Causes of Late Onset CD?

[elizabethamy]

Hello friends, I have seen a lot on the web about "late onset transsexuals" who have apparently been studied at least as regards surgery outcomes. But for those of us who are late onset CD's -- I started when I was 54 -- much less research seems to exist. If you started late, did something happen that caused you to start? Job or life stress? A hormonal shift? A medical procedure of some kind? Therapy that unlocked life long repression?

I'm really baffled as to why this started, and as to whether I could possibly have repressed it from myself for so long. I don't recall much if any temptation toward girlyness my entire life no early dressing with cousins, or anything like that, though I am son of a DES-taking mother.

For myself, it was probably a job-loss issue that was the stress that induced my dressing, but that doesn't really answer why I do it, or didn't know about it for so long.

Any thoughts?

[Dana921]

I started late as well, age 47, and I feel it was simply that I had repressed the desires and had them all my life looking back now I recognize the signs. At the time though, I did not acknowledge them due to a great many things as far as being raised for what was acceptable behaviour for a man in our society. Nothing bad, just guys did this and girls did this type of thing. The stressor was a combination of things that happened within a couple of years time frame. Loss of job, divorce (not cd related as I was not dressing at this point), trying to get my own business started, and then my mom having a heart attack, stroke, cataracts in both eyes! So with all this going on I simply needed some outlet to, mentally speaking, relax. I did not have money or a venue to throw myself into and then the feelings I had came on full force and I was not in a position to push them back and had to deal with or try and understand them.

Dana

[Loveday]

I don't really know, nothing was ever repressed. I am constantly asking myself why ? I had been told by the doctor to wear pantyhose about ten years before it started but could not bring myself to do that. About two years after my second heart attack(mid forties) my father died unexpectedly in front of me in his home. I decided to do what the doctor had said, just the pantyhose at first but things escalted quickly. Then I found this website and decided that their was more out there like myself and I was not some kind of freak. Well here I am, kinda wishing I could have started in my late twenties.

PS. Maybe it was stress, I did go through some kind of PTSD after watching my Dad die infront of me. About every two hours, I would start see him dying in front of me, this went on for about a year and half. I had seen dead people before but not someone dying that I was close to. It finally went away.

[Elizabeth Ann]

Elizabethamy,

I started seriously in my 50's as well. I say "seriously" because there were a 2 or 3 adolescent episodes with lingerie that were clearly sexual in nature. At the time, I thought these were common and normal, though a recent thread here seems to assert otherwise.

There are those here who will assert that we were all simply repressed crossdressers in denial. I marvel that their degree of certainty, unencumbered by the need for facts. It seems to me more likely that some people have a sort of "predisposition" toward crossdressing, which may or may not ever find expression. In that view, the fact that you take up crossdressing at some point in life does not imply that you were always a crossdresser.

Like other conditions (and please, I am NOT asserting any pathology here), there can be characteristics that make you susceptible, and there could be triggers that that bring on expression. Of course crossdressers neither need all these characteristics, nor do these characteristics always imply susceptibility to crossdressing. Nevertheless, spend some time on this forum and you begin to notice some similarities among us (again, not all of us have all, or any, of these traits). On average, or at least the mode, it seems we are nonassertive, nonconfrontational, and often downright submissive. We are more empathetic than most men, and more tolerant of differences. In general, we seem to be introverted, and often escapist.

Stress does seem to be a trigger for many of us, as it was with me. Everyone has to chose a strategy, consciously or unconsciously, to deal with stress. Some strategies give you a sense of accomplishment (I did a lot of woodworking during graduate school). Some are self destructive, such as drinking and violence. Some are avoidance, such as concentrating on work. And some are escapes, when it is nice to be someone else, even another gender.

I am definitely NOT asserting that this is the case with all crossdressers, but it feels right for many of us late starters. I have a theory about why the distribution seems to be bi-modal, with most crossdressers stating in childhood, or in late middle age. There is a special kind of stress when you realize that your dreams and plans are slowly drawing to a close, that what you are is what you will be. There is not enough time for reinvention, and the die is cast for career, family, life. But sometimes, however briefly, the world you have created can be left behind. You are timeless, with a new world to explore with a new and foreign life.

I love my male world, but it is old. That woman in the mirror? Unbound from reality, she is young and attractive. And she likes me.

Liz

[Donna Marie]

Wow, good question. Just as we were moving from Texas to North Carolina my wife surprised me by requesting a separation. I was 62. We went ahead with the move and I found myself living in a rented trailer. At Christmas I went to Florida to visit my older cousin Ruth. We went shopping at Sam's Club and I spotted a "sweet young thang" in a mini-skirt strutting effortlessly in 4" black patent leather spikes. Even my cousin gawked at her, but I was smitten. When I returned to my wintry trailer I went online to ogle heels and came across a store website that had high heels in sizes big enough for men and a table showing the comparative sizes for men's and women's shoes. Hmmm, I always wondered how it would feel to walk in heels. So I ordered a pair and then decided it would be better if I shaved my legs. And then I started looking at CD websites, and you can see where this was going. When I finally saw myself in the mirror with makeup, wig, dress, heels, and all, it was as if I discovered someone that had always been a part of me, but that I had never known before. But I had tried on my aunt's heels when I was 5 or 6 and I was definitely interested in them back then - just never followed up on it. BTW, the first heels I bought were just too high for me - I never did get the hang of walking in those.

So the stress of suddenly being on my own in a rented trailer certainly brought on my sudden interest in CDing. I'm 75 now, and still enjoying my femme part. I've been out a few times with mixed results. I usually come back wondering whatever possessed me to go out, but I still have the urge.

