Switching genders late in life

[elizabethamy]

Hi everyone,

As I continue to try to understand this newish (2 yrs) compulsion to cross dress and think femme thoughts after half a century of no such awareness, I wonder if maybe I've just had enough of being a not-entirely-successful male. Wouldn't it be great if we got the chance to re-choose our careers, hometowns, and even genders at age 50? How many would sign up for that? What percent of my (and your) TG tendencies are deepseated compulsions and what percent are exhaustion with playing out life as a male in a sexist, drab world?

fire when ready.

elizabethamy

[Julie Hall]

Elizabethamy, I don't know if I should be the one to weigh in, but here goes. Your question(s) almost seem aimed at me - I know they are not. Having started far more recently, about 3-4 weeks and advancing in age - 56 years, I thought I'd throw my two cents worth into the discussion.

When I signed up for this forum, I had been under dressing for about a week and hadn't a clue why I had this need. After some considerable soul searching I realized this didn't just come from nowhere. I had had desires to dress and even to become a girl back in my youth. I had repressed them so much, I initially didn't recall them.

An additional factor possibly is the stress of losing my wife of 28 years, even though she passed back in May. I started dressing as Thanksgiving approached - the first one alone for more than half my life. As it stood, I nearly took my life that week and may yet still as my life careens out of control. That last line might be due to having my thoughts dwell on my wife for more than a moment.

For me, I really don't think I'm acting out against some social gender expectations. Don't get me wrong - those expectations are pretty stupid in my opinion, I just don't think it applies in my case.

After all this exposition, I really don't have a salient earth shattering epiphany. I just thought I would add my story to the discussion.

[docrobbysherry]

Your touching a lot of topics in a very short thread, EAmy. Like u, I didn't begin dressing until after age 50. Also like u, it has definitely become a compulsion for me.

Unlike u, until I reached 50, I never considered that I was anything other than an average, straight male. In those first 50 years, putting on ladies things NEVER OCCURRED TO ME! I've never been what I considered normal, but I don't know anyone that is! And, while dressing drab has NEVER been exciting for me like becoming Sherry is, exhaustion is not a factor in my CDing. Unless, u count how exhausted I get after a full day in corsets, girdles, silicone suits, heels, and wigs. And, THAT exhaustion is accompanied by a fulfilled, satisfied feeling that is PRICELESS!

[Diane Elizabeth]

Like the others, I started after 50. Also had no indication or real desire to wear womenns clothing. I did a bit when I was a kid. I went into therapy and started to open my eyes to who I was. I figured that I didn't need to dress before because I was content to dress up my SO's at the time. Also I was too busy trying to fill out what I thought was what my family expected of me to be, a man. Along with a lot of other heavy baggage, I now feel that I should have transitioned decades ago.

[miss jenny]

Does it really matter when or why you started ? Just enjoy the feeling and live for now.

[drag n fly]

Jimbo..I hope you're contemplating therapy...Your condition sounds perilous...I'm 66, and only started really blatantly dressing in the last year or so...although, I've had deep rooted desires in this direction all my life...Take care of yourself bud...Get some help...We care(at least I do) smooches Jackie

[Tina B.]

Jimbo, sorry for your loss, I've read about people that have started doing feminine things after losing a mate, to help fill the loss, But I agree with Jackie, you need to find support, that first year can be mighty hard to get through alone. Please think about getting help, I also care.
Sorry I really can't add anything to this discussion, I started dressing before I had a man card, so I guess that's not what I'm escaping.
Tina B.

[kimdl93]

I would say that 100% of my CDing/TG tendencies are deeply rooted in my mind, perhaps even genetic. But as I've grown older, I've become much more accepting of this part of myself, and much more inclined to express it.

[Foxglove]

Wouldn't it be great if we got the chance to re-choose our careers, hometowns, and even genders at age 50? How many would sign up for that? What percent of my (and your) TG tendencies are deepseated compulsions and what percent are exhaustion with playing out life as a male in a sexist, drab world?

elizabethamy

The chance to start all over again and maybe do a few things right this time around? Oh, yes, I'd definitely sign up for that. But my CD tendencies have always been with me, nothing to do with what I've seen or lived through in this world.

