people will never undersatnd us, but that's ok.
Maybe I will just add that even cd's do not understand us.

L&R..................Tara

[Lorileah]

But, I bet my bottom dollar this isn't the case ;)

Bad bet, you are betting on a generalization. You see back in the 60's guys did wear bright colors and sensual materials. Flowing robes and caftans. Then the 70's we wore silk (or polyester) shirts and jewelry, even high heels. Our slacks were fitted and some didn't even have pockets. They sold men's nylon briefs without a fly and were brightly colored. Then Ralph Nader or someone told us we couldn't do that any more, it was "sissy" and we were stupid looking and the men bought that and started wearing sweats (reference to Terry Clark's song "Girl's lie too" since you quote other country singers below :)) and quit wearing cologne. The women didn't mind because now they could get in the bathroom easier and they didn't have to share their hair products. This made it hard for men to find clothing that was "male" it the style we liked and thus we are now forced...yes FORCED to raid the lingerie department to get the look and feel we want (and since you mention boxers, women raid the men's underwear department too).

So you see...IT AIN't OUR FAULT! (when can I get that dollar?)

[Marleena]

Tara this question comes up a lot. There are a lot of non members that browse this forum. GG's wonder why too. It was as an honest attempt to explain there is no magic answer.

As for SO's with CD partners it is best if they ask their own partners.

As for me I truly don't know why. I wish I knew though because somebody could make a lot of money if they knew why it happens. I just know I never asked for it, but since I am a CDer I will enjoy it. I'm so sick of seeing CDer's suffer mental anguish because people just don't get it. I don't think any of us just said one day I want to be a CDer.

[Joann Smith]

I have came to the conclusion that my desire to be femm is normal human behavior ...Whats not normal is the fact that our society has tried to brain wash me into beliving that its not...

Joann

[Shananigans]

Didn't you mean " But, from what I have heard on this forum, it wouldn't matter if there were nicer male clothes that tailored to your tactile sensations."? If so, then you are correct.



You can bet the whole farm on that....and quite safely, Shan! :) I have tried very hard to get those out there who, for whatever reason, just don't get crossdressers and what drives them, to understand that the vast majority of us aren't interested in anything that isn't actually made for a woman. Some cannot understand it, and that's fine.

When I shop for male clothes it's [yawn] [ho hum] [boooooriiiiing!] and that's regardless of what type of clothing it is, whether cool jeans, new suit, nice shirt etc. etc. Now let me see some hot cocktail dresses, feminine tops or blouses, skirts, panties, bras....well, I'm sure you get the drift.....and I feel like I want to go into orbit. My entire life, I have never been excited about buying drab clothes. I buy them when I need them, and never give it much thought. But, the excitement of buying some wonderful feminine piece of clothing cannot be measured in normal Time and Space......

Haha that's totally what I meant...should I go back and edit it??? Hopefully, people get my drift.

What you said in your second paragraph makes me smile. Right now, my SO and I are heading out for a Christmas part. I am wearing a black wiggle dress...my hair was done in pin curls...I have my 1940s makeup on...I look hot.

My SO was so enthused that he had to go in drab. (I recommended that he go as Cami to the party haha). So, my SO is wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

I'm meeting up with Cami later, if you get my drift ;) He's more excited about that clothing change



Lorileah, maybe I am around more "metro" men. But, I am around a lot of men that dress very nicely. They were $200 cologne, go to spas, get manicures, wear tailored clothes. Have you seen that move Crazy, Stupid, Love? Ryan Gosling's character, basically. Now, polyster shirt is just skanky....but, real silk shirt would be very nice. At least, Saks agrees with me.

But, these men aren't CDs...just men with good taste. There are plenty of really nice clothes and bath products for men.

However, they're for men.

There are a percentage of people on here (I actually can only think of one person) who doesn't wear a wig or makeup...doesn't do it to look like a girl. But, obviously, a lot of members have clothes, wigs, makeup, and female names.

If it was all sensational, I don't know if the female names would be necessary lol I'm sure there is a small percentage out there who just like the feel of nylons and nothing else, but I have a hard time finding those people. And, when they present themselves as this small percentage, they are usually telling me they don't do it to look like a girl...but, they have on a wig, makeup, and a are sporting a female name.

I hate generalizations too, but I feel a majority of CDs do it to look like women. And, that's FINE!...Just own up to it. If you are in a picture with a man shirt, shorts, and high heels. I will say, "Alright, this person just can't find high heels for a man." But, I struggle to think of these people.

However, you are right...it's bad to generalize. Yet, I feel the majority of people on here wouldn't be out running to buy skirts and thong underwear for men. (Hey, they even make those!!!) I bet most people would go and buy female clothes, continue to wear wigs and makeup, and have female names. Why? Because, for most CDs the thrill is in looking like a woman. And, that's absolutely fine...OBVIOUSLY, no one on this forum is really going to be judging you.

[josee]

But it makes so much sense to me! But what i have to say may not be true for all of you... I am sooooo curious to see if it is even slightly true, my theory... So let me know?

But here is why it makes sense to me. Because for whatever reason, you are sensual. More so than other men and apparently most women. Not me though... ;-). Things proba.bl.y move you. Emotionally. Sensations. Butterflies in your stomach. Music gives you goosebumps maybe. It does me... I get lost in music absolutely and if i really like a song i feel like my stomach is on a roller coaster and my heart flutters and my entire body is covered in goosebumps... Its like a whole body orgasm.... Things probably really thrill you like this. They dont affect every one this way and i feel so lucky that they do me....

But my point about dressing is that when a man feels sensual like this he has nowhere to go nothing to wear in order to express it. There is nothing easily available or acceptable in most circles to wear to enhance this feeling. Silk and velvet do. Lace has a roughness that is very stimulating. Net and tulle. .. Well i could go on forever. I have said it before but i will say it again... There is no male equivalent to VS. But men can be just as sensual as women or even more. So if there is nothing for a man to wear in order to feel sensual, then it just makes sense to wear womans. I sometimes get dressed up for no reason... I mean to the nines. Sometimes i will go out like that... Just to feel things.... I love to feel. Do you?

Yes, yes, yes! I tried to tell my wife I enjoyed the sensual side of things. She confused that with sexual. Not the same things. Thank you!
I also have some gender stuff on top of that but that is a big part of it. Nothing in my "male closet" compares to pantyhose, a slip and nice dress.

[rachaelsloane]

As I read thru many of the reply's I have to wonder, why do so many try to over analyze why we dress or not understand. I have never tried to analyze why or why not, nor do I really care, bottom line is I like to get dressed and I'm not going to stop.
That's just my two cents!

