All CDers! How accepting would you be if...?

[Melody1985]

A lot of us have wives, SOs, or plan to have someone in the future. So one of the many battles we all have to face is coming clean and hoping for acceptance from our partners.

Now, most if not all of these "unique" relationships have one partner who is a crossdresser, whether that's MTF or FTM.. But I'll stick to the MTF for this question in this forum..

The question is this; how easily would you be able to accept your wife or SO coming to you and telling you that they want to be a FTM CD or transition all the way?

I ask this as a straight man who would honestly find this a little tricky to deal with.. That sounds very hypocritical of me to not fully accept it, given that I crossdress too. Before I go further, I'm not saying that I would not accept it, but when this idea first entered my mind, I honestly had a disgusted look on my face, thinking about my girl trying her best to "man up" so to speak. But given the nature of what I'm doing, I'm sure i would come to terms with it.

Answer honestly for those who do.. Does that idea make you cringe at all? Would you accept it with no hesitation? Does maybe thinking about it like this make it easier or harder to understand what our SOs may be going through?

Later!!

[Kelly DeWinter]

After all I have been through in life, I would support her 100%, there would have to be some adjustments in life. There are somethings I would have to have boundries with like. No tighty whities, I prefer boxers, put his dirty clothes 'in' the hamper not just flung around the bedroom, and if he goes on testosterone and becomes a a lazy,non-working 'fetch my beer' ass, then hes out and will have to pay dog support or he'll hear from my lawyer !

Seriously, I have thought long about this very topic. I would support 110%, people have to be who they are. I would only ask that if transitions is in the future, that they research, get counseling from a qualified therapist first, and if srs is in the future, that they get the best treatment possible. The last thing would be that they are open about everything because I care.:)

[Melody1985]

LOL at the first part of your post.. And very good answer to this topic. Thanks for your insight Kelly!

[Maria in heels]

Wow.,..such a question Melody !

If my wife said that she would like to transition to some degree or fully, I would be totally 100% behind her. I would understand her needs and wants, and allow her to choose whatever path she would want, as she has done with me. It actually would not be because of an "i owe you" type of attitude, but because of my personal nature and characteristics .... I would want her to be happy, and would help her anyway that I could....

[Noel Chimes]

After reading your question through a couple of times to be sure i fully understood all the implications, I came up with a very simple response I remember from my childhood, "Be who you is, not who you is not. Those that do this are the happiest lot."

[noeleena]

Hi,

I have more than just looked at this because there are some factors that would effect myself & from 64 years ago. it concerns men & in our case my Mum & i one man in this case. for myself to be around men has allways been a struggle a , major one,

just before my birth this man who was ment to be my father allmost strnggled ( intent ). to murder my Mum. in a horrific ...RAGE.... of anger, temper.

Hence Mum & i moved away & seperated from him. so apart from no father i have had issues around men.

so haveing said that , over the last few years i have tryed to get on with them in a way thats sort of okay from my standpoint . even tho i worked under men for many years , i still did not relate to them as men do to each other.

could i live with a man two words ...no way...

Now if Jos had come up with she wonts to be a man i could handle that as i know her & have done for 37 years ,it wont happen of cause,

Now Psychologically , Mentalally . & Emotionally you are asking to much of me , as iv said before i struggle if a male touchs me , back me in the corner with this i come out fighting.

Now if i get a hug from friends who are male like my women friends then yes i dont mind tho that has taken many years to be able to do that. you wont honist you got it,


...noeleena...

[Karren H]

Honestly..... I'd ask for a divorce!! I married a woman. Not a man... And that sounds like a double standard? But I totally understand the way she feels about me and my hobby. And have never blamed her for not kicking me to the curb!

