Reasons to avoid full transition

[Delila]

I have always wondered if there are strong reasons that many choose not to avoid transition. I know fully that many of us just simply have no interest in pushing the limits beyond wearing the clothes. It may be a much smaller group that opts to ignore what they feel due to body issues an otherwise. I personally know that I could never truly pass as a female as my build would give me away instantly are there others that reason there way out of a transition for similar reasons? I have always been curious where the line is that a person is comfortable crossdressing but either chooses or just has no interest in becoming female full time.

[Beverley Sims]

I think there is a very prominent line separating the two.
CD's just want to dress up adopt feminine mannerisms and look feminine while still having male sexual urges.
Some would like breast tissue and little else for enhancement.
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________________

Those that wish to transition usually dislike their genitalia, usually would like relationships with men,
wish to live full time as a woman and undertake hormone therapy, and painful surgical procedures to achieve this.
They have probably identified as a female most of their lives choosing feminine traits over male ones.
That is how I have observed it over the years.
It is sad that some people who transition can not attain a good feminine look, they usually feel better for it.


I have a gay friend who came out to me thinking I would shun him. No I am not gay.
I know three girls who were once men..
Well they look like great girls. To watch the slow personality and physical change over the years was a wonderful experience.
No! I did not come out to them, they were grateful to have a memory of the thread of their previous lives to talk freely about.
I make Gay jokes AS A MAN with my gay friend and lots of transition jokes with the girls. I support all four.
It is still difficult thinking of them as women but they looked awesome in bikinis a few years ago...
No! I would not kiss them either. Will I ever come out to them? It might spoil the illusion.

[thechic]

My only reasons for not transitioning fully is lack of money and my 3 girls,I would love to transition 100%,sometimes life just sucks.

[Delila]

My only reasons for not transitioning fully is lack of money and my 3 girls,I would love to transition 100%,sometimes life just sucks.
I think my primary reason for not investigating surgery is my wife. After my accepting wife that helps my dressing any way possible I would have to say that i have severe body issues that will always prevent me going truly public.

[Jonianne]

For me, the main reason I don't persue that path is because I don't have the internal drive or desire. I do love wearing womens cloths and I also would love to physically be female, but as I have questioned myself on an average day, doing my average work, living with my family, when I ask myself at those times if I want to transition, my answer is almost always "no". I have no desire to live 24/7.

I just like being me, which is being able to wear the cloths I want, sometimes male, sometimes female. I don't want to try to force myself to be fully one way or the other.

[Melody1985]

I am 6'8".. That's really enough said there.. Also, I like my male self and the people I have in my life in male mode. I'm a person that typically stays away from drama, so to be forced to come out to all of my loved ones in an attempt to keep them in my life is just too daunting of a task. And would likely be unsuccessful.

With all that said, I will be perfectly honest and say that I have fantasized about this very scenario. I wonder what it would be like to go all the way with this. Would I be happy (not necessarily happier, but happy) with that transition... And I believe it's a good possiblity that it would be a welcome change of pace. But i guess my ultimate dream would be the ability to shape shift whenever i felt like it, but since that is impossible, that leads me to the most important reason why i would never fully transition. And that is.....

There's no going back!!

[Cynthia Anne]

Money, or the lack of has always been my only reason! And now perhaps health issues! Hugs!

[Karren H]

Laziness.... Being a woman full time is way too much work! Lol. ...

[Renee W]

I don't want to transition simply because I like being a guy. I do enjoy wearing women's clothes and dressing up, but that's as far as my desire goes.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

the vast majority don't transition because they are not female (ts)... for many cd's its a big part of the fantasy and it can be hard to figure out where to draw the line...especially when there are a number of ts women that felt they were crossdressing for many years..

one simple thing that i've noticed over many years being a big sister to all kinds of tg folks is the more a person fears and pushes back against transition, the more likely they are ts..conversely it is the folks that talk of transition as something wonderful and exciting that are never going to do it (likely because its a fantasy)....fantasies are enjoyable, transition (and the prospect of it) is not.

transition is painful, expensive (in every way) and destructive ...it can be humiliating and the physical changes are very rarely significant without major surgeries....there is no pill for being 6'2 (or 6'8")..

most ts women older than 30 would say the only thing that drove them to it was a need so strong that it challenged our ability to survive...

