For those who came out or had to come out.

[JCD568]

How did you come out to your SO, parents, friends etc. Were you caught and had to confess? Did you get to the point where you thought you wanted to come out? Or are you still closeted, like me.

I go outside, from time to time, for a smoke or to post a letter, or for a drive while dressed en femme. I always go out not wanting to be caught. It's a real thrill, but if I'm ever caught, I don't know how I'd take it. Maybe one day, I'll be comfortable enough to not worry about such things. I've grown SO much more confident while wandering around at night, en femme. Would like to progress further, i.e. go out dressed without worrying about what others think.

Joanna *Hugs* x x

[Renee W]

For me it was the day my wife found my stuff while I was at work. She approached me about it that night and we talked, I told her everything. After a few days of discussion and reading of information on the web, life has done nothing but get better. We now have a better, more open relationship and are finding more common ground and interest everyday. I have been married to her for 15 yrs, with her for 18, and out to her for 2 months.

[elizabethamy]

I left a white undergarment next to the white sheet of our bed and she found it one evening. I was more relieved than anything else b/c I felt terrible about not having told her. It has been alternately great and rocky since I told her, but having it out in the open between us means that we are going to resolve our relationship with this new side of myself one way or the other, so on the whole, the right thing happened. Plus I'm getting therapy and don't have to sneak or fib about what's being discussed there. Everyone's situation is different!

elizabethamy

[Cheryl T]

My wife found the trimmings from a picture of myself I had taken. She recognized the room and got curious. She then found the picture in my wallet.
For 3 days I got the silent treatment. Finally she asked, "Who is she?". I was confused and asked "Who is who?". Well, that got her mad and she repeated her question. Well, still confused I repeated mine. She said her's again to which she added, "the woman in the picture in your wallet". BUSTED.....
I produced the picture and said, "That's ME!". That made her even more mad, which of course I took as a great compliment. I told her wait here and I went to the car and got the proverbial box of clothes. I then produced the dress and heels, garter belt, nylons, bra, panties and wig that I was wearing in the photo.

After days of talking we found the time wasn't right and back in the box I went until about 7 years ago when I could take it no longer. After more talking and investigation she is now my best girl friend and we go out all the time together everywhere. I am free to dress about the house when I feel like it and never have to worry about her reaction. When it's time to take care of business about the house, that's what I do. It's the dream I always had...come true.

[kimdl93]

Let's say I've done it both ways. First, I came out to a sister, very privately. Then, some years later, I was "outed" to a number of family members, friends, and co-workers by my then wife, in the unpleasant weeks leading up to our divorce. Then, having found the former alternative far preferable to the latter, I came out to my GF when things began to get serious.

I think that latent desire to "get caught" is present in a lot of us. But, like being outed involuntarily, it has a number of drawbacks...foremost being that you're at the mercies of the situation, rather than being able to come out in a controlled and reasoned manner. Why risk a bad result, when you seem to really want someone in your life to share this part of you. So, start thinking about who that person is, as well as what and how you'll tell her/him.

[Lorileah]

In my marriage it just evolved. I asked if I could buy a pair of heels, she said only if I wore them. In my last relationship, she said she was coming out to meet me, I showed her photos, she asked who it was, I said "me", she said "OK". I sent my mom a picture, she asked who it was, I said me, she forgot all about it until I sent another 10 years later. I went to a party at a friend's house, dressed...hard to hide it then. Usually I just tell them, that is the easiest

[Patty F]

I told my wife right after we married, our 2 kids know and my youngest daughter (she is 32)and I have exchanged clothing. I dress around the house a lot and find excuses like halloween to dress in public. Best time was halloween in New Orleans, everyone so open and fun.

[suchacutie]

My wife and I discovered Tina together after many years of marriage! It's more like Tina came out to both of us at once :)

[Jenniferathome]

I told my wife because I was tired of hiding and sick of the guilt/shame.