[Kate Simmons]

What's good for the goose is good for the gander (or whatever) the way I look at it Hon.:battingeyelashes::)

[CINDYO]

I think a more realistic question would be
What percentage of non-crossdressing men (you r asking crossdressers would they accept a crossdressing F2M. these people would have alittle more tolerance than those that are not crossdressers, like myself) so the interesting question would be.... What percentage of the normal male heterosexual population would tolerate their wife coming home and telling them that they want to wear mens clothing, hide their femanine features as much as possible ie tape down breasts, put on a fake beard, maybe a strap on, maybe go on testosterone or who knows not sure where this might end. Maybe a therapist will help me figure out if i really want SRS, followed by a hope you u are Ok with my hobby honey. Oh ya i am not sure but I might like other women when i am pretending to be a man. If you are not OK with this I'll just take it slow and eventually you will realize that i am the same person that you married, I am a girl but I want to be a man, i won't be a man in bed if you stil prefer to be a heterosexual... let me know. Now lets just carry on as usual, probably shouldn't tell.... the kids, our families, our friends, our neighbours. No just keep this to yourself... I really don't think any long time unsuspecting husband would have any problem with thier wife telling them this. Probaby would want to run out together with her to buy mens underwear and a strap on......

[Melody1985]

Cindy;
I agree that posing this question to non-CD males would bring about interesting responses.. However, since this is a crossdressing site, I doubt we will get many of them to see it, which is why I posted it to CDers..

I'm also not sure I agree with you about how accepting they would be (If I read the last part of your comment correctly). This is just my opinion, but I think the majority of men would run like Forrest Gump in a heartbeat if their pretty woman wanted to be a man (different than tom-boy). Especially those who would want testosterone. Obviously, some would be okay with it. But I just don't think it would be many..

Anyway, thank you Cindy and everyone else who has left a comment.. I enjoyed reading all of your responses so far!!

[Tara D. Rose]

Well if my wife was a female to male crossdresser and only did it every other month, I'd have no problem at all. If srs was involed and she wanted to be a full time man, We would be through. For she feels the same about me, as long as I'm a part time crossdresser, she lives with that, but she says if I went all the way to srs and became a fulltime woman, then she would be gone. I know I say this because I am a cd. Cindyo, I agree with you that if I were not a cd at all and never had been a cd, and knew very little about it, and my wife wanted to be a part time FTM dresser, I probably would have objective issues with it.
It's a great question and survey, but asking it on a crossdresser site though, most mtf cd's would be more accepting of their ftm wife. Maybe if this same question was asked on FB or MS probably most men wouldn't be as accepting as a mtf/cd. IMO,
L&R.......Tara

[Dannigirl]

As a straight, married CD I would have no problem with her dressing as a man, as I like to dress as a woman. However, if it came to SRS I would be there to support him as a best friend, but not a lover any longer.

[erintemp]

I think I would be ok with that, Just think of all the posabilaties. Someone to open doors for you, or just hold you and make you feel like a woman.

[Tina B.]

Playing role reversal could be fun!
Tina B.

[darla_g]

I am probably more along the lines of what Dannigirl said onthis

[Cynthia Anne]

I am what I am! And true happiness only comes from those who are what they are! So let each person live there dream! Hugs!

[Daphne Renee]

If she wanted to be a FTM cder I wouldnt have a problem with it. It might be a little fun. Fully transitioning might be a little bit of a problem.

[drag n fly]

You've opened an interesting can of worms here, Melody...I'm thinking that I'd embrace the idea; just another adventure...Man and wife..reversed..Wow...and then I could really investigate my submissive side...Great...But, it'll never happen...She's a victim of old school catholic upbringing...Too bad Jackie

[Jenniferathome]

You can't blend crossdressing with full transition. For example, while my wife has no issue with my crossdressing (she still doesn't get it) should would not accept a transition for me. While she would respect that wish if I had it, she would not stay with me (she is not a lesbian). I have told her, that I do not think I would be as accepting of her being a crossdresser as she is of me. I would not leave her or anything like that, but I think I'd be substantially more creeped out than she. That makes her all the more fantastic

[suzy1]

I don’t mind being honest here.

I could never accept it.
But I am not in a relationship now or are ever intending to get into another one [A loner and loving it] so I think its O.K. for me to say that.

But thinking about this does help one to see CDing from the wife/girlfriends’ point of view I think.


