Dressing around kids?

[missyatl]

My wife has issues with me going out dressed where kids will be. I'm not talking about a McDonalds or a daycare. I understand how she feels but honestly, where aren't there kids? I asked her what about gay people? Why is it ok to accept them but not CDs? I don't feel I'm subjecting anyone to anything. We're people too. What if an old biggot had an issue with a black couple in the restaurant? Should they leave?

Thoughts?

[Kathleen]

You make good arguments but all the same that would make me uneasy, and I'm not sure why. I definitely do not want to take it to my own kids before they are adults, if ever, but there's a lot of history there.

Gotta tell you though, sister -- if you have a wife who's accepting of your CDing, start every morning with meditative prayers of thanks to a higher power, and then do ANY thing she tells you to!

[AllieSF]

I guess the first thing to do is try to discuss it calmly and maturely with your wife. She apparently knows and at least tolerates your dressing. If you knew her true reasons, you might be better able to answer her. That being said, I go where I want to go and do not worry about kids. I think the only times I may think twice, and this is a "may think", is if I was at an almost all children venue with a few parents and I had to use the lady's Room. I have entered women's restrooms when children were present with their mothers or some other older girl or woman. I have never had a problem. A local friend of mine did have a problem about 2 1/2 years ago and once the police contacted her, they told her that she was within her rights to use the women's restroom.

My opinion is that kids will see different things whether they are with their parents or not. So, that is just part of life for the adults to explain the different than their "normal" things that they see when out. That is how kids learn. I do not believe that the kids really care, except for their own curiosity. It is the parents that need to deal with it and come to understand that we are not the bad guys.

I am not sure how it is in Atlanta, but around here we have the right to use the restroom for the gender that we are presenting. I think the reasoning in a discussion with your wife needs to address her concerns and not necessarily bring in other analogies as appropriate as they seem, which they do to me. That may appear argumentative in her point of view versus a discussion of her concerns. Good luck.

[Jason+]

First thoughts are hello and welcome to the forum Missyatl!

After that, I would need more information about your wife and why she feels like she does. Unless you are wearing something immodest or spectacularly revealing I don't see why the mere fact of your presence should be viewed as particularly damaging to kids.

If it is as I believe okay for you to be out then it is okay for you to be out. It shouldn't have to be justified by "look at that group, if they're okay I should be fine."

[giuseppina]

Prejudice is entirely a learned behaviour. Children are usually open minded until taught otherwise. It's usually the adults that spoil the children's fun, as more than one school crossdressing day has been vetoed by a vociferous parent or two.

If the coloured couple isn't doing anything more than enjoying their food, the right decision is to ask the bigot to leave. They're the problem, not the coloured couple.

[Imeni]

Honestly, I'm not sure how to answer. Do I believe people should have the ability to dress and act any way that is not harmful or hurtful to anyone, around anyone? Yes. Would I ever feel comfortable enough to do it? Hell no. My girlfriend has two kids and I get all sorts of paranoid about how they would be picked on or harassed if they let it slip that I did what I did. While they might grow up and have no issue with it, i can't speak for other kids who might. D=

[taís]

I think she's just overcautious about overzealous mothers. I hope time and communication may help ^ ^

[arbon]

Can she explain what her concerns about it are? Is she afraid they may get the idea that crossdressing is OK? or that it is going to confuse them?

I don't think you are subjecting anyone to anything.

Kids do seem to have an innate ability to clock you immediately and broadcast it to everyone around them, why I tend to try and avoid them!, but beyond that I don't think it is a big deal I have an 11 year old and am around kids frequently the only issue is every really with the adults - they think it going to confuse them and mess them all up somehow, but all the kids - my daughters friends and kids in the neighborhood, seem to be doing just fine.

[DanaR]

I'm always cautious around children, especially in a restroom situation. There are some people that view us in a less than desirable light. I guess that I'm just cautious to protect myself. I realize that I probably could go anywhere and do almost anything. But do I want to put myself in that situation, usually not, sometimes bad things happen. If someone makes an accusation about you, trying to prove your innocence sometime might not be easy.

