I tryed but couldent

[erintemp]

I've been out a couple of times (walgreens with a gg and CVS alone) and thought I was ready for the next steep. I did some resurch on cd friendly restaurents in chicago and found a bunch in boystown, so I picked Ihop. All week all I could think about was going to dinner with a GG friend dressed. So saterday mornning I wake up shave go to the salon in drab to get my eyebrows cleaned up, come home and polish my toes and put on some french tip nails. I straightend my hair and did my makeup three times befor I was happy with it. I went through all my clothes befor I found what I wanted to wear. My GG friend showed up to pick me up, we got into her car and went to Ihop and sat in the parking lot for forty minutes and I couldent get out and go in. I was so scard I was shaking my hart was going 900 mph, at one point I went numb so we went home. WHAT A WAST of a day!!

[Piora]

Look at it this way.....this was a step further than you have ever gone before. So what if you didn't get out of the car....next time, you will. Rome wasn't built in a day. Have patience with yourself.....you will get there! :battingeyelashes:

[GBJoker]

Wasn't there a quote about this... Like... "Great men didn't become great by doing big things. They became great by doing all the little things..." Something like that. Jeez, and I'm supposed to be the historian...

But anyways, you made it to the parking lot. And out of the house. Which is farther than I've done. The point being, you're doing better than you give yourself credit.

[erintemp]

In my hart I know you ladys are right, and my GG friend keeps telling me the same, but I'm so mad with myself. all week I had a hard time falling asleep, I would start thinking about dinner at ihop. I even moved my schedule around so I would have nothing to do on saturday.

[Jonianne]

You will get there. And it wasn't a waste, it was practice before the real thing! Never, never, never give up!
Give your GF a hug and thank her for all her love and support!

[Rachel Flowers]

You'll be ready when you're ready, sweetie, we all take it one step at a time, and you've gone further than many of us! Yes, top marks to your GF for her support and top marks to you for each little advance you make, as long as you're moving the in the direction you want.

[Diana Bain]

Erin, try not to be so hard on yourself. I've been out a few times and for me it's still nerve racking, but I'm not giving up. May'be try a bar and find a quiet corner where you can relax...good luck. Diana

[Marissa333]

Hopefully the anxiety will pass, and you will be going everywhere en femme. It's gets easier, but take it at you own pace. if you rush it and you're not ready, you might end up having a bad experience that could keep you from going out again. And none of us want that to happen :)

[Jamie-Lynn]

It is not easy building up that confidence to step out of your car. Been there before, also been angry with myself for the same reasons you are with yourself. But I eventually after about 3 more attempts made it. Just takes time, everyone gets there at their own pace.

[PretzelGirl]

And you just went further than some other people that want to get out. We are all different and we all have different steps we have to take to get where we want to go. This was step one. If you want to continue, there will be a step two. Maybe try taking some of the long term planning out of it. You built it up for quite a while and it may have increased your anxiety. Maybe try getting up and deciding then and there it is time and see how it goes.

[Melody1985]

Look at it this way.....this was a step further than you have ever gone before. So what if you didn't get out of the car....next time, you will. Rome wasn't built in a day. Have patience with yourself.....you will get there! :battingeyelashes:

^^^This. All the girls are right. You will get there.

[Sam-antha]

It can be so difficult, those first steps. My biggie was an overnight in an hotel, booked in as meself all ok. But fgs, the next morning for breakfast I could hardly get out of my room. But I was hungry. Should say that I was totall en femme without a stitch of male clothing. It was a case of "had to" go.
Next time try a supermarket car park. I really do not think you would have enjoyed the meal that you missed, you would have shaken soup all over your skirt.
~Samm

[Danni Renee]

Erin,
I think you did good. You are still further along than me. Though I have driven dressed a few times I am not ready to make the steps you have already taken. But I know I will get there in time. Just like you will step in that resteraunt the next time. Good luck.

Danni

[tracigirl_tv]

Erin, one step at a time, sweetheart.

Years ago, on Halloween (of course) on my first time out, I drove a couple of hours to a CD-friendly club. I sat in that parking lot for a long time, heart beating. I could easily imagine myself driving home without ever having gotten out of the car (though eventually I did get out and venture into the club). Next time, you will take the next step.

I hope you've talked this over with your GG friend, and I know you appreciate her support.

Keep us posted, gf.

Hugs,

Traci

[oliviarub]

you're doing good.and eventually you will overcome this.it just takes a little more will and voila!
and you'll find out that most people will not say anything or even look at you.
lucky to have a gg go with you so try again when you feel like it and it'll be ok.

