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unknown_raven
12-16-2011, 12:09 AM
well its been a while since i last came on the site and a lot has happened since i did.

for starters i spent the college holidays at my mothers this year, and since i don't have laptop of my own i had been borrowing hers. unfortunately for me after ordering a new bra online my mother intercepted the package. now since she was suppose to have been going away i had addressed it to be delivered to her address but under my fem name cause i didn't want people ruining my eBay rating, even though i had asked for it to be posted a few days later then when i had bought it, giving a random excuse, the seller had addressed it to me under my normal name followed by my fem name, and she posted it the day i payed instead of waiting.
now as any good mother would do, she questioned why i had it, being as crafty as i am and fast on my feet, i told her that i had ordered liquid latex from an adult site since it was cheaper and me and my friends needed it for a project. finally convinced i had got it by mistake, and believing i would return it, she went off on her holidays.
2 weeks later term time had ended and i returned to college and living with my dad, with in a few days of returning home my mother had gone through her laptops log files, which regrettably i had forgotten to delete, so basically she had seen every internet chat i had done as i worked out what was the best way to act and talk to people with out giving a way the fact im not really a girl. after yelling at me for what must have been an hour and telling me she had no trust in me, i was sick minded, i wasn't going to look after my younger cousins or sister any more blah blah blah (still dont understand why it would effect my abbility to babysit) she told me i was never aloud to go see her again.

so a little scared that she would tell my dad what she had found, i stashed all my fem stuff in my college locker, so glad i got one my first day, and after a week of laying low and making sure i was never home, i started to return to normal life and wearing my girly stuff when i could. during this time i had told one of my college friends, Jake, that i had been cross-dressing, and as i was expecting he was alright with it, since he was bi and did stuff like this himself, only his parents knew and didn't care, lucky devil, he took me out one night while i was dressed up to be a personal shield in case any one started to get to let just say "friendly", and i wll admit i had a good time.

X days later, i had gone out in fem and bought a new dress and took it home, the moment i got in the door i was up in my room trying it on, now unfortunately the only full length mirror in the house belongs to m stepmother. so am in my dads room and im looking my self over and i figured, i would take so photos, as you would, after taking several photos and deleting them as they where horrid, i put the camera down and went to get changed so i could go out for the evening with this girl i had recently met, after getting home at around midnight i find that my camera is on the kitchen counter, in a panic i rush to it and check though it to see whats on it hoping to god i hadn't left any evidence, seeing that there wasnt any i proceed to bed with out haste.
next morning im woke up by my dad, who wants to have a "chat", being the clever person he is and with him also remembering i used to wear my mothers clothes when i was young, he had summed up the idea that i had been wearing my step mothers clothes and taking photos of my self, but all he said to me was he knew what i had been doing and he wanted the truth out of me, so i told him i had been wearing my stepmothers clothes, and he was rather mad at me, and even stated that it was a good thing there wasnt any photos on the camera or my stepmother would have gone nuts.
Jaw drop, big idiot here stating he had been wearing his step mothers clothes rather then coming up with some excuse, so he asks me have i been stealing anything from her blah blah blah, i do as much damage control as i can from there, but to add more fuel to the fire he phones my mum to let her know.
after being forcefully removed from kitchen and thrown on to the street all cartoon style,i went and spent a few nights at my old friend Jake's.

after i was finally aloud to return home, i carried on doing every thing i had been doing up to this point, now with me writing down everything i do as i go along so i can cover up everything life went on pretty well.

after i finally finished college i went about looking for work, found my self a good job as a chef and i moved back in with my mother, after living from my bags for about a week, my mother told me she was going to clean my room so i wasn't living like a "hobo", now my instincts told me instantly, go hide your dresses and wig in your car, but being the lazy fool i am i decided to drop them to the bottom of my rucksack and put my xbox on top of them, next morning i tell her if she does clean my room she wasn't to touch my xbox or computer and that i would set them up so she didnt break them i went off to work. after coming home i find my computer and xbox are both set up, and my CD stuff is gone, swearing several times i ran around frantically raiding through the bins and such to try and recover what i could, after looking out of the window and seeing that a pile of bricks had gone missing from our yard i knew where she had thrown them, the junk yard.
dropping to my knees for my dramatic moment of screaming no to the sky my mother comes home and starts yelling at me once again.

now my story ends, its been 3 months now since that day, and every thing is now going smooth, but just as people start to relax and think that miss raven falls no long exists, i find my self once again sitting at my computer wearing a bre under my clothes and trying to find my self a new wig.

all i hope is, that this time im far more cleaver about how i go about hiding my second life.

Susan G
12-16-2011, 12:23 AM
I think it might be wise to figure out a way to move out on your own, or with a understanding friend. Your Life will become less stressful. I sympathize with you. Good Luck.

Jorja
12-16-2011, 01:07 AM
My suggestion would be to come out to your mother and father and everyone come to terms with it or move out on your own. You are not a child anymore. Take some responsibility for your actions.

