Do woman and men shake hands differently?

[thechic]

Hi there

Ive got a question,the reason i ask this is because last monday i went to a award evening at the council.It was for volunteer firefighters,i received a bar for my years of service and went to shake the mayors hand,she congratulated me,then said,your almost got a guys hand shake,this made me lose concentration,i thought what a stange thing to say.

So Do woman and men shake hands differently?
Thanks

[Julia_in_Pa]

A good firm handshake tells me I'm with someone who has a solid personality and is outgoing and friendly.

I received handshakes like this from both men and women.

I've also received handshakes from both that make you wonder if the person shaking your hand has jelly for brain matter.

It casts a first impression with me that this person is weak in mind and timid which makes me a bit more aggressive with them because I have a real disdain for people that are timid and weak.

It doesn't matter if the person your shaking hands with is elderly or young you can tell alot by the effort they put forth in a handshake.

Shake my hand and you know that I'm outgoing and very social with people.


Julia

[Genivieve]

I hug everyone! I've noticed even my guy friends dont seem to mind.

[JCD568]

Sure, in some cases. Some women in the workplace I'm in shake hands really girly, as I do. It's just natural to me. :) Not all, though. x

[Zenith]

I don't see anything wrong with a gentle ladylike handshake with part of the hand. Not everything is a business deal.

[JCD568]

I don't see anything wrong with a gentle ladylike handshake with part of the hand. Not everything is a business deal.

LOL! Me neither. Most of the handskakes I've ever made have always been the girly ones. Manly handshakes don't feel natural to me. No wonder most of my workmates think I'm a girl in man form. Practically everything I do is girlish. Lounging around on the net looking for shoes for example. A girl can never get enough! x

[Tara D. Rose]

I feel that people shake hands differently. Maybe more women shake hands with a very gentle grasp with almost no pressure in their grip. Some men do the same thing, giving nothing in their hand shake. I’m with you Julia, I don’t like weak people either. I can tell a lot of a person just by the first hand shake. I always give a firm hand shake. When I shake hands with co workers after I am in a new job, and when one gives me a heartless clam of a hand shake, I know not to trust this person at all. It is a personal philosophy of mine. I have found it to always be true. A firm hand shake will tell a lot about the character every time. Even when I am Tara, I still give a firm hand shake. But to me it’s almost insulting when I extend my hand to shake and the other person grabs only my four fingers gently and doesn’t even do the up and down motion. To me, these types are weak, and cannot be trusted. But I don’t feel this way when I shake a woman’s hand, if she gives me the most gentle hand shake, I take no offense. She’s just being very kind. I think that light hand shakes are naturally that way for women, but that they are not weak in character just merely from a gentle hand shake. JUst my humble opinion.
L&R………….Tara

[Melody Moore]

In my experience I have found that Guys do traditionally give each other firm hand shake which is a sign
of respect for each other. However there are a few guys who shake hands and attempt to crush in some
type of violent act to assert their dominance over you. Now females when they shake hands are a lot more
lose and relaxed because it is more of a social token gesture, but in a much warmer and friendlier way.

It is funny you should mention the handshake because I had always had an issue with how a lot of men
shook hands violently, but as a male I had to play the game. Engaging with males in their rough & tumble
domain is something I was never comfortable with. A handshake would usually tell me a lot about the type
of person I was with. It is nice to be able to shake hands as a female in a more gentle & friendlier way
which feels so right for me in how I like to express myself.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

If I like a person and have a lot of respect, I usually shake hands and place the other hand on top of his/hers. I always give a firm handshake. My mother installed that in me from an early age, give a firm handshake and not like a fishy one. I agree with Melody, some guys try and squeeze the hell out of your hand, I usually don't trust this type because they want power over you. I also avoid people who shake your hands and look the other way and not into your eyes. Most of the women will give a firm handshake and lean forward to kiss the cheek, I respect them. I avoid those who present their fingers covered in jewelery as a showoff.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I hug everyone! I've noticed even my guy friends dont seem to mind.


