Melody Moore
12-16-2011, 11:49 AM
For most of my life my father has been a monster in my eyes because of his alcoholism and the domestic violence where myself and my mother were the his main victims. And because of this I always felt sorry for my mother and I always loved her dearly. However since I came out to my parents who are now divorced about transitioning, my mother totally rejects, but my father has been surprisingly supportive. He gave up the drinking many years ago, but he was still a bitter and angry man for many years towards my mother. I found out a few months ago exactly why he felt that way, it is because my mother use to sleep around a lot before they were married and he also believes that she had many affairs when they were married. He was heart broken and this was why started his drinking when I was still a baby.
When I first came out to my parents in August 2010, Dad said "It's your life, you do whatever you like", but my mother has refused to even talk to me and hangs up the telephone if I try and call her. The last time I tried to call her she said "Am I talking to a boy or a girl? I replied "You are talking to your child" and then is all I heard was the click sound of her hanging up on me again. So I am really at a loss about what to do about my relationship with her, but I haven't given up on trying.
I also found out after I started my transition that I am intersex and have a karyotype 45X0/46XY and that underwent surgery and had a complete hysterectomy as a 3 year toddler. However my intersex secret was always hidden from me by my parents. But it explained many bizarre things about my childhood which I never really understood properly as my memory was hazy on this because of my young age and because I had blocked out the most painful memories with it. it also explained the odd physiology of my body, including wider than normal hip to shoulder ratio and breast development that started at the age of 31. And also why my auto-immune system totally crashed about 10 years ago which resulted in me catching every damn flu or infection going due to my hormones being right out of whack.
When I called my father the second time, which was a quite few months after I came out to him, because I just wanted to give him time to absorb everything. And I never brought up the intersex or the transitioning issue and was talking about his health problems instead. He has Cholecystitis & has to have his gall bladder removed. But then he totally blew me away, he asked me how I was going to get $13,500 for my Gender Reassignment Surgery in Thailand. I was shocked that he knew excatly how much the average cost is! :eek: I then asked him how come he knew how knew this and he told me he was reading about it in a "That's Life" magazine. So this told me that he did take some interest in this subject and he was never been critical about my decision to transition, unlike my mother.
I called him up briefly about a couple of months later but didnt talk long because he was about to leave for a doctor's appointment at the time, but never raised the transitioning issue, instead I just asked how he was going with his gall bladder problems and left it at that.
However the next time I called him which was a few more months later because I was not wanting to put him under pressure or anything. But he asked me how things were going and I told him that everything was great, and I was totally amazed at how much better my health was.
I told Dad about the health issues I had been having over the past 10 years and was really wanting to tell him I knew that I was born intersex, but I was scared to come out and say anything in case I upset him and he hung up the phone. Eventually I just blurted it out something like this... "Dad, you do realise that I know now I was born with a very unusual gender defect which has been hidden from me". He just went silent. But then I said to him that I wasn't angry with him or my mother about it because I know they only did what they believed was the right thing to do for me, but it was obviously the wrong decision. He then said "Well I am glad that you are dealing with it now". Again I didn't want to push the issue and get him upset, so I just left it at that.
Since then I have called him a few more times and talked but only about his health and I have stayed well way from the intersex and transitioning issue. Well I called him up yesterday and we had another good talk, mostly about his health problems, we did talk a bit more about the transitioning stuff, I even talked to him about sexuality. He knows that as a male I was straight, but I told him that as a woman I was developing an interest now in men.
Dad seems to have no issue with anything now and that is when he started to open up a little bit more about some things about himself. And this is when he shocked me again! :eek: He said that he is nothing like I am, but he told me that after he remarried the second time, his wife at the time didn't like body hair and she had convinced Dad to shave ALL his body hair off, including his public hair. So he is totally nude of hair and really loves it now, he reckons he sleeps a lot better and feels cleaner. I never seen any evidence of him ever being a crossdresser as as a child, so I don't think he has ever been anything like that. So I believe he just likes the hairless feeling.
But the surprises kept coming, he then shocked me even more :eek: he said that he wants to come up here by train to see me, a distance of a bit over 1700klms. This is the first time ever in my life my father has shown any real interest in me. So I was just about in tears. But I said "Dad, if you come up here you are going to have to stop calling me by my male name, especially if we go out anywhere". He said he knew that, but it was just hard for him to get use to which I do understand. Then I said when he sees me he will have a hard time referring to me as a male with how I look now. I had a very difficult time trying to stop the tears started flowing.
Dad then went on to say that he called my sister last year, who also refuses to talk to me, she answered the phone and said "Who is this?". And Dad said "It is your father". My sister replied "I don't have a father". I realised at that point that she has completely disowned me as well. And that is when I felt really sad for my Dad and started crying because my Dad always idolised my sister, she was his princess and he never abued her like he did to me and my mother. Then he said this was also another reason why he wanted to come up here and get to know his other daughter that he never really knew.
I have really been taken back by everything that has been going on between me and my Dad, and I finally understand why he was the way he was towards me and my mother when I was growing up. I think he believed that my mother's infidelity had something to do with why I was born the way I was. However I have since found out that that he was exposed to DDT. See: http://www.trans-health.com/displayarticle.php?aid=51
So I think my Dad wants to make his peace with me. I just hope that one day my mother and sister
do as well. I just wish my mother would be honest and tell my sister the truth, but obviously she hasnt.