SUZY

[Contessa]

Yes I want to agree to it. I feel first she would probably have been a cd first. It isn't something you just do, get up in the morning thinking I want to be a man. Or did I do that? Oh well. But this makes for another variable too, is she just trying to get back at me for what I put her through.

I would love it though, I could be a full time cd'er. I'd dress now and would stay that way (changing and showering daily of course) til my last day. My wife is my only everything, I would/will love her til death do us part. I have been with her since the age of 22. If she can stay with me I can stay with her. I can still hold her hand I know its her. As I would be wearing skirts full time. Yayyyy. won't it be fun. Cause I like to have fun.

Tess

[Marleena]

The first things I would ask, "are you gay?" and "do you want a sex change?" lol..


No problem with this at all since I never asked to be a Cder myself. If SRS was down the line, no sex.:) The same thing she would tell me.

[KellyJameson]

I never try to control or change others and stay as fluid as possible in life. We can have the attitude that life is abundant and everything we need is available if we do not allow fear to guide are actions or we come from a place of fear where we will feel there is never enough of anything, food,money,friends,love,ect....and experience life as scarcity

This has allowed me to continue to evolve and I would never want to deprive another from realizing their own growth. For me crossdressing is a fundamental need and as important to me as my spirituality. If a partner changes and those changes result in the relationship needing to change or even end for self actualization than so be it. Change is painful but not as painful as living a life of quiet desperation.

[SherriRed]

With me and my wife, I think that the line is SRS. Me enfemme, or her xd to a F2M, is fine. She married a man and I married a woman. We have talked about it, and that is our limits (for staying together that is)

[Rachel Flowers]

Putting it into the context of your heterosexual preference and the probable clutch of reasons why you were attracted to your wife in the first place, Melody, I wouldn't be surprised at all if you'd be horrified and shocked if she announced she wanted to transition!

My honest answer? Mrs Flowers & I have joked with each other for most of our 22 years together that she is a man and I am a woman. Now it turns out I am a CD and we're both bi-curious! She says she knew there was somethign different, soft and understanding, about me when she first met me and that's part of what attracted her. So I cannot compare my situation with your scenario. If I were to go for transition (not on the cards) she'd be disappointed but would stick with me as long as I loved her back. Probably not much more sad than if I decided I "had" to have a boyfriend as well as her.

I think you are right that this idea is a useful lens for helping CDs understand the reaction they get from their partners. We are conditioned by soft-porn and TV that Girl on Girl is sexy and exciting for everyone while Guy-on-Guy is only for raving queens which amplifies the response but let's face it, lots of women don't find anything in the idea of girly bits. Many GG SOs report that fear of "losing the man they married" is what freaks them out most.

[Annaliese2010]

F2M CD would be ok...sometimes not all the time. Transition all the way? Hellllllllll No!

[RADER]

My wife is totality OK with me dressing. The only boundaries are no shaving my chest, and no going
outside in a dress. I can go along with this, it is a small price to pay concentrating the other end results.
Not being able pass in any form sort of limits me to the "Closet". Thats OK with me.
Their are times when my wife tells me to go put on a bra; Generally when I am up-set about something.
I love my wife to the end of the world, and would do nothing to upset that.
The thought of me going for hormones, or SRS is totality out of the question. I have been a BOY for over 65 years,
to late in life to change; Besides living on both sides is fun.
Rader

[GeminaRenee]

As much as I'd love to say that I'd be completely okay with it, I can't! If she were an occasional CD'er, sure, that wouldn't be a problem. But SRS would not work for me.

You have to be attracted to the person you're with, and I feel no attraction whatsoever to people (male or female) with an overall masculine appearance. I just don't think I would be able to give her what she needed in that role. Of course, I would support her, but like others have said - I could no longer be her lover.

I think this is a very good question. I think that very often, we fail to acknowledge what GGs may be feeling when the 'great reveal' is made to them. It's hard not to be empathetic when forced to think about the shoe being on the other foot.