I do too. I am a big huger and feel that it conveys sincerity and genuine interest in the person. Hugging is more personal than handshaking.



I don't see anything wrong with a gentle ladylike handshake with part of the hand. Not everything is a business deal.


I also agree with Julie that a classical female hand shake is OK for women and in my mind, that does NOT imply weakness but strength because I don't need to show that I have a harder vice grip than the person I am shaking hands with to show dominance over.

[donnalee]

In my experience I have found that Guys do traditionally give each other firm hand shake which is a sign
of respect for each other. However there are a few guys who shake hands and attempt to crush in some
type of violent act to assert their dominance over you. Now females when they shake hands are a lot more
lose and relaxed because it is more of a social token gesture, but in a much warmer and friendlier way.

It is funny you should mention the handshake because I had always had an issue with how a lot of men
shook hands violently, but as a male I had to play the game. Engaging with males in their rough & tumble
domain is something I was never comfortable with. A handshake would usually tell me a lot about the type
of person I was with. It is nice to be able to shake hands as a female in a more gentle & friendlier way
which feels so right for me in how I like to express myself.I agree with Melody in that there is a difference between firm and the bonecrusher that a lot of men use. As i spent my childhood and youth playing string instruments, I was always concerned about damaging my hands, which were my livelihood. I also developed an enormous amount of hand strength. Normally I have a firm but gentle handshake, but when one of these guys pushes past that point. he gets a very large surprise when I squeeze back. Very seldom does he try that a second time.

[Melody Moore]

I know exactly what you mean, any guy that starts this "I am going to dominate you crap" is on for a rude shock
with me, I too am a bass player and lead guitarist and have developed a huge amount of strength in my hands &
especially in the left hand which has developed the most amount of strength on the fret-board. I have forced guys
into total submission just by grabbing them by the throat while embedding my finger tips into their flesh and that was
before I had the talons of fingernails I have now. I keep the left hand nails shorter to play, but they are still lethal :D

[noeleena]

Hi,

To day i met a woman who was talking with a guy i know & yes i did shake her hand just as many women do ,

There is a difference tho both of us just did it as a normal meeting or greeting just firm & genuine

tho my close friends & we have not seen each other for some time its a hug & same for saying byes, A hand shake is too formal like saying goodbye its for me to hard , more like a final parting ,

so for many of us women its more softer & like see ya or byes as in see ya soon.

What i see is we are being friendly & open to each other & thats lovely well it is for me .

...noeleena...

[Hope]

Definitely.

The guy hand shake is very firm, very formal, and brief, and professional. Ultimately we are talking about 2 guys holding hands, and it is a socially acceptable convention, but we don't want to let it go on too long, or look like we might want it to. I have described the guy hand shake to people as "Firm, one pump, very quick and sharp, almost like you are snapping the neck of a small animal." It is an introduction, and a visual, and social convention meant to express civility and a willingness to cooperate, but like every thing else guys do, it is also an expression of dominance, and one's place on the hierarchy.

My wife expresses shaking hands completely differently. "It is firm - shaking hands with a dish-rag is never pleasant, but we don't have anything to prove, we are just being friendly, we are just touching." It is also a bit longer, much more relaxed, and softer (no neck snapping). Interestingly, it has been pointed out to me that women NEVER do the 2 handed "Bill Clinton" shake, and men should NEVER do it to a woman (it is a bit creepy). If girls have the need to be that close, they hug.

Random bit of hand-shake etiquette: Men should NEVER extend their hand to a woman... unless that man is a member of the clergy, in which case it is expected.

[LeaP]

There's another variation: Many men will shake women's hands differently. This shows up in two primary ways - the man will grasp only the woman's fingers, regardless of her intent, and sometimes a man will turn his hand, once he has taken hers, such that his is uppermost. Both are expressions of male dominance, usually (but not always) unconscious.

My wife, who is well-trained in sales, corrects these every time. She looks them straight in the eye, grabs their wrist, pulls her hand fully into theirs, and corrects the angle. Drops their jaws every time - I've seen it.