[Billie Jean]

That's not the most common question I get....

"Would that be cash or credit?"

That's what I hear most often.When your dressed you are just another pretty woman. Nobody would ever question you. Billie Jean

[ReineD]

I wonder about the whole nice male things bit - like, if I went up to the gay lifestyle store in the city my parents live in that I remember having awesome boy underwear a few years ago, would any of that awesome clothing interest my SO? I really don't know. Maybe I should do some Christmas shopping there and find out!

Somehow Babs, I just don't think so. :straightface:

[Pink Person]

There is a cloud of confusion that surrounds some of us. For example, there are a large number of incoherent crossvestites on this site. You know them, the ones who are crossdressers because they crossdress, but insist they are not transgender just because they do transgender things. It's impossible to understand anything they say because they are deeply committed to their nonsense. They own it like a glass shield they use to prevent other people from seeing them.

Why do men wear women's clothing? Try rounding up the usual suspects before hunting for candy canes inside a cat's ass.

Why do women wear women's clothing? They don't do it because society has brainwashed them. They do it because it is symbolic of how they see themselves and how they want other people to see them. It isn't a literal expression of their being, but it is a concrete symbol of their personal identity and the social identity they wish to promote in terms of gender. Men who dress like women do it because they are like women in how they see themselves and want to be seen by other people. It's not a cosmetic similarity. It's a critical one. You can try to wish it away by rubbing your small head, but your big head knows the real truth, even if you won't admit it.

P.S. If you want to understand the root cause of your transgender behavior instead of the immediate cause then open a biology book and study the parts about fetal development, hormone activity, mature development, and genetics. This should give you plenty of clues to understanding the mysteries of gender relativity and diversity.

[girlygirly]

Lorileah, maybe I am around more "metro" men. But, I am around a lot of men that dress very nicely. They were $200 cologne, go to spas, get manicures, wear tailored clothes. Have you seen that move Crazy, Stupid, Love? Ryan Gosling's character, basically. Now, polyster shirt is just skanky....but, real silk shirt would be very nice. At least, Saks agrees with me.

But, these men aren't CDs...just men with good taste. There are plenty of really nice clothes and bath products for men.

However, they're for men.

There are a percentage of people on here (I actually can only think of one person) who doesn't wear a wig or makeup...doesn't do it to look like a girl. But, obviously, a lot of members have clothes, wigs, makeup, and female names.

If it was all sensational, I don't know if the female names would be necessary lol I'm sure there is a small percentage out there who just like the feel of nylons and nothing else, but I have a hard time finding those people. And, when they present themselves as this small percentage, they are usually telling me they don't do it to look like a girl...but, they have on a wig, makeup, and a are sporting a female name.
I have only owned one wig, long discarded. I also stopped trying to put on make up very early on, and have never adopted a girly name. I have realized I don't want to try passing as a female, because I'm not a female and would probably just wind up feeling like a freak. I also have no interest in looking "metro", or wearing "nicer men's clothing". I never have, but I do like dressing like a girl, as much as I can get away with without making a total ass out of myself. I also like using feminine soaps, hair products, deodorant, lotions, perfume, and having my life at home as girly as possible, without someone noticing so they would make a big deal over it. I don't know why I do it, and probably couldn't explain it even if I had to.

I'm well aware of my feminine side, but not sure whether it is genetic, or the result of something that happened to me as a child. Both are possibilities, but I seriously doubt I'll figure it out in this lifetime.


So it will remain a mystery until scientists take the time to analyze it and even tell us Cder's why. They seem to find answers for everything else.:)
Science has mostly proven that homosexuality is a genetic trait, so I would fully expect that science would tell us most everything we do at varying levels is also a genetic trait.

On the other hand, psychologists can look into our childhood or family history, and find instances of abuse or adult pressures that forced us into our behavior patterns.

For me it's simple; if you want a black and white answer, ask a scientist, if you want a touchy feely answer, ask a therapist, but if you want the real answer, don't even waste time trying to figure it out.

[Tara D. Rose]

Tara this question comes up a lot. There are a lot of non members that browse this forum. GG's wonder why too. It was as an honest attempt to explain there is no magic answer.

As for SO's with CD partners it is best if they ask their own partners.

As for me I truly don't know why. I wish I knew though because somebody could make a lot of money if they knew why it happens. I just know I never asked for it, but since I am a CDer I will enjoy it. I'm so sick of seeing CDer's suffer mental anguish because people just don't get it. I don't think any of us just said one day I want to be a CDer.
No I don't know why, I do however have my own phylosophy though, and only cd's can come close to the answer, so much closer that GG's can. But being this site is controled by gg's and with them being born with red carpets, they get on here and pretend or act like, or think that or for whatever other reason, that they come closer to understanding us, than we(CD'S do),that have lived it all of our lives. I feel sometimes that GG's should take a back seat to us and not try that just because they are GG's born with a silver spoon with all opportunities of life laid right out before them that it qualifies them to tell me more about me and my kind than even I can about myself and others like me. It would be like me getting on a lesbian site and me saying, Let me tell you about you lesbians.I would be out of line if I did that. And so, some people will never undersatnd us cd's and that's ok, but you and I and others like us come closer to undersatnding us so much closer than those others that those born with the red carpet laid out before them right out of their mother's womb. I'd love to hear from the experts now.


L&R.......................Tara

[Melody1985]

The bottom-line answer to that question, like with anything else is that;
"we do it because we feel like it!"

But seriously though, there is a diverse number of reasons why people choose to CD. The only thing I could see that we have in common is that we all enjoy it.. Some people struggle with it due to people around them not accepting it, but when they're actually dressing, it's a rush like no other.

[Barbara Ella]

Love all the different insights into this question. My response is...If we cannot explain ourselves, why the hell do we think or expect anyone outside out community can. Could really care less if they understand. Just leave me the hell alone. The different theories and explanations serve to provide each individual with the explanation (more likely just a small part of it) they need for the moment.

The old adage, "if it feels good, do it," holds here (within reason of course, reeling good can be taken to an extreme). We all have our reasons, and if it isnt hurting anyone, get out of my face with your telling me why I do it. As has been said in the best one word answer...because. If I am happy, and it doesnt hurt you, you non CD er, clam up, I dont care why you think I do it, cause you are not important to my life.

Sorry, feeling bitchy tonight. But I really do love all the responses as they provide insight, and the more insight we all get, the better person we become.

Love to all, Babes

[eluuzion]

On any given issue...I believe there are typically just as many explanations for any particular behavior as there are people engaging in it.