[NV Susan]

Thinking about this....Wow, would that make a walk into our closet interesting. Would we be able to swap cloths???
I guess we would both end up with two sets of cloths....the more I think about this the more I like it.....:daydreaming:

[Lorileah]

This comes up frequently and the answer is usually the same, most would accept it. But this is because we have a unique perspective, we have been there. Ask the same in another site and you will a resounding "NO" (well except for the few who will see it as a possibility to have a sexual tryst with extra people).

So because we are in this forum, I would say, yes I would allow her to be who she is. Would we stay together? Who knows. In my situation it would not matter how she presented, but you know if she transitioned who is to say she would not want someone else? I will say that there would be confusion and maybe even a little anger and hurt if she did this after 10, 20, 30 years of being together.

[tracigirl_tv]

Melody, this is interesting food for thought. Thank you for posing this question; I've enjoyed reading the responses so far.

As for me, my gf actually does have some F2M leanings (loves men's shoes, and has a particular thing for "zoot suits"....look it up *lol*). I think it's fine. Let me re-phrase: I think it's hot. I think being a CDer myself has given me the appreciation for the wonderfully unique ways we have. I savor her uniqueness as she savors mine.

hugs,

Traci

[Acastina]

I'm not sure the symmetry presumed by the question exists. Women already have vastly more latitude as to what they can wear without setting off anyone's gay alarms. My wife, who looks really great when flossy, spends most of her time in jeans, casual tops (a lot of sweatshirts), and sensible shoes, with minimal makeup. Is she cross-dressing?

The boundary of the acceptable is way past 50 percent in this regard. Taking totally femme as 100 and totally butch as 0 (my bias...), I would say that women in today's western world can range from 10-100 without issues; men, 0-60 (maybe). So, if one is a bit inclined to CD a woman can pretty much do what she wants, while men need to carefully calibrate when and where and what.

If the question is, then, how accepting would I be if she wanted to explore that last 10 percent with, say, coat-and-tie, wingtip shoes, temporary facial hair, short-hair wig, and so forth, I think that my basic sense of fairness would be to accept and encourage her as she accepts and encourages me. We've always been very flexible in our intimacy, so I don't think there's a deal-killing issue there.

I'd want to be sure that it was sincerely motivated and not some kind of payback for my situation, and with her, I have no doubts; we're too open and settled with each other for that.

I do think that FTM CD is relatively rare as a true mirror image to what we do, because of that asymmetry of acceptability. Interesting question, though.

[kathrynt21]

I would have no problem accepting anything she wanted to do. After telling her about Kathryn, I would be the worst type of hypocrite to let let her be exactly who she wants to be.
I even have some clothes she can borrow!

[LilSissyStevie]

Sure, then I could be "heterosexual when dressed" and the rest of the time I'd just be gay.

[christina s]

This is why i want to upfront with this side of myself if i'm getting into a relationship . If the girl i'm dating wants to transition into a burly man that really not the same person i had feelings for .

[Imeni]

Its an actually simple question to answer. In general, yes. If i had to deal with a situation with my SO, no. And here's why.

I entered a relationship, head on, telling her that i was a crossdresser. And she was into it because she likes girls as well as guys. So its awesome. However. At no point has she ever told me that she would want to do this. And I would probably end the relationship, at least the physical one because of it. Why? Because I'm not attracted to men. If she brought it up that she wanted to do this, or hinted at it throughout the relationship, I don't think I would have continuted with it because of that simple fact. The more masculine she becomes, the less attracted to her I will be.

As for everyone else, I have very little in the way of judgement towards other people. I wouldn't ever go, "Eew get away!" at anyone, obviously. :o

[Christine1954]

[QUOTE=Karren Hutton;2678588]Honestly..... I'd ask for a divorce!! I married a woman. Not a man... And that sounds like a double standard? But I totally understand the way she feels about me and my hobby. And have never blamed her for not kicking me to the curb![/QUOT

I would have to agree with Karren for the most part if my wife wanted to transition. If it was to dress and act manly on occasion, then I would be able to handle that and be supportive.
Christine.:)

[suchacutie]

We are man and wife. We have agreed that nothing will get in the way of that. We are and will forever be committed to each other on that basis.

