Busy stores and feeling uneasy

[Launa]

I went to a small new and used clothing store yesterday. It was loaded with all sort of goodies for reasonable prices. The problem is the store is very tight quarters, I was shoulder to shoulder with other shoppers and was getting "the stares" from them.
I wanted to try some stuff on but felt too uncomfortable so I left with buying nothing. What a drag, I hate cowering down because there are other shoppers around me and then getting that uneasy felling. But its a new day I will try again.

[5150 Girl]

Teh more the geeral public sees us, the quicker trhey will get used to us.
Like I'm often fond of saying, "The more common place we make ourseves, the more comon place we'll become

[wadevikingfan]

the only advice i would have for you , is to go into these stores when its less busy..go on there when the store opens , or closer to the time it closes.

wendy

[Piora]

I'm extremely thin-skinned. I melt into a puddle if I ever attempt to look at women's dresses, makeup, stockings/pantyhose in a department store. On the other hand, I can walk into a lingerie shop, and buy anything in there, because at most times of the year, I can pretend it's a gift for my "wife".

[prettytoes]

Carry a list with you and look at it as you check tag sizes...quite common this time of year. Tis the season!
It gets easier the more you do it. I now go and buy panties, bras, tights, pantyhose, yoga pants, etc., without a problem. I could care less what some stranger thinks. What I think of myself, and what my family thinks is all that really matters to me.

[angpai30]

I was talking to an SA and she said she hates it when cders are fake with surf like that because they know we need help, but won't do it if you are pretending its not for you. SA's see crossdtessers all the time.

[Launa]

I was talking to an SA and she said she hates it when cders are fake with surf like that because they know we need help, but won't do it if you are pretending its not for you. SA's see crossdtessers all the time.

The situation I had was the SA's seemed fine with me in the store and everybody knew that I was shopping for myself. I wouldn't say its for someone else anyway but I just didn't feel the courage to hold dresses up to myself at the mirrors with other GG's right beside me or ask to use the small busy change rooms. BTW - I'm a big dude, 200lbs at 6'2" so I stick out like a sore thumb in there. I will get back on the horse today and try again... Here we go.

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree with Kristen! There is no fake here! I buy what I want when I want it! Hugs!

[Nicola]

I bought a couple of pairs of tights in my local supermarket less than an hour ago (I was in drab). When I was choosing them and then when I bought them at the checkout, I wasn't aware of any mutterings in the crowded store, the SA didn't refer to them and no "pervert alarms" went off. I think if anyone does notice they just assume they are for your GF or wife.

Nicola

[docrobbysherry]

I don't have the time, patience, or want the hassles trying on clothes in stores. Second hand stuff I don't like gets dropped off back there on my next visit. Mall/retail store stuff I don't like gets returned when I'm in their neighborhood next time!

[Cheryl T]

I went to a small new and used clothing store yesterday. It was loaded with all sort of goodies for reasonable prices. The problem is the store is very tight quarters, I was shoulder to shoulder with other shoppers and was getting "the stares" from them.
I wanted to try some stuff on but felt too uncomfortable so I left with buying nothing. What a drag, I hate cowering down because there are other shoppers around me and then getting that uneasy felling. But its a new day I will try again.

Imagine how I felt when I made my first appointment for a MAC makeover in a local Nordstrom's. The makeover is done at the counter and I was warned by the SA that it might be busy that day. Did she understate that!!
Turns out it was a cosmetics event that day and ALL the vendors (MAC, L'Oreal, Lancome, and the rest were having specials. The MAC counter that would normally be staffed by 3 had 10 SA's that day. They had 8 makeup stations set up and all were busy when I arrived (dressed but with NO makeup on). There had to be 200 women there, shoulder to shoulder scouring the counters as I tried to find my way to the MAC area and the SA with whom I had an appointment. Then she sat me down between two women who were already having consultations and started asking about the type of makeup I wanted her to do. Now add to that the fact that my best friend (CD) was standing there taking pictures of the process as my wife roamed the entire area watching and giggling.

What's a girl to do? Well, I just had my makeover, bought the items I wanted, with MY credit card, thanked the SA and continued my shopping. After that day I don't care what the world throws at me...I'm ready!

[StevieTV]

It may not seem this way yet, but as you get out more it does become less "stressful". What worked for me was believing that I had every right to be there that everyone else had. Now I say "excuse me" when I see something I like. It does get easier. As was mentioned above, start out going to the stores soon after openning or near closing as there will be less people.

[jillleanne]

If someone is scanning you at close quarters, just say your sister is handicapped and you buy for her. They'll think you are the man they missed out on having.

[taís]

What worked for me was believing that I had every right to be there that everyone else had.

this. a buyer has no gender... only cash (or credit card lol). don't feel uneasy; that's their trick to get the best items. don't let them! ;)

(btw Cheryl loved your story! you showed them girl ^ ^ thanks for sharing!)

