I finally met an admirer!!

[Alice Torn]

Well, it finally happened. After years of close calls, I finally met an admirer, that i have been emailing with for weeks. He seemed like a gentleman, had his photo in his ad. Single. I was a very nervous being for the morning. We met at 11:15. It went fairly well. I was awful trying to sound like a lady! I was making him nervous, too! I let him give me a leg massage, and did some other touching, but i did tell him what i would not do. He was ok.I modeled a skirt, top, hose and heels combo, then a nice sheath dress, hose and heels. It could have been a lot worse, though i was very nervous the whole time. It sure felt nice to be gently touched, though. I would prefer a special GG, though.

[miaTX86]

congrats, sounds like a nice time.

[Marleena]

So there it is, the other part of your last post. Sounds like it was difficult for you, Louise? Just nerves?

[Alice Torn]

Marleena, Nerves, fears, conflicts within. I am a bit uneasy around people in general, including my dad and sister, in drab. Being dressed up alone, with a strange man, i hardly know, is scary. He would have liked full sex, but, i drew the line. There is inner conflict, because i want to look attractive to a man, and be treated as a lady...but, my other side would like to be with a true lady. I am my own worst enemy, as the old saying goes. I would be willing to meet him again, but with certain boundries again.

[Marleena]

It totally get it Louise! You need to stay in your comfort zone.:)

[FurPus63]

I just want to say that you state you're conflicted inside, but your actions are speaking louder than your words! I personally would love to have this experience as I am Bi and when dressed en-femme, I serverly desire to be with a man (although I know I also fantasize about being in a lesbian situation as well). However; you're the one who had the experience and I can't take anything away from what you're encountering emotionally or psychologically. It is your experience.

With that in mind, I can't help but wonder if you're starting to discover a part of your sexuality that's beginning to surface? You may be more bi than you want to admit to yourself. I mean, you've been emailing this gentleman, thinking about and then actually meeting him, allowing him to touch you in a sensual manner. You state you want to meet him again, with more boundaries?

I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing, and I'm not a "know it all," but as someone who does care, I can't help but state "proceed with caution;" and really think about what you're proposing to do here. I certainly would hate to see someone being lead-on by someone who isn't quite sure what they want or even if they want it. Just putting myself in his shoes for a moment while taking yours into consideration as well.

Either way, I am a little jealous/envious that you had an opportunity to have a "date" with a man dressed enfemme. That is something I fantasize about and hope for someday myself. Sexuality can be very complicated sometimes. If you do see him again, maybe you could try kissing and see how that feels??? I'd be curious to know how it goes.

Good luck. Either way no matter what you decide to do next. You have my support.

Paulette.

[Cynthia Anne]

Louise I'm happy for you! You have made the first step and that is a big one! You are right to take it slow! Feel things out first and the nerves will calm down more each time you meet! I hope you find what you are looking for! Hugs!

[Julogden]

Hi Louise,

I'm very glad to hear that you finally got together with him and that it went well!

Carol :hugs:

[ReineD]

There is inner conflict, because i want to look attractive to a man, and be treated as a lady...but, my other side would like to be with a true lady. I am my own worst enemy, as the old saying goes.

Louise, sorry if I'm about to sound like "little miss know-it-all" since I'm not a CDer, but you are describing feelings that are often posted in this forum, and have also been written about by a sexologist, Ray Blanchard. Perhaps if you understand why you feel conflicted, it will help.

This may be what is going on: You enjoy the fantasy of being a woman for a man because the man serves to emphasize or accentuate your femininity. He is a prop, a foil so to speak. The desire to be with him is not motivated by any sexual attraction you have for men, hence your willingness to 'show and tell', but not go any further. You continue to be attracted to GGs because you are hetero and not bi.

Still, if you can find a willing and trustworthy male partner who will go at your pace, then I'm happy for you! :)

[docrobbysherry]

I have had little experience with "admirers". However, I did have a chance to meet 2 up close at the SCC. One seemed to be a diminitive gentleman. The other, a fairly agressive burly sort! In other words, they were both very different but they were both MEN! The first made me nervous at first. However, he was casual and easy to talk to. I soon relaxed around him. The other appeared suddenly. He was physically pursuing a pretty young CD that had just arrived at our table. I felt like throwing him out! But, the young CD apparently liked the attention and wanted him left alone!

