urban gypsy
10-23-2005, 11:27 AM
Hi All
I was going to save this thread until I had done a thousand posts but with the amount of new members on the forum I thought that it might be of some help to post it now.
It’s very long and more of a life story than a quick read. but it is from the heart and I feel that I am laying everything out in the open.
Born in 1968 into a family of three older brothers and a older sister, with a loving mother and father.
I had always known from a very young age that the reason my parents had tried for another child so that their youngest my sister would have a playmate. i.e. a younger sister to play with. but I arrived.
It was about the age of 3 that I had my experience of cross dressing when my mum dressed me up in one of my sisters ballet outfits, as apparently I had no clean clothes of my own. But the next thing I knew I had my own ballet outfit and was going to ballet lessons once a week with my sister.
At the time I didn’t think there was anything unusual in this I was basically to young to understand. This went on for a few years. I also used to wear my ballet outfits around the house as even now I still remember how comfortable they were. Also at this time in my life my mum used to encourage me and my sister to play dress up the only problem with this was that nearly all of our dress up clothes were ladies so I frequently ended up dressed as a little girl. Although I will say at this point apart from my weekly ballet lessons I never really went out dressed as a girl.
When I started school I soon wanted to do more boyish things. but my mother tried to put a stop to it as she still really wanted me to be a playmate for my sister. But my father stepped in and apparently told her to ease up and let me develop in my own way and show my true character. Now over the next few years I still went to ballet but less and less as I was more interested in playing football, building camps, and playing war games.
At the age of eight I was able to start cubs [ junior scouts ] the only problem with this was that it fell the same night as my ballet lessons, this really upset my mother as she felt that she was losing her other daughter but gaining a another son .
Now although I was doing more and more boyish things, when ever I could I would still put on my ballet outfits and also I started to experiment by wearing my mothers outfits especially her underwear.
But at this time I was starting to feel confused as I wanted to be a girl but I also enjoyed being a boy .
These feelings kept growing until the point when I had started to fake illness to get off of school to spend the day dressed as a girl.
It was on one of these days that I had faked a illness to have a day off of school that I decided to dress as a girl as both of my parents were at work and the house would be empty for about 6 hours.
I started this day by sorting out an outfit from a mixture of my mums and sisters clothing found a head scarf and so on. I then put on make up and the outfit, looked in the mirror and thought that I look pretty dam good, but felt it was alot of effort just to stay in the house. So off out I went for a walk it felt just so natural that I didn’t even notice If any one had spotted me , I spent about 2 hours just wandering around the town where I lived thinking that anyone who knew me wouldn’t recognise me as I was a girl, but later I was to find out how wrong I had been.
I got home changed back into my ordinary clothes put everything back where I found it and waited for mum to get home from work..
Well it looked like I had got away with as nothing had been said, until the second evening after I had done it and my mother asked why I had faked a illness to get a day off of school , I asked how she knew to which she replied that I had been seen in town. Well I knew I was busted but why had she not said anything about why was I in town dressed as a girl. and to this day she doesn’t know why she never mentioned it. I reckon that deep down she still wished I had been a girl.
Well after this shock I didn’t dress openly for a number of years. and on the one occasion that I did a friend came round to see me and I was in full female mode at the time. My friends and I used to let ourselves into each others houses so imagine the shock I had when he came up to my bedroom to see me dressed as a female.
He just started to laugh and said I should wait till he told the others about this. I didn’t kown what to do so I just got angry and punched him. He ran off .
Now because of this I didn’t go out for a few days because of the fear of what was being said behind my back. So I asked my sister if she had heard anything about me, to which she replied no.
So I decided to go out and face the music, well the amount of syned remarks that I was getting like pass the handbag, and don’t ladder your tights mate. made me realise that he had been talking about me, so I went and found him and gave him the beating of his life.
Its funny how some one getting beaten up makes loose tongues stop wagging.
But again I stopped dressing. Now you have to remember that I was only 15 at the time and had hormones running wild.
But I looked a lot older than I was so started to go out drinking with 2 of my older brothers. Now they thought that since I had stopped ballet about 6 years before that I was just a normal kind of bloke, this was re- enforced one Christmas when we had gone for a drink with friends and got into a mass pub fight and was able to put up a very good show for myself..