[Contessa]

Come on girls relax and buy what you want. When women want things they just go get them. It can be for them or anyone, but men seem to think someone is going to think that they're gay. Well I always say just because you think it doesn't make it true. There is nothing wrong with being gay but I am not. I enjoy looking and buying whatever I need or want. I think to my self that GG's can't have all the fun. And plus I am carrying my purse with me. I am not afraid anymore, I lost my fear. I you want to kill me go ahead at least I was doing what I want. If you are laughing go ahead, it is not only funny its fun. I dont mean you girls I mean those who are afraid to do anything out of the ordinary.

So come on play ball. Swing away and hit one out of the park. If it is easier try shopping out of your own neighborhood. I think I am in girl mode even in drab. I have to have fun and you must know why. Girls just want to

Tess

[morgan51]

Just own the place you have every right to be there! A thin skin will not do any of us any favors. Learn to hold your head high and do whatever needs done with confidence. The only way to get there is by doing justy that, it gets easier as I do it more.Fear is a crippling thing for all of us.I like what Contessa said, its a fact.

[Karren H]

The more the merrier!! I love crowds! Just makes shopping more of an adventure when you drag a bunch of unwilling bystanders along for the ride! Lol.

[Cary]

I understand your pain:( Just take a deep breath and spend your $$$ on what you want! It's a busy time of year, so you could be buying for anybody. Enjoy!

[Debra Russell]

The more the merrier!! I love crowds! Just makes shopping more of an adventure when you drag a bunch of unwilling bystanders along for the ride! Lol.
Tis true tis true --as Karren said the more the merrier, bsides,when every one is busy doing there own stuff they pay less attention to you..............Debra

[Acastina]

A lot of helpful responses here. By all means, if a crowded store freaks you out, go there at quiet times; every store has them. Ditto for focusing your shopping before Christmas (Valentine's Day is great too), and you can reinforce the impression by asking about gift receipts and boxes.

Probably the biggest tip I can offer is that your feeling of sticking out and being disfavored by other shoppers is 90% in your head. Most people are too polite to make any kind of scene (what if they're wrong and you're just a GG with an unfortunate figure and facial features?) as long as you behave normally, and the stores/employees are glad to take your money without making you uncomfortable. In fact, they may go a bit out of their way to put you at ease hoping you'll be a repeat customer. As others have said, women's clothing retailers, wig shops, shoe stores, and others see CDs all the time. To the vast majority of such merchants, we're just customers, and the customer is always right.

[jacky83]

Imagine how I felt when I made my first appointment for a MAC makeover in a local Nordstrom's. The makeover is done at the counter.
What's a girl to do? Well, I just had my makeover, bought the items I wanted, with MY credit card, thanked the SA and continued my shopping. After that day I don't care what the world throws at me...I'm ready!

Had a makeover at the Macy's Dior counter during DLV. That broke the ice & it was great fun.

[Elana]

Maybe going with another CD/TG can make it easier? I feel more comfortable shopping enfemme when with another CD/TG with me.

[DanaR]

The situation I had was the SA's seemed fine with me in the store and everybody knew that I was shopping for myself. ........................

Call them and ask when a good time would be for you to come it. There might be some times that are slower than others. You might tell them you would like to try a few items on too. I'm sure next time they will make you feel more comfortable. Some SA's can make even a difficult experience fun.

[Kristy_K]

The situation I had was the SA's seemed fine with me in the store and everybody knew that I was shopping for myself. I wouldn't say its for someone else anyway but I just didn't feel the courage to hold dresses up to myself at the mirrors with other GG's right beside me or ask to use the small busy change rooms. BTW - I'm a big dude, 200lbs at 6'2" so I stick out like a sore thumb in there. I will get back on the horse today and try again... Here we go.

I am also 205 and 6'2". I have seen bigger and taller. Going to the store is like sex, the more you do the more you want it.

Hugs,
Kristy

[Vickie_CDTV]

If you happen to have one in your area, you could go to a boutique, consignment shop etc. that advertises itself to your local gender community as being "trans friendly". Sometimes they are willing to let you come in after hours or so have privacy (a few stores I know will have a special opening in the evening for members of the local trans group to come in and shop without other customers there.)

[Melanie Sykes]

The feeling I get about others when I'm shopping for bargain ladies' clothes is they are either realising I'm looking to buy for myself, or that they think I'm looking to buy some really cheap stuff for my wife and that I must be a terrible husband. I'd almost prefer them to realise the clothes are for me! I must admit that since I found this forum nearly a year ago, my self-confidence in this area of my life has increased hugely, and now I can fairly comforably sift through the bargain rails when there are other people there too. Often, when other ladies are looking through the same rack as I am and their husbands are standing awkwardly nearby, shifting from foot to foot, I just grin to myself and feel I really have the upper hand. It's women's clothing - who can not enjoy it?!! Also, I know that my brother-in-law's father-in-law (whew!) buys all of his wife's clothes because she hates shopping. At least, that's what they told me when they were here on holiday. Maybe he's a CD too - I'll never know because he lives in Oregon and I'm in the UK. But Prissy Girl, my advice to you is that if you are going to shop, then look like you belong. Nervous men are conspicuous when looking through women's clothes. Before you go into the shop, take some deep breaths and tell yourself that you have every right to be in there, and that what's more, doing so shows everyone that you're far braver and reasonable than the vast majority of the male population. As long as you look like you *want* to be there, no-one will look at you twice.