[noeleena]

Hi,
Two pronged , this.

are you known around were you live & itll depend on a number of factors & not knowing the area people & acceptance or not its not the issue of children its the Mums & Dads, . so my ? will be how are you accepted . as it seems you wish to dress & be seen around town or your Village .

Think about what your S O is saying first. my advise is get to know the people first.. nothing at all to do with gay people its about you dressing thats the issue .here,

I know the issues, i work with people around children & youth, Police schools & other groups & im very well known so for my self theres no issues , unless theres a trumped up one, I would be a bit carefull on this one , your S O has concerns take her advise .

I dont know how well you blend in or pass . for my self i dont tho if you look at my avatar youll see how i am much of the time tho as i said im accepted ,
Some thing you both should work through & have a look at whats going on around you both & why her concerns,

Plus i have a few years on my side & around kids grandkids as it is,

...noeleena...

[ashlylynn]

You make good arguments but all the same that would make me uneasy, and I'm not sure why. I definitely do not want to take it to my own kids before they are adults, if ever, but there's a lot of history there.

Gotta tell you though, sister -- if you have a wife who's accepting of your CDing, start every morning with meditative prayers of thanks to a higher power, and then do ANY thing she tells you to!

^^ This seems like the authoritative answer. ^^

Perhaps you should ask the wife where SHE would think would be a fun place to go?
That way you can make her part of the experience instead of pushing and pushing
her limits until she hits a breaking point.

[Cynthia Anne]

Hi Missy! I don't remember welcomeing you! So here's a big welcome from Missouri!
Your relationship with your wife is the utmost important issue here! If you are leval headed talk with her! Find out what her concerns are! A solution can be worked out! Pushing her into something that she isn't comfortable with can lead to undesirable results! Love and respect her first and receive happiness as a reward! Hugs!

[monalisa]

How about getting all dressed and going to a nursing home or senior center. Generally no kids and they would welcome a visitor.

[Sara Jessica]

So I take it that going to "Toys R Us" isn't on your list of places to go in girl mode.

Pretty much anywhere you might go has the potential of leading to running into children. So is she saying she isn't comfortable with you going out anywhere?


Kids do seem to have an innate ability to clock you immediately and broadcast it to everyone around them, why I tend to try and avoid them!

Isn't this the absolute truth? You can be having your best day, feeling like a million dollars, not a care in the world and feeling as if the world hasn't a care about your presentation when a child will invariably see right through you with that knowing gaze. Then comes the prayer that the child doesn't blurt out something that will likely absolutely ruin your day.

So here are some places that might be best avoided...

1. Toy stores.
2. Build-a-Bear
3. Chuck E. Cheese
4. The "Hello Kitty" store (although I have a friend who tends to drag me in there whenever we get together, never had an issue.)

[Tina B.]

Your wife is right, you shouldn't go around kids when dressed, or old people, they might find it upsetting, or Conservative people, they get exited about that sort of thing pretty easily. Don't ever go around a place that is all men either, they might beat you up, or undress you with their eyes. And never dress around women, they might want to tell you every thing you have on doesn't match right, or your overdressed, or under dressed, women have such strict rules about dress. And there you go, if the kids are out of the house, and the wife is in bed a sleep, you are free to wear anything you want, as long as the curtains are closed. Follow these simple rules, and your wife should have no problem with your dressing, if you can stay awake long enough, have fun!
Tina B.

[Beth Mays]

I have never gone out "dressed", however, I very often wear a Kilt. I am 0% fem when I do this and do not incorpate any female items, at all. kids always are the first to do a double take followed by "Mom!! do you see?"

2 or 3 years ago as I was on my way to the Highland Games, in my favorite Kilt when stop at Cracker Barrel for breakfast. As I sat down I could hear the family next to me and the kids who were amazed by the "guy in the skirt" the parents were explaining to them the cultural differences of how people dress. The girls kept looking at me and I would smile every time. The Mom turn and apologized for the girls. I told her that I was very impressed with her skills as a parent in explaining it to them. I told the Girls that I am part Scottish and very proud that they like my Kilt. They wanted to know what was in the Sporran.
Others that were close enough to hear gave the thumbs up in approval, perhaps of the Kilt or better still (I hope) how the situation play out!