Lea

[Dana7]

Definitely.

The guy hand shake is very firm, very formal, and brief, and professional. Ultimately we are talking about 2 guys holding hands, and it is a socially acceptable convention, but we don't want to let it go on too long, or look like we might want it to. I have described the guy hand shake to people as "Firm, one pump, very quick and sharp, almost like you are snapping the neck of a small animal." It is an introduction, and a visual, and social convention meant to express civility and a willingness to cooperate, but like every thing else guys do, it is also an expression of dominance, and one's place on the hierarchy.


I agree with your description of the man's handshake, Hope. I expect a full, firm, brief handshake from a man. In fact, when shaking hands as a man, it would perturb me if a man grasped only the fingers. On the other hand, I do expect a woman to shake with just the fingers. Just my experience that way.

The clergy part I've not heard of.

[BRANDYJ]

Old school edicate said that men should not extend their hand for a handshake, but allow the woman to extend hers if she wants to shake hands. Not sure if this is still in vogue, but I always wait for a woman to extend her hand or there will be no handshake. I think I was taught this by my mother when I was still a teen.

[Joann Smith]

I try not to make a whole lot of determinations about a person based on a handshake... I reserve all that untill i get to know that person a little better...Alot of those old school notions about handshakes never seem to hold water with me infact they have proven to be to be very misleading...Things are alot more diverse nowadays and not everyone you meet may know of or understand all that handshake mess.....I know If i stick my hand out to greet a person, and they try to break in half i am gonna assume they want to hurt me.. and i will question thier intent ... So needless to say if they were trying to impress me with a firm grip they may have only managed to offend me... Need to be mindful that not everyone follows americian norms when it comes to greetings.

Joann

[Sarah V]

When dressed and out, I shake hands using a much lighter/softer grip.

[DebbieL]

Men and women generally do shake hands differently.

The handshake originated when soldiers would meet in the field to discuss terms. They would hold right hands, the sword hands, for the duration of the discussion, to show that they were willing to talk rather than fight. If terms were reached, they would shake hands, indicating that some sort of agreement had been reached. If one pulled away, that meant that terms could not be reached and the fight was on.

The modern version of a hand-shake involves a firm grip, held for 3-4 seconds, and on or two shakes.

A man who offers a "limp" handshake, a soft or gentle grasp, is often viewed as being a "sissy", homosexual, or otherwise unworthy of respect. As a result, men instinctively use a firm grip, keeping hands side-by-side - as equals.

When women shake hands, they offer their hand palm down, allowing the hand to be either kissed or shaken. If the man wishes to show respect, he will leave her hand palm down and shake by simply lifting it. On the other hand, if the man wishes to show dominance, he may turn her hand so that his is above hers, which is actually very rude, and alerts the woman that she needs to be more aggressive and assertive than she might otherwise be.

The shake is normally much shorter as well, more like a quick grasp, gentle squeeze from the man, and light shake, with a quick release. Extended handshakes generally indicate that the man is intimidated by the woman. The shorter handshake is more professionally oriented, essentially keeping it "strictly business".

All of this is at such a subconscious level that it's almost impossible to break.

Another give-away gesture is the nod - a very subtle version of the bow. It is normal for men to give each other the nod when walking toward each other, especially if they make eye contact.

Women instinctively courtsey - tilting their head to one side, and making eye contact using a sidelong glance, with a tilt to the side an a brief smile. More often, women avoid direct eye contact, since it could be perceived as an invitation to social interaction. When women are wearing traditionally feminine attire, such as skirts, heels, hose, and a "dressy" blouse, they are even more likely to avoid eye contact when walking in public places, to avoid the perception that she might be "for rent".

[gabimartini]

I think it has more to do with assertiveness than being male or female. I've gotten firm (and weak) handshakes from both men and women.

[Karren H]

When the teams shake hands after a hockey game I can tell the women from the men by their hand shake. I shake hands like a guy but shoot the puck like a girl.