I gave up the expectation of anyone ever "understanding why" I do the things I do... a long time before I ever started crossdressing, :heehee:

Almost everything I have ever done in my life has been motivated to some extent by my innately overzealous curiosity. Anybody that knows me well would not be surprised by anything I say, imagine or actually do in life. Just getting to the point where they overcome that initial urge to "run away" is a major accomplishment in my mind...and probably the best I could ever hope for as far as realistic expectations. :battingeyelashes:

Hey, as long as I am free to roam around, I am happy to keep on exploring with more questions than answers in life...:heehee:

:love:

[ReineD]

My SO told me early on that it is just as difficult to explain why he likes to CD and he doesn't like to play football, as it is for me to explain why I like olives and skiing and I don't like dates (the eating kind) and playing football. It's how we're wired. Why does one person like to read, while another prefers working with his hands? Why are some people heterosexual and others are same-sex attracted?

Why do I have certain cravings for food sometimes, I mean literally crave something? What brings that on? :strugglin I can understand why a CDer cannot explain why he has an urge to dress one day, and not the next.

It's a lot easier to explain what our preferred activities bring to us, or what it is about them that we do like.

[docrobbysherry]

Posted by CDs, TGs, TSs and many other non-TGs!

I've yet to read a believable explanation of why I started dressing at age 50 RITE OUT OF THE BLUE!:eek:

Or, how I can REASONABLY explain my "hobby" to my children!:doh:

[CloserthanthisGG]

Concerning gender I see myself as female in a male body but only because my energy is Yin and usually found in females not Yang an energy usually found in males. Everyone is a mixture of Yin and Yang but I'm an extreme form of Yin and society would have allowed and even encouraged this expression in a female body but actively seeks to suppress it in a male body. When I crossdress it heightens my awareness of my natural energies because I create the illusion that my body matches my energies but this was learned by living in the world and is in reaction to it. Being a GG women would bring me into acceptance and not conflict with the world because than my Yin energy is in the correct body according to historical norms. Men who crossdress but like being men have a balance between both Yin and Yang energies and men who are mostly Yang would never crossdress, the thought would never even occur to them.



Wow, KellY!! I really love everything you just said. But this part especially. I read this before I left Houston for Dallas last night and was thinking about your post while driving. Even though you didn't say anything about meditation, it made me think about something that I like to think about a lot. Gravity. I don't think I've ever considered Yin and Yang in terms of gravity. There was a night a few weeks ago when Lisia and I were watching some show about black holes and how they're thinking about a black hole being in the center of every galaxy. There was a scene where there were galaxies in motion on the screen. The stars danced the way people dance. Gravity moves the stars while they dance around the black holes, but a level up and the galaxies themselves orbit each other as well. A level down and the planets, circling the stars are orbit... It became a fractal in my mind that night, like in the game Jason Rohrer's Infinite, Star-Filled Sky. But further, I saw another level deeper last night, the orbit of the energy of people. It's really difficult to put into words but I wanted you to know that you really made me think last night and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

My thoughts went like this. There is a gravity between masculine and feminine energy, It is ever shifting. It's not the people themselves that have the gravity, it's the energy... We pass someone and feel an attraction instantly and orbit them for a short while and then are thrown off, but not unchanged, because the gravity has had an effect on our own energy... or sometimes we meet someone and have an elliptical orbit because of their energy... at some points, they are nearer to us, and some points, much further away, but it is much more of a bond than a chance encounter.

And also I had this visual of people and energy, spinning around each other physically and in non-physical ways, in all different sorts of orbits and attractions based on the energy that they possesed and attracted in others. But pulling away in my mind, I saw the stars in their dances and everything became one thing. Everything, absolutely and entirely connected, and it was such a beautiful picture.

The only tie-in to the thread here is that I was thinking that our manner of dress is our outward way of expressing our energy and affects the gravity and attraction of those who have not necessarily opposite energy, but who pass by us closely enough for a bond and a dance.

Just wanted to thank you! :D

[Julogden]

Correct me if I'm wrong. But, from what I have heard on this forum, it would matter if there were nicer male clothes that tailored to your tactile sensations. (For example, silky male boxers). The point is that you are wearing Women's clothes and presenting yourself as a woman.

I figured this was part of the excitement of being a CD...looking like a woman.

Maybe I have been wrong all along and perhaps everyone on this forum just doesn't know where to shop for better male clothes that tailor to your sensory needs.

But, I bet my bottom dollar this isn't the case ;)

Yep, you're exactly right, Shananigans. And there are pantyhose made for men, nail polish for men, skirts for men, women's shoes for men and I've seen many people comment that they want nothing to do with any garment made for males even if they are identical to women's products. Seems like it has to be clothing made expressly for females for most CD's. :)

Carol

[sweetjan]

I enjoy it. I am happier when I crossdress.

[CloserthanthisGG]

Correct me if I'm wrong. But, from what I have heard on this forum, it would matter if there were nicer male clothes that tailored to your tactile sensations. (For example, silky male boxers). The point is that you are wearing Women's clothes and presenting yourself as a woman.

I figured this was part of the excitement of being a CD...looking like a woman.

Maybe I have been wrong all along and perhaps everyone on this forum just doesn't know where to shop for better male clothes that tailor to your sensory needs.

But, I bet my bottom dollar this isn't the case ;)

I was also thinking about this last night too. But my comment would be that silky boxers wouldn't be right for sensuality at all, except for the fabric. I am seeing the part that was missing in my explanation of my thought. Things like silky boxers do not accentuate the body at all. The cut of boxers is just a box. Who gets excited by a box? :) Boxers are by no means complicated enough to be sensual. Boxers, to me, silky or not, do not even whisper in my ear that "I am interested in a good time" (much less scream it like the VS corset and hundred strap panties with garters I saw at the galleria last night before I left Houston, I mean really!!! The whole panty was MADE of straps... like just staps going accross the back and front to make a material, those things were AMAZING). Boxers are more made to hide than to accentuate sensual curves. (Hey even a muscular man's got curves ;)...!)

But I think the thing about the stuff at the gay male shops, is that a lot of the stuff I have seen in them is not really sensual either. It's sexual. In like, the sort of way that phallic things are sexual. Kind of a power sort of thing. I'm probably not explaining what I think is the difference very well. It's with a different intent. Like there's a difference in my intent when I wear a corset and platform thigh high boots vs my intent when i wear a fluffy babydoll nightie. But I have seen some things in there that might qualify... just not most of it. :)

But I also wanted to say that you have a good point. The fact that they are women's clothing instead of sensual men's clothing is taboo and very very exciting. And maybe... what's the word, is it autoerotic? I don't think I made that up. I think it's a real thing... the act of dressing up and looking at yourself in the mirror and getting turned on by it. I have that, if it's a real thing, if it's not, then I guess that's a confession. But to the cross-dressers, what do you think?