[david]

Hi elizabethamy i only really decided to go down the femme route at the tender age of sixty after much real thought of why i was feeling the way i did inside.So after a visit to a gender clinic i was told that in fact i was a trans female in mind so therefore a regime of female hormones was prescribes to help me adjust my way of thinking .Iam now in a great place and my married life to my so has improved as she now understands why i was tormented with regards to why i felt the way i did.Best move i ever made going down my femme route.So never to late girl enjoy your life. davinaxx

[Elizabeth Ann]

Elizabethamy,

I understand what you are going through. I have been working through the same questions. I wish I could tell you there are definitive answers, but I am beginning to wonder if it is like asking why some people like red and others like green, or why two people fight over the thermostat.

I thought about this issue a bit in my response to one of your earlier threads about late onset CDs:

"Stress does seem to be a trigger for many of us, as it was with me. Everyone has to chose a strategy, consciously or unconsciously, to deal with stress. Some strategies give you a sense of accomplishment (I did a lot of woodworking during graduate school). Some are self destructive, such as drinking and violence. Some are avoidance, such as concentrating on work. And some are escapes, when it is nice to be someone else, even another gender.

I am definitely NOT asserting that this is the case with all crossdressers, but it feels right for many of us late starters. I have a theory about why the distribution seems to be bi-modal, with most crossdressers stating in childhood, or in late middle age. There is a special kind of stress when you realize that your dreams and plans are slowly drawing to a close, that what you are is what you will be. There is not enough time for reinvention, and the die is cast for career, family, life. But sometimes, however briefly, the world you have created can be left behind. You are timeless, with a new world to explore with a new and foreign life.

I love my male world, but it is old. That woman in the mirror? Unbound from reality, she is young and attractive. And she likes me."

Liz

But for my taste, keep asking. Exercise keeps your brain alive.

[Kaz]

Hi ElizabethAmy,

I have been like this since my teenage years, but back then I didn't know what it was and assumed it was just about growing up and experimenting. I then got involved in life as a guy. Occasionally I would get these flare ups and just have to dress, but they were always short lived and spasmodic. When I got to my mid 40s I started realising this was not going to go away and was in fact becoming a bigger thing. I started buying make-up and cheap wigs. I finally accepted things, started taking it seriously and then found this site a few years ago.

I suspect that you have always had these tendencies but that your life situation didn't facilitate their natural expression. Now they have come out it will be like a rollercoaster for you I am sure!

I am a great fan of Robert Heinlein's novels... Time Enough for Love covered the idea of someone living many lives and this always appealed to me. When this guy gives up the ghost I would love to reborn as Kaz in her true female body... what a life that would be!

[Barbara Ella]

Elizabethamy, I am new, only 3-4 months into this, and I too came to cross dressing late, 65, after retiring 6 years ago. Would I change, no. Wonderful wife and children that I might not have. would I have liked to cross dress earlier, yes. My wife wonders what i would have looked like as a young hottie, but we will never know. Stuck with trying to find out what an old lukewarmer will finally look like....

Jimbo, so sorry for your loss. Please talk to as many people as you can, as constant companionship will help ease your feelings. Get some therapy, as that can get to the core quickly. have you in my prayers.

Babes

[Karren H]

They say that retirement is a great time to go do something else in life.... Or even be someone else!

[sometimes_miss]

I wonder if maybe I've just had enough of being a not-entirely-successful male.
Like the vast majority of the rest of us. Join the crowd, it's huge.

Wouldn't it be great if we got the chance to re-choose our careers, hometowns, and even genders at age 50? How many would sign up for that?
everyone.

What percent of my (and your) TG tendencies are deepseated compulsions and what percent are exhaustion with playing out life as a male in a sexist, drab world?
It's not a compulsion (for me, at least, and also for most other CD'ers). I do kind of get tired of putting on the 'male costume' every day when I have to go out into the world, but I try not to let it bother me too much, as I know women get tired of all the stuff they have to go through every day as well; while it's not the same thing, it does take 'work' to do it, whether it's just higher maintainence outfits or having to wear outfits that don't feel appropriate to wear (my case). I am lucky in one case: I wear a uniform at work. Women wear the same type of uniform. So, I can kind of pretend that I'm wearing a 'girl' uniform. It helps to frequently look at the woman's uniform catalogs to support that delusion. But it kind of feels good.
Exhaustion? Yeah, I know how that feels. After growing up thinking I was a girl, I had to learn to 'act' like a standard issue guy. So, from day to day I have to maintain playing that part. Yes, it's all an act. I still feel like I'm supposed to be a girl. I have to watch myself, and stay 'in character'. I sometimes wonder if I should have become an actor, I've been doing this so successfully, for so long. My part in the play only ends when I get to come home, and be who I really am.

[RenneB]

Check this one out. Changed at 76.... wow...

Renne.....

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge9Y6HHU65U