[Rachel Flowers]

I was always fairly confident she'd be accepting, but by the time I discovered it was real, we were in a really poor place generally so I just chose to keep it to myself. Once we'd sorted out the other issues, I just came out with it. She was more than accepting, she was delighted. We're now kicking ourselves for not realising 22 years ago!

[kimdl93]

I was always fairly confident she'd be accepting, but by the time I discovered it was real, we were in a really poor place generally so I just chose to keep it to myself. Once we'd sorted out the other issues, I just came out with it. She was more than accepting, she was delighted. We're now kicking ourselves for not realising 22 years ago!

For every horror story, there's at least one like Rachel's. Either way, she's going to find out, but if your honest about it, theres a good chance (maybe 50:50 or better) that she'll be delighted (great word, BTW) and the two of you won't miss out on 22 years of great experiences together.

[Dawn cd]

The only one who knows is my wife. She knows because, after years of being together, nothing can be secret. She would find something I washed and hung up to dry, or she'd notice bra lines beneath my knit shirt. But we never talked about it until about a year ago. We've spoken a few times about gender & dressing issues, and she's okay with it, but she doesn't want to be part of it. Our marriage continues to be strong.

[Cynthia Anne]

One day I decided A GIRL GOTTA' DO WHAT A GIRL GOTTA DO! If they don't like it then they can do what my signature tells them to do! Hugs!

[Helen Grandeis]

I came out to my wife because although I have privately dressed while she was not at home for twenty years (and before that on and off back till 1968), I had gotten out totally on a business trip and knew that I couldn't not tell her and be out. I gambled and deluded myself into expecting a good outcome when the writing was on the walls about how she felt. She went bonkers. She has no tolerance whatsoever. There was a carload size purge to the local TG support group monthly meeting. Helen has moved into the tiniest of closets. The rest of our marriage is going great. I was greatly impressed at how much she loves me. Unfortunately, Helen's future is uncertain. My tiny existence is sufficient for my most immediate needs. The future is a long time.
--
Good luck
Helen

[Brynn_A]

I came out to my soon to be ex wife. She was coming over to drop off some things and I met her at the door wearing a pair of girly jeans and a T..blonde hair flowing and a subtle smoky eye makeup.

[Piora]

For me, it was my daughter. She was living with me up until recently, but had no idea that I crossdressed. I had ordered my first pair of shoes, and instead of them being sent by Canada Post, they were sent by DHL Courier! Of course, it was too late to do anything about it, and yes, my daughter was home when they arrived. Instead of inventing some c.o.c.k-a-namie story to cover it up, I decided to come clean. She was very understanding and supportive, and it went a thousand times better than I had pictured it in my mind. My awesome daughter....I love her dearly. :hugs:

[Amanda S]

I came out to my wife twice, as it turns out. I had mentioned it before and she wasn't ready to hear it. I recently came out again, and she received it well, taking me shopping. It's important to know that I was not actively dressing BEFORE I told her; that, she said, would have made the revelation worse because she would have felt betrayed. And she's since found that me dressing is attractive to her...added bonus. I know my story is atypical, but it's been my experience thus far.

[kristinacd55]

My wife found a sex toy box and thought I was having an affair with another woman. That's when I fessed up.....that was about 5 yrs ago. But, this year back in February started going to support group meetings and then occasionally going to clubs and there is nothing like being out in public and meeting friends! I think that your coming to that point and if you can find a group or girls nearby you'll never regret it.

[Nikki A.]

Told my second wife when it looked like we might be getting serious. Some talking and she was supportive but not always accepting in the 20 yrs we were married. We set limits and boundaries which I kept until she passed away. Since then there have been a few major infractions ( ok well almost all limits broken).

[MarcyHunter]

Gone cottin choppin.

[Jonianne]

How did you come out to your SO, parents, friends etc....

Before my ex-wife and I divorced, she started seeing an ex-TG counselor who gave her bad advice and told her she needed to threaten and make ultimatums to me about my cding. So she threatened to tell everyone about it.

That actually was the best thing that could have happen to me.