[Joann Smith]

Aren't there cultural and ethnic issues involved in handshakes as well? Differences between Asian and European cultures, for example? And in the New World, between non-Latin and Latin America?

Yep! not everybody go that handshake BS.

[Marissa]

Modified

I've also received handshakes from both that make you wonder if the person shaking your hand has jelly for brain matter.

It casts a first impression with me that this person is weak in mind and timid which makes me a bit more aggressive with them because I have a real disdain for people that are timid and weak.

Julia

Wow..what a thought.. As a guy who extends my hand to give a handshake, I do laugh when the burly He-man has to beat me to the punch and grabs my hand in a vise where literally it feels like only half my hand is in grasp. Course I always think if he (or she) thinks that is weakness, then I have the upper hand in their miscalculations :)

Rather feels odd, so I laugh inside to think that a person has to exert themselves in this manner..for what? to make up for something else???? who knows.

When dressed, well I do tend to allow only what may be termed as a lady-like grasp :) I do laugh when I realize I'm doing this.

Thanks for the thread, it is rather interesting.

[Beth-Lock]

Interestingly, when I read this, my best friend was sitting next to me and asked what I was reading. When I told her, she wondered if it is any different. So, I shook hands with her, first like I do now, as a woman, and then a second time, like I used to, as a guy. That time she said I had a very firm handshake. In fact, once a man told me I was doing it too hard, and it hurt, when I was a man. As a woman now, the last thing I want to draw attentiion to is that I have big, fairly strong hands. So, my handshake is rather gentle, even a bit limp.

[Kaz]

In my experience, the traditional 'firm' handshake is a macho thing. You are supposed the match the grip and proclaim equality. Women who did macho grips in my business world scared the crap out of me as this was so unnatural and whilst they might have been trying to express their assertiveness, it read wrong. Women do 'friendly and empathising' handshakes usually. So woman who has a tight grip is someone to avoid!

Of course this is only my experience..

Indian guys do limp handshakes because you try hard not to show aggression and superiority. This comes from your status not from your behaviour. So you could be the CEO of the biggest frim in India, but you would do a weak handshake. Indian women do not shake hand... they simply place them in the hands of the other person... and usually you would use both hands to wrap around the other person...

Just some thoughts... Women with strong handshakes come over as aggressive... even if they smile!

[Hope]

Just some thoughts... Women with strong handshakes come over as aggressive... even if they smile!

I think that this is very astute, and a part of a much larger reality that we all need to be aware of. That larger reality is this: Women, who behave like men are read not as powerful and strong, but rather bitches. That may be unfair, it may be sexist, but it is the state of the world today. And it is something we all need to be aware of, because no matter how much work we put into appearance and voice and mannerisms and make-up and clothes and whatever else... if we are 100% passable, yet behave like we have always been trained to behave - we will be read as bitches. We need to be aware of our own scripts and behavior... and we have to learn to write new scripts and learn new behaviors. Which is tough to do. But important.

Women can be powerful without being bitches... but it is accomplished differently.

[Barbara_Jean]

DebbieL Hit it right on the head, a very interesting and accurate history of the handshake.
I suppose it all matters how you were brought up as far as how you execute your own handshake. I wish I had "Girl Training" growing up then I could offer a better response.
This thread reminds me of something Benny Hill said.
"What does a Man do standing up.... A Woman does sitting down... and a Dog does with one leg raised......... Shake Hands!

[ReineD]

That's interesting. I normally shake men's hands only when hugs aren't appropriate. I most always hug women. :)

But I have noticed differences: the size of the hand being shaken compared to mine and the firmness of the grip which I always attributed to the man's physical strength (compared to mine).

[Kelsy]

alot goes on in a handshake especially for males. There is a sizing up of strength and a position check. It establishes physical contact without being threatening plus males can't seem to tolerate hugs because of the closeness. I prefer the more intimate hug that women use most. A hug has quite a different meaning, there is a closeness and a mutual acceptance thing going on in it. It has an affirming quality.