[miss jenny]

I think if we are honest we have at least thought about it at some stage, but as mentioned earlier "fantasy" is a wonderful thing.

[drag n fly]

I have a little different take on this transition issue.. I would, ideally, like to be castrated, and put on an estrogen therapy regimen...I have no desire for a vagina...Just no testes..My transition seems to be in progress already..I wear women's clothing frequently, although androgynous..not blatant, pink frilly, frou frou stuff...It's a simple operation, and one that, through testosterone therapy, can be reversed (hormonally)..As I recall I have had this desire for many years....I may go through with this eventually....Who knows?
smooches Jackie

[Julia_in_Pa]

The number one reason not to transition is that your not TS/IS.


Julia

[kimdl93]

In my view, we represent a broad continuum of gender blends - from guys who dress for sexual pleasure exclusively, to individuals who, except for being borne with male genitalia, feel and view themselves as women. Many of us are at different points of that continuum, and along that line are some who don't feel the need to transition. Really, this isn't a competition...not all of us need to dress completely fem, go out in public or undergoe SRS and HRT. I am glad for those who find their comfort zone, regardless of where that may be along the continuum.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

In my view, we represent a broad continuum of gender blends - from guys who dress for sexual pleasure exclusively, to individuals who, except for being borne with male genitalia, feel and view themselves as women. Many of us are at different points of that continuum, and along that line are some who don't feel the need to transition. Really, this isn't a competition...not all of us need to dress completely fem, go out in public or undergoe SRS and HRT. I am glad for those who find their comfort zone, regardless of where that may be along the continuum.

No one can prove or disprove whether there is a continuum , it's not a competition.. no ts will say its a competition or that they "won" anything..(despite the rewards of living life in a correct gender role)..this whole idea of competition is 100% from coming from people that don't transition somehow feeling maligned for it..for the record, i view being ts getting screwed by life.. i might have achieved a positive outcome but it came at a huge cost across all facets of my life..and i will continue to pay for it for the rest of my days..

another way to think about this is that the statement julia and I made is the logical conclusion of your assertion... if you stipulate that the idea of a continuum is valid, only people at the farthest end of the spectrum will find it necessary to transition
and fantasies about transition and "going all the way" are positive experiences for crossdressers up until the point where they impact a persons quality of life

[Julia_in_Pa]

I fully agree Kaitlyn.

A competition implies that there is perhaps a reward at the end for the winner.

In the TS/IS camp for those that transition there is no winner, only periods of calm between emotional, legal and financial upheaval.

This is why you see a very high percentage of TS/IS people not just attempting but completing suicide.

The real winners if any in all of this would be the people who can just dress without worry of losing their whole life due to having to transition.

Be happy to be just a cross dresser or a part timer because the closer to the flame you get the closer to burning in your own private hell happens.

Five years after transitioning to full time I keep walking but look back over my shoulder to see the embers of my former life still smoldering.


Julia


No one can prove or disprove whether there is a continuum , it's not a competition.. no ts will say its a competition or that they "won" anything..(despite the rewards of living life in a correct gender role)..this whole idea of competition is 100% from coming from people that don't transition somehow feeling maligned for it..for the record, i view being ts getting screwed by life.. i might have achieved a positive outcome but it came at a huge cost across all facets of my life..and i will continue to pay for it for the rest of my days..

another way to think about this is that the statement julia and I made is the logical conclusion of your assertion... if you stipulate that the idea of a continuum is valid, only people at the farthest end of the spectrum will find it necessary to transition
and fantasies about transition and "going all the way" are positive experiences for crossdressers up until the point where they impact a persons quality of life

[Joann Smith]

I am 6'8".. That's really enough said there..

LOL...thats some serious tall ...!!!

[Leslie Langford]

Along with all the other reasons already given, let's just say that there's still a lot to be said for being able to pee standing up, as well as anywhere handy whenever the call of nature strikes unexpectedly.