Jessica86
12-16-2011, 01:58 AM
Agree with everyone here. Sounds like they have their mind set on a one way track. There's no changing that.

KimberlyJane
12-16-2011, 02:20 AM
Raven:
So sorry to hear of the troubles!! Feel for you girl!!

I too lived in shame for way too many years, and let what others thought control my life. It took me until I was in my 30's before I realized that is simply no way to live. I can't give you the courage to be yourself,(if i could, i would!!) only you can stand up for yourself and only you can accept yourself. Once i accepted that I am dual gendered, and crossdressing is simply a part of what I am, i gained the courage to come out and be honest with others and myself.

Know that you are not alone! Know that you deserve love and compassion, even if your family might not seem to give it. i think family often tries to control and change you, to make it easier for them, and in their minds easier for you. i know my parents think if I was simply 'normal', my life would be easier, and a better one. But i am not normal, I am very unique, as are you!! Not many get to experience both sides of gender, and those that don't often want to change those of us that do, so they can feel safer in the role they are stuck with. Try not to let them crush the Raven in you, fight back and defend her!

I would talk to them, and explain you are their son, you love them, and understand they want the best for you, and then explain that this is a part of who you are, and you seek their support as you explore your gender expression. I know it may seem impossible, but I do hope you can find the acceptance within yourself first, and hopefully with time, theirs as well.

Sending you much love, big hugs, and positive thoughts!
Kimberly

Kathy4ever
12-16-2011, 05:01 AM
I always wondered what these people thought they were accomplishing when they throw our stuff away. Yeah it hurts our feelings and wallet, but it is not like they closed all the womans shops and womans departments. The things they throw away can be replaced. You never know you might find something even better to wear.I hope you now know you can't trust your mother and need to find your own place to live if you want to dress again or find a place that you can store your private collection. Good luck in your endeavors.

Shari
12-16-2011, 05:33 AM
Your poor thing! Your post reads like a disaster movie.
You must be filled with so much anxiety and frustration.
Time to set your priorities by working diligently to getting a place of your own where you call all the shots. No more hiding and no more embarrassment. And your clothes will always be where you left them.
Good luck.

Cynthia Anne
12-16-2011, 07:50 AM
GIRL! I swear if there is trouble to be found YOU will find it!ha! I think it's time to move on! A change of address is due you! I wouldn't wait for everything to be 'trashed' again! Which is bound to happen SOON! It's a shame people don't live and let live! I feel for you and hope the best for you! But you are the only one that can make it happen! So get in those heels and start walking! Better things await those who don't hesitate! Hugs!

Debra Russell
12-16-2011, 02:35 PM
As I used to tell my students when I taught school and they came to me for counseling "If you are doing something that is all right but others thing is wrong--make sure you don't get caught"----you should do the same or get your own place

AllieSF
12-16-2011, 03:13 PM
I agree with Debra. You were lazy in protecting your secret side and are only asking for trouble by being that way. Regarding telling your parents, I am not sure that is a good idea at this time. If you are economically handicapped and living at home is the only way to make it work, your revealing your other side could get you permanently thrown out of their houses. Since Mom and Dad do communicate with each other, one may follow the other's lead to try to cleanse you of your transgressions.

So Raven, be much more careful, ever vigilant and then when you can, obviously, get out on your own as you should be any way.

jillleanne
12-16-2011, 03:23 PM
In my opinion, it's obvious by your post you no intention of becoming clever as you suggest, so why not come out to you mother and educate her on her son. She brought you into life and she if anyone, will accept you more for being truthful with her.

Karren H
12-16-2011, 04:29 PM
a series of unfortunate incidents. Just start wearing skirts around the house... Not like they haven't figured it out..

RenneB
12-16-2011, 10:09 PM
Raven, I can so identify with you. Whatever doesn't kill you should make you better... There are basically two types of people who do CDng. Those who are out of the closet and those that haven't been outed ....yet.. I for one am still hiding my secret supergirl identity and like it that way, but realize that someday, I'll have to come to grips with it.

With age comes experience. I have learned how to be very very careful. After 5 decades of this you'd think I'd figure it out. Oh but noooo, there I go leaving my overtheknee 4" heel boots on the bed for the SO to find that almost led to disaster. I try to cover my bases but there is just tooo much to hide forever...

Then again, there are those times of dressing and purging over the long run. Now may be a good time to purge until you get on your feet and in control of your surroundings. Even then, there will be something that you forgot, some little thing..... like don't leave your cell phone on loud and in your purse after you've changed back to nonfem mode. Or pay by credit card in fem mode at the store cashier and then they ask for your photo id and it doesn't look anything like you.

Hope this helps.... 45 years ago, I had to change out of moms clothes and my pops made it to the basement and I can't believe he found exactly where I had stashed them. What's mother's bra doing over here he yelled as I cowered in the next room hiding and praying. My prayers were answered and nothing was ever said again about it. Then again, I got smarter and never got caught again... yet.

Renne.....