Also, If I was to go about designing male clothes that would suit a cross-dresser's fancy, any man that wore them publicly would still have issues with most people because my fashion line would include dresses and corsets and things... (Men wore corsets back in the day too, you know... some of the days, anyways... and in some of the lands... :D) I am picturing a black kimono dress right now. It would look like it would wrap like a kimono, but it really wouldn't because who wants to mess with adjusting a wrap dress all night. A big bow in the back. With big wide arms, again like a kimono, but it would not actually be a kimono. Silk, but substantial silk. Like satin, and shiny... so shiny it almost looks like patent leather. With embroidery covering the back and sides, but simple bits of embroidery down the top of the arms and on one side of the front. Gold and silver and red would be the colors of embroidery, with green accents. Floor length, even with platform heels. Maybe a slit up the side with some leggings worn underneath in an accent color? If I were to make this dress, the male model I picture wearing it would have like an Aeon flux chick haircut but it would not be a wig. This example outfit sounds like a woman's outfit and is would be seen as extremely feminine, but it would be made for a man. Made for a man's height, his shoulders, bone structure, etc. I would also make this dress in pink and red with the same pattern of embroidery. Are there companies out there making stuff like this? Would there be any interest? If so, I am actually a seamstress and would love to design and make things like that. This is how I would like to see a man dress at a formal occasion like a christmas party. Not as a woman, but as a man, just dressed like that. Clothing design was always what I wanted to do when I grew up but I never found a niche. Clothes are my passion. I don't think this idea would be for everyone... But I am truly wondering if there would be an interest at all. Maybe I will post this as a separate thread...?

Anyways... All of this was just thoughts I had when pondering your post.

Also, I wanted to say I like your picture, you are very pretty. :)

Julogden,

OH you posted this as I was typing my big long wordy thing just then. I guess that answers that then. Oh well, it felt like a fun idea anyways... I would have had such a fun time sewing such lovelies...

Thanks! :D

[Contessa]

There are few things I love. Although they're not really a thing, but since a noun is a person, place or thing. I can't call them a noun either. But when talking or thinking of a thing of beauty, a woman most definitely always wins. There is usually always something you can find pretty on a woman. It could be her eyes or her smile or even her hands, her walk and as most of us notice right away her breasts.

We are as all very well know like what we see. But even to I some time like what I hear. Anyone like the sound that acrylic nails make when they touch anything. I love that, but I can't ask every woman to make that noise for me all the time. Or even as I love the sound the heels make on either pavement or sidewalk when women are walking. I can't ask all women to make that sound for me. Most women look so good in some of the clothes that they wear. They smell absolutely good most of the time. But what could I do to have that all the time when I want it, which is all the time. I could do or wear it myself. I am not trying to out do them. I want to emulate them. I love it that much, I am not kidding.

Now how do you feel? You look at yourself after you have completed your dressing and you say this is what it feels like to look good. I'm beautiful! I love this.

Is this what you understand? Then it should be what they understand too. Or am I wrong?

Tess

[CloserthanthisGG]

Yes, yes, yes! I tried to tell my wife I enjoyed the sensual side of things. She confused that with sexual. Not the same things. Thank you!
I also have some gender stuff on top of that but that is a big part of it. Nothing in my "male closet" compares to pantyhose, a slip and nice dress.

Josee, Thanks! It's this difference that I think might be difficult to separate... I am going to go google female clothes made for men to see if they strike me as more sexual than sensual, because I think that would be the mistake that people making these clothes would be making...

And Lorileah! The caftans of the 70's for men were soooo sexy. Silk ones. With the long hair. Ohhhhh, why don't men dress like that anymore???!! Oh yeah. Like you said.


Somehow Babs, I just don't think so. :straightface:

Me either... sexuality vs. sensuality.

[Jonianne]

.....I can understand why a CDer cannot explain why he has an urge to dress one day, and not the next.....

Not only that, when I was doing some serious journaling, I discovered that, so often, my feelings and understandings could change almost moments after I wrote something that I was absolutely sure of.

I would bet that cd'ers can tell you why they dress one day and then on another day it could be for an entirely different reason. With both days being absolutely true in their own moment.

[Piora]

I have said this in a few other threads that were related to this one, but here is something that I believe is a common denominator in most crossdressers.

We do what we do because of love of self.

Now, by that statement, I don't mean that we are narcissistic, or vain, or have delusions of grandeur - or even are simply "full of ourselves". But, dressing as we do, shows that we love ourselves, and love that we dress, and love how we look when we are dressed. Marleena's signature speaks volumes:

"Crossdressing is a gift that I keep giving myself..."

That really says it all for me as well. I love how I look in women's clothing, I love how I feel in women's clothing.....and I love how buying women's clothing gives such a self-boost to my spirit of happiness. I like myself, and I think I deserve to feel this way.

[sometimes_miss]

Some people will never understand us (CDers) but that's okay.:)
The most common question is why?
No mystery. The stigma comes from an innate homophobia, which comes from our ancestral past when female passivity and submissiveness would be seen as weakness, and make a male unfit for protecting the family and society he lived in. The potential for romantic preferences towards a fellow soldier rather than what his superior officer ordered him to do would also make him unfit for being in any military type organization, as it's well known that people will risk their lives for love. What's unacceptable, is when they may risk other people's lives while doing that. I'm not saying that it would always happen; but the possibility that it might, is all it takes for people to assume the worst about us.

[Anna Lorree]

Didn't you mean " But, from what I have heard on this forum, it wouldn't matter if there were nicer male clothes that tailored to your tactile sensations."? If so, then you are correct.



You can bet the whole farm on that....and quite safely, Shan! :) I have tried very hard to get those out there who, for whatever reason, just don't get crossdressers and what drives them, to understand that the vast majority of us aren't interested in anything that isn't actually made for a woman. Some cannot understand it, and that's fine.

When I shop for male clothes it's [yawn] [ho hum] [boooooriiiiing!] and that's regardless of what type of clothing it is, whether cool jeans, new suit, nice shirt etc. etc. Now let me see some hot cocktail dresses, feminine tops or blouses, skirts, panties, bras....well, I'm sure you get the drift.....and I feel like I want to go into orbit. My entire life, I have never been excited about buying drab clothes. I buy them when I need them, and never give it much thought. But, the excitement of buying some wonderful feminine piece of clothing cannot be measured in normal Time and Space......