If my wife were suddenly to (as it happened to me) find a male side, I would be completely supportive.

If either one of us wanted SRS, we would also be saying goodbye to our commitment, and I presume, would do so as best friends.

[JoyceJ]

I thought about this recently too. I would support her 100%. If I loved her enough, her gender choice wouldn't change who she is inside or why I love her. Although I would lose attraction to her physically, we would still have a strong mental and emotional connection to each other that you can't just throw out. I don't know how the relationship would evolve from there, but I would never stand in the way of her dream and be behind her completely whether it's as her best friend, lover or somewhere in the middle.

[stacycoral]

This comes up frequently and the answer is usually the same, most would accept it. But this is because we have a unique perspective, we have been there. Ask the same in another site and you will a resounding "NO" (well except for the few who will see it as a possibility to have a sexual tryst with extra people).

So because we are in this forum, I would say, yes I would allow her to be who she is. Would we stay together? Who knows. In my situation it would not matter how she presented, but you know if she transitioned who is to say she would not want someone else? I will say that there would be confusion and maybe even a little anger and hurt if she did this after 10, 20, 30 years of being together.



Melody, this is interesting food for thought. Thank you for posing this question; I've enjoyed reading the responses so far.


Melody, you have came up with a good question again girl, I agree with these ladies.

[Jennifer529]

Great question,I would have no problem with it at all.
You love a person unconditionally or not at all.

[Barbara Ella]

I must agree with the majority of posts, and would have no problem with a cross dresser engaging in the same activities as i choose. If it came to SRS, we would remain live together friends.

Babes

[sissystephanie]

My late wife and I had discussed this very point some years ago. I told her that my love for her was such that whatever she wanted to do was O.K. with me. She knew that I had no desire to actually become a woman. She did ask me what I would do if she decided to actually become a man. I told her that if she did that, and still loved me then I would become her woman in reality!! Fair is fair, I think! Of course nothing like that ever happened!!

[Dixie]

My ex-wife bought almost all of her outer clothes from the men's section so in essence she was crossdressing everyday, everywhere. Funny thing no one ever gave her a second glance for it. Wonder why they would stare at me lol

[susmitha]

it would be okay if my wife x-dresses once in a while and acts as the man in our relationship. i like to dress and act as female sometimes. occasional role reversal, i.e. complete role reversal is very enjoyable.

[Julia_in_Pa]

I'm intersexed and my SO is a lesbian GG.

My SO's sexual preference was the deciding factor and the foundation on which we built our relationship.

She is a soft butch and wears the pants (literally) in the family.

She wears men's slacks, dress shirts, polo's and most of the time men's dress shoes to her job as a sales rep.


Julia

[wildsylph]

well..
I'm not married so coming out to a significant other is not a issue, if it were and she wants to transition, I'll have to understand this is the person true self, and go from there.

[Vickie_CDTV]

If she wanted to crossdress once in a while as I do (no HRT or SRS etc.) sure I would be fine with it (especially if she found the experience to be exciting as some M2Fs do.)

[Anna Lorree]

I would be fine if she wanted to dress as "he". I would love to renew our wedding vows dressed. And yes, I would be open to full role reversal in more intimate settings...

As for full transition, if she gets to, then so do I.

Anna

[ReineD]

There have been many threads about this, and like Lori I recall most CDs said they'd be OK with this.

But ... I want to caution that the "what if" idyllic scenarios end up being entirely different when they actually come to pass. :p

[Dami]

I would accept it completly. I'm sure I would probably have the same questions for her as she did for me when I told her about myself. I would want to know if it's just a CD'ing thing or if she was really wanting to Transition. I would fall into the same thinking that she has about my CD'ing, she doesn;t mind me cd'ing as long as I'm not looking to go "Full time" (Which I have no desire to do.) and I would feel the same way.

Dami

[bimini1]

Very supportive I would feel like I had more of an ally in the world.