I had started counseling on my own and had gained enough sense of self that I was able to tell everyone that was important to me, my kids, my family, close friends, bosses and co-workers and the church leaders I was a member of. It was hard at first, but later when I never lost a single friend, it became easier and easier to share. So the next time she threateded to tell, I said go ahead, I already told them. She never threatened that again.

She has passed now and I do want to say she was a good woman overall and I know we loved each other and I am so sad we could not work it out. I am angry at the so-called counselor who gave her bad advice, making my cd'ing a black and white, all or nothing issue between us and not allowing for any compromise whatsoever.

[Michelle 2]

Very much like many of the gals here I started crossdressing at the early age of about seven. This cumpulsive behavior grew as the years have passed into my teens and now into my midlife. I realized at a very young stage in my life that I was attracted to womans clothes and I never really had a problem with it personally. I just did not know how others would deal with it. Over several decades of crossdressing certain people in my life have found out about my lifestyle either by getting caught or by taking the initiative to inform them about my little hobby.

As for my spouse I have no secrets from her. I was one of the lucky ones who told her before our marriage. She is a very special woman and decided to love me and marry me for better or worse. Next year will be our 25th wedding anniversary and I can truly say that I love her more today than when we first met. I have found that as I continue to grow as a person that people do not respect you if you lie or decieve them. On the other hand if you are forthright and honest there really is nothing to fear, or stop you from achieving what you set out to do.

Michelle

[Roslyn]

Coming out to my wife, looking back on it, was hilarious, because I didn't realize until it was done.. I wascompletely sloshed one night, and just babbled on and on... The next morning (to my initial terror) she told me about the conversation, and then went on to tell me she was completely okay with it.. We had only been dating for a couple weeks at that point, but we're still together 13 years later, happily married, and looking forward to every new day.. on a side note, soon after the event, I gave up drinking permenantly, lol...

[Samantha B L]

I came out to my Mom and my sister and my two brothers and also to some family freinds back in the seventies. They all just hated it. After something like two years went by I saved myself some agravation by telling them I "quit" crossdressing and a whole lot of other LGBT stuff I came out to them about. Of course, I didn't "quit". I've lived at home most of my adult life because on the more good side of things my parents allowed their children to continue living at home as long as they work,keep reasonably hygeinic,help out with chores and stuff like putting up siding or mowing the lawn and pay rent and kick in on stuff like the cable bill and phone bill. so it's not like I'm spoiled and it's a good deal. I've been living with my sister now for about two years and I'm in my fifties. She came out and asked me why most of my facebook freinds were drag queens,gays,lesbians,drag kings,burlesque performers. She was good natured about it but she asked me if I was a "transvestite". I told her yes. Why fight it. She said it was Okay! A whole bunch of my freinds and relatives know nowadays and they're all cool about it.

[Stacey Summer]

As I've already said in another thread my mum and sister caught me when I was little and I was berated and scared witless by my mum. I had two girlfriends in my mid to late teens who I told by simply putting on their stuff. The first one was ok with it and liked it, the second one wasn't approving and I didn't do it again.

This time round I thought "What the hell!" My SO had just bought a really nice pair of knee-high platform boots and I said I wanted my own pair. She hasn't been approving or particularly tolerant but she seems to be getting more accepting now, she even wants to help me shop for clothes now! She just has one rule, no wearing her stuff, lol. Which is fine as I think I've got just as many clothes as her by now =P

[jsmith9213]

well, first I'd like to say that this forum is really great! All of you rock and all of you look incredible. I've been dressing since I was 4years old. I would sneak my mother's sexy panties and wear them over my sleeper/pajamas. My parents would catch me and tease me about it, shaming me for doing it. I'd then hide my cross-dressing for private moments. I later got married, and would wear my wife's things when she was working and the kids w grandma. We later divorced and I don't think she ever knew.

2 marriages later, I'm married to a gorgeous woman, blonde with a Barbie-like body. She HATES to wear lingerie, but does have some nice panties that I like. When we met, I told her that I really like lingerie, and hinted around in various conversations about wearing heels, and understanding how having large breasts would make your back sore, etc. I have found that if my SO wears nice lingerie, I don't have that much of a need to wear it. She buys her bras and panties at VSecret, but they aren't frilly or lacy. My wife has more masculine qualities, and I have more feminine qualities, more in personality than physical appearance. That makes us very compatible.