Perfection, and ditto!!! You nailed that for me as well, Piora!

Anna

[Shananigans]

But I also wanted to say that you have a good point. The fact that they are women's clothing instead of sensual men's clothing is taboo and very very exciting. And maybe... what's the word, is it autoerotic? I don't think I made that up. I think it's a real thing... the act of dressing up and looking at yourself in the mirror and getting turned on by it. I have that, if it's a real thing, if it's not, then I guess that's a confession. But to the cross-dressers, what do you think?


Also, If I was to go about designing male clothes that would suit a cross-dresser's fancy, any man that wore them publicly would still have issues with most people because my fashion line would include dresses and corsets and things... (Men wore corsets back in the day too, you know... some of the days, anyways... and in some of the lands... :D) I am picturing a black kimono dress right now. It would look like it would wrap like a kimono, but it really wouldn't because who wants to mess with adjusting a wrap dress all night. A big bow in the back. With big wide arms, again like a kimono, but it would not actually be a kimono. Silk, but substantial silk. Like satin, and shiny... so shiny it almost looks like patent leather. With embroidery covering the back and sides, but simple bits of embroidery down the top of the arms and on one side of the front. Gold and silver and red would be the colors of embroidery, with green accents. Floor length, even with platform heels. Maybe a slit up the side with some leggings worn underneath in an accent color? If I were to make this dress, the male model I picture wearing it would have like an Aeon flux chick haircut but it would not be a wig. This example outfit sounds like a woman's outfit and is would be seen as extremely feminine, but it would be made for a man. Made for a man's height, his shoulders, bone structure, etc. I would also make this dress in pink and red with the same pattern of embroidery. Are there companies out there making stuff like this? Would there be any interest? If so, I am actually a seamstress and would love to design and make things like that. This is how I would like to see a man dress at a formal occasion like a christmas party. Not as a woman, but as a man, just dressed like that. Clothing design was always what I wanted to do when I grew up but I never found a niche. Clothes are my passion. I don't think this idea would be for everyone... But I am truly wondering if there would be an interest at all. Maybe I will post this as a separate thread...?

Anyways... All of this was just thoughts I had when pondering your post.

Also, I wanted to say I like your picture, you are very pretty. :)

The "autoerotic" point is a very good point. My SO and I have talked about the fact that a woman's body is heralded as one of the most iconically beautiful things. When I am dressed sexy and in lingerie, I do like to look at myself and I am turned on by the fact that I look sexy. I think it's more of an ego thing...it's not really that I want to do myself, it's just like, "Oh, yeah...I know I look good...now, I am confidant and I want to get busy." I think for some CDs (like my SO), dressing can be a similar thought process. My SO is the sub in the relationship sexually, and it's very easy for him to throw the masculine role out the windows and become submissive when en femme. So, there is definitely a large sexual component to it.

However, as we were leaving for the party last night, I asked him if he would wear clothes designed for men to look like girl clothes. He was like, "Well, it would make things easier...but, it's just not the same if it's not actually women's clothes."

He has a really hard time in thongs, as you could imagine. And, they do make male thongs. But, it would be a cold day in hell before he wore this and considered himself sexy http://www.mensunderwearstore.com/mm5/graphics/00000002/CC433055NVY-F300.JPG

And, I have to admit that I prefer the female thongs/find them sexier for some unknown reason than if he went out and bought male thongs. Why? Probably, because he is dressing to try to look like a woman. If he was buying clothes made for a man that just looked feminine...he wouldn't really be "turning into woman." He would just be wearing men's clothes designed for men, but look slightly feminine.

That probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

But, for example, here is a whole site for male fashion that is inspired by women's clothes. http://www.trendhunter.com/slideshow/gender-confused-fashions-androgyny-cross-dressing#3

And, my SO is more likely to wear this corset http://chicstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/corset-wearing.jpg over this one that is designed with a man in mind http://pics1.vampirefreaks.com/K/Km/Kme/Kmerathaetra/16155422.jpg

I think the key is that he is not trying to be a feminine man, he's trying to be a woman when dressed...that's the big difference in not wearing the feminine clothes designed for men.

At least, that's my understanding of it...as one of those SOs that try to understand CDing. And, I can't say that I understand all CDs. I certainly do not understand a lot of people on this forum. But, I understand my SO and that's what really matters to me :)

Also, my SO has no problem saying that he is wearing a wig, wearing breast forms, calling himself Cami, dressing in women's clothes, and wearing makeup because he like to look like a GIRL. If his argument was that male fashion just wasn't as sexy and feminine, I'd probably tell him to watch TLC "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" for the definition of denial lol. Also, if his goal was to just look like a more feminine, sexy MAN I would tell him he was missing the marker by a mile.

Luckily, he is pretty honest and just says that he likes to look like a woman. He feels partially feminine on the inside, and it is very sexually satisfying to him. And, I'm happy with that. If he was lying to me and saying he wasn't doing it for those reasons, I'd be pretty upset or just question his sanity.

But, again, not everyone shares his experiences. But, damn...a lot sure do...

And, thank you very much for the sweet compliment. Your lashes are really cool in your pic :)

[Josephine]

I think the key is that he is not trying to be a feminine man, he's trying to be a woman when dressed...that's the big difference in not wearing the feminine clothes designed for men.

I can agree with this statement. It's not "just" because of the softness of the clothing, but the fact that I want to appear and act like a real woman!

[Badtranny]

OMG Shan,

That picture of the guy in the blue undies stopped me dead in my tracks!

Good Lord how could ANYONE not find that man sexy as hell. Double yum.

Anyhoo, I have no idea why some of the CD's persist in using the "they don't make fun sexy clothes for men" argument. I mean they call it "cross" dressing for a reason right? (someone else pointed that out to me ever so delicately)

Men have some GREAT fashion choices, but you have to be into showing off your male body, instead of trying to appear more feminine. I'm just sayin' ;-)

[josee]

Anyhoo, I have no idea why some of the CD's persist in using the "they don't make fun sexy clothes for men" argument. I mean they call it "cross" dressing for a reason right? (someone else pointed that out to me ever so delicately)

Men have some GREAT fashion choices, but you have to be into showing off your male body, instead of trying to appear more feminine. I'm just sayin' ;-)
It's another form of denial, at least it was for me.
I'm just sayin'

[Shananigans]

OMG Shan,

That picture of the guy in the blue undies stopped me dead in my tracks!