Well a couple of months after this I was introduced to a friend of one of my brothers girlfriend.
Now I felt great a older girl friend with a car and me still at school. Well we had been down the pub and at the end of the evening she said her parents were away for the weekend so she had something special at home waiting for me.
Well we got back to her place, she took me by the hand and led me into the bedroom, and to my surprise on the bed was a pink leotard. I thought that it might just be a kink of hers to wear a leotard while making out as my brother had said that he had been with a girl that had wore a tutu while making love.
So thought nothing of it until after we had finishing undressing each other, and were lying on the bed naked and I said well aren’t you going to put on the leotard then, to which she replied that it was for me as she had heard that when young I had taken ballet lessons and thought it might be nice to see how cute I would look in a leotard. now remembering we had been together for about 4 months and nothing like this had happened before well except a bit of bondage. Well I sulked moaned but knew I was going to put it on, but you have to give the impression that you are macho and this is a bit to gay for a macho man. Well we it was the best sex we had had.
This seemed to start something that went on for months the more times we made love the more she wanted me to dress as a ballet dancer up to the point that I had the full outfit leotard tutu tights ballet shoes and makeup. although sometimes I felt a fool the sex was great, and I started to think that it was alright to dress fem. for sex but not no where else.
Everything was great until one evening she was on her way home from work and was involved in a road accident and died at the seen of the accident.
My world fell apart. I can’t really talk about this time as it still brings a tear to my that some one so young and beautiful had to die.
But six months down the line I meet Anne Marie it was not what you would call love at first sight but she was my soul mate and I could confide in her but I never told her about my cross dressing. we were together for about 2 years but I needed to pull myself out of a rut I was in so joined the military.
I signed up for the paras and spent 2 years in the regiment until I got discharged on medical grounds when a parachute jump went wrong and I injured my back .
Again my life had no direction except this time I found comfort in dressing as a woman going to gay bars and trying to live as a woman. but I wasn’t a woman I was a cross dresser and now proud of it. Robert and Glen showed me that I was not gay as both tried to chat me up and I rejected them both because I fancied women, I was 19.
I got back in touch with Anne Marie and this time we went straight into a full relationship, and although things were great they weren’t perfect, money was running out and she still didn’t know that I was a cross dresser although I was dressing frequently.
My sick pay was almost gone and I was given the all clear to go back to work so I got a job as a night club doorman. The money and the hours were good and I could prove to myself that I was a man. I had been doing this for a couple of years when the club I was working at had a special function and the celebrity that was turning up, his body guard was ill and I was asked if I would after him for the evening. I ended up looking after him for the next four and a half years.
In this time I got married and had a son, Anne Marie was the love of my life and I wanted the best for her and my son.
I went into full denial that I was a cross dresser and completely surpressed my fem. side and it stay that way until the day the celeb I was looking after was shot at and I had to do what I was paid to do and took the shot in the leg.
It scared the hell out of me especially as I have a loving wife and a young son to think about. So I finished the tour and then went back to work clubs.
It was while doing this that I came out to Anne Marie, who promptly packed her bags and left me.
Another big low in my life but I couldn’t live a lie. while on my own I started to dress more frequently again as being a woman I didn’t have the responsibilities I had as a man.
After a few months of being apart Anne Marie and I decided that no matter what, we were we would always be in love and that Joanna would only come out when I was on my own. I was happy with this as you take what you can when you can at this stage of someone finding out.
Now over the next few years Joanna would only come out in the house when I was alone or occasionally during bedroom role play sex games.
Then one day while out shopping Anne Marie said that Joanna was starting to look very old fashioned and needed a new wardrobe and promptly bought me some skirts, blouses, underwear and shoes as well as a wig , jewellery and make up . That was a number of years ago now and over time Joanna has been getting stronger and more confident as any who have read my threads will know.
So with time who knows what can happen.