As others have post it's normal for kids to react as kids, learning to accept that people are not one size fits all is something we all learn as we grow from young people to adults. we as parent can look at our adult kids and expect to see the influences we invested as role models.



Kids want to learn... we should teach them the right things.

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-6zuoX_IaJ1Q/S15UlbIxDNI/AAAAAAAAAJs/LkCCdJVZQmc/s288/smhg.jpg

[suzy1]

Your kids come first. Before your dressing, before anything.

There is no comparison between gay people and a man in a dress?

They go to school one day and they are met by a bunch of other kids that ask “why does your dad go out in a dress?” [They have already listened to there dad giving his opinion on the subject when the kids talked to them about it]

So how are your children going to feel? How are your children going to handle the bullying and shame!
I have seen this myself and it’s horrible.

Yes we have our rights but some things actually come before our own rights. And kids are one of them.


SUZY

[IamSara]

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand I would not go around my kids or grandkids as Sara. The kids do know that I am a CD but still would not be dressed around them. I think it is more of the fact that my wife is not supportive/accepting of Sara. I do however think that if you were going to a mall shopping it is ok and I have done that. It is another matter if you I was going to a ChuckeeCheese as Sara. Just don't think that might be appropiate if one is a CD and not in transistion. if you are transistioning (real word?) that is a different matter and you most certainly would go where you go and the hell with what other people say or think for the most part.
Like someone else has said though, there may be some other underlying factors in her desire that you go nowhere that kids are. Talk to her!!! that is the only way you can really get a good answer to her request.

[IamSara]

Your kids come first. Before your dressing, before anything.

There is no comparison between gay people and a man in a dress?

They go to school one day and they are met by a bunch of other kids that ask “why does your dad go out in a dress?” [They have already listened to there dad giving his opinion on the subject when the kids talked to them about it]

So how are your children going to feel? How are your children going to handle the bullying and shame!
I have seen this myself and it’s horrible.

Yes we have our rights but some things actually come before our own rights. And kids are one of them.


SUZY

Suzy, I love your comments!!!!!

[Sara Jessica]

Suzy, Sara...both of you have totally missed the mark. OP is about kids in general when out and about rather than one's own children. Apples, meet oranges.

[Acastina]

Your wife is right, you shouldn't go around kids when dressed, or old people, they might find it upsetting, or Conservative people, they get exited about that sort of thing pretty easily. Don't ever go around a place that is all men either, they might beat you up, or undress you with their eyes. And never dress around women, they might want to tell you every thing you have on doesn't match right, or your overdressed, or under dressed, women have such strict rules about dress. And there you go, if the kids are out of the house, and the wife is in bed a sleep, you are free to wear anything you want, as long as the curtains are closed. Follow these simple rules, and your wife should have no problem with your dressing, if you can stay awake long enough, have fun!
Tina B.

Careful, Tina. Your tongue might stick there in your cheek. Priceless, thought-provoking satire. Bravo!

To which I might add, don't let yourself be seen by other CDs while dressed. They might ask you questions or take notes. They might compliment you or suggest an improvement on your look. They might make you feel inferior or superior. Worst of all, they might persuade you that you're not alone and encourage you to be yourself. So, I agree, a small, dark closet hidden from all the world is the only truly safe place to crossdress.

Safety can be overrated...

[Debglam]

Suzy, Sara...both of you have totally missed the mark. OP is about kids in general when out and about rather than one's own children. Apples, meet oranges.

Yes, these are two separate issues. Dealing about being out to your own children is a separate issue. Maybe I have the zealousness of a girl newly out in public but your wife is wrong. Now working it out with her is a personal thing for you and her Missy, but the bottom line is that you, I, anyone else has the right to be out dressed en femme anywhere we want, as long as we are dressed appropriately.

I would add that I agree about being discrete in areas where there might heightened sensitivity. That doesn't mean that we don't have the right to be there though.