[Vickie_CDTV]

I'd think very carefully before you go any further. As someone who identifies as straight, are you sure you won't feel awkward or guilty if you involve yourself intimately with a man? Some I know have experimented with the same sex and then later regretted it. If you ever do find an understanding GG, she will ask you if you have ever been involved with someone of the same sex; to be honest you would have to say you were, and that may or may not be troubling to her.

[monalisa]

Did you two e-mail after the date. Are you planning a second date? You will eventually relax and can then enjoy the attention.

[Alice Torn]

Monalisa, Yes, i did email him last night, and gave him praise for bring a gentleman, and for driving so far. I apologized for being so nervous. //i did stste more specifically what i would like to do. He may try meeting again. I don't know. I may not bewilling to do as much as he wants, but it sure was nice having him massage my legs in hose!

[Julia_in_Pa]

I hope you took him for what he had for the evening.

Have sex with him if you wish just be careful to use him before the tables are turned.


Julia

[Miranda-E]

He would have liked full sex,

I never met a man that didn't, even the good ones.
Men will have sex at the drop of a hat (and with the hat when no one is looking)
You just need to figure out where its going and what type of relation ship it is and if its the type you want.
Will he date you in non-sexual open scenarios, will he be seen with you? is he what you want?

Is he married? if he is are you ok being the other woman?
lots of questions to ask yourself. be happy, don't settle.

[April_Ligeia]

Interesting. I have emailed back and forth with a couple of admirers. I am straight, but have to admit that I like the attention. I feel like an actual real-world meeting would be anti-climactic for all involved, because I just am not attracted to men. However, the anonymous attention is extremely flattering, and I hope these admirers are enjoying some wonderful fantasies.

[Alice Torn]

April, I feel the same way. I found that after getting over some of the jitters, i really enjoyed the attention, but, I am not attracted to men enough, to do what they want to do with me. If it could be limited to modeling, dancing, and maybe massage, I would be satisfied with that, but, they want sex. I feel a bit selfish now.

[ColleenCD]

I would normally advise therapy to resolve the conflicts, but Reine seems to have it right. Look at the savings!


Colleen

[April_Ligeia]

April, I feel the same way. I found that after getting over some of the jitters, i really enjoyed the attention, but, I am not attracted to men enough, to do what they want to do with me. If it could be limited to modeling, dancing, and maybe massage, I would be satisfied with that, but, they want sex. I feel a bit selfish now.


No one has a right to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do, Louise. Flattery makes me feel good, and maybe the flatterers want sex but aren't getting it from me, but I'm sure they are getting some sort of release. Maybe what they get from me is a visual image that they remember at opportune moments, let's just say, and maybe that gives them pleasure. As far as I'm concerned, that means everyone wins. If an admirer wants more, that isn't my problem. I have already given him something, and I'll continue to flirt, and I don't feel bad about that at all. That's just good clean fun that doesn't hurt anyone. Just my opinion, there is nothing wrong with selfishness. After all, they are being selfish when they expect you to do things you aren't comfortable with. You be selfish, and enjoy yourself!

[Rogina B]

I am more in line with Julia...charge him!! You may feel a whole lot better about it..you'd be surprised..

[Alice Torn]

Thankfully, the admirer i met was not a forceful idiot. He was quite decent. He has not answered my emails since we met, though. I may have been too blasted nervous, for him.

[Alice Torn]

Thank you all for your very valuable input! And Reine, you also are spot on!

[Jill Devine]

I would say that it is VERY dangerous to meet a strange man over the Internet and then end up with him behind locked doors. Your sexual orientation is your business but all I can say is that if you continue to meet random men online for fun and play, you are putting your life and safety at risk.

Not worth it.

[Alice Torn]

Jill, i totally agree! That is so true. I have cancelled many potential admirer meetings, am very cautious, may never do it again.

