told the girlfriend....

[natalie james]

told my girlfriend yesterday. today she dumped me. this sucks:(

[MaidJamie]

Hi Natalie

So sorry to hear you've been dumped. I know it's very painful so I'm sending you big virtual hugs.

Our "gift" is so often misunderstood. It's such a pity because it can be such a beautiful thing to share with someone you love.

Jamie

[Beth Mays]

Better to be dumped now than after 17 years of marriage.
trust me I know!

[natalie james]

yeah, it'd dumb. over clothes and make-up. yet she wore my things....

you got a point there...

besides, i figured she'd be stoked i had my own stuff and not pilfering hers.

[Marleena]

told my girlfriend yesterday. today she dumped me. this sucks:(

Her loss, really. At least you know where you stood with her and didn't waste anymore time on the relationship. Ughh..

[RADER]

She might regret it after time; The younger the person is, the least they try to understand.
But as said above, better now than after many years.
Rader

[DanaR]

Sorry to hear that. Keep looking, you will find someone.

[SweetPea_GG]

So sorry to hear that. But I will give u much praise for conning forward and telling her. That was very courageous! More I think should be open like that. It would save a lot of heartache later down the road as in marriage.

[natalie james]

thank you everyone for your words of encouragement.

[cindy777]

Very sorry to here about your situation, as the saying goes, "when a door is closed, a window will open."

Thru life I have found that any time experiencing something stressful, unpleasant or upsetting, there was always someone to help me and came from the most unexpected places. This will take some time for you to get over but rememeber that you have people here that care and will listen to you.

It is her loss, in this way you are fortunate that you will find someone that appreciates you for who you really are.

Take good care of yourself, as you are worth it. Hugs

[Kelly DeWinter]

Hang in there hon, I was'nt even looking and Jeannie magicly appeared in my life. you ared much younger and your generation is much more OK with TG's . :)

[Samantha_Smile]

Well done for telling her.
Yeah it may suck now, but the honest truth of it is that its better that you gave her the right to choose.
Its better facing it now than having to go through a messy divorce with kids/house/finances etc

I wish you the best

[natalie james]

true, but im shure she'll tell EVERYONE.... OUCH!

my family and a few select friends know, but there are people that id have rather not found out just yet.....

[Ellyn]

Sorry to hear of your loss. You are not the first to have that immediate result. Maybe some others will learn from your experience. Sometimes "Silence is golden".

[natalie james]

a good point as well, but i thought i was doing the right thing by being honest.

[jillleanne]

true, but im shure she'll tell EVERYONE.... OUCH!

Not really a serious thing if she does. It's up to you how you decide to handle that one, but should you want to deny it, just tell people she's just saying it to hurt you because she is angry over breaking up. Sorry to hear this nontheless. I came upon my s/o without looking, and she accepts me totally so stay the course and be true to yourself. Life will just get better.

[Melissa Jill]

She might regret it after time; The younger the person is, the least they try to understand.
But as said above, better now than after many years.
Rader

I would disagree with this. I find its the younger generation that is more open-minded about this kind of thing.

[Kathleen]

true, but im shure she'll tell EVERYONE.... OUCH!

Sorry about the breakup Natalie -- from a distance it sounds like she was unable to deal, rather than pissed. I hope that's the case, and if so I'd think she wouldn't stir that pot, just go quietly. Hang in there, it will heal up faster than you think it will.

[Jorja]

So sorry to hear that she dumped you. Her loss. There are 7 billion people out there. I am sure you will find someone that appreciates your unique qualities.

[natalie james]

guess we can't all have happy endings when we tell our SOs...lol!

[taís]

a good point as well, but i thought i was doing the right thing by being honest.

and you were being honest to you, more importantly; even more than honest to her. I'm sorry for your loss... but really, not much ^ ^ if she couldn't handle the real you, it's her loss. not trying to be mean at her; it isn't easy, or for everyone, that's for sure. but being honest prevents hurting other people's feelings, and to me that's number one -- do anything you can do not to hurt the other person.

this sucks, I know :/ but you know the kind of person you wanna be around, and she couldn't (or didn't wanted to) be it. maybe later on? maybe not, maybe somebody else. but as long as you're honest, you won't hurt people around you, and you'll be truer to yourself.

congrats on your move and lots of love to you, Natalie. ;x

[Barbara Ella]

Natalie, very sorry she took it this way. While i agree the younger generation is more liveral and willing to accept these differences, I also find them to be far to quick to rush to judgement and not think things through. The younger generation does not put a lot of thought into their decisions. They make them quickly, and move on. Not a judgement, just an observation. the older generation might have their built in prejudices, but they think a situatino over vefore making a judgement (thank god). If this relationship was not meant to be, so be it. You will find your perfect soulmate. Keep trying, and stay honest with them. Any partner worthy of you is worth being honest with. You will find your way through the despair. this forum is the place to find your peace, a wonderful bunch of girls.