[Barbara Ella]

Please dont think it was a waste of a day. you shaved. You got to go to the salon. You did your nails. You got to put you rmakeup on several times, and you got to go through all your clothes. So you didn't get that last important step. Sounds like the day as a whole was an enjoyable one. Gives me hope for my development. Looking forward to getting to where you are. You will go out, and sooner than even you can expect

Babes

[Cindy M]

You're making progress. The first few times I went out, I would drive my wife shopping, but stay in the car. My big moment was getting out & pumping gas, after she went in and paid. It was maybe trip 3 or 4 before I ever went in a store. I've only gone out 8 times, but my last 2 have both been to a crowded mall (last was Black Friday). It gets easier, and more fun & exciting. Keep taking steps... it's a journey, not a destination.

[johanna.kitten]

Small steps... Be patinent, it will happen and then it will be so much easier. It took me many years, and I do remember it well the day I finally got there. Now I can with comfort travel by public transtport here in London en femme. I often use my long black Versace fur coat as it covers some of the more obvious... Hold in there, you will do it and then there is no turning back, which is a great thing.

/Johanna

[erintemp]

My big moment was getting out & pumping gas, after she went in and paid.

that is exactly what we did on the way home.


Please dont think it was a waste of a day. you shaved. You got to go to the salon. You did your nails. You got to put you rmakeup on several times, and you got to go through all your clothes. So you didn't get that last important step. Sounds like the day as a whole was an enjoyable one. Gives me hope for my development. Looking forward to getting to where you are. You will go out, and sooner than even you can expect

That put a smile on my face, I didn't think of it this way. Thank you!

[QUOTE=Sue;2675772] Maybe try taking some of the long term planning out of it. You built it up for quite a while and it may have increased your anxiety. Maybe try getting up and deciding then and there it is time and see how it goes.

I think your on to something here, the other times it just happend for the most part.

[stacycoral]

Look at it this way.....this was a step further than you have ever gone before. So what if you didn't get out of the car....next time, you will. Rome wasn't built in a day. Have patience with yourself.....you will get there! :battingeyelashes:



You will get there. And it wasn't a waste, it was practice before the real thing! Never, never, never give up!
Give your GF a hug and thank her for all her love and support!
These ladies are right, you will do it when your ready, take care, hugs

[SusanCACD]

Wow, such wonderful encouragement and advice, you ladies are truly wonderful!!
Susan

[Piora]

Even although I am heavily closeted, and have never gone out dressed beyond the confines of my home, I feel for those who are bravely trying to step out into the sunlight. I can only imagine how difficult those first couple of steps must really be, and so I yell encouragement to them from the sidelines! :clap: :cheer:

[PamelaHowit]

Only go at the pace you want to. On the other hand just do it. I remember the first time with my partner egging me on. Now I go out to parties wearing all sorts of things from Burlesque outfits to nothing more than Lingerie. Once you've managed the first there's no looking back. Just go and enjoy!

[kerrianne]

Hi there....we all have experienced the same anxieties the first time. The first time for me was also with a gg and after all the butterflies have settled just stepped out of the car and went into a resteraunt and was greeted hello ladies. I didn't care what people thought I knew who I was and happy. Needless to say the waitress got a big tip. Go for it and be happy

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Erin, ... well we've all been there girlfriend so don't feel bad. Mine was at a nail salon with my wife. I went in but immediately walked out ... anyway I'll tell you that story if you want to hear it. Back to you ... it's only normal and it's especially normal at your "stage of development" by that I mean that you have only just started going out. Your GG friend sounds so wonderful. Having a supportive and encouraging GG with you can't be underestimated. So, just like others have said, don't worry about it, take one step at a time, and perhaps try a different place. My first time going out to a restaurant was one in the LGBT area of town, gay bars are also the same. Going to a place that you know that being "read" isn't going to be a problem is what you need to get some confidence first then you can go back to the place you were't able to before when you're good and ready.

[RenneB]

Baby steps girl. One step at a time.... getting comfy with yourself in the real world takes a lot of getting used to. I know, I'm not even close but still venture out every now and then..... Just keep swimming....

Renne.....

[Nancie64]

Boy this sounds all too much like we all go through. I have had several makeovers in Vegas and after most I was amazed at how I looked, but on two occasions, I only visited a store and bought a soda. The other couple of times we did go to the casino and play a little. Still nerve racking but did do it. It does not all come easy and time will tell. To gain a little confidence my SO has me get out in a parking lot and take a walk, or just stroll down the sidewalks past the stores. The times we did stop at some places, right, no one did pay any attention, but I still have a tough time doing it. I think starting to go out at a younger age does help. I didn't venture until I was almost 60, none of us look that great at that age. Good luck to all us girls and let's hope that people who do notice us, if they have nothing nice to say, they should be quiet. Maybe they should walk in our heels.