Once, when I was caught looking at her VS catalog, she asked me why I was looking at the women in there. I replied, "To find something to buy you as a surprise." (I was really looking to see what I'd like to wear myself) When she asked me what I had in mind, I showed her some sexy garterbelts, stockings, etc, and she told me that they were uncomfortable, and if I wanted to see her in them, I'd have to wear them first. I said that was fine, I'd be happy to wear them, but she didn't take me seriously.

Some months later, I started walking around the house wearing her panties. She thought that was really sexy and said that since she didn't like tight-fitting clothes, it was good that I stretched them out for her. After a few months of that, she put her bra on me and I wore it all night while we watched tv, but hers aren't girlie enough for me really.

I had a small stash of clothes at home, panties, bras, stockings, garterbelts, slips half-slips and camis, and a pair of heels that I'd wear during the day when she was gone, but could only do it a few hours at a time, and had to change before she returned home. This went on for about 2 years.

This past September, it was my birthday and she got sick...bed-ridden sick. I had just cleaned out a rental property where I had my main collection of clothes, 30 bras, 50 half-slips, 20 full slips, 10 camis, nighties, etc. and had brought them home and stashed them. While she was sick, I thought it may be a good time to come out by wearing a garterbelt, lace top white stockings, white panties, a white lace bra, a short full-slip a nurses uniform (one of those sexy costume ones I had bought on sale) and some heels. I then brought her some soup while dressed as a nurse.

It surprised her to say the least, said that I looked cute, made me lift my skirt to check me out, etc...then asked where I got that stuff. I told her that I brought it over from the rental property where I had it for some years. She asked me what all I had, and I told her. She said that I could wear it as long as I didn't "Overwhelm her" with it by dressing every day.

I was excited and the next day dressed up in stockings, garterbelt, panties, bra, full slip and heels and it felt so great. I went to bed wearing a nice silky nightie that I longed to wear for some time. The next day, I wore my usual clothes. She asked me why I wasn't dressed up, and I told her that I didn't want to overwhelm her. She said it was fine as it didn't bother her and thought it was a little strange, but that it didn't bother her.

I started dressing up almost every day, and wearing nighties to bed, and sometimes even stockings as I love the way they feel. After all, she said she was ok with it. Here's where it gets difficult. My wife is also an alcoholic and a mean drunk. We've had countless arguments when she's been drinking, and I've spent countless nights either in my truck, in the car, at the hotel, at the motel or downstairs in the lobby or on the couch. Every time she gets smashed, she then tries to blame her drinking on me and the fact that I'm a transvestite and that I probably want to be with men. (well, I am bi-curious when dressed, but that's another issue)

This last time that she got smashed, I hadn't dressed up in some time around her. I work from home, and had worked until 2:30am and needed to be back at work @8am. I was in bed trying to sleep, and just got to sleep when she comes in and jumps on me, waking me up. She's trying to be loving, but when she's drunk, I'm not that interested in having sex w her. I told her to leave me alone and she wouldn't. I got up and went into the living room to sleep on the couch. She followed, got on her computer and blasted music. I went back into the bedroom. I just got back to sleep when she comes in and wakes me up again. I told her to stop and she kept right on bugging me. I threw her off me, got out of bed and chased her out of the room and locked the door. 2 hours later, I'm sleeping when she starts pounding on the door so loudly, that I'm afraid the neighbors would call the cops. I tell her that I'm not letting her in and to sleep on the couch like I've had to do countless times. She refuses, then goes into my office where I keep all my femme clothes. I hear her doing something, so I get out of bed open the door, and see her throwing all my clothes around the room calling me all sorts of nasty names. I go to stop her and she dials 911.