[meri]

Started at 55, now 59. Asking these kind of questions for the past 4.5 years. During most of my life, I simply didn't pay much attention to my thought processes regarding gender. Then at 55, I took a temporary job away from home, I was away for 6 months and that's when these things surfaced. Too much time on my hands for experimentation and self-contemplation.

I believe hormones also play a role. Looking back at my life, I know that I have always been borderline masculine. I was not interested in sports, didn't really hang out with the guys, liked singing and playing piano, enjoyed crafts (sewing, knitting, Christmas decorations), didn't like war or the military ... and the list goes on. If I stand back and take an unbiased look at this person, I might wonder whether this is a guy or a gal we are talking about. Fast forward to mid-life and the T starts it's natural and normal decline. At 55 there is opportunity and motive and suddenly my life is turned completely upside down.

Had I not taken that job, it's possible that all of this would have been delayed or perhaps not experienced at all. Can't really say since "I took the one [road] less traveled by".

Now as to my current status and thinking; with a different mind set, I would probably go the whole route and try to live the rest of my life as a female. However, my spiritual background and present mindset has given me a unique perspective on life and it's purpose. Hence, I choose to find my own place and the gender realm and live life on my terms. I was born with a male body, I will end this incarnation with that same, unaltered body. However, I will be consciously be doing, going, wearing things very few other males would consider or even want... I will be my own person.

[suzy1]

I have a suspicion that guilt is behind the apparent late onset of CDing for some.
In other words one might go through life in denial to the point of not being aware of it. Pushing it down into the sub-conscious.

I have been blessed with never having any guilt over CDing and have been dressing since I was 3 years old!


SUZY

[Karren H]

Its a direct relationship to how much time you have left.. The word "urgency" pops into my head... 0 urgency when your 5... 99.9% the week before you die! Lol.

[DonnaT]

Seems to me, for a number of CDs, those who are trans, that there is a switch in the brain that unlocks this part of who we are. The key that does the unlocking, for many, is a certain feeling we get when we donned our first fem garment(s).

You said in another post your first was your wife's white cotton panties with the pink floral print, when you were 54. And you indicated that it was as if they were magic, and all kinds of secrets were unlocked inside my brain.

I imagine, if you had dressed at a younger age, then the switch would have been unlocked at that time, like it was for me close to around 47 years ago, when I was 9 or 10, just from simple curiosity. It just felt right, and I continued from that day on. And like many, I know I am a trans CD with no desire to transition.

[Lorileah]

Life gets in the way.

In your 20's you are thinking how do I start a career and you were told you needed a family. You hit the bars or where ever to find a mate. You thought OK I like how the clothes look and they feel nice. They look and feel nice on her so...I can live with just letting her wear it and letting me touch them.

In your 30's you have the career, a wife and maybe kids. You spend a lot of time on them and you are worn out when you get home. You still wish to see and feel the clothes but you are comfortable just having someone to sleep with. Besides how can you enjoy it when the kids might see and tell everyone at school?

In your 40's the kids are away more. The wife is settled into her career, you feel like you are in a comfortable place. All is good your extra time is spent on things around the house, the boat in the summer, the kids sports in fall and winter (have to travel miles and miles for that). But you start to think about things. Life is getting short. That vacation to Europe has waited...should do that before you get to old to enjoy it.You really would like a new car that is comfortable now and not just transportation so you have to keep the job you are getting bored with for a little longer. Those clothes in your closet sure are enticing and you have an hour....yes, this is fun but why would I do this? But wow, my heart is racing and I LIKE it! OK I can do this once a week.

Late 40's the kids are off to college or have jobs. The wife is off to work. The boat is really not that much fun any more. You may only have 10-20 years left (men die young). You don't look bad from the neck down in those heels and skirt. It is still fun but you know it is "wrong". Things could be worse though, no one is hurt. 10 more years, you can retire. Then what? You worked for this long to be someone everyone wanted you to be. While you are OK with that you have not been who YOU want to be. Surely the wife won't mind as long as you are happy. But what if this means you are gay? No you are not gay, you like women. You like the clothes. It doesn't hurt anyone. You are happier. What the heck, the head is getting thin so a wig helps. You like who you are for the first time in years.

You are 50, you are seeing the downhill side now. You won't be in a rock band, you won't drive a race car, you won' invent something to make a million. You feel relaxed and happy when you are dressed. It feels natural. You have always felt this way and you realize that it isn't a perversion. You like how you look, you like how you feel. It can't be bad. You are tired of your job. But when you are home and dressed, you are happy. This is how it should be. You worked forever, you deserve to be happy right? The internet is a good thing you can surf and find others who are like you. You are not alone and you know that you are not crazy. And hey who is it hurting?

But that's just how I see it. Could be you just decided to live the last half of your life in a dress

[elizabethamy]

Thanks all for such thoughtful responses...a lot to consider. My therapist certainly starts from the assumption that a "feminine side" has always been in there and that, perhaps with job-induced stress and lowering T, "she" decided it was past time for her to be heard from, and so I am now listening. But there is a lot more to know -- everyone's take on it is slightly different, and not much in the way of research seems to exist...I hope that all of us "late onset" people can keep talking, sharing stories - we have a different set of issues than lifelong CD's. We might or might not have been lying to our SO's and families, but we have also, it seems, been lying quite briliantly and effectively to ourselves, and that's quite another thing to understand and deal with...

elizabethamy

[Alice B]

I started much later at almost 64. I had always been in situations surrounded by beautiful woman and was always attracted to them and had my fair share of encounters. That this is a cause, I don't really know. I ahd dressed as a woman at two different times for Halloween, at the suggestion of two different wifes, enjoyed it, but was not driven to repeat the adventure. Then one day the desire was there. Why? I don't really know. I just know that it is something that I must now due and love the adventure it brings.