[docrobbysherry]

For some, it's very ENERVATING!:D For others, it's very STRESSFUL!:doh:

My solo ventures out among the Muggles, (it's Harry Potter weekend), were definitely the latter! And, they required that I dress to BLEND! Eewe!:sad:

My suggestion for closet dressers is: Go out amongst them if u MUST!:straightface:

But, many of us PREFER to dress HOWEVER WE LIKE in a RELAXED, SAFE, ENVIORNMENT!:D

[Nicole Erin]

If you really want a fun time out dressed, go to the mall on saturday night

[Julogden]

Maybe joining a support group such as the Chicago Gender Society would be a good idea. You could make friends to do stuff with together. I haven't been a member since the 1990's, but after the monthly meetings, a lot of us used to go to a nearby restaurant and mingle with the muggles. It was a bit scary the first time, but the first time is the most difficult, gets easier after that.

And there's a Yahoo group for Chicago area girls who like to get together out in public on a frequent basis for dining and other stuff, click here (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ChicagolandTGirls/).

Carol

[SarahLynn]

'ey luv just a few words of encouragement, Tomorrow is another day and another chance to make it happen. Go endrab with your GF and treat her to a good meal then try again tomorrow or next week or sometime soon.

SarahLynn

[Mimi]

Maybe there was something in the parking lot that hit your subconscious and told you it wasn't safe--a car you've seen, or just some sixth sense that this wasn't the time. Perhaps next time try for something where you won't be spending a long time in one spot--a restaurant can be nerve-wracking because you are sitting at the same table for a prolonged length of time. Try going to a fast-food place, where you can dine in, if you feel comfortable, but you can always make for the exit at any time. Then if that goes well, you can go for the restaurant. My other suggestion, if you are nervous about being seen, would be to eat some place with relatively private booths (Black Angus seems to have booths with big walls around them) and sit with your back to people entering the restaurant. Good luck and it's great you have such a supportive GF!

[erintemp]

'ey luv just a few words of encouragement, Tomorrow is another day and another chance to make it happen. Go endrab with your GF and treat her to a good meal then try again tomorrow or next week or sometime soon.

SarahLynn

we were thinking the samething, that maby going in drab first would help me get there dressed. I think we will be able to go this week.

[erintemp]

Maybe there was something in the parking lot that hit your subconscious and told you it wasn't safe

There was nothing in the parking lot that stopped me. I started getting nervuse/scard/frightend way before we got to the parking lot.

[Abbey Lane]

I will give you credit you got that far. I never been out of my house and I'd be the same way I am sure heart racing and anxiety sitting in. But congrats you made it that far. I know you'll do the extra step soon. I wish I could be as brave as you. In time I am sure we'll hear back from you that you did it and loved it. You can do it.

[erintemp]

Maybe joining a support group such as the Chicago Gender Society would be a good idea. You could make friends to do stuff with together. I haven't been a member since the 1990's, but after the monthly meetings, a lot of us used to go to a nearby restaurant and mingle with the muggles. It was a bit scary the first time, but the first time is the most difficult, gets easier after that.

And there's a Yahoo group for Chicago area girls who like to get together out in public on a frequent basis for dining and other stuff, click here (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ChicagolandTGirls/).



Carol

Thank you Carol, I'm going to give them a try.

[DeeArel]

There is a business in Arlington Hts that sponsors at least one event a month for CD's called transformations by rori. I have not made it to one of these events but have been to her place of business. I plan to attend one when I am in the area on the right date. They usually gather on the third Tuesday each month. Somtimes, other events are sponsored on the weekends.

[xcdmargo]

I'm on a little trip to Florida and am driving. I decided to drive from NY to Orlando completely dressed the whole time. I got gas dressed, went into service centers and rest areas dressed (I use the family restrooms), I checked into the hotels dressed and stopped for sandwiches dressed. I have to say it was a wonderful trip and I had absolutely no problems. I stopped at a Subway sandwich one night and there was a police officer in the line behind me which kinda freaked me out a little but I remained calm and it was not a problem.
I stopped at the outlet stores in NC and did a little shopping and again I had no problems.
I can't tell you how refreshing it was.
But I must say going to a sit down restaurant kinda scares me but I'd try it if I was with some other people.

I agree with the other girls in that we all go at our own pace and that's just fine

margo

[ashlylynn]

The problem you encountered was trying to dive off the high platform before you dove off the low board and tested the water temp.

Maybe next time try going for a short walk with your GGF and through a few stores quickly to reassure yourself that you''ll pass.

- Just because people stare at you does not mean you're made. Could be they like your ouftit.

[LeannL]

Erin,
You made progress with this abbreviated trip. So don't beat yourself up.

Going to a restaurant may not be the easiest first major outing because you will sit there through an entire meal and your self consciousness has a chance to increase as you interact with the wait staff and others. However, if you do go, especially with your GG friend, always remember if you feel uncomfortable, you can always get up and leave at any time (let your friend take care of paying). Given that no one will know you, there is no downside.