[kimdl93]

I understand the need for human contact and attention. Now that you have had that experience it seems even more obvious that your interests are elsewhere. I think you should work ongetting more at ease arround people...so that you can eventually be confident in the company of women. It can happen if you take those tentative first steps. Certainly no more unnerving than meeting a stranger!

[Babeba]

I am more in line with Julia...charge him!! You may feel a whole lot better about it..you'd be surprised..

Really? I have to admit, this thread is the first time I have seen someone suggest that a person take up prostitution to increase their self esteem... Just sayin'.

[ReineD]

^ I agree Babs. It gets pretty crass in here sometimes. I don't know if Julia and Rogina are serious or if they're going for shock value. Or, maybe it's a joke.

[Marleena]

Louise, I think you crave attention, all humans do. I had a feeling this wasn't really for you, thus my questions. I think you've found your answer already. Best of luck.:)

[Vickie_CDTV]

Really? I have to admit, this thread is the first time I have seen someone suggest that a person take up prostitution to increase their self esteem... Just sayin'.

Not to mention sad cavalier attitude towards the innocent, unknowing wives of the "johns".

[donnalee]

I hope you took him for what he had for the evening.

Have sex with him if you wish just be careful to use him before the tables are turned.


Julia


I am more in line with Julia...charge him!! You may feel a whole lot better about it..you'd be surprised..


Really? I have to admit, this thread is the first time I have seen someone suggest that a person take up prostitution to increase their self esteem... Just sayin'.


^ I agree Babs. It gets pretty crass in here sometimes. I don't know if Julia and Rogina are serious or if they're going for shock value. Or, maybe it's a joke.


Not to mention sad cavalier attitude towards the innocent, unknowing wives of the "johns".Reminds me of this:
A man took a woman out on a date; afterwards, they went to his apartment for drinks and to get to know each other better. After they had conversed for a while, the man asked her "Do you think you would sleep with someone for a million dollars?", After thinking it over very carefully, she answered "Yes, I suppose I would." The man then asked her "How about for a hundred dollars?""What do you think I am?!!" she responded, angrily. "We've already established that; now we're merely discussing price.", he answered.
:o(Sorry; I just couldn't help myself.):heehee:

[Alice Torn]

Kim, Thank you for the advice. I did not start dating until age 26 or so, and during the 1980's, and early 90's, i went out, with about 48 women, on platonic dates, with one, to five, that i did want to become serious with. After about 1994, i have dated very little at all! I have a lot of my father's issues. he still says he has alway been a loner, and ill at ease around people! He has pushed his issues on me, all my life! His anti-socialness, dislike for people, and being kept from girls as a kid. The same bloody thing for me! He is 90 years old, still narcissistic, anti-social, a loner, and pushes me to be that way! He is envious and jealous of me, because i am only 57 and single. Subconsciously, i SABATAGED myself socially, because i did not want to outshine my loner father. I sabataged my relationships, because i felt sorry for my father felt i had to be like him! He alleays resented that i was born, too.

[Beth Mays]

I have never met a person that did not have some kind of issues. You hafta weed out the ones that are inportant from the ones that are not.

[Alice Torn]

Well, the guy i met, says he is terribly allergic to my cats, so said he won't be coming again this way. I wonder also, it it is because i was so nervous, and some things i won't do! Ha"

[Babeba]

Louise, that kinda sucks if you liked that guy... But, c'est la vie. Don't feel like you have to do something uncomfortable to get someone to stay around. Stick to your guns if that's what you like!


... If you do end up like other women and allow yourself to be persuaded into actions you don't want to do overall - just because you do something once you agreed to, does not mean you have to keep doing it. With any sexual act, only saying yes means yes, you consent. And consent needs to be given each time. Sometimes inexperienced/young women feel like once they have had sex, even if they did not like it, they are 'ruined' and it won't matter if they do it again... But, it DOES matter to how you feel about yourself and it is important to love yourself enough to only say yes to things you really want to do.

[Nicole Erin]

Men want sex. They don't like to be teased. Keep in mind that with most men, that is all they want but nothing wrong with the occasional one night stand. The men who do want to meet us are not wanting "talk".

If you want to do it, go for it. If you don't enjoy it, just don't do it again.
I think it is funny how so many around here talk about feeling girly, posting photos of their nylon'ed legs, and saying how they have fantasies about being with men but when push comes to shove, they get scared.
None of that should be reason for you to not enjoy life. If you are not used to being with men but are interested, sooner or later you just have to do it.

They always talk about being careful and all that which is fine but they always say on here don't do this or that" and have some horror story to go along. What are you gonna do? not live life?

[KimberlyJane]

As a confirmed Bi human, I see no line between men or women when it comes to attraction. If a person is nice to me, treats me kindly, and listens to what I have to say, I enjoy their company, and it is a base for developing a connection. I have been so lucky to have had both boyfriends and girlfriends in my life, and now find it strange to deny any kind human contact, no matter the gender. The key is human connection, if it is there, and you are comfortable enough to act on it, you may find a great relationship or friendship to come from it.

We live under such strict social rules, that it is often difficult for us to express our true selves. Hopefully you find others to share life with, be it men or women, and may they treat you as the valuable human you are!
Much love, big hugs!
Kimberly

[AmandaM]

I think it is funny how so many around here talk about feeling girly, posting photos of their nylon'ed legs, and saying how they have fantasies about being with men but when push comes to shove, they get scared.

Exactamundo. I agree with ReineD and Babs too. Some of us wonder what it's like to be a complete woman, including sexually. Yes, I've wondered and fantasized about what it is like being a woman having sex. And yes, this includes being with male as well as female partners. But in real life? Actually with a man? No, I'm too scared. I "could" do it, but don't think I will and it's not a big draw for me anyway. I think for me ultimately, it's the idea of reaching as complete a female image as possible. It may be with you too. Just a complicated fantasy in our complicated lives. Only you can answer this question.

[Badtranny]

I felt like throwing him out! But, the young CD apparently liked the attention and wanted him left alone!

I'm sorry Doc, but this doesn't make sense. It's hardly your business to "throw out" a guy who's trying to chat up a girl, or CD or whatever. I'm sure she didn't need "dad" around to look after her.

Just an observation

[ReineD]

But in real life? Actually with a man? No, I'm too scared. I "could" do it, but don't think I will and it's not a big draw for me anyway. I think for me ultimately, it's the idea of reaching as complete a female image as possible. It may be with you too. Just a complicated fantasy in our complicated lives.

The reality of two men engaging in a sex act is entirely different than any femme fantasy. At the end of it all the clothes and the props come off and the stark naked truth stares you in the face. If someone is gay or bi it's no big deal but I don't think a hetero person can change his sexuality on a whim, and the sex act with a guy is either a let down for some people, or disgusting for others.

I've read opinions over time here that some CDers are in fact bi but they are in denial. This may be true, but it seems to me that if someone can reach a place of self-acceptance and even embrace the CDing, then they are open minded enough to also embrace the concept of bisexuality (since they actually do welcome fantasies about men) and there is no reason to be in denial.

Bottom line? Either someone is into men or they're not, no matter what the fantasy looks like.

[kimdl93]

Kim, Thank you for the advice. I did not start dating until age 26 or so, and during the 1980's, and early 90's, i went out, with about 48 women, on platonic dates, with one, to five, that i did want to become serious with. After about 1994, i have dated very little at all! I have a lot of my father's issues. he still says he has alway been a loner, and ill at ease around people! He has pushed his issues on me, all my life! His anti-socialness, dislike for people, and being kept from girls as a kid. The same bloody thing for me! He is 90 years old, still narcissistic, anti-social, a loner, and pushes me to be that way! He is envious and jealous of me, because i am only 57 and single. Subconsciously, i SABATAGED myself socially, because i did not want to outshine my loner father. I sabataged my relationships, because i felt sorry for my father felt i had to be like him! He alleays resented that i was born, too.

Parents can do awful things to their offspring. Somehow, today, you need to find a way to overcome the obstacles your father has created in your life. You're smart, articulate and attractive....and you're as capable of making meaningful relationships as anyone else. You seem perfectly aware of what has been holding you back, and if I'm understanding you correctly, willing to make the effort to have a life of your own. You can love your parent and still be free to reject the dysfunction they've created in their own lives and in yours. I wish you the very best in that effort.