[Eryn]

Wow, some great responses in this thread and I agree with most of them.

I wonder if the younger (as in 20s and 30s) crowd grew up in a world that is more comfortable with the concept of CDing while us folk in our 50s and 60s grew up in an intolerant world and had to fight past our self-repression before we could admit the truth about ourselves.

In any case, better late than never! :)

Eryn

[Nikki A.]

I know I escalated later in life although a little dressing was always a part of me. Also we late bloomers didn't have the internet and we felt isolated.
That said I think it is always in us, but through life and career it got pushed back in that there were more pressing concerns. As you age though, you see that you need to be who you are and you xperiment a little more and then you're hooked and it's hard to deny that this is a real part of you. How far down the road you travel is up to you.

[Sheila11]

Does the empty nest have anything to do with it? No young impressionable minds to fill with confusion.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Wow, this is something new ? I had no idea there was a "Late onset CD", I had allways assumed that a person , 'knew' at least something early on. This gives me something to ponder.

[Donna St. Marten]

I had been crossdressing on occasion during differnt periods of my life, but something happened when I turned 50 and I have been dressing on a regular basis ever since. I thought it was just part of the aging process where the older you get the less you care about what other people think.

[Miranda-E]

Wow, this is something new ? I had no idea there was a "Late onset CD", I had allways assumed that a person , 'knew' at least something early on. This gives me something to ponder.
Late onset is really stopping repressing it late in life.
There was always something there, either pushed back by the individual as a coping mechanism or pushed back by parents very early in life.

[Cynthia Anne]

I started when I was four! Unless my doctor is right and another lady had my soul first! In that case I may have started a hundred or so years ago before I was born!:brolleyes::D Hugs!:)

[Danielle_cder]

maybe it has to do with the subconscious fact that your parents are getting closer to death giving you that much more space to be you?

[docrobbysherry]

I have a suspicion that guilt is behind the apparent late onset of CDing for some.
In other words one might go through life in denial to the point of not being aware of it. Pushing it down into the sub-conscious.
SUZY
NO!


Its a direct relationship to how much time you have left.. The word "urgency" pops into my head... 0 urgency when your 5... 99.9% the week before you die! Lol.
NO!


Seems to me, for a number of CDs, those who are trans, that there is a switch in the brain that unlocks this part of who we are. The key that does the unlocking, for many, is a certain feeling we get when we donned our first fem garment(s).

You said in another post your first was your wife's white cotton panties with the pink floral print, when you were 54. And you indicated that it was as if they were magic, and all kinds of secrets were unlocked inside my brain.

I imagine, if you had dressed at a younger age, then the switch would have been unlocked at that time, like it was for me close to around 47 years ago, when I was 9 or 10, just from simple curiosity. It just felt right, and I continued from that day on. And like many, I know I am a trans CD with no desire to transition.
No!


Life gets in the way.
In your 20's you are thinking how do I start a career and you were told you needed a family. You hit the bars or where ever to find a mate. You thought OK I like how the clothes look and they feel nice. They look and feel nice on her so...I can live with just letting her wear it and letting me touch them.

In your 30's you have the career, a wife and maybe kids. You spend a lot of time on them and you are worn out when you get home. You still wish to see and feel the clothes but you are comfortable just having someone to sleep with. Besides how can you enjoy it when the kids might see and tell everyone at school?

In your 40's the kids are away more. The wife is settled into her career, you feel like you are in a comfortable place. All is good your extra time is spent on things around the house, the boat in the summer, the kids sports in fall and winter (have to travel miles and miles for that). But you start to think about things. Life is getting short. That vacation to Europe has waited...should do that before you get to old to enjoy it.You really would like a new car that is comfortable now and not just transportation so you have to keep the job you are getting bored with for a little longer. Those clothes in your closet sure are enticing and you have an hour....yes, this is fun but why would I do this? But wow, my heart is racing and I LIKE it! OK I can do this once a week.

Late 40's the kids are off to college or have jobs. The wife is off to work. The boat is really not that much fun any more. You may only have 10-20 years left (men die young). You don't look bad from the neck down in those heels and skirt. It is still fun but you know it is "wrong". Things could be worse though, no one is hurt. 10 more years, you can retire. Then what? You worked for this long to be someone everyone wanted you to be. While you are OK with that you have not been who YOU want to be. Surely the wife won't mind as long as you are happy. But what if this means you are gay? No you are not gay, you like women. You like the clothes. It doesn't hurt anyone. You are happier. What the heck, the head is getting thin so a wig helps. You like who you are for the first time in years.

You are 50, you are seeing the downhill side now. You won't be in a rock band, you won't drive a race car, you won' invent something to make a million. You feel relaxed and happy when you are dressed. It feels natural. You have always felt this way and you realize that it isn't a perversion. You like how you look, you like how you feel. It can't be bad. You are tired of your job. But when you are home and dressed, you are happy. This is how it should be. You worked forever, you deserve to be happy right? The internet is a good thing you can surf and find others who are like you. You are not alone and you know that you are not crazy. And hey who is it hurting?

But that's just how I see it. Could be you just decided to live the last half of your life in a dress
No!


---------I believe hormones also play a role. Looking back at my life, I know that I have always been borderline masculine. I was not interested in sports, didn't really hang out with the guys, liked singing and playing piano, enjoyed crafts (sewing, knitting, Christmas decorations), didn't like war or the military ... and the list goes on. If I stand back and take an unbiased look at this person, I might wonder whether this is a guy or a gal we are talking about. Fast forward to mid-life and the T starts it's natural and normal decline. At 55 there is opportunity and motive and suddenly my life is turned completely upside down.---------------
.
MAYBE!