Babes

[taís]

Babes, I think I can understand your point, and I agree with it. at least here where I live, younger people tend to be a lot conservative -- while older folks seems more at ease. while I do believe that, with time, more and more generations will be more welcoming and accepting to transgendered folks, unfortunally in my area at this time that shows not to be true. which is really sad (and stupid and kind of unbelieavable) imho. again referring to where I live, it's much more safer to be an outing CD at 50 than at 30. and a CD will have a harder time finding a SO the younger they are. :/

[Imeni]

Indeed. Like they have already said, sorry to hear. But don't let this girl ruin your ability and strength to tell others. Try and find some girls who are naturally open minded. Who don't judge others. Having someone you can share this with is an amazing feeling. :o

[natalie james]

Indeed. Like they have already said, sorry to hear. But don't let this girl ruin your ability and strength to tell others. Try and find some girls who are naturally open minded. Who don't judge others. Having someone you can share this with is an amazing feeling. :o
e.
lol! yeah, maybe some girl who will teach me the smokey eye.

[giuseppina]

true, but im shure she'll tell EVERYONE.... OUCH!

Sorry to hear about this, but congrats on being honest and upfront. :)

If she does broadcast your secret, all you have to say is "disgruntled ex-GF". It doesn't look good on her to be doing this, either, as most people expect others to keep secrets confidential after a breakup.

Maybe you'll find someone more open-minded next time.

[Shelby]

Totally feel your pain. I told my girlfriend before we even went out on the 1st date and she tried to accept it but ultimately she dumped me because she couldn't accept this part of my life even though she had only seen a few photos of me dressed from Halloween. She wanted a man and I tried to be that. Infact, I never wore anything fem around her but she just couldn't ignore it. Part of me wishes I had never told her but then I would have been lying to her the whole time.

Again, sorry to hear about your loss.

Shelby

[DanaR]

true, but im shure she'll tell EVERYONE.... OUCH!
How long were you dating her?

[natalie james]

How long were you dating her? we dated a few months

[DanaR]

we dated a few months
Did you have any idea how she thought about CDing before telling her? If you didn't, next time you might take your GF somewhere, where she would be able to see some TG people and gauge her reaction. Even if she doesn't notice, you might say something about someone that you just saw that looked like a guy dressed as a girl. Another way would be to say you say someone at the store and see what the reaction would be.

[natalie james]

nah, i never mentioned it... in guy mode im as masculine as the next dude, so she never could have really had a clue. as far as guageing her response goes, i was too stupid to do that. i wish they had a place in this crappy town with other CD/TS folks i could have taken her by.
i can think of one MTF TS here and we have some gay/lesbian/bisexual people but that's different. i kno she's cool with the GLB, but i guess not the T. lol

[DanaR]

Next time you might mention an article or whatever you can think of just to bring up the subject and see the reaction. I do this with people that I encounter. I've gone dressed to have my haircut and sometimes in the conversation I'll ask, how would you feel if your husband did this. Sometimes you get some telling comments.

[natalie james]

i wish i had the guts to go for a haircut in femme.

[ReineD]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, Natalie. :sad:

[natalie james]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, Natalie. :sad:

it's all right:) im glad i found this forum so i could vent to my gurlfriends.

[Raychel]

Sorry for your troubles Natalie. it sure does suck getting dumped, But on the other side of the coin, the relationship could not have been all that great if a simple thing like crossdressing made things go sour. If there was true love and communication there she would have been willing to work thru this with you.

Sounds like her loss to me.

[johanna.kitten]

Natalie, this really sux big time, but then again it is so hard to not let people know and I don't get it... why do some people make so much fuzz about it?. Noone here would utter a word when people at my office wear a turban or kilt. Strange world!

/Johanna

[Lee Andrews]

told my girlfriend yesterday. today she dumped me. this sucks:(

It sucks but as many have said, better now than years down the road. As for her outing you it may or may not happen, depends on the girl. No use worrying about something you can't change.

[Tina B.]

Natalie, Sorry it came out the way it did, but it was still for the best, it's not as easy to find a girl that will accept a CD, but they are out there, I told my wife 35 years ago, and since she was good with it, it turned out to be the smartest thing I ever did, The las thirty five years has allowed me to dress pretty much as often as I wanted and having a women to shop with is a lot more fun than doing it alone. Keep trying, and keep being honest with yourself, it's worth it in the long run, even if you have to date a few extra girls to find her.
Tina B.