That, and being able to write your name in the snow - although for some of us older forum members here, the use of a stencil for that purpose might be quite helpful...;)

[Julogden]

My main reason was that I wasn't willing to take my kids' father away from them, and another issue was my height, 6'5". Also, I couldn't use my own hair due to a receding hairline and later some balding on top. Even with all that, I was getting very close to trying to live full time except for work and when I got together with my kids, but life intervened when I had to move back home to take full-time care of my father when his health declined badly. That was the end of that.

Carol

[kimdl93]

..... the statement julia and I made is the logical conclusion of your assertion... if you stipulate that the idea of a continuum is valid, only people at the farthest end of the spectrum will find it necessary to transition and fantasies about transition and "going all the way" are positive experiences for crossdressers up until the point where they impact a persons quality of life

You need not stipulate the validity of a continuum. The continuum, as I clearly stated, is my view of the population - call it a bell shaped curve, a melting pot, a random assembly of disparate human beings who share but one common interest if you will. For me, the continuum serves as a useful construct for visuallizing and comprehendng a population of individuals. You can use this construct or reject it as you see fit.

Nor am I persuaded that my observation suggests that those on either end of my proposed continuum are necessarily enjoying "positive experiences". If the random people who find themselves posting on this site are any indication, regardless of where they fall on my proposed continuum, or where they are in their life journies, are clearly not enjoying life for a variety of reasons. Nothing we do can assure happiness. But we can pursue happiness - or not. That's our individual choice.

I don't for a minute suggest that transitioning is Nirvana, nor that I'd minimize losses and the embers of lives past.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

cmon!!!

its hard to disagree with you kim when you really arent saying anything....:heehee:

[Pythos]

For me, it is because I like androgyny. I dislike the binary sex, or gender of our culture. Older cultures honored people like myself, though they more honored those that were truly of mixed sex. How in the world a perfectly natural ocurance such as IS is shunned in our culture is beyond me. Julia states about how in our culture IS people do usually complete suicide. My love is no different. In many many ways our culture is really really sick.

Well anyway, I feel that if I were to fully transition I would just be folding into those expectations that society has rightly or wrongly instilled on us. I sooo wish more would take my path to be honest.

I want the freedom to wear what I like with no one thinking I am crazy, mentally incompetent to fly, OR determining my sexual orientation, and then using that to insult me. (both women and men do this to people of our ilk, as you all know).

Now, if I did want to fully transition I would most likely not have the money to do it anyway. It seems to do it you have to have a really good income, or be in prison. Once again the working poor are messed over :P (that was written partially tongue in cheek)

[kimdl93]

cmon!!!

its hard to disagree with you kim when you really arent saying anything....:heehee:

You're welcome to your opinion, KM

[Foxglove]

I am 6'8".. That's really enough said there..

Brittney Griner is 6'8". You could do worse than a career in the WNBA. I'm just sayin'. . .

The reason I have never transitioned is my habit of repressing what I don't want to think about, what I'm afraid to think about. SRS is out of the question at my age and in my circumstances. But the idea of living 24/7 as a woman is very attractive to me. I'm turning my thoughts these days as to how that might be possible. If not 24/7, then at least a lot more than I'm currently doing. There would have to be some big changes in my current situation. But I'm considering things.

[Sallee]

there are lots of reasons; money, that can be overcome; looks, you'll never pass; there is no going back; and probably a bunch more. But my favorite is it will take the thrill and fun out of it. You will just be another girl trying to get by, prettier than your former self, but still, you still have to do laundry make a living, etc.
I think the high I get from dressing would be come routine and not be a high any more and honestly I like the buzz it is cheap, relatively, legal, may be habit forming and of course FUN

[*Vanessa*]

@Delila

The number of reasons for not transitioning is clearly as many as the number of people that have ever contemplated transitioning. (meant as valid reasons)

To paraphrase @Julia if you are not TS/IS it's all just a fantasy and fantasies we all have to some degree or another. It is with professional help from behind closed doors that the individual will able to sort out who they are and the best path for them on a personal bases. It is never psycho dogma.