I was at home alone often in my preteen and teen years. Had a sister and mom with plenty of clothes available. Try them on? NO! WHY? It NEVER OCCURRED TO ME, and I was too busy hiking in the hills and going to the beach! Or, meeting up with friends and GFs!:D

Moved out on my own in my 20's. Had a few fetishes I had fun with in private. Trying on ladies things wasn't one of them. I even had a live in GF and later a wife in my 30's/40's. Plenty of private time alone with their clothes. Never tried them on. WHY? It NEVER OCCURRED TO ME!

Went out one Halloween dressed as a sexy hooker! It made such an impression on me I promply FORGOT that nite until 10+ years AFTER I began dressing!:brolleyes:

It started when I tried on a pair of ladies jeans at about age 50. And, still I didn't really begin dressing until a year afterwards! :straightface:

My vote is HORMONES!:thumbsup:

[Krista1985]

I suppose I'd fall into the mid to later onset group for CD'ing,

Most of the girls on here got their first visit from the gender fairy in childhood/teen years. For me, it came on strong and out of nowhere in my early/mid twenties with no warning. My only prior experience was wearing a bra once at age 14. But that was for science, or so I told myself. (In my best Jacques Cousteau voice) "I needed to understand ze bra so I could remove ze bra und get to my girlfriends breasts."

My next experience was almost a decade later and I still get goose-bumps thinking about it. For some reason and I don't remember why, I began to have inclinations to TG stories and captions. That led me to some interesting sites, and before I knew it I clicked a link for this site somewhere out there. After reading posts that pretty much summed up my feelings about gender identity/fluidity, I made a conscience decision to try dressing up. I mustered my courage for a month or two, saved some cash-ola, not easy as I was finishing up my masters degree and a broke student/pizza man.

But it was enough for a, "Fisher Price My First Crossdressing" get-up, which consisted of a skirt, cami, pocket-bra, breastforms and padded panties. I purchased it in person at an appointment only TG shop in NYC, far from my University and where nobody would recognize me, but still drivable. It was terrifying and exciting making the purchase, the SA was cool as a fan which helped. She could smell the 'noob' on me and took great care to make me feel at ease. I drove home at breakneck speed, half hoping that once I put the stuff on, I would satisfy my curiosity and move on. Well, the opposite happened and keeps happening darn near daily nowadays (nearly 3 years later). So for me, the first trumpet sounded in my teen years, followed by 9 plus years of silence. Then the symphony really got going, and gets louder by the day.

[Elizabeth Ann]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but I am constantly amazed by this belief that if you crossdress in one period, you were always a crossdresser, just a repressed and in denial one. Like any religious faith position, this one is impossible to refute, and thus needs no evidence whatsoever. If you crossdress in your 50's, you were always a crossdresser, but just didn't know it. How can anyone deny that? It is a tautology.

Why does it have to be an immutable, binary condition? From birth, you are or you aren't? Is there some compelling reason why you cannot become a crossdresser? I don't know the answer, but I don't think anyone else does either. So, instead of enforcing these mea culpas that "I was just repressed and in denial," maybe we could take people at their word when they say that they started later in life.

Liz

[Julie Hall]

I started at 56, 2-3 weeks ago. When I joined the forum a couple of weeks ago I believed this came out of the blue, without previous thoughts or desires. After I was on the forum for a short time along with much soul searching, I realized I had repressed thoughts dating back to childhood. The thoughts I repressed weren't simply to dress as a female but was to be a female. That I should have been born a girl. This had been pretty fully repressed, I wasn't even aware when I first came to this forum. Most of my adult life this never surfaced.

My stresser has to be the death of my wife last May and the approaching holiday season. This is the first holiday season I'll be without her for more than 29 years. Her health had been an issue for the last 20 years since our daughter died. Most of my time was making sure she was ok, taking her to ERs and doctor appointments, treatments and chemotherapy. My life was always busy helping her and I wouldn't trade my time with her for anything.

Even with that stress I don't believe I would have begun without that first item of lingerie in looking for sexual titillation. Perhaps it would have happened even later, I don't and will never know.

[Debglam]

Hi Elizabeth,

I always knew something was up (since about 7 or 8) but never really dressed (an article of clothing here or there over the years) until a year ago. For some reason I hit a point at 46 where I just HAD to dress completely. I did it and was gloriously happy but completely confused as this was a 90 degree turn in how I had been living my life up to this point. Kind of scared the crap out of myself and obviously scared my SO pretty good too (understatement!!!). I went and saw a gender therapist, scared that this was the first step towards who knows what, and really confused as to WHY this late in the game. I think he nailed it. He suggested that I had hit a point in my life where I was pretty satisfied with where I was and who I was, so the fear and the shame of admitting that I am transgendered was gone. That seemed to make sense to me. I have to say that laying down this burden has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Hopefully this will always be the case.

Debby

[Patrice_CD]

Great read! For me it's been almost a year since I first donned a single piece of fem clothing at the ripe age of 52. I've always been fascinated with women's fashion and makeup but really never gave it any thought what so ever. About this time last year something clicked and I started to search the web but not really knowing what I was looking for. After finding this site and doing numerous searches on how to dress and applying makeup and then going out and purchasing said items, I thought I'd better tell the wife. Of course lots of questions. After a lot of thought after our discussions, I think the trigger that set everything into motion was my wife's stroke 6 years ago. Indeed there probably was something there and I wish I would have found this inner self earlier in life.

[gabimartini]

Different people dress for different reasons. In this particular case, I think it has to do with the discovery of a new fetish, motivated by gosh knows what. Fetishes don't have a timeline to occur, as they tend to reflect things that we see, learn and become curious about. Though once discovered, they generally tend to stay, with varied degrees of frequency and intensity.