[crossdrezzer1]

once my wife and i went to a busy dress barn,, i made my selection and the sales girl just went up to me and asked me if i wanted to set up a changing room,, i was in drab so not sure how she knew but i said yes,,, when i finished trying i bought,, wife said a man seen me go in the changing room and once in he looked shocked and said theres a crossdresser in there,, every one looked up at him and said nothing,, he looked uneasy after,, guess his big mouth made him hated in there,,, without words it seemed all the ladys were on my side the wife said,,,, so really no one cares but they do care if your a hater,,,

[Stephenie S]

Stop, stop, stop, with the stupid excuse stories. I know you think you're the only one. It's easy to do that.

But listen. EVERYONE who works with the public has seen or experienced a crossdresser. OK, almost everyone. It's just not that big a deal for a SA or cashier to deal with a crossdresser. It's just not. They have heard EVERY silly excuse you can come up with already, and they have heard it more than once.

And for goodness sake, everyone is not looking at you with hate and resentment. They may be just LOOKING at you, for goodness sake. Smile at them. You can go where you want. You can shop where you want and buy what you want, whenever you want. The stores WANT you there. They WANT your money.

Relax.

[Claire Cook]

I'm with the majority here -- go for it, even if there are crowds! The more we feel "shame" or "anxiety" or whatever, the more others will sense that. If Macy's has a crowd at the discount racks, I'll break the ice -- if someone is looking at a really cute top, I'll tell her that -- or ask her opinion about what I am looking at. Everyone is there for the same reason -- trying to find that good deal that looks good. So enjoy being part of the crowd! Who cares if we get a stare or two -- I'm happy to let 'em know that we are out there!

[PaulaDallas]

I'm afraid we all tend to think that we're the center of the universe. Those other shoppers aren't remotely concerned about us, unless they feel that we're in their way. They are concentrating on the merchandise. If they seem to be staring, ignore them. In 40 years of shopping, I have never had an encounter. Good luck!

[Nicola2876]

I think its easy to say "just get on with it. No one cares" but it is frightening if you are self concious and feel that people are staring. Ive felt like that but I always prefered busy stores to blend in and be noticed less. Over the years it becomes easier and now I have the so what attitude but i took ages for that to happen.

Take your time and try to enjoy looking and shopping as its supposed to be fun. The more you do it the quicker you will feel comfortable doing it. I love buying clothes now as its a way to feel feminine and like one of the girls.

[Barbara Jo]

Nobody cares what you purchase, absolutly nobody!

Consider this......
When I was in grade school (Jr high in the very eary '60s) I needed a "jock strap" for phys ed.
I was absoloutly paranoid about going into a store to purchase it and thought everyone would be staring at me, looking at my my purchase.... a male Jock strap being purchased by a male.

However, at this point, I was already routinely purchasing bras, panties, and other female aticles without any qualms at all!

So, whatever problems one has in purchasing female aticles is in their own head. :)

[stacycoral]

some people just have a problem, with you looking at woman clothes, for me it is not do that i have three daughters, and pick up what ever they need when i am in town, so, trying on clothes is something else. I just know my size and hope it fit or maybe hand it down to the girls. Good luck and don't give up,

[Piora]

In support of those of us who are thin-skinned about shopping for women's items - please understand that everyone's personality is very different. Some of us here have said that they don't care whether someone's looking or not, and that SAs are used to crossdressers. Well, that's fine....but think of some phobia that you have (unrelated to CDing) and other people can't understand why you would feel that way.......Hmmm? You see what I'm getting at? Possibly, I may change my thought process someday, and grow a pair (gonads...not boobs! lol!) but as for right now....it's online buying for me.

[Eryn]

I understand exactly what you are talking about. I've had exactly the same feelings. All I can tell you is that it gets easier with practice and you will eventually find yourself comfortable in situations where you weren't before. It's a growing process, enjoy it!

[Launa]

I understand exactly what you are talking about. I've had exactly the same feelings. All I can tell you is that it gets easier with practice and you will eventually find yourself comfortable in situations where you weren't before. It's a growing process, enjoy it!

Hi, since then I am learning to come right out and enjoy it, as a matter of fact I went back to this same store and there was nobody in there except the owner. I asked her if she was comfortable with me in shopping around in her store. She said no not at all and if there are any customers that have a problem with me then they can leave. So I actually tried some things on in the change rooms and she told me to come out of the dressing room and show her so I did. I bought 125 bucks worth of stuff and I will be going back. Woo Hoo!