There may be better places for you to go. For example, you could go to the movies letting your GG friend purchase the tickets. This will get you out in a small crowd, let you sit amongst many others, yet you will be in semi stealth mode as the amount of time you interact with the public is limited. This will get you over your nerves a little bit at a time - coming in and going out.

Good luck,
Leann

[erintemp]

Thank you ladys for all your help, it took a couple of days but I'm not upset with myself no more. I've gone in a couple stores and I thought I was ready, I guess not. My gg friend and I are still planning to see the x-mass lights downtown, that should be easy to do. hopefully we can go this weekend and take some pics (haven't done that yet) and post them, maby that will help getting the ball rolling. As for my GG friend she is the greatest and I let her know all the time. She is still by my side and says she will always be there to help me.


Thank you,
Erin

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

It is like cold call sales, they say the hardest thing is opening the car door and getting out to go knock on the door. Try going shopping in a town away from home or go to a movie at a theater away from home. Nobody really cares and they don't know you so why should you care what they think, unless of course they think you look great and then you would welcome their comments. I live probably within shouting distance of you but never go to local haunts en femme since my wife and I want to keep sandra a secret to friends and family. I used to go all the time to CHI TRIESS and it was a lot of fun, many of the girls are very nice, Rory, of Transformations in Arlington Heights is a regular attendee and sells wigs and such and will gladly help you with styling and just the right look. You should check them out at chitriess.com, regular monthly meetings and you can go even without being a member, they would welcome you and your GG friend. They ussually hit the bar at the hotel afterwards so it is a comfortable way of getting your feet wet, so to speak. PM me if you decide to go and I'll try to meet up at the meeting and buy you a drink if your up for it afterwards.

[Maria 60]

Don't be so hard on yourself i give you credit for having the courage to even leave your house and walk to the car. You should be very proud of yourself and maybe next time you will get out of the car. Just take it slow and don't make to much of it.

[Missy]

you made it that far
you will know when it is time
over come with excitement and fear of what will happen all at one time
maybe if the was less people it could of been better

[Di]

That happens...it is natural. Do not beat yourself up about it....you went out for a drive...score!!
It is not a race...do what you want to do....and at your time frame.

[Roberta Young]

Erin give it time. keep trying. it will become natural. now if they had pizza, nothing would stop me from grazing. Luv Roberta

[natalie james]

still, you are much braver than I.......

[elliemoss]

Dont worry, no point in beating yourself up about it you,ll get the chance again. By the sounds of it your're much further down the road than I am having a gg friend and having gone out twice already. Ive only managed to get around the block late at night a couple of times, never mind make it out to a club. I did try to go out during the day once but it got too stressful for me too 10 mins into my walk and I turned back. Youre doing great

[linda allen]

You've got someone to go with you, that should make it much easier. Instead of a restaurant where you will have to talk to people and be stuck at a table, get your GG to go with you to a mall. Walk into the different stores and shop. You don't have to try on or buy anything and if you're uncomfortable, leave and go back into the mall or to a different store. You can eat in the food court and either order yourself or have your GG order for you.

[linda allen]

You've got someone to go with you, that should make it much easier. Instead of a restaurant where you will have to talk to people and be stuck at a table, get your GG to go with you to a mall. Walk into the different stores and shop. You don't have to try on or buy anything and if you're uncomfortable, leave and go back into the mall or to a different store. You can eat in the food court and either order yourself or have your GG order for you.

Last time out I walked around a couple different malls but didn't actually go into the stores. But, I was alone. A partner would make it so much easier.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hey Erin,

Don't be so tuff on yourself, perhaps you can use a different method. I call it, "gradually" Simple go out each time in something a bit more daring for yourself. I am sure there are a lot of girls that say. "Oh, I am too afraid to go out dressed" but yet everyday they are in panties, or cami, or maybe a little makeup. As you become more comfortable and confident in what you are wearing, you will find all of the sudden you ARE totally out as Erin.

Good luck, and enjoy being yourself, don't fret over it.

[linda allen]

There was nothing in the parking lot that stopped me. I started getting nervuse/scard/frightend way before we got to the parking lot.

You've got to just DO IT! You won't die, nobody will kill you. The worst they are likely to do is stare or laugh. Or say something mean. Ignore it and keep on going.

I just came home from an evening with my wig and makeup, a dress, black tights and high heeled low boots. Stopped in a shopping center, got out, took some trash to a trash can, walked up and down in front of the stores, got back in the vehicle, went to a gas station and filled the tank, then to another shopping center where I again walked up and down, lookinh in the store windows. Walking back to the vehicle, a guy on a motorcycle stopped and motioned me across. I thanked him.

Like I said, just DO IT! :battingeyelashes: