My time

[Nigella]

It is my understanding, from reading a number of threads, that sometimes the impact of "everyday life" is a strain on some as it curtails their extra curricular activities as their alternate self.

This appears to affect both "innies" and "outies", I would dare say to lesser degree to the "outies" by nature of the fact that they have shared this side of their life with some if not all of their immediate family.

A recent thread, commenting on how the other side will have to be "hidden" until after the holidays, got me thinking how much this affects you.

Christmas is obviously a "family" time which means "dad" is meant to be around, in the UK we have a lengthy 6 week summer holiday when schools close and the kids are at home so it is day around again.

Well the point of this post? What is your coping strategy? Do you wish you could have some time to be "you" during this time? Do you feel hard done by that "he" is expected to be there?

[AllieSF]

Fortunately, I now live by myself with grown children, one of whom occasionally returns to the nest to get back on his feet economically. I have a lot of freedom, but also do run into those moments when real life requires that I put Allie away for the moment. Since those moments for me are normally short, I justs live with it. I think that I have matured enough in this side of me, that stopping for awhile does not mean that it will not restart, thus I can deal with it. I would think that for those that are limited already in the logistics department as to when they can dress, an extended layoff may be very frustrating.

[Dawn cd]

My SO and I are empty-nesters, but at Christmastime our two unmarried sons come back to this small NYC apartment. Living arrangements are tight, not just for dressing but in every way. We enjoy having them home, but we quietly celebrate when the holiday is over and the nest holds just two again.

[suchacutie]

I simply enjoy both of my gendered selves. There are times when Tina is around a lot, to the exclusion of my male self. The "guy" in me doesn't complain about that, so Tina needs to be equally gracious when the "guy" me is needed. It's all in the balance.

Do I get a little odd when Tina hasn't been around for a while? Sure. Example: After being empty nesters for a while, we had a year when the nest was temporarily refilled. Tina had very little time. However, during that time I learned how to apply mascara so no one would notice in male mode...no clumps, each hair as if it were "natural". That took quite a while! We looked to Tina's wardrobe, her shoe collection, her makeup (a lot will need to be replaced after a year). Basically, we took care of her, talked about her, and her voice got practiced daily. Now that Tina is back she had terrific ability with mascara and a much improved voice :)

Once I realized that Tina was simply a part of my life it was much easier to fold her into everything else that I do!

[Maria 60]

I usually have a hard time now, only a few hours a week if iam lucky, and have complained about it in the past in some post and the community tells me to suck it up. I don't mind if the opportunity doe's not come but what grinds my gears is when you know that there's a chance and a last minute change of plan takes it away. Last year both kids wear working part time jobs and during the holidays they would get a lot of hours, but this year my daughter now works full time and will be off for the holidays and my son isn't getting to many hours because of his school schedule. So it could be a really in the closet holiday for Maria but it's always great to have the children around for the holidays.

[jillleanne]

My coping strategy? I wish it were that simple at times. I will try to keep this in simple plain english. Current situation: I am out, my s/o accepts, participates and encourages my gender enhanced expression. I eat, sleep, and breathe expressing my drab/male and en femme/female self independently for extended periods of time, no negative issues or problems in the family unit, period. I do however, run into this problem at times in that, there are times when I physically and mentally have an internal desire to be en femme and at the same time, and equally strong, have physical and mental desires to be drab/male. The 'push/pull' effect of this is incredible and uncomfortale to say the least. Generally, if I feel the need to express my femme side, I just dress and that solves the issue. Conversely, if I need to let the testosterone scream out loud, I just dress drab, go do guy things, and problem solved (that of course is the simplistic description). However during certain times, neither drab nor en femme satisfies my physical and mental pressures I am experiencing. Often what happens is I feel mental pressures to be one gender, and phyiological pressures to be the opposite gender. The only thing that solves these times, is time itself; I just wait it out for a few days. It always solves itself. This does happen often enough that I recognize it and tell my s/o be prepared to see me in a state of confusion for the next few days until it passes. She just thanks me for telling her and life goes on.