Anyway, life goes on. I am now really excited that Dad wants to come and see me at least. :)
When I first came out to my parents in August 2010, Dad said "It's your life, you do whatever you like", but my mother has refused to even talk to me and hangs up the telephone if I try and call her. The last time I tried to call her she said "Am I talking to a boy or a girl? I replied "You are talking to your child" and then is all I heard was the click sound of her hanging up on me again. So I am really at a loss about what to do about my relationship with her, but I haven't given up on trying.
I also found out after I started my transition that I am intersex and have a karyotype 45X0/46XY and that underwent surgery and had a complete hysterectomy as a 3 year toddler. However my intersex secret was always hidden from me by my parents. But it explained many bizarre things about my childhood which I never really understood properly as my memory was hazy on this because of my young age and because I had blocked out the most painful memories with it. it also explained the odd physiology of my body, including wider than normal hip to shoulder ratio and breast development that started at the age of 31. And also why my auto-immune system totally crashed about 10 years ago which resulted in me catching every damn flu or infection going due to my hormones being right out of whack.
When I called my father the second time, which was a quite few months after I came out to him, because I just wanted to give him time to absorb everything. And I never brought up the intersex or the transitioning issue and was talking about his health problems instead. He has Cholecystitis & has to have his gall bladder removed. But then he totally blew me away, he asked me how I was going to get $13,500 for my Gender Reassignment Surgery in Thailand. I was shocked that he knew excatly how much the average cost is! :eek: I then asked him how come he knew how knew this and he told me he was reading about it in a "That's Life" magazine. So this told me that he did take some interest in this subject and he was never been critical about my decision to transition, unlike my mother.
I called him up briefly about a couple of months later but didnt talk long because he was about to leave for a doctor's appointment at the time, but never raised the transitioning issue, instead I just asked how he was going with his gall bladder problems and left it at that.
However the next time I called him which was a few more months later because I was not wanting to put him under pressure or anything. But he asked me how things were going and I told him that everything was great, and I was totally amazed at how much better my health was.
I told Dad about the health issues I had been having over the past 10 years and was really wanting to tell him I knew that I was born intersex, but I was scared to come out and say anything in case I upset him and he hung up the phone. Eventually I just blurted it out something like this... "Dad, you do realise that I know now I was born with a very unusual gender defect which has been hidden from me". He just went silent. But then I said to him that I wasn't angry with him or my mother about it because I know they only did what they believed was the right thing to do for me, but it was obviously the wrong decision. He then said "Well I am glad that you are dealing with it now". Again I didn't want to push the issue and get him upset, so I just left it at that.
Since then I have called him a few more times and talked but only about his health and I have stayed well way from the intersex and transitioning issue. Well I called him up yesterday and we had another good talk, mostly about his health problems, we did talk a bit more about the transitioning stuff, I even talked to him about sexuality. He knows that as a male I was straight, but I told him that as a woman I was developing an interest now in men.
Dad seems to have no issue with anything now and that is when he started to open up a little bit more about some things about himself. And this is when he shocked me again! :eek: He said that he is nothing like I am, but he told me that after he remarried the second time, his wife at the time didn't like body hair and she had convinced Dad to shave ALL his body hair off, including his public hair. So he is totally nude of hair and really loves it now, he reckons he sleeps a lot better and feels cleaner. I never seen any evidence of him ever being a crossdresser as as a child, so I don't think he has ever been anything like that. So I believe he just likes the hairless feeling.
But the surprises kept coming, he then shocked me even more :eek: he said that he wants to come up here by train to see me, a distance of a bit over 1700klms. This is the first time ever in my life my father has shown any real interest in me. So I was just about in tears. But I said "Dad, if you come up here you are going to have to stop calling me by my male name, especially if we go out anywhere". He said he knew that, but it was just hard for him to get use to which I do understand. Then I said when he sees me he will have a hard time referring to me as a male with how I look now. I had a very difficult time trying to stop the tears started flowing.
Dad then went on to say that he called my sister last year, who also refuses to talk to me, she answered the phone and said "Who is this?". And Dad said "It is your father". My sister replied "I don't have a father". I realised at that point that she has completely disowned me as well. And that is when I felt really sad for my Dad and started crying because my Dad always idolised my sister, she was his princess and he never abued her like he did to me and my mother. Then he said this was also another reason why he wanted to come up here and get to know his other daughter that he never really knew.
I have really been taken back by everything that has been going on between me and my Dad, and I finally understand why he was the way he was towards me and my mother when I was growing up. I think he believed that my mother's infidelity had something to do with why I was born the way I was. However I have since found out that that he was exposed to DDT. See: http://www.trans-health.com/displayarticle.php?aid=51
So I think my Dad wants to make his peace with me. I just hope that one day my mother and sister
do as well. I just wish my mother would be honest and tell my sister the truth, but obviously she hasnt.
Anyway, life goes on. I am now really excited that Dad wants to come and see me at least. :)