The police come and she starts telling them that I'm a cross-dresser and that I probably want to be with men, am probably gay, and that I had her on the bed with my hands around her throat asking her to apologize and that was when I let her up. They hauled my ass off to jail charged with felony domestic violence with strangulation. There I was strip searched, etc...had to spend the night, yada, yada. I never touched her neck, but I had grabbed her by the chin and told her to leave me the f*** alone as I need to sleep.

When she's sober she's accepting but when she's drinking she's not. The other night, she asked me why I wasn't wearing a nighty to bed. I told her cause it bothers her. Then she says that if it makes me feel better I should do it. If I'm really stressed, dressing during the day and wearing a peignoir or nighty to bed really helps relieve my stress. Thank God she's finally working after several years, so now I can at least get dressed up during the day and change when she phones to say she's coming home. The few times that we had sex while was dressed in lingerie was extremely hot, but she'll throw it in my face when she drinks. I obviously cannot be myself around her, and I'm searching for other CDs in my area to meet with. Sorry for the long post, but I needed to vent..

[Crysten]

So, yeah, I've been a crossdresser since I was maybe three years old. Nothing about being a CD was a "suprise" to me as a teen or later on. I met my *future* wife when I was 29, and told her about myself on the third date (or so). Her response was that she didn't care.

Cut to several years later, still married, her pregnant. Me, still CDing when I could (only at home, never out). Still, she said didn't care. I went to extremes thanking her for letting me express myself, she very much knew how much I appreciated it, no question.

Again, cut to years later. I could tell something was wrong in our relationship. But, whenever I asked her what was up, the answer I got was "nothing". So one day, I couldn't take "nothing" for an answer any more. "What is wrong?" she said - and layed out a litany of every single slight (or percieved slight) ever uttered from my mouth in the 10 years we were married. She had been carrying all that baggage around with her and not letting ONE IOTA of it go. I mean, a brief comment from me 10 years before was a HUGE issue, right.

Cut to present. My soon to be ex-wife has completely abandoned her eleven year old son, her eighteen year old daughter, and me (her husband). Her daughter (from a previous marriage) was almost totally abandoned by her when she married me (her daughter was six at the time) until her dad basically forced her to move up with us when she was 15. I care for her greatly, she still lives here with my son and I.

So what does all this mean? Reading between the lines, my wife is never, ever straight forward, I'm sure she lays all the problems in our marriage directly at the feet of my crossdressing. This, only because she has never said so (never mentioned it once, in fact). That speaks volumes. All the nit-picky meaningless nonsense she brought up as an excuse to disappear from our lives comes down to one thing - she couldn't tolerate the crossdressing after all.

So all ye fellow travellers, beware. Coming out of the closet may be right for some people, and it may not (especially if you love your SO). Consequences range from the positive (rare) to the immediate negative (common) to the "delayed reaction" as in my case. I'm not perfect by any stretch (who is) but I love my wife still, and it really, really flattened me when she took off. She has her problems as well (I won't get into them here) but there is ONE THING that I find unforgiveable. Her dishonesty, over the long term, is now adversly effecting me and our kids. She lied to herself for years ... and now her family is paying the price (myself included).

Sorry for the wall of text. The last time I posted on this topic, I was shouted off this forum because I was an evil husband etc. Well, I was venting because I was crushed and confused. The fact of the matter is her leaving isn't, and never was, my fault. At least I can feel good about that. Best wishes all and I hope you have a good holiday with loving people around you. =)

[jsmith9213]

I'm so sorry Crysten! It would appear that your soon-to-be-ex is passive-aggressive and does not wish to communicate. I realize that there are two sides of every story, but it would appear that you were totally up front with her. If she wants to repress her feelings, that's HER problem! You've seen my story below yours, and although I love my wife beyond words, I will not tolerate her drunken behavior anymore. She gets drunk, then the only thing she can blame it on is my X-dressing, but she's been getting that drunk for years before she even knew about it. It's all just an excuse for other buried issues, I'm sure. Hang in there. Realize that there is the perfect person out there for each of us! She's just not the perfect person for you. If I get divorced, I'm finding another TV/TS/TG to have a relationship with. Life is too short.