Good Lord how could ANYONE not find that man sexy as hell. Double yum.

He stopped me dead in my tacks too when I Googled "male thongs." But, my SO would rather look like the girl below in the corset rather than that image of male godly perfection in the thong.

They're both hot though so I can't complain haha

[Anna Lorree]

He stopped me dead in my tacks too when I Googled "male thongs." But, my SO would rather look like the girl below in the corset rather than that image of male godly perfection in the thong.

They're both hot though so I can't complain haha

I agree with your SO. Who wouldn't want to be the beautiful and sexy vixen? Soft and smooth curves, the very definition of desirable. Personally, that is part of it. I want to be desired, I want to be the "sex kitten". Female bodies are the sports car of human frames. Male bodies, on the other hand, are the tractors and delivery trucks. Males are the chore model. Blah. Just my personal opinion...

Anna

[Shananigans]

I agree with your SO. Who wouldn't want to be the beautiful and sexy vixen? Soft and smooth curves, the very definition of desirable. Personally, that is part of it. I want to be desired, I want to be the "sex kitten". Female bodies are the sports car of human frames. Male bodies, on the other hand, are the tractors and delivery trucks. Males are the chore model. Blah. Just my personal opinion...

Anna

I can't say that I disagree with you on anything that you just said. But, I do like to ride a truck every now and then. ;)

[Anna Lorree]

I can't say that I disagree with you on anything that you just said. But, I do like to ride a truck every now and then. ;)

Lol, I like that... I've never gotten to ride one, just played with a simulator, but that was fun so I can't fault you. I'm glad you feel fortunate to have one of each in the garage. I shall have to continue with my sportscar envy.

Anna

[Tracii G]

Such a loaded question and very hard to answer.
Men's clothes do nothing for me I feel very out of place wearing them.No style at all IMO.
I dress because thats how I feel at that moment.I have a guy side but my girl side is more the regular me emotionally.
The feel of womens clothes is very nice and I choose to bend the clothes gender wise a mix of both so to speak.
I have gotten the OMG your gay/bisexual line a lot but pass it off as misunderstanding on their part.

[Aprilrain]

I get lost in music absolutely and if i really like a song i feel like my stomach is on a roller coaster and my heart flutters and my entire body is covered in goosebumps... Its like a whole body orgasm.... Things probably really thrill you like this. They dont affect every one this way and i feel so lucky that they do me....

PS. I am not talking about people who feel they were born the wrong gender.... Personally I do not understand this because it really is not important to me... Gender. But i will try to understand it. I am open to learning.

Yes to the song thing and for me nature too.

"Gender" is not important to you because you are cissexual and therefor blind to your "gender" and more importantly your biological sex. You are literally incapable of separating your sense of self from your birth sex. BE THANKFUL!

[taís]

I don't know what I like more, the idea of this thread or Shananigans' answers. While I do accept the notion that "Some people will never understand us (CDers)", I love so much reading Shananingans' posts. 'Cause this is a girl who deeply understands why men crossdress -- or at least I think I can relate to Camille and understand why they are together. lots of love on this thread :)

I (think I) crossdress cause I like to break barriers. And feeling sexy as a girl, being a man, is one of them. I'm probably being very vague, but this is an important point for me, and I feel very light hearted reading this thread :)

[DebbieL]

Cross-dresser and transgender are two very different terms, each describing a wide range of behaviors and issues.

A cross-dresser is a person, usually a man, who wears women's clothing to satisfy a range of needs including sexual, emotional, and identity needs.
A cross-dresser could wear only one or two specific items, such as a corset and stockings, or may want to wear everything, including make-up, wig, heels, and actually pass as a beautiful woman.

A transgender, is a person, for now we'll say male, who feels that he would like to have access to the world of the opposite sex, let's say female.
Transgenders could range from boys who just like to hang out with the girls, to people who see themselves trapped in the body of the wrong sex.

Both cross-dressing and transgender behavior in females is more widely accepted. Women can now wear pants to work, home, church, and in fact dresses with heels and hose have become a more rare occurrence even among "normal" or "average" women. In addition, girls who want to play with the boys and be one of the guys are generally allowed, even encouraged to do so, and girls who compete effectively are often protected from discrimination. There are women who openly wish they could be men, and when they speak of how they envy the power, strength, and success of men, and how lucky men are to not be judged by their appearance, many women will nod in agreement. While there are transgendered FtMs, the results of SRS are less that wonderful. If there is no prostate, no erection, it's a bit hard to have the pleasures normally associate with the boy's package.

On the other hand, male femininity is often not socially accepted at all. A boy who expresses even the slightest hints of open femininity becomes the target of verbal harassment, physical abuse, even torture and terror tactics, forcing him back into the closet. In grade-school and Junior High or Middle School, even mildly effeminate behaviors, such as wearing pink sneakers, wearing pants that actually fit and show off nice legs, or wearing fabrics that are too colorful, too shiny, or too soft - can make them targets for attack. Wearing shoes with heels - right out!

These experiences are often so traumatic that as they grow up boy will try harder than ever to avoid detection, often even going so far as trying to act more macho or being overly masculine. They may even engage in gay-bashing, groping women, and in generally trying to be as "macho" as necessary to avoid suspicion.

Unfortunately, this kind of behavior creates a downward spiral, resulting in even more dishonesty, more insecurity, and even more attempts to pass as "normal" men.
The war between the factions of the personality can be so dramatic that, when they get drunk, they can even develop multiple personalities, with either the feminine once, or the masculine one, will come out so profoundly that there is a visible difference. A good girl who is very feminine and sweet, can suddenly become more sexually aggressive and predatory. Conversely, a male, perhaps a very shy boy, will turn into a sexy flirting ****.

In some cases, many cases actually, the harder the individual tries to tame, contain, split and restrain the masculine and feminine as separate entities, the more difficult it becomes, and the more each side tries to dominate. For many, perhaps 30-40 percent, it leads to successful suicide, and another 30-40 percent will attempt, unsuccessfully.

When "outed" many transgenders and cross-dressers have lost jobs, wives, girl-friends, and lovers.

Ironically, the "cure" or "treatment" is actually very simple. Therapists who specialize in treating this condition, encourage their client to actually come out and deal with what there is to deal with. They are encouraged to start in "safe" environments first, and to gradually do more until they either reach the point where they are living 24/7 as a woman and decide for themselves that they don't want to go back to being men, or until they reach a point where they decide how much dressing is enough for them, and in which environments.