[Dawn cd]

Carl Jung theorized that in mid and later life, when we have pretty well mastered our primary mode of being, we begin to experiment with other modes. For instance, an intellectual, "thinker" type of personality will begin to expand his emotional life, or an introvert will put herself in situations when she must be more extroverted. Jung did not extend his theory to gender differences, but I think there is a correlation. I know that for me, after years of working in a competitive, macho environment, it has been a relief to explore my nurturing side. A repressed interest in crossdressing just blossomed in me around this time.

With respect to docrobbysherry, I don't believe it's hormonal. While it's true that T hormones diminish in later years, E probably diminishes as well. Why are some people drawn to the transgender life in their teens and twenties when primary hormones are raging? Still, it's an interesting question.

[Jennifer529]

"My 2 cent's"...
I remember as early as 4 yrs old trying on girls clothes,and enjoying it!
As I grew older,I tried more things,make-up,"breasts"/padding etc.
Now at 46 I love it more than ever and want to dress as often as possible! :)

[kelsey52]

I dont ever remember wanting to be a girl I did not wear my sisters or moms clothing. I have always love porn and hot girls and I just evolved in to wanting to be like them I guess. I do feel really confortable and relaxed in womens clothing and I think I really sleep better however, some where deep down maybe I really wanted to be a girl yet I just dont remember. Maybe I should ask my sisters if I wore there stuff playing around. So confused and hard to explain.

[PretzelGirl]

I found my calling in my early 40's. Was it denial? No, I would know that and it certainly isn't. I am a believer in a couple of things. One is that it sits in us at different levels and that can go up or down at any time. And secondly, if it isn't real strong, it may take a trigger to get it going. Mine was trying something on of my wife's (with here right there) and we were off to the races.

Something to remember for everyone. There are a lot of reasons for all that we do. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean it has to apply to everyone else. Accept that anything is possible and for anything you think of, there is one of us out there that it applies to.

Patrice, just one year? Wow, wow, wow! You certainly mastered looking good quickly.

[Eryn]

It could be argued that every male has a bit of crossdresser in him. Some of us don't act upon it, some of us act upon it only in "deniable" ways, an some of us dress up and go out.

Now, seeing as how I'm not "every male" I have no idea if this is correct, but it *is* intriguing to think about.

[nvlady]

I'll make it real simple.
For the older ones among us, when we were growing up we suppressed these tendancies because we were the only ones in the whole world who had these feelings. Now we get a slight impulse and we go on the internet and find there's a million people doing the same thing, so we open up to ourselves and start what we unconciously have wanted all this time.

[Eryn]

Nvlady, that is very concise explanation and rings very true. Of course it brings with it the question of what gave us that slight impulse!

[DebbieL]

I'm an early onset TS - I knew I was a girl inside by the time I was 2, I didn't realize that I COULDN'T be a girl until I was 6 - and in 1961 - The few "SRS" operations were more like castrations with mutilation of the shaft. Christine Jorgensen did not get a functional clitoris, didn't know to dilate, and had very limited functionality. Harvey Benjamin in his original writings 8 years later recommended against SRS for anyone who enjoyed sex, because vaginal orgasms were still nearly impossible for post-ops.

There are some events that have been happening for men born in the 1950s. Our parents are dying. Many had parents who served in WW-II or Korea and saw any deviations, TG, Bisexuality... as draft dodgers, communists, pinkos, anti-american, and anti-christian. When both parents are dead, you don't have to worry about hurting them anymore.

Men born in the 1950s were severely repressed. Athletic programs were designed to prepare young boys for military service by the time they were 18, and since boys were drafted until 1974, the coaches did not want their students to try and go for a 4F classification by admitting they were gay or transgendered. Those who were potential 4F candidates were often made "targets" attacked until they normalized out and fought back. Conscientious objectors were often goaded into violence, which, when put on the record, would nullify their CO status. Often, the attacks were very violent and SUPERVISED by the coaches who often rewarded the perpetrators. I knew one coach who would give his atheletes an automatic A for the week if they took part in a "Code Red" (remember a few good men?).

Because the repression was so intense, aggressive, and constant, many who might have gone on record when they were younger stayed in hiding, including their marriages. Even thoughts about gender were pushed down, like bitter memories or thinking about having an affair, or having homosexual sex. These were fantasies that had to be shut down immediately. And of course, as the father of children, you couldn't possibly let your children be stigmatized by your secret desires, so you couldn't share with anyone.

But by the time a man hits his 50s, the kids have grown up and moved away, often they have been divorced or are rarely if ever having sex with their own wives, are having trouble getting erections because their testosterone levels are lower. With no other outlet, but desires and fantasies still there, wearing a wife's undies or shape-wear may be the only option available for sexual release. In some cases, men will start wearing tights or hosiery because their doctors don't want them forming blood clots in their legs (increasing risk of heart attack or stroke).

Men born in the 1950s also watched women go from ALWAYS wearing dresses or skirts, in most public and private schools girls were forbidden to wear pants, and were required to wear skirts no longer than below the knee (a vestage of Rationing during WW-II), and no shorter than mid-thigh. Girls also had more shape, larger hips. Size 10-14 were normal, and a thinner woman was considered unattractive, too skinny. In the late 1960s - 1968 and 1969, when we were first dating, the girls often wore short miniskirts, hosiery, and heels, and heavy petting was usually over and through hosiery. Girls would wear tight panties over the hose to keep the stretchy panties from ending up between their knees, but the satin panty-girdle was an effective way of not only keeping the hose up, but also hiding bulges from pads.

But in about 1968 or 1969, the public schools had the students vote on whether to let girls wear pants, especially during cold winter months. The boys were often given a consolation, such as being able to wear shorts to school. Girls got to wear pants, but when the boys tried to wear shorts - which at that time were usually cut-offs at mid-thigh or slightly higher, the gym coaches felt that was too feminine, so they would have the bully jocks drag those who wore the shorts across the pavement or down the street after school, in exchange for grades or team positions. It didn't take many "examples" to intimidate all of the men into never showing their legs again.

