OOOOPs

[Nigella]

This is aimed at those who have not yet told their SOs, but is open to all.

We all post things on this site which to some extent are very personal, some of which is not shared with the SO, crossdressing aside of course. Have you posted something on this site which, should your SO ever find, would cause you grief? How difficult would it be for you to explain away your inner thoughts?

[Alice B]

For me it has not been a problem. My wife knows of the site and that I post all the time. She has been told she can go to the site anytime she wishes and see what I write, but shows no interest. Plus I keep no secrets from her.

[DanaR]

Because it is an open forum and the internet, I don't post anything that my wife would be upset reading. If you think your wife will never see it, go ahead and post. If this was a private forum, I might think differently but I tend to be honest with my wife.

[Rachel Flowers]

The general rule of ethics: "if you wouldn't want to be caught, don't do it" applies here as anywhere .

Easy to say, harder to live by, I know!

[DanaR]

If you look at places like Facebook, it amazes me that people will tell everything about themselves. There are a lot of things, about me, that I don't post. Things that I don't want everyone to know, not that they're bad, but most people don't need to know. What is nice about forums, is that you can be somewhat unanimous, but still can be found out.

My wife knows almost everything about me. The only things she doesn't know are things that I haven't written or said to anyone.

[Anne2345]

I'm not sure I have shared anything personal with the forum, so what could possibly go wrong? :straightface:

[sissystephanie]

My response would be the same as Anne's! I do not share personal things on the forum that I don't want others to know. My dear SO/wife died 6 years ago, but she knew everything about me, including my crossdressing, so we never had any problems like that!

[Kathy Smith]

I'm very careful what I post on the "open" pages, but I'm a bit less careful on the "members only" pages. Mind you, I've invited my wife to join the forum but she hasn't done so far (AFAIK!). I've no secrets from her now. :-) I'm sure I've never posted anything that would upset her.

I also hide my face in my avatar (is there any way of switching an avatar off on the public pages?).

[Sara Jessica]

Anything I post is written under an assumption that she will read it, even though she has zero interest in doing so.

[Sheila11]

Have you posted something on this site which, should your SO ever find, would cause you grief?

Just the idea of her finding I am on this site would cause grief? If she found that I participate in discussion and post pics I would definately end up paying the piper. That would be one big payment.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Other than I'm God??......No.

[Sheila11]

There are not enough words to even explain my avatar.

[Lorileah]

If I post it, I expect people will see it. That would include my SO. I also subscribe to the "If you don't want to know, don't ask the question" club. Anything she would ever want to know I have been up front about.

[christina s]

While i'm single right now . I have a feeling most girls would be scared to find out their bodybuilding boyfriend likes to dress up as girl for fun . Now i just have to find that girl who's okay with it .

[Marleena]

Im in the SO knows category.

She knows I'm a member, I tell her what goes on here. I don't hide anything from her. She trusts me, so she is not interested in checking up on me.

Great thread idea, Nigella.:)

[Barbara Ella]

I have not said anything I havent said to her, but my saying some things here might go too far, I try to alert her of my wishes to share my feelings and experiences. Being a private person she might not wish me to include some of her thoughts, even though I feel that they will help others to gain some insight into how an SO reacts, and the thought process.

[Kathleen]

There are not enough words to even explain my avatar.

Perfect summation!

For those of us deep in the closet (can you hear me out there?), this forum is our only relief. So unfortunately there will be some desperately personal information posted -- just have to keep it anonymous.

I will say I am much more comfortable with my wife seeing this now than I would have been before I found this forum! In the course of a week or so I have become half a lifetime less marginalized. Thanks girls!

[LilSissyStevie]

There's nothing I've ever said here that she doesn't already know. She reads over my shoulder half the time anyway. The only thing I've ever tried to hide from my wife was way back when we first got married I started using smokeless tobacco again. I was ashamed of myself and didn't want her to know about it. She finally caught me and wasn't too happy about it, not so much that I was using it (although she really didn't like it), but because I had this secret life where she wasn't included. I was even more ashamed of trying to hide it. That cured me of hiding stuff. I eventually gave up tobacco, BTW.

[ReineD]

My wife knows almost everything about me. The only things she doesn't know are things that I haven't written or said to anyone.

LOL. You might be surprised! We have eyes in the backs of our heads, and we see into people's souls and into the future too! :D (just kidding)

:love:

Seriously, my SO told me that one of his ex gfs knew he was a CDer before he did. :)

To Nigella, I've written things in FAB that I wouldn't want my SO to read. These weren't secrets about me, or hidden fantasies or anything, just my thought processes as I was struggling to understand him and the CDing. There were things I took the wrong way and felt aggrieved, and it was good to have a place to process my thoughts and emotions and subsequently gain a better perspective through other people's feedback, before talking to him about it. Some of the things I never did have to talk to him about, since it all fell into place naturally. I would have hated to have habitually regurgitated all my angst on him just for the sake of dumping.

As to your question as it pertains to CDers ... I also wonder if many of the members who post about wanting to sleep with men or wanting female body parts (not the TSs), or who feel their wives are jealous because the CDers are more attractive, share this with their wives or girlfriends as well.

[Amanda S]

My wife knows about the CD part of me, and she helps me go shopping. She knows the forum exists, but she doesn't participate at my request. I've told her that it's my place, and she respects that. If anything she's worried that what I read here will influence me to be bolder and thus get hurt. But she recognizes the importance of a support group of like-minded people who understand where I'm coming from and how I feel. I think we've found a good compromise. I do need to find her a support group, though, so she doesn't feel so alone.