For the SO, there may be internal conflict as well. She may have been attracted to his feminine side, may have loved that he was more gentle, patient, kind, listening, sympathetic, than he knew exactly how to scratch the area around and under the bra, that felt so good, or how he would let her father win at cards or games and not get upset about it, even have fun with it. He may also be more patient and considerate as a lover, wanting to spend time slow dancing, cuddling, and enjoying scents and sensations rather than just rushing to the "money shot" as quickly as possible. All of these things may be things she knows are not "typical man", but they are things she like, even loves about him.

Unfortunately, when the CD first presents the news to his wife, her initial reaction, almost universally, is anger, not at the dressing, or the transgender, but at the DECEPTION itself. She cannot believe that he has tried so hard to keep his little secret for so long (even if it's only weeks or months), without her knowing about it. She immediately begins to wonder what ELSE he might have lied about, what else she doesn't know, what else he might be hiding. She doesn't understand how early the persecution started. Many transgenders start dressing and have their secret fantasies of being a girl when they are only 4-5 years old, sometimes when they first discover that there is a difference between what boys and girls have "down there". More often, they just prefer playing with girls, until suddenly someone tells them they can't or shouldn't do it any more. Often, this produces feelings of shame and guilt, which are reinforced by boys verbally abusing them, and when the adults aren't looking, physically abusing them. The physical abuse can range from constant fights to groups of boys tearing into a "sissy" with baseball bats, rocks, broomsticks, even lead pipes. Many of these boys are encouraged by their parents or grandparents who want to keep their children from becoming gay or effeminate, and resort to physical abuse when they see even hints of it.

In some cases, the wife begins to realize that her husband has actually been living a lie all his life, and that she may be the very first person, or maybe the second, after a councilor, sponsor, or therapist, that he has ever told. She is one of the first to ever know the TRUTH about him. For some women, this makes the deception even worse, especially if the man has tried to overdo the macho act.

It's often only after this whole shock has been processed, that they begin to view the situation with more compassion. They may even realize that they had suspected something, and maybe even thought it would be fun to dress him up, if only he had spoken up sooner. In some cases, knowing the truth and accepting it can create intimacy like neither of them has ever experienced before, they could be even more living, kind, compassionate, caring, and affectionate. They may even find that he hated going shopping with his wife before because he felt the pain of envy and jealousy, maybe wishing he could pick something for himself, or frustrated that she wouldn't wear the things he so desperately wanted to wear himself. Now, with the freedom to express his own desires, shopping becomes something they love to do together, and they enjoy supporting each other, taking each other's fashion advice. She can help him find things that make it easier for him to pass, and he can find things that help her turn heads as a woman, or at least make him want to dress up in the suit and take her out dancing once in a while.

The wife may even find that her husband is more interested in diets, exercise, social activities that involve dancing and physical activity, and better grooming. He may be more willing to do so-called "women's work" like doing the laundry, including sorting, washing, drying, folding, and putting away the clothes. She may even discover that her husband's feminine personality is more neat, more organized, and more detail oriented. Often, when the feminine identity is suppressed, most of the traits that are associated with that identity are suppressed too.

On the other hand, if the CD/TG has tried, successfully, to completely split his personality, and has become almost a masculine sexist pig, if he's built up big beefy muscles, talks in a low, loud, growly voice, engages in gay-bashing, makes fun of effeminate men, and doesn't want his son to be a sissy, the wife who was attracted to that man, may not be willing to give that up. She may also worry that there are other secret repressed desires such as a desire for men, that he may have tried to "prove himself" in other ways, such as having affairs, or even that he might be hiding even more sinister secrets. In this case, the attempt to overcompensate has made it nearly impossible for her to accept him as anything other than the sexist pig he has always been, that she has always loved. If he was an "alpha male", she may have enjoyed his protective nature, his dominance, and even his aggression. In these cases, it is often nearly impossible to reconcile the alpha male and the cross-dresser. She may have difficulty accepting her mate as either, and may even just completely reject him. He is no longer the Alpha male she wanted, an she doesn't want the boy in the dress, no matter how pretty she is.

Perhaps the most dramatic scenario is the man who posed as an alpha, got his wife to fall in love with the alpha male, then started getting violent and abusive out of his own frustration and inability to kill his feminine side. When this type of man finally "fesses up" it can get very ugly. The wife may act very supportive, even pushing him to transition, to take hormones, and even become more dominant, only to put him out on the street after he has come to the point where he can only live as a woman. Or she may take a well hung male lover to humiliate her husband, to abuse him the same way she abused him all those years.

Hopefully, as people become more aware of how pervasive gender identity issues really are, and begin to be more tolerant of those who are openly transgendered, there will be less need for all of the deception, dishonesty, and trying to keep secrets from your own wife or lover, the person who wanted to commit to you for life, for better or worse til death do you part. With social media like Facebook, people can share those aspects of their personality in a non-threatening way. They can post a "Halloween" picture of themselves in a skirt, heels, wig, and make-up an discover that a lot of people "Like" it. With dating sites like Match.com transgendered can be open about who they are, and can meet women who actually WANT a guy who wants to let his inner woman out once in a while, or even a guy they can turn into that "Girl with Something Extra".

Bisexual men and women have their own frustrations and repressed desires. Often, bisexual women gravitate toward more feminine men, so they get the best of both worlds. Conversely, bisexual men often gravitate toward more masculine women, because they can have the best of their both worlds. To either group, a cross-dresser or transgender is the answer to their prayers.

[Badtranny]

I love so much reading Shananingans' posts. 'Cause this is a girl who deeply understands why men crossdress --

She does, and so does ReineD, but the new girl Closerthanthis (she even used the right homonym) is blowing my mind right now. My kinda gal.

Women who can love a CD are out there ladies, but you have to love yourself to make it worth their while.

[Shananigans]

'Cause this is a girl who deeply understands why men crossdress -- or at least I think I can relate to Camille and understand why they are together.

Oh, nonsense....y'all are too complex to be understood on any such level. ;)


Women who can love a CD are out there ladies, but you have to love yourself to make it worth their while.

I definitely agree with this. I really don't think we are all that "rare" or "special" really. I always feel just a little bit silly when people say how lucky my SO is and what a "gem" I am. (I appreciate it, but it still feels funny). I guess because it makes me feel different, or like I am so far progressively from the norm. Being with my SO feels entirely natural and I don't really feel being with my SO is a struggle, or anything outside the norm. (Not to say we HAVEN'T had struggles, but I don't think these struggles were inherently biproducts of CDing). I think there are a lot of people out there that would be happy with a TG person...but, like me, most GGs don't really know they are in that boat of acceptance until they meet THAT person.