But by the time a woman hits 50, menopause, health issues, and other changes tend to make her want to wear pants ALL the time. My wife was telling me yesterday, when putting on pantie-hose for the first time in 2 years, how much she hated wearing skirts and stockings, and forget the flats entirely. I even offered to let her wear some of my clothes, because she didn't have anything that fit. Unfortunately, even my largest skirt was too small for her, and she wouldn't consider wearing any of my shorter skirts (wanted something below the knee).

Often, for men in their 50s, about the only thing that is even remotely stimulating is the high school girls in their short skirts and heels - for example, at church. But at the same time, it's not the girls we are attracted to, we've raised daughters, and the thought of having to deal with a whining, giggly, motor-mouth girl who raves about Justin Beiber or Lady GaGa - is an instant turn-off. Then comes the awareness that it's the clothes!

Since his wife is not going to dress up for him, it's at about this point that he considers trying on a pair of pantie-hose, maybe even a towel as a skirt, and maybe find some pictures of young or even older women, in skirts. The view brings back those days of heavy petting, kissing, hugging, and teasing each other for hours - which at 50+ actually seems like a nice idea now.

Dressed in a skirt, heels, hose, a satin blouse, and a pretty wig, gives him the chance to BE the girl of his own fantasies. That's when a dam of pent up and repressed feelings and desires breaks loose. They begin to experience life from a new perspective. And they've avoided the pain of growing up as a girl, periods, cramps, fear of being pregnant, yeast infections, and menopause. They get to experience, in the privacy of their own homes, the pleasures of being a woman, of feeling and looking sexy, and can enjoy the experience. They may experience the memories and sensations of feeling younger, in their minds eye, they aren't the 50 year old men with balding heads, they are the girl they fell in love with in high school or college, the girl who gave them their first sexual experiences.

They often wear the clothes for longer because it's so much harder to reach orgasm in your 50s. In fact, direct stimulation can often get very painful long before even a hint of an orgasm, but wearing the women's clothes, one can enjoy stimulation of all sorts of different sensations, like a pillow between the legs, or stimulation of "breasts" (which his wife lovingly calls "man-boobs"). In fact, the man-boobs can naturally form, complete with increased sensitivity, as a result of lower levels of testosterone. The sensations of panty hose brushing against a skirt, or a b-cup bra, or even forms, can just become part of the whole sensuality.

Ironically, there is an opportunity for the husband to spark up the couple's sex lives. He can really enjoy the sensations and may want his wife to spend more time seducing and caressing him, even when he is not dressed. He is more interested in new options such as toys, foreplay, and giving his wife intense orgasms, and letting her reciprocate when she recovers from being really satisfied. The toys no longer threaten, but are welcome additions, especially as erections become more difficult.

In reality, the man is going through male menopause, he IS becoming more feminine, his testosterone levels are dropping, and estrogen levels are increasing. His muscle tone may be going softer, he's losing hair on his head, but he's also losing hair on his arms and legs, sometimes just being pulled by pants, especially denim jeans. Often, the get shirts as gifts, and the gift shirts are made of courser material, to hide those man-boobs - but also pull more hair and are more abrasive.

In effect, he is becoming more feminine hormonally, even without help.

With the death of both parents or especially the father, the lid often pops off. Repressed desires get full voice. All of the repressing voices have lost their power. The voice that says "What would your father say?" - Dad's gone to heaven and if he CAN see me now, he knows my whole mind, and ALL of my secrets, and knows now how I got to this place. The voice that says "What would your kids say" - you can't tell your kids how they should or should not have sex, why should they have that control over you? The voice that says "What would your wife think?" - She'd be relieved that you only want to wear dresses instead of wanting to divorce her so you can go marry some 20 year old Bimbo, and if you don't even need her to be there when your dressing up and getting off, that's even better. And if it's making you a more attentive lover, willing to do things she loves, like scratch her back around the bra line, or gently caress her breasts rather than squeezing or grabbing them, she might even arrange more time for you to dress more often.

And in a very strange twist, as a woman completes menopause, she produces more testosterone, and becomes more masculine. She might actually enjoy being your "Boyfriend" and she might even want to make you "his bitch". :-). She might even enjoy putting on the strap-on and letting you explore some of your other repressed fantasies. She might even want to get her hair cut short, wear the suit, and take you out while you're wearing the dress.

Who knows, you may have a better sex life in you late 50s and early 60s than you had in your 30s and 40s.
You might even love each other more too.
She might even love that you are willing to do some of the "girlie chores" like laundry, cleaning, and/or cooking,
and that you want to do more diet an exercise. You might even consider ballroom dancing.

The irony is that going with the gender shift , could be healthy for both of you. Men who attempt to continue to extend their masculinity tend to die younger, and women who try to stay too feminine often have more joint trouble, back trouble, and cardiovascular problems.

[ashlylynn]

OP ( & all ) will enjoy this radio interview with a late onset M2F transexual in Canada.

http://www.cbc.ca/informationmorningmoncton/2011/08/17/in-transit-and-in-transition/

[Vickie_CDTV]

This is very fascinating. I am really surprised how many here have experienced "late onset transvestism" (I can't remember what they formally call it.) Over the years I have read studies here and there, some from controversial researchers such as the Clarke Centre in Canada. As I remember they stated that some men who start crossdressing later in life do so after some sort of serious emotional trauma (such as losing a spouse); despite the controversy surround the research, I am surprised that in fact many who replied to this thread indeed started dressing after emotional trauma in their lives. The theory is the men who dress later in life do so because the feel a need to be closer to their wives, as a source of comfort in times of stress (or a way to feel still feel a connection with their wives when they pass away.) That's their theory anyway.