Sorry about how drawn out this tale has been but I had to put in words. now if you think that I have left anything out please let me know as I am not a very good writer and have a habit of skimming over things that some people might find important
I was going to save this thread until I had done a thousand posts but with the amount of new members on the forum I thought that it might be of some help to post it now.
It’s very long and more of a life story than a quick read. but it is from the heart and I feel that I am laying everything out in the open.
Born in 1968 into a family of three older brothers and a older sister, with a loving mother and father.
I had always known from a very young age that the reason my parents had tried for another child so that their youngest my sister would have a playmate. i.e. a younger sister to play with. but I arrived.
It was about the age of 3 that I had my experience of cross dressing when my mum dressed me up in one of my sisters ballet outfits, as apparently I had no clean clothes of my own. But the next thing I knew I had my own ballet outfit and was going to ballet lessons once a week with my sister.
At the time I didn’t think there was anything unusual in this I was basically to young to understand. This went on for a few years. I also used to wear my ballet outfits around the house as even now I still remember how comfortable they were. Also at this time in my life my mum used to encourage me and my sister to play dress up the only problem with this was that nearly all of our dress up clothes were ladies so I frequently ended up dressed as a little girl. Although I will say at this point apart from my weekly ballet lessons I never really went out dressed as a girl.
When I started school I soon wanted to do more boyish things. but my mother tried to put a stop to it as she still really wanted me to be a playmate for my sister. But my father stepped in and apparently told her to ease up and let me develop in my own way and show my true character. Now over the next few years I still went to ballet but less and less as I was more interested in playing football, building camps, and playing war games.
At the age of eight I was able to start cubs [ junior scouts ] the only problem with this was that it fell the same night as my ballet lessons, this really upset my mother as she felt that she was losing her other daughter but gaining a another son .
Now although I was doing more and more boyish things, when ever I could I would still put on my ballet outfits and also I started to experiment by wearing my mothers outfits especially her underwear.
But at this time I was starting to feel confused as I wanted to be a girl but I also enjoyed being a boy .
These feelings kept growing until the point when I had started to fake illness to get off of school to spend the day dressed as a girl.
It was on one of these days that I had faked a illness to have a day off of school that I decided to dress as a girl as both of my parents were at work and the house would be empty for about 6 hours.
I started this day by sorting out an outfit from a mixture of my mums and sisters clothing found a head scarf and so on. I then put on make up and the outfit, looked in the mirror and thought that I look pretty dam good, but felt it was alot of effort just to stay in the house. So off out I went for a walk it felt just so natural that I didn’t even notice If any one had spotted me , I spent about 2 hours just wandering around the town where I lived thinking that anyone who knew me wouldn’t recognise me as I was a girl, but later I was to find out how wrong I had been.
I got home changed back into my ordinary clothes put everything back where I found it and waited for mum to get home from work..
Well it looked like I had got away with as nothing had been said, until the second evening after I had done it and my mother asked why I had faked a illness to get a day off of school , I asked how she knew to which she replied that I had been seen in town. Well I knew I was busted but why had she not said anything about why was I in town dressed as a girl. and to this day she doesn’t know why she never mentioned it. I reckon that deep down she still wished I had been a girl.
Well after this shock I didn’t dress openly for a number of years. and on the one occasion that I did a friend came round to see me and I was in full female mode at the time. My friends and I used to let ourselves into each others houses so imagine the shock I had when he came up to my bedroom to see me dressed as a female.
He just started to laugh and said I should wait till he told the others about this. I didn’t kown what to do so I just got angry and punched him. He ran off .
Now because of this I didn’t go out for a few days because of the fear of what was being said behind my back. So I asked my sister if she had heard anything about me, to which she replied no.
So I decided to go out and face the music, well the amount of syned remarks that I was getting like pass the handbag, and don’t ladder your tights mate. made me realise that he had been talking about me, so I went and found him and gave him the beating of his life.
Its funny how some one getting beaten up makes loose tongues stop wagging.
But again I stopped dressing. Now you have to remember that I was only 15 at the time and had hormones running wild.
But I looked a lot older than I was so started to go out drinking with 2 of my older brothers. Now they thought that since I had stopped ballet about 6 years before that I was just a normal kind of bloke, this was re- enforced one Christmas when we had gone for a drink with friends and got into a mass pub fight and was able to put up a very good show for myself..