[Pink Person]

I have been playing hardball with some of the CDs lately because I think it's important that our common bonds be properly recognized. Cisfeminine and transfeminine people are related to each other in core ways that are frequently denied by some CDs. We share similar natures with each other, and our similarities are more important than our differences. Crossdressing might be the light beer of transgender behavior but it is brewed from the same ingredients as the more potent behaviors. I want this fact to get some due respect.

No one is masculine or feminine because they did a cost-benefit analysis and based their decision on the results. It isn't about whose clothes or behaviors are superior or inferior. It isn't about having out of body experiences or orgasms. It's about being who you are and being like the people who are like you. It's about living in your own skin and knowing your relatives. If you have disassociated your behavior from these facts then you have divorced yourself from the truth of your condition.

[Melody1985]

I have been playing hardball with some of the CDs lately because I think it's important that our common bonds be properly recognized. Cisfeminine and transfeminine people are related to each other in core ways that are frequently denied by some CDs. We share similar natures with each other, and our similarities are more important than our differences. Crossdressing might be the light beer of transgender behavior but it is brewed from the same ingredients as the more potent behaviors. I want this fact to get some due respect.

No one is masculine or feminine because they did a cost-benefit analysis and based their decision on the results. It isn't about whose clothes or behaviors are superior or inferior. It isn't about having out of body experiences or orgasms. It's about being who you are and being like the people who are like you. It's about living in your own skin and knowing your relatives. If you have disassociated your behavior from these facts then you have divorced yourself from the truth of your condition.

I do like what you are saying here.. In my opinion, this is well said.

[Piora]

Female bodies are the sports car of human frames. Male bodies, on the other hand, are the tractors and delivery trucks. Males are the chore model.
Anna

Ohhh....I like that metaphor! Very good, Anna!


Crossdressing might be the light beer of transgender behavior but it is brewed from the same ingredients as the more potent behaviors. I want this fact to get some due respect.

While I generally find your posts to be rather full of a variety of terminology that I can't really get my head around (no offense intended) I will agree with this analogy.

[Marleena]

I have been playing hardball with some of the CDs lately because I think it's important that our common bonds be properly recognized. Cisfeminine and transfeminine people are related to each other in core ways that are frequently denied by some CDs. We share similar natures with each other, and our similarities are more important than our differences. Crossdressing might be the light beer of transgender behavior but it is brewed from the same ingredients as the more potent behaviors. I want this fact to get some due respect.

No one is masculine or feminine because they did a cost-benefit analysis and based their decision on the results. It isn't about whose clothes or behaviors are superior or inferior. It isn't about having out of body experiences or orgasms. It's about being who you are and being like the people who are like you. It's about living in your own skin and knowing your relatives. If you have disassociated your behavior from these facts then you have divorced yourself from the truth of your condition.

I also like this post, well said!

I also like the fact that we have some accepting SO's contributing here.:) Based on what they are saying they obviously have good communication with their CD partners. If they want answers the best place to go is to their own partners since we are all different.

[CloserthanthisGG]

Yes to the song thing and for me nature too.

"Gender" is not important to you because you are cissexual and therefor blind to your "gender" and more importantly your biological sex. You are literally incapable of separating your sense of self from your birth sex. BE THANKFUL!

I'm not entirely sure about that cissexual bit with regards to me... ( I had to google it... :)) I mean... I don't consider myself transgendered, of course..

But I have recurring dreams that I have a penis, including one in which I distinctly remember having an orgasm as a man. It felt very very differently. I am having sex with women in these dreams and in the dominant role.

But sometimes, I have fantacised during the day about being a man and having sex with men also. (Not lately, because all of my fantasies lately have been about Lisia... But in the fantasies, sometimes they are about people I know and the men are women and sometimes they're men... meaning that these are real people I'm fantacising about, but I imagine them as having a gender other than their own. But this has been something that happened my whole life in my head. I'm not sure it is normal or not.

But I have always had penis envy.

But what I meant by gender not mattering me is I think the opposite of what it may have seemed like I meant. I don't mean that it's not a big deal because I'm clear on all of these things and I know what I am and how I feel and what I was always supposed to be. I just meant that it doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman to me. It doesn't even matter to me if I am a man or a woman. I'm not really blind to gender. Just indifferent. But if you feel that you are a woman, even if you have a penis, then that's what you are.

I've heard people before say to their friends: "It doesn't bother me what people do in their bedrooms because it doesn't affect me." This is not what I am saying either though. I am saying that... basically, I judge people entirely on who they are. Not their gender. And I'd fall in love with someone regardless of that.

And maybe I might believe in reincarnation. :D And maybe I might believe that I've been men before, as well as women. And that there's residue left over from the man things I've done. But I do know that I am a woman, and that that's not going to change, but in a way, I sort of expect it not to matter to anyone who loves me if I were to suddenly become a man. So I have always asked them... would you still love me if I were a man? The first time I asked that question, the person was like "Ew, no!" and that confused me... because deeeeeep down, past the surface, past the joking around, and the giggling about it... I coud tell he was serious, that he really wouldn't have loved me... and I honestly didn't think love had anything to do with that.

But I've been told that I am naive also...

[Badtranny]

But I've been told that I am naive also...

I am totally mesmerized by your posts. You are an original for sure.

Gender isn't between the ears or the legs, it's in your being. You feel it just as naturally as you feel anything, I was born right-handed and living life as a man was like learning to write with my left hand. It can be done, but not very well, and you should see me write now. ;-)

[LilSissyStevie]

I'm not sure it is normal or not....

You're not as unusual as you might think. My last girl friend before I got married was what would nowadays be called a girlfag (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girlfag_and_guydyke) and my wife has had many of the same thoughts that you expressed. I can't be that lucky so it can't be that rare.

[ReineD]

Boxers, to me, silky or not, do not even whisper in my ear that "I am interested in a good time" (much less scream it like the VS corset and hundred strap panties with garters I saw at the galleria last night before I left Houston, I mean really!!! The whole panty was MADE of straps... like just staps going accross the back and front to make a material, those things were AMAZING). Boxers are more made to hide than to accentuate sensual curves. (Hey even a muscular man's got curves ;)...!)

Am I missing something? Why would you even consider wearing boxers? It would never occur to me to even think of wearing them, even if they were spun in the finest silk and embroidered in gold and silver.



Men have some GREAT fashion choices, but you have to be into showing off your male body, instead of trying to appear more feminine. I'm just sayin' ;-)

Precisely. It's not about the fabric or the colors. It's about showing off or attempting to show off a female vs. a male body.