One other possible cause cited for late onset transvestism is traumatic head injury. Did anyone who started dressing later in life start after head trauma or other serious physical trauma?

[drag n fly]

I recall the flush I got when I put on my mom's heels and stocking in my early teens...Over the many years, I have , off and on, worn women's clothing (now my wife's). I had a very macho job and retired from it in '99..after 26 years..I still, on occasion would get the urge to don female attire..Since retiring, I have ventured into many different aspects of my humanity, and now my gender...In the last year or so, I'm now 66, I have increasingly been wearing women's clothing; the more androgynous articles, I wear outside daily..That would include, women's shoes, socks, pants, occasionally tops , and , always , panties...I'm sure I raise a few eyebrows, but, what it appears I'm trying to do is enure the viewing public in a slow, steady manner...I think it's working..One day, I hope, most will recognize me for what I am: a cross-dresser (amongst many other things), and accept me as I really am...
I've always had a desire to be de-masculinized and feminized, and perhaps this is the fruition of this idea, at least in part...Who knows what the future may bring...
Like Karren, I think the most important thing to remember is that this is really who I am...No guilt..Acceptance. I'm really enjoying my life..It's a big adventure...
This is a great place to come to for edification on my path...Thanks all..This is a particularly informative thread of discussion. Smooches Jackie

[Elizabeth Ann]

I'll make it real simple.
For the older ones among us, when we were growing up we suppressed these tendancies because we were the only ones in the whole world who had these feelings. Now we get a slight impulse and we go on the internet and find there's a million people doing the same thing, so we open up to ourselves and start what we unconciously have wanted all this time.


Nvlady, that is very concise explanation and rings very true. Of course it brings with it the question of what gave us that slight impulse!

Ah, yes, the condescension argument.

I'll make this real simple.
There is not a shred of evidence offered to back up this pure and simple opinion. It is part of an undercurrent of crossdresser religious fundamentalism, and like all faith positions, cannot be refuted by reality. If I disagree, well, I am even more repressed and unconscious than you.

Like most religious dogma, I suppose to some it is a great comfort. I didn't choose to crossdress, it was fate, my destiny. So, of course, I am not responsible for my actions.

Liz

[LilSissyStevie]

The "born a crossdresser" idea works hand in hand with the "can never quit" idea. I started CDing on and off when I was very young but quit for 20 years and then started again in my mid-40s. I guess if I'd died in my thirties, you could have said I was cured. It's my wife's fault that I started dressing again - that's my story and I'm sticking to it. We were playing around one time and she had me put on some of her stuff. That let the genie back out of the bottle. AHA! Proof you can never quit! I may never know because I choose to do it so I don't know if I can choose not to other than a 20 year stretch. There's more to the story of why I didn't CD for those 20 years. I suppose I could have if I wanted to bad enough but I didn't and the sky didn't fall. I had other outlets. I do notice that the "urge" to bask in feminine symbols has grown stronger with age. What's that all about?

[Kelly DeWinter]

OK, What I'm going to ask may seem inane, but I have to ask. Is there anyone who has had no inkling what crossdressing, etc is or was and then wham ! after lets say 35 they started dressing. And I mean they had NO,nONE,zIP NADDA, EXPERIENCE,DESIRE OR INTEREST PRIOR ?

[suchacutie]

55. I hated Halloween because I was so incredibly uncomfortable in some other "role"...any other rol. I was ill when very young and was the classic "90 pound weakling" until suddenly at ag 18 my body morphed into the classic broad-shouldered male. My daughter has seen my high-school yearbook picture and told me that today I'd be called a "pretty boy". It would have been so easy to CD then! BUT I never did. never occurred to me! I was too busy being a guy! Girls were and are exciting! Never thought of being one!

Married for 32 years, (not yet empty nesters), and suddenly a joke with my wife about fitting into a piece of her lingerie, and then a joke back, "do it", then a joke of "all I now need are stockings and heels", and back, "you'd look great with those legs....do it".

Ordered the stuff, and the first day we were alone I modeled my purchases. She said, "we HAVE to buy you a dress".

That did it. We talked for 48 hours, almost solid. Tina was born.

Suddenly my dual genders made complete sense and the drive to figure out what part Tina had played all that time was on, along with the drive to figure out who she is and what she is going to do in the future.

There was no "bump in the road" in my life. Everything was terrific and "normal". Suddenly everything was upside-down and very much not the previous norm.

Wild!

[Vanessa Storrs]

As we have no real explination why one becomes transgenedered at birth, two, four or six years old we have no idea what causes the same behavior in a 54 year old. I think it might be those pesky sunspots.

[Barbara Dugan]

Wow, this is something new ? I had no idea there was a "Late onset CD", I had allways assumed that a person , 'knew' at least something early on. This gives me something to ponder.
I was always confused about my gender identity since early age but it usually showed on the way I used to act ...actually I never tried on any fem clothes till I was 38 years old

Late onset is really stopping repressing it late in life.
There was always something there, either pushed back by the individual as a coping mechanism or pushed back by parents very early in life.

That's very truth on my case, I learned to repress it since before my teens years but the emptiness and sadness that result from this always get you at the end.

[docrobbysherry]

OK, What I'm going to ask may seem inane, but I have to ask. Is there anyone who has had no inkling what crossdressing, etc is or was and then wham ! after lets say 35 they started dressing. And I mean they had NO,nONE,zIP NADDA, EXPERIENCE,DESIRE OR INTEREST PRIOR ?