@kimdl93 I agree with your definition and use of the word "continuum"

[Sally24]

Due to the pain, expense, and risks of full transition (meaning SRS and everything) its really only for those who can't live otherwise. That doesn't mean your not a transexual. Transexualism is between the ears, not the legs. I think there are few girls who choose transition, its just the only way for them to survive and function well in life.


And the gender continuum, spectrum, or whatever you want to call it is pretty well accepted and documented. You can argue whether there are common causes or whether we are experiencing lesser degrees of the same condition.

And just for the record....."just a crossdresser" is as much a backhand to CDs as "not a real woman" is to TS ladies. Let us try to choose our words more wisely.

[sometimes_miss]

transition is painful, expensive (in every way) and destructive ...it can be humiliating and the physical changes are very rarely significant without major surgeries....there is no pill for being 6'2 (or 6'8")..
Well said. The pain isn't really prohibitive; as it's transient. Expensive isn't, either; I could afford it. The problem is, I'd never be what I thought I was supposed to be. I grew up thinking that I was going to be a normal girl like all the rest, probably something like my older sister. As the years went on, being an average girl was what I was waiting for god to 'fix' me into. When it didn't happen, I didn't know what to do. It was all I was prepared to be. It took me years to learn how to be a 'normal' male. And of course, being over six feet tall and built like a football lineman wouldn't make it any easier.
I grew up being an outcast; ugly birthmark on my face, timid. I know what it's like to be unattractive. While I can now be a decent looking guy, I have no desire to be a homely gay woman. It would be like shooting myself in the foot to ignore the pain of a splinter in my finger.

[NicoleScott]

The best answers to the question are the shortest: look at posts #9 # 13.

Sally, I also noticed the use of "just a crossdresser". I guess that if one thinks we're all at some place on the same scale, with transitioning at the far end and crossdressing less far along, the expression makes some sense. However, I don't believe in one spectrum. I am a crossdresser who derives pleasure from making up and dressing, trying to be pretty and glamorous for my dressup session. When it's over, I'm squarely male, with normal male attributes, activities, interests, etc.
About the only thing I have in common with a TS is that we both wear women's clothing. The uninformed general public may lump us togeher, but we should know better. Clearly, the posters of #9 & #13 know this.
I can't help but wonder why this thread remains on the M2F CROSSDRESSING forum. Seems more appropriate for the TS forum. Just sayin'

[Diane Elizabeth]

For me, as it has already been stated it is a money thing. I know I will never have enough for surgery due to the economy and having to pay off my current debt and have nothing left over to save except $20 a week. At that rate it would be about 50 years before I had enough saved for surgery. I would be abouot 110 then . Who would transition at that age.

[Crysten]

The Question: "Y U NO TRANSITION??"

The Answer: "But...what about THE CHILDREN!!"

Ye Olde Proverbial Nutshell in action.

[jillleanne]

Why I don't transition?
Well, Monday I have to see the dentist. Tuesday I go for my pedicure. Wednesday I try to spend some quality time with nature( yes, I'm a tree hugger too). Thursday is generally grocery day so my s/o and I go shopping. Friday is girls night out usually somewhere nice for dinner. Saturday is spent on either the 4 wheelers or on the snowmobiles( weather dependant), and Sunday is spent preparing the recycle stuff we accumulate all week long.
I guess I just haven't taken the time to think much about it but if and when the day comes that I find myself in a state of mind that demands I do something, you can bet I'll be the first in line that morning.

[Rachel Morley]

For me, there are too many benefits to being a crossdresser in my life right now, and that is solely due to having a not only accepting, but also supportive and very encouraging wife. She likes a feminine partner but who is still a male person. She thinks that CDing is fun and that it brings us closer together, so yes, I know I am "living the dream" and so transitioning for me would ruin it all.

However, having said that, in another parallel universe where I am where I am now (both physically and mentally .... which is an oxymoron in itself as it is totally down to my wife's love, support and encouragement as to why I am so stable and happy with my gender identity) .. but without my wife, then perhaps I might consider transitioning, but even then I might reconsider as there are serious risks to think about regarding the long term health effects of taking high dosage hormones, plus surgery has many risks too IMHO .... I don't know. I think I'd err on the side of caution if I was single and maybe (?) not do it ... but married to who I am married to, it's a no brainer ... no way!