[IamSara]

I am sorry for the breakup but as everyone else has said you will be better for it down the road. Trying to hide this part of your personality is a bad thing and only leads to lying to her and along with that is when she did find out most likely she would accuse you of unfaithfulness also. Been there done that!! NO fun. You most certainly did the right thing in being honest.

[marlaNYC]

sorry to hear that, but yay for your honesty. so many times you read of the pain of secrecy and a lifetime of that is far worse than the immediate pain of the dump.

i have a different perspective on her possibly outing you, though. instead of feeling a need to defend yourself with "angry ex", it actually could put you in a position to acknowledge, embrace and accept this part of you and potentially be accepted, understood and encouraged by friends and family...might be a bridge to a new world, a new you, without having to hide away.

[natalie james]

"Some people might suggest that I'm a closest-case Male to Female Crossdresser. I simply inform them that the doors to Narnia are open. Are you comfortable enough to take a trip through the armoire?" i like this!

[girlygirly]

If you don't mind my asking, how did it come up, and what were you doing when you told her??

[heel_addict]

Yeah, it sucks. Maybe it was inevitable, meaning that if you felt you couldn't stop CDing like so many of us (no matter how much you loved her) you would have to let her know sooner or later! Some girls can be so narrow-minded and unfortunately your ex is one too. If you can't drop the crossdressing thing, keep looking for another girl, there are some who are not negative about it, in fact you could find a girl that's willing to share your fantasies and even encourage you to dress up from time to time. Just make sure that you reveal the fact you crossdress at an early stage of the relationship. Best of luck!

[DanaR]

I suppose that a lot of girls first thoughts, when they find out, were what is everyone going to think about me? What are my friends going to say? I think that is what my wife thought, for a while. There are a lot of reasons for people to accept, as there are a lot of reasons for people to reject it.

[ReineD]

I suppose that a lot of girls first thoughts, when they find out, were what is everyone going to think about me? What are my friends going to say? I think that is what my wife thought, for a while. There are a lot of reasons for people to accept, as there are a lot of reasons for people to reject it.

Fear of having others know is a pretty big issue given the general bias or ignorance out there. Hopefully, CDers will understand this since many CDs also take years before they are willing to accept their own CDing.

But something else needs mentioning here. There are many GGs who can learn enough about the CDing to understand and accept it. But I think a GG needs a pretty big motive to do so, which is her love for her husband or boyfriend. Like it or not, the CDing can carry with it a lot of baggage if the CDer gets into a space where he doesn't know if he wants to transition or not. This can be unsettling for a wife and also if there is a strong sexual element to the CDing that makes a wife feel as if she is being replaced or she is secondary.

I'm not saying everyone has these issues, just that a GG who decides to embrace the CDing needs to do it with both eyes wide open, especially if her husband/boy friend gets into a pink fog after the initial disclosure.

If the OP was only in a casual relationship for a few months, as happens in that age group, then it is conceivable that his gf didn't feel invested enough in the relationship to stay the course.

[DanaR]

Fear of having others know is a pretty big issue given the general bias or ignorance out there. Hopefully, CDers will understand this since many CDs also take years before they are willing to accept their own CDing.
Fear is huge, for everyone.



But something else needs mentioning here. There are many GGs who can learn enough about the CDing to understand and accept it. But I think a GG needs a pretty big motive to do so, which is her love for her husband or boyfriend. Like it or not, the CDing can carry with it a lot of baggage if the CDer gets into a space where he doesn't know if he wants to transition or not. This can be unsettling for a wife and also if there is a strong sexual element to the CDing that makes a wife feel as if she is being replaced or she is secondary.

When I first told my wife, it took a long time for her to actually be comfortable with it. She had all of the questions, are you gay, do you want to become a woman and others. It took me a long time to understand who I am and communicate it to her. I'll have her read some of the threads on here, and she'll comment that it sounds like the poster was describing me. The most important thing that I did was being totally honest with her.



I'm not saying everyone has these issues, just that a GG who decides to embrace the CDing needs to do it with both eyes wide open, especially if her husband/boy friend gets into a pink fog after the initial disclosure.

I don't think that I've ever experienced the pink fog. It has been a surprise to me when I see it from others.



If the OP was only in a casual relationship for a few months, as happens in that age group, then it is conceivable that his gf didn't feel invested enough in the relationship to stay the course.

Probably true. That is why it might be a good to have some idea how someone feels about the subject before springing it on them. Sort of like testing the waters, before jumping in.

Thanks Reine, for your comments.

[natalie james]

If you don't mind my asking, how did it come up, and what were you doing when you told her??

just thought it was time.

[Joann Smith]

Better to be dumped now than after 17 years of marriage.
trust me I know!

I agree ....send her a thank you card

Joann