Have u read the earlier posts here, Kelly? It doesn't appear u've read mine or Elizabeth Ann's!
NO ASPECT OF CDING EVER ENTERED MY MIND BEFORE AGE 50+! PERIOD!

[Kelly DeWinter]

Have u read the earlier posts here, Kelly? It doesn't appear u've read mine or Elizabeth Ann's!
NO ASPECT OF CDING EVER ENTERED MY MIND BEFORE AGE 50+! PERIOD!

I did read them and I'm amazed. it give one something to think about, ive allways thought of you as a thesbian,(NO OFFENSE intended) most of your photos are very well thought out and executed with class. I see a fellow artist in you.

[Annaliese2010]

I'm late-onset if you wanna put it that way. Starting in...omg IDK, I'm guessing 2008(?) when my M2F transgendered episodes have become...I won't say 'common'.. more like 'not a rare' occurance. Before that I've only experienced..hmm..idk..maybe 10 or so M2F transitions that were on the order of several hours at a time and as a rule autoerotic in nature...these being sprinkled over maybe the preceding 20 yrs I guess.

I know exactly why the increase in frequency over the past few years. I've always had a fem aspect to my mind & personality but of course had to repress it. Why I did an about-face recently and instead, embraced my feminine self is kind of silly if not slightly twisted. LOL. Initially it was reactive to a bad marriage & the lengthy separation I had to endure prior to our very recent divorce. It was a way of 'getting back' at my spouse in a sense. I remember thinking to myself..."Ok..I don't need You either! I'll be my Own b*tch then!" kind of thing, if That makes any sense. Well, when I went ahead and 'gave into' or..fully de-repressed that fem-side in me that I've always guarded against showing...I was simply amazed (and it is with humility that I say) how much prettier, sexier, more interesting, alluring and much more 'hip' I found myself to be than was my separated spouse. Lmao... I so surprised myself...as if I wasn't myself, which... I mean, I wasn't cause back then, until just a few yrs ago, I was never yielded to, embraced or allowed to 'surface' so it was like 'being born' for want of better words. At any rate that's why I can relay all that now and not feel any lack of humility or feel like I'm 'bragging' or whatever. I mean I was (and am) hotter than the GG woman I was separated from which was a sort of vindication. It pleased me to no end. So, bottom line, giving into my nascent, alternate gendered self was a stress-reliever in that regard.

That motive, or something similar to it is becoming generalized in the sense that when the 'world' gets too-too hectic (usually the result of my guy-side screwing up in some way), I find it useful to be able to surrender to the female side of me...to allow myself to fully surface and 'him' to fade to background' so as to 'step out' from or away from the hurricane of impending trouble I just Know is gonna happen and, from what I guess is best described as entering the 'eye of the storm' and from this quiet pretty world in the center, see everything from a more peaceful balanced emotionally grounded pov and with fresh eyes find a path out of the mess the 'mister in me' got us into. Ugh... Well all that plus the strong sexual aspect that always accompanies my girly transition which... if some hot GG babe doesnt intervene soon and thus 'save me from myself '...may incorporate into the basic sexuality of my guy-side. Which actually...isn't necessarily a 'bad' thing I guess, huh girls? :battingeyelashes:

169969

[Paula_56]

Lorileah This is so well put, you said everything I feel and did! Even down to the boat part!!
I'm saved a copy of this to my HD

[Melody1985]

I don't know why I am cross-dressing, but I do know that I have an active imagination. I'll explain:

I'm an only child, and I do believe that this has made it easier for me to have an active imagination.. One of the things I would think about a lot recently, is what it would be like to be someone else. I would do this quite often and quite well when I was younger. One could see this take place when I acted. I found it very easy to dive into a role. I seriously would go to a place in my head as if I was that person.. So fast forward to about a year ago, where I first gave thought to what it would be like to be a girl.

I had questions like, what would be my style? What would I sound like? What would my personality be like? What would sex be like? And many, many more questions. The notion of being a woman to me did not fade however like my other fantasy characters did.. It just got stronger and stronger until about 2 months ago when I decided to start pursuing this. Goodness, I could go on, but I simply don't feel like it right now.

The bottom-line for me is this though; I don't know why I do it or why CDing intrigues me or where I'm going with it, but I have never felt better in my life. And I'm just gonna roll with the punches..

[Loveday]

Originally Posted by Kelly DeWinter
And I mean they had NO,nONE,zIP NADDA, EXPERIENCE,DESIRE OR INTEREST PRIOR ?
Kelly thats me. I even fought the idea of wearing Doctor ordered panyhose ( in my early 40 's ) for years and did not start till I was 49. Another example is during surgery on my spine I refused to wear the compression stockings, they put them on anyways while I was knocked out, I took them off the following day when my head was clear. This whole CD thing hit me fast and quick.

[Barbara Ella]

I don't know how I missed this thread, as this is a central element in the discussions my wife and I are having about my cross dressing. I went into it in my introduction, but I had no idea whatsoever about cross dressing until this past September, at the age of 65. Retired in 2006, nothing... This past year, attitude and behavior was becoming unbearable, I was a bad actor. WHY? not a clue, BUT. In September when the female bikini panties showed up in my drawer, and I put them on, I have become a different person. I had been drifting toward the more metro male look, but no satisfaction there.

I have been cross dressing for just 4 months, with no previous experience since the bathroom encounter with a bra and towel on the head, making a female shadow, at age 8. SO, maybe it was there, but there was no conscious effort to repress the action, the desire just wasnt there

As I say, the wife and I go over and over this to puzzle out why, so late in life, this happened. It just happened. It is now me.

Babes

[StacyC]

Get thread!

I'm one of the late bloomers at age 30. I think its basically a combination of everything everyone has said.

I had to laugh at the post saying that they looked hotter dressed as girl than their gf. Lol. It's soo true sometimes.