[Marleena]

My story is similar to Rachel's below. I have a very accepting wife that allows me to CD and helps me buy clothes, etc. I also have kids in their twenties that still need their dad. I prefer being Marleena any day but I have never thought I might be stuck in the wrong body. Everything is fine right now being able to dress when I need to, life is good.:)

[Missy]

A ) No money
B ) what happens if I changed my Mind
c ) what if it wont bright me happiness but more sadness
d ) Something inside keeps telling me do not mess with what my god gave me

[Marissa]

I choose not to transition...uhhh well hmmm.. let me see..ok.. "fill my answer with all of those on this site that feel they have to justify why they dont'"...pick one..or two.. I'm me..and that is it.. a cd.

[Julie Hall]

I have been considering what to say in this thread for awhile now. My first thought was Leslie's "peeing standing up" and writing one's name in the snow. Two excellent reasons for remaining not transitioning. As I've been thinking - those are the only reasons not to transition. I am far too new to this to know where I will end up on that continuum. I sit in my living room in wig, makeup (not too much -I'm learning) and comfortable dress feeling like it's just another Friday night it does seem to me I would prefer to be female full time. I don't get excited getting dressed - getting new clothing is exciting though. I just feel this is the way it should be all the time. I don't have the routine problem of sticking out due to body type; while significantly overweight, I look up to 5'4". I'd be on the short side for girls. My only family on this side of the continent knows I cross dress and only wants my happiness.

The one item that seems to be missing is that burning desire to be female, I'd like to be, but in my opinion you REALLY need to want it before making that decision. It's just way too final a decision to not be driven to choose. I may be wrong and I might end up there eventually. I guess I just don't know myself well enough yet.

[Inna]

Interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!

What really catches my eye is the statement; "I would but..........." it seems a fundamental underlining of conscious reasoning, but somewhere beneath lies subconscious need or yearning to one day, perhaps only as a fantasy, be a whole woman, if only for a day!

But there is a distinct difference between wanting to express inner whims and need to be one who believes to be a genuine, wholesome woman!

For those who must, the treacherous road ahead is just a path to the truth about them selves, and nothing short of death can stop their progress. Too tall, too thick, too smart, too this, too that, these all have no bearing on the path and in fact if someone wants this so much with their full heart and spirit, the outcome is just simply real!

Here are 6'2'' and 6'4'' beautiful girls;
170575170576

The need is so much greater then the want, but only some will power through into the abyss of unknowns simply because they must, the rest will take status quo as the motto and remain settled and content with life as we know it!

[Beth Mays]

I don't want to transition simply because I like being a guy. I do enjoy wearing women's clothes and dressing up, but that's as far as my desire goes.

This is where I fall as well. I LOVE women but dont wanna become one (just look like one now and then).

[Robyn2006]

Were I to win the lottery, the next day I'd be on hormones in a heartbeat to get things right. Sadly, the life I've chosen limits such choices… But happily, I've come to love my two worlds, come to love the night-and-day of my life. Within this, unlike your everyday woman, I have the ability to change everything about me, and do so whenever I can, nearly every weekend and/or holiday. The world quakes for us on the gender fence, for tomorrow need not be just another day, but another self entirely.

But, again, were I to win the lottery… Oh my god! :daydreaming:

[jillleanne]

Delila, people do not transition because they have an interest in transitioning. People that do transition or hope to transition need to transition to stay sane. It is not something one considers. The need to transition is an anchor they must drag through life until they can transition. Fortunately some accomplish the task and other don't sadly. Transition is a very difficult process for those involved and personally, I do not envy the life they must endure. My heart does go out to them however and I do wish them peace and happiness in their lives.

[Genifer Teal]

Someone who transitioned told me not to unless there was no other option - as in life was not worth living as a man. I took that advice to heart because I don't feel it is my only option. I've never felt that since an early age something wasn't right. I've hard that one many times but it wasn't from me. I can sum up my personal situation best as I'd rather be a woman. Neither path is a walk in the park. What I'm doing works for me. There is no need to transition. I might like to but it would not make life easier - probably harder.