[ReineD]

My wife knows about the CD part of me, and she helps me go shopping. She knows the forum exists, but she doesn't participate at my request. I've told her that it's my place, and she respects that. If anything she's worried that what I read here will influence me to be bolder and thus get hurt. But she recognizes the importance of a support group of like-minded people who understand where I'm coming from and how I feel. I think we've found a good compromise. I do need to find her a support group, though, so she doesn't feel so alone.

Omega, you do realize that your wife can read any of your posts in the M2F CDing section? You should log off and then look at the forum to determine precisely which sections are open to the public.

Also, why can't she join here as well? You would still be free to post your private thoughts in the GM section. And she could get her own user name, and also become a member of the private FAB section to get support from the other wives. :)

EDIT

It is a bit of a sad state of affairs really. You find a place you don't feel a freak. Then you have to worry about what you say about your genuine feelings just incase someone reads it. Can't post a photo in case someone sees it. Can't express your deepest desires in case your wife reads it.

Is this because there are things about the CDing that you want to hide from your wife? What would you like to say that you feel you can't?

[sweetjan]

My wife and I have a very open marrage. Many times my wife reads what I post. I have nothing to hide from
my wife in real life nor in a post. I would never be afraid for my wife to read a post. She is my best friend along with my wife.:hugs:

[Cheryl T]

Nope, my wife is a member here.
That's something I encouraged her to do initially as I felt it was important for her to read what others had to say and for us to discuss things that she found interesting and also those that were bothersome.
It's been good for both of us and there are no secrets anymore.

[SweetPea_GG]

my husband joined before I did.. and before I even found out about his CDing.. after I joined and saw his posts there were many that made me sad and upset.. Ive questioned some of the posts and he just explained at that time is that im reading to much into it or he didnt mean to type it that way..

best advice though if its a public forum when you post.. post like your loved one will be reading it too.

[Eryn]

Hmm, she already knows that I like to wear slinky cocktail dresses... :)

My wife Mimi participates here and I post with that expectation We often gain insights into each other's thought processes from reading each other's posts.. I don't feel the need to hide anything from her. I did that for a long time but I'm better now. :)

If there were anything I didn't want to share with her, there is the GM forum. For her, there is FAB. I think that we've got it covered.

[Donniesr]

I don't have a wife or a SO, so I can't really say too much on that note, but I can say, If you post on here, don't be alarmed if someone sees it. Don't be ashamed of what you say, or don't say it.
I myself don't care who sees what I post, I have nothing to hide. If my ex can't stomach it,,thats her problem..I'm happy with who and what I am..

[Carmen]

Just the idea of her finding I am on this site would cause grief? If she found that I participate in discussion and post pics I would definately end up paying the piper. That would be one big payment.

DITTO! I already know what her response would be like.

[linda allen]

This is aimed at those who have not yet told their SOs, but is open to all.

We all post things on this site which to some extent are very personal, some of which is not shared with the SO, crossdressing aside of course. Have you posted something on this site which, should your SO ever find, would cause you grief? How difficult would it be for you to explain away your inner thoughts?

The other side of this is, a person can be anyone he or she wants to be on the Internet and for those of us living double lives (that would be me), it's a great opportunity to open up. Just the fact that I read this forum would probably be upsetting to my wife as being interested in dressing and acting like a woman is something she doesn't know about and something that would probably never cross her mind.

With that in mind, I've posted a couple photos of me out in public, dressed as a woman. With a wig, makup, and sunglasses on, I probably wouldn't be recognized by a casual viewing of the photo but I suppose if someone suspected it was me, they could identify me.

My wife is not really a computer expert but I am carefull to log out of this site and clear the browsing history after each session.

As a side, I am able to do a web search on my user name and get hits on this site, but of course there are many Linda Allens in this world.

[Allsteamedup]

Some of the stuff my husband posted when he joined really upset me. Stuff from chilhood, he said. Stuff about his cding he never told me. Stuff that anybody with a psychology or social services background would have known warranted serious investigation 40yrs ago. And stuff that was so wildly untrue......it made me so sad. He does like the limelight.
He thinks I am in FAB to talk about him.....well, what a disappointment he would have.

[Renee W]

Even though I have access to the Genetic Males section, I still keep all of my posts SO friendly and in the general forum areas. It was bad enough that I kept my CDing from her for 18 years, I don't want her to think that I am still hiding something.

[Melody1985]

To answer your question Nigella, if my girl saw anything that I have posted here I would be in trouble. So basically, I'm taking a big risk by showing my face, but the risk has also served as a rush for me. But other than that, there's nothing that I've posted that I would be ashamed of lol..

[Nigella]

Thanks for the responses so far, but lets hear from those who are still closeted. Have you posted something here that you would never want your SO to see, especially if you hide behind the anonimity of the internet and non descriptive avatars?

To expand, how about those who have posted something which the SO found and then you had to explain the meaning of what you posted.

To respond to my own post/thread. I am an open book, especially in relation to my transexualism, anyone can ask me a question and as long as it is not too personal, will get an honest response. I know full well that anything posted into cyberspace can be found, so post accordingly.

[suchacutie]

Hmmm....why would I want to post something here that would upset my wife? I'm not in the habit (I hope) of willfully upsetting my spouse of 38 years. Not rarely I bring up questions from this forum to her! The only concern I've ever had was posting something that was her opinion, so if it's at all a possibility I ask her first.

As far as my opinions, we've discussed them all. Tina and I enjoy having a feminine mentor as a part of the family! :)