[Sara Jessica]

Yes, these are two separate issues. Dealing about being out to your own children is a separate issue. Maybe I have the zealousness of a girl newly out in public but your wife is wrong. Now working it out with her is a personal thing for you and her Missy, but the bottom line is that you, I, anyone else has the right to be out dressed en femme anywhere we want, as long as we are dressed appropriately.

I would add that I agree about being discrete in areas where there might heightened sensitivity. That doesn't mean that we don't have the right to be there though.

I'm still not going to Toys R Us!!! ;)

[Jenniferathome]

My choice is to not tell my kids. Frankly, I do now think they could recognize me if they did see me, but I am simply not ready to out myself to them although I am certain they would be accepting. My wife, who has her PhD in childhood education, feels that kids, partidclarly young kids, would have no problem accepting a parent who crossdresses. I did have to remind her that kids can keep secrets so if they know, you are out. Still, the bottom line for me is what your wife is prepared for. If she says no, then it is no. You are lucky to have an accepting wife.

[Pythos]

You know this argument makes just about as much sense as the whole "Don't swear around kids" Really? This day and age. Really? I know I spout this a lot, but here it is again. Every time people conform to bigoted notions, the more the notion prospers. If kids get exposed to different ideas, the LESS the notion prospers.

Your tolerant spouse is unknowingly feeding a beast truly needs to die, and I am not only addressing just the bigotry against cders, but also against trans people, and those that do not fall into the gender binary expectations.

Why do people not support not dressing like a thug, or other violence related look, in the presence of impressionable children.

Chilren are not that bigots, it is the adults.

[Annie D]

As a lifelong public school teacher, I too, am very uncomfortable being dressed around children but it is not for the obvious reason many may think. My concern and fears are based upon the reaction of the parents of those children. It is in my mind, valid or not, that people's perception of us is a person who is deviant or borderline perverted. I'm sorry, I know that that is not true but in the back of my guilt-ridden thoughts, if I can think it I think other people share some of those same thoughts. Therefore if even one parent thinks that I might jeopordize the safety of their child, then the whole scene can get ugly quite fast.

I once made an appointment at a local photography studio, one that was running a discount ad for a series of pictures and when scheduling the appointment I explained that I was a crossdresser and felt very uncomfortable about being in an environment where children were also getting their pictures made and they understood completely. They scheduled my sitting just before closing and it was a wonderful experience for me and I was treated with the utmost respect and courtesy.

Children are pure and their responses to people who are different from the what their parents teach them is normal is a learned behavior. For a child to be shocked into thinking that you or I are different or unacceptable by some type of defense mechanism or action by their mother or father makes me want to be ultra cautious around them. As a result I am on my best behavior around them.

[Joann Smith]

I spent alot of time pondering this question ....weather or not I should go around kids dressed...then I had to ask myself how would i feel if my childeren were to be in the present of a CD. The conclusion the i came to was "yeah" ..."in fact hell yeah" .. and not just because of who I am but because i want my kids to be exposed to all types of people ..I do not belive in this day and age you can not raise kids in a bubble. CDs are people and they have every right to be in public places right along with everybody elese so they need to get use to it...

I have found that in general most kids really do not care one way or the other ....In most cases its the parents that get all tight in the butt about things that may appear different... IMHO your wifes concern do have some validity but its more about the grown ups and not the kids...But its not somthing that should keep you from venturing out... Long as you are dressed in a somewhat appropate fashion you will be ok even if kids are around ...that is in most instances because you are always gonna have some parent that want to get all pissey about a man in womens clothes ...And if that do happens remind them that if a man bought the clothes then techically they are that mans clothes...and that no one has any say so over what a man can buy with his own money or what that man decides to cover his own ass with...and if your fashion sense offends them ..they can gra`b they little bogger machine and crawl back under what ever rock came from.

Joann

[Michaela42]

First thoughts are hello and welcome to the forum Missyatl!

After that, I would need more information about your wife and why she feels like she does. Unless you are wearing something immodest or spectacularly revealing I don't see why the mere fact of your presence should be viewed as particularly damaging to kids.

If it is as I believe okay for you to be out then it is okay for you to be out. It shouldn't have to be justified by "look at that group, if they're okay I should be fine."

I could not have said it any better.