Self esteem

[cdsara]

did you have low self esteem as a child? Do you still? Is this why we dress to feel more like a passive female.

[jillleanne]

No. No. and well, you may have guessed the next one, no.
Low self esteem can be caused by many things. I believe for most it is a byproduct of what one learns from their peers growing up. We are what we are taught by example and by word.

[AllieSF]

Nope, never played a part in why I dress.

[Kelly DeWinter]

no again, that makes 3 strikes. Next question ?

[Raychel Torn]

HA! That was my wife's reply when I asked her if she though I had low self esteem. No, I never have suffered from that particular issue.

[Karren H]

My self esteem is typically higher than anyone I know... Always has been... And crossdressing especially in public just bolsters it.. And since when are females passive? All the ones I know are the opposite. Borderline aggressive. Confident!

[Julie Hall]

I guess I will go against the tide and say, yes. My self esteem was very low as a child and is at an all time low currently, but I don't think it is why I dress. My self esteem doesn't increase when dressed female.

[KellyJameson]

Belief in ones value as a person in relation to others (not less than or more than in value), Belief in ones capacities to provide for the needs that sustain life and make it worth living. Understanding the difference between rational and irrational fear and learning how to manage both kinds of fear. Internal moral code that guides relations with other living beings based on empathy not only laws. These are some of the things I think about in relation to the concept of Self Esteem. All of these things must be learned, we are not born with this.

I am not passive I am gentle. I am not fearless I am comfortable with my fears. I hold life as it's highest value and seek to live without stealing the life force of another. I seek perfection of self but accept imperfection of self. I seek understanding but accept confusion. I do not sacrifice myself in the service of others and I do not sacrifice others in the service of self but strive to " live and let live"

The word passive has many dangerous implications if it is built on a foundation of hopelessness, despair and the absence of the will to live often born of self contempt and circumstances of birth. This must be fought into submission or a person risks self destruction.

Only the powerful can afford to be passive but than it is not being passive only yielding to allow for the expenditure of an opponents power binding the other to them by their investment of energy,resources and misunderstanding of what power really is. See "Tao of Power"

If you use crossdressing to temper your male aggresion this is not about being a "passive female" or "passive male" but repairing the damage done by an insane world that worships violence at the expense of your humanity

[Diane Elizabeth]

I am with Jimbo as to having low self esteem as a child, as an adult as well. I do not believe it has anything with my dressing though. When I am dressed my self esteem is about the same. Maybe a little higher. At least I haven't had any suicidal thoughts while dressed.

[cdsara]

just wondering because it came up in therapy tonight. I use my dressing to escape my life and boost my mood and self esteem. I am nolonger that same kid that was picked on and put down all through school. I am still not sure if thats what caused it but it is a good possibility. maybe its the parents fault, after my dad got hurt he became a stay home dad and gave up the (pants in the family) to my mom who was the bread winner and aggressor in the relationship. He was never into sports or other masculine activities. maybe I am all wet in the head! Maybe I just like it!

[ME2.0]

Yes, Yes, and No. I had low self esteem as a child, people respect me now, but I still have low self esteem. However I dress to get away from what I delt with and still do... You see, Staci is who I choose to make her. Perhapse Staci will never leave the confines of her house, but that isn't really important to me. While I'm Staci, I can be smarter, more confident; everything that I'm not.

Maybe it isn't a great form of therapy, but I've never been happier, and my wife's even noticed a difference in how often I'm depressed. I really don't plan on changing.

Staci

[Kat42]

I have to answer yes... I had very low self esteem as a young'n and thought I was ugly. Somewhere in my midteens I figured out I wasn't the problem but some one else's opinion/expectations was. And that experience was very formative on the person that I am today. Likely CD and all. It was quite an epiphany.

Rest of explanation omitted.

[Aeron]

did you have low self esteem as a child? Do you still? Is this why we dress to feel more like a passive female.

Yes. Yes. I don't feel passive when I dress. Paranoid and nervous, yes. Passive, no.

[ME2.0]

Aeron, I can't imagine why you would be paranoid and nervous when you dress, you have very beautiful, striking features. Wish I had a face like that to work with!!

Love
Staci

[Aeron]

Aeron, I can't imagine why you would be paranoid and nervous when you dress, you have very beautiful, striking features. Wish I had a face like that to work with!!

Love
Staci

Bless you, Staci. Not me in the avatar pic, though. that's Kirstie Ally circa 1982. :)

An actual pic of me could be used to scare mall children and sterilize toads at fifty paces.

[Melody1985]

As a child, I would say I had my moments of being down. But never went so low that it was depressing. I had a girl break up with me for instance, and that made me question myself for a minute. But I got over that quickly..

As of the present day, my self esteem is good, and I was fine just prior to dressing as well.

So no, it did not lead to my dressing.. I'm just a mild mannered person in general who doesnt get too high or low on anythinG really.

[ME2.0]

Well, about the best I can say for myself is that I'm worse than Rupal, and slightly better than Dee Snyder.

Love ya anyhow!!

Staci

[LeaP]

Not until I was a teenager, and it stayed down thereafter in several ways. I see a relationship among suppression, depression, and gender identity (hence dressing), but I don't think that's what you are implying. The notion of being passive while dressed is a complete non-sequitur. In any event, self-esteem is typically compartmentalized. There are some things I quite like about myself.