Well a couple of months after this I was introduced to a friend of one of my brothers girlfriend.
Now I felt great a older girl friend with a car and me still at school. Well we had been down the pub and at the end of the evening she said her parents were away for the weekend so she had something special at home waiting for me.
Well we got back to her place, she took me by the hand and led me into the bedroom, and to my surprise on the bed was a pink leotard. I thought that it might just be a kink of hers to wear a leotard while making out as my brother had said that he had been with a girl that had wore a tutu while making love.
So thought nothing of it until after we had finishing undressing each other, and were lying on the bed naked and I said well aren’t you going to put on the leotard then, to which she replied that it was for me as she had heard that when young I had taken ballet lessons and thought it might be nice to see how cute I would look in a leotard. now remembering we had been together for about 4 months and nothing like this had happened before well except a bit of bondage. Well I sulked moaned but knew I was going to put it on, but you have to give the impression that you are macho and this is a bit to gay for a macho man. Well we it was the best sex we had had.
This seemed to start something that went on for months the more times we made love the more she wanted me to dress as a ballet dancer up to the point that I had the full outfit leotard tutu tights ballet shoes and makeup. although sometimes I felt a fool the sex was great, and I started to think that it was alright to dress fem. for sex but not no where else.
Everything was great until one evening she was on her way home from work and was involved in a road accident and died at the seen of the accident.
My world fell apart. I can’t really talk about this time as it still brings a tear to my that some one so young and beautiful had to die.
But six months down the line I meet Anne Marie it was not what you would call love at first sight but she was my soul mate and I could confide in her but I never told her about my cross dressing. we were together for about 2 years but I needed to pull myself out of a rut I was in so joined the military.
I signed up for the paras and spent 2 years in the regiment until I got discharged on medical grounds when a parachute jump went wrong and I injured my back .
Again my life had no direction except this time I found comfort in dressing as a woman going to gay bars and trying to live as a woman. but I wasn’t a woman I was a cross dresser and now proud of it. Robert and Glen showed me that I was not gay as both tried to chat me up and I rejected them both because I fancied women, I was 19.
I got back in touch with Anne Marie and this time we went straight into a full relationship, and although things were great they weren’t perfect, money was running out and she still didn’t know that I was a cross dresser although I was dressing frequently.
My sick pay was almost gone and I was given the all clear to go back to work so I got a job as a night club doorman. The money and the hours were good and I could prove to myself that I was a man. I had been doing this for a couple of years when the club I was working at had a special function and the celebrity that was turning up, his body guard was ill and I was asked if I would after him for the evening. I ended up looking after him for the next four and a half years.
In this time I got married and had a son, Anne Marie was the love of my life and I wanted the best for her and my son.
I went into full denial that I was a cross dresser and completely surpressed my fem. side and it stay that way until the day the celeb I was looking after was shot at and I had to do what I was paid to do and took the shot in the leg.
It scared the hell out of me especially as I have a loving wife and a young son to think about. So I finished the tour and then went back to work clubs.
It was while doing this that I came out to Anne Marie, who promptly packed her bags and left me.
Another big low in my life but I couldn’t live a lie. while on my own I started to dress more frequently again as being a woman I didn’t have the responsibilities I had as a man.
After a few months of being apart Anne Marie and I decided that no matter what, we were we would always be in love and that Joanna would only come out when I was on my own. I was happy with this as you take what you can when you can at this stage of someone finding out.
Now over the next few years Joanna would only come out in the house when I was alone or occasionally during bedroom role play sex games.
Then one day while out shopping Anne Marie said that Joanna was starting to look very old fashioned and needed a new wardrobe and promptly bought me some skirts, blouses, underwear and shoes as well as a wig , jewellery and make up . That was a number of years ago now and over time Joanna has been getting stronger and more confident as any who have read my threads will know.
So with time who knows what can happen.
Sorry about how drawn out this tale has been but I had to put in words. now if you think that I have left anything out please let me know as I am not a very good writer and have a habit of skimming over things that some people might find important