Are you suggesting that feeling lousy about yourself as a male equates to being a passive female?

Lea

[elizabethamy]

Sara, I am hopeful that through my therapy that my lifelong self-esteem issues will be somewhat mitigated; I'm dealing right now with the believe that the crossdressing might be more a symptom of the cure (and identification of the cause) of the problem than a manifestation of it. But it's going to take some time and some more therapy...good luck to you!

[Jonianne]

The more self-esteem you have, the more you allow yourself to be free and wear the cloths you like.

[Meg East]

If I was depressed then my self esteem would take a dive.

Now, I have I have a great deal of self esteem.

[Cheryl T]

Well, first of all it's not about feeling like a "passive female".
Assuming that we want to passive or submissive is assuming far too much.

[Miranda-E]

It took a lot of self esteem to spend 40 years fighting to be the woman I was instead of being the male so many wanted me to be.

[Kathleen]

this is not about being a "passive female" or "passive male" but repairing the damage done by an insane world that worships violence at the expense of your humanity

That's beautiful Kelly. Amen!

I have obnoxiously high self-esteem outside... to compensate for low self-esteem inside. I've always thought the root of that was man-boobs -- even though I was only ever directly teased about it once, as a kid, I have always been hyper-sensitive about it. And I've always thought they were the root of my CDing too. So maybe it's related, at least in me. Who knows.

[z.kasia]

For me it is not about being a passive female. I have known for a long time I am part feminine but I am not passive. When I see the feminine side of me in the way I dress I feel more fully me and satisfied. It is really difficult to explain. Something happens to me inside that allows another part of me to be free and hopeful. It does scare me though. I believe this fear though is social.

[Dulcinea]

At some point in my life I had low self esteem, but I do not think I suffer from that now. I am very critical of myself and of course at some point I did question myself for my Crossdressing. Now I know that I am no worse or better human being for my crossdressing, that allows me concentrate in living my life and not on thinking what would other people say. I do not leave the closet for practical reasons like the conservation of my job and the peace of mind of my family.

[cassandra54]

i don't think the two are connected. but i had low self-esteem for many years. still do to a certain extent, but working on it. i have to own the fact that i am very different and own it. being tg is only one part of it.

[GBJoker]

According to some, I've always and still have the absolute lowest self esteem possible. Depression essentially.

I do not dress to be a passive female though.

[Lorileah]

Yes I did as a child. Yes I think I am not as good as I could be now (I am a perfectionist from I am told and if things don't come easy I get frustrated easily) and yeah maybe my female self has a higher opinion of herself than my male side does. But is it the reason I dress? No.

[Sheilah]

Ummhhh - interesting question - as a gg with life long self esteem issues this is very interesting to me.
Simply because if low self self esteem may be a cause for cding, ( as suggested,) wouldn't I be feeling compelled to dress as a male? I'm not trying to cause an internet riot - but?
Let me calrify where I'm coming from - I'm an overweight, (whole of my life,) British born gg who spent many years feeling extremely inadequate because of this. I even paid privately for gastric bypass surgery becasue I felt so helpless and wretched.
I admit that in my work/business life - I am a completely different person. Confident, succesful etc. But put me in a pub with just me and my lovely tv husband and he is the one that can talk to anyone - certainly not me. ( Not as bad as I used to be.)
So I have to say - wouldn't I have cding female to male if this was the case?
Maybe its the other way around? The need to cd as a youngster caused the delf esteem? As in me the lack of confidence due to my weight issues caused the serious inability to be able to interact with other people? ( I felt they would judge me based on how I looked. Maybe for cds its the low self esteem comes from "if you only knew how I really felt."
I'm not trying to cause offence to anyone but its another perspective.
By the way - please excuse my poor spelling and grammer in this post - in UK its 24.05 pm on a Friday night with weekend off and and I've drank the best part of a bottle of good wine all to myself. :) This affects spelling and grammer.
XX

[StacyCD]

I don't think I have ever suffered from low self-esteem. When I discovered that I enjoyed wearing women's clothes as a child I certainly didn't understand it and certainly went to great lengths to hide it. Until I discovered that I was not alone in my enjoyment of wearing silky underthings, I always was kind of ashamed. Now I'm no longer ashamed and I certainly have never been passive!

[Gypsy Sam]

Interesting content here, with a wide variance in responses. No right answer here . A young male given to a passive response to external stimuli, may learn about a female side to their personality. Never the less that discovery is of no value on the boys playground,gym class,school bus, or classroom. When imagination meets discovery of silk, satin and lace against their own skin it's HI-HO and away we go. Truly apples and oranges in thought processing. No scientific data to back this up, just my own gut feeling. Low self esteem has been with me since pre- school experiences, success breeds success and good self esteem. Repititous failures leads to low self esteem absolutely.

[docrobbysherry]

Yes. Yes. I don't feel passive when I dress. Paranoid and nervous, yes. Passive, no.
And THAT, ladies and gentleman, is why I am a closet dresser! Nothing but a full of myself, unadulterated, uninhibited, sexy, maybe even naked, Sherry! Going out dressed? I'm like Aeron! NOT QUITE as much fun!

As to the thread heading, if I had esteem issues, I'd never have posted any of Sherry's rediculous photos here to begin with!

[Vanessa Storrs]

My self esteem has always been fair, not a Master of the Universe but still above the level of whale poop. As a woman I am confident and belive I look better than I do as a man.