Dressing & out in public, how safe is it?

[Marleena]

I've seen lots of threads on here about dressing in public. Most experiences look positive for the the most part. I understand about being careful, bringing a friend etc. I would like to venture out dressed at some point. Should I be worried?

Oh I should add the wife and I are planning a vacation in Vegas in the spring where I plan to be enfemme the whole time.

Should I test the waters first? Thanks..

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Marleena

Being out in public has a lot to do with confidence. If your presentation is good and suitable for the location you are less likely to get any hassle. Also the more you go unnoticed the more your confidence will increase.

Your wife also has to be comfortable with how you look too. The last thing you want to do is make her nervous. I am sure others will have more information on where you plan to go.

[AllieSF]

I think that first, you should definitely test the waters, and even dive in, before going to Las Vegas. That will make your Vegas experience so much more enjoyable. I look at the danger/risk situation like this. Where I go en femme, I would also go in guy mode. I try to always be aware of my surroundings and looking for potential trouble. I have never had a bad situation arise and am thankful. I figure when the shit happens, it may happen to Allie or Al. It is just the luck of the draw at that moment. So, go for it and enjoy. Get the bugs out and build up that courage and self confidence. That is all that is needed.

[Marleena]

Thanks Shelly! She is comfortable at this point. She has been helping with ouftits etc. to help me blend in. I'm the uncomfortable one! Once I leave the hotel room and hit the elevator I will be among hundreds in a casino. I'm concerned it might be overwhelming for me.

Thanks Allie that makes sense too.

[Rachel Morley]

As Shelly says, it depends on confidence, but it also depends on where you are and how you are dressed. i.e. you don't wanna don't look overdressed in the supermarket as people will look not because you're a CD but that what you are wearing is not blending in with what everyone else is wearing. That said, if it's happening in Vegas you should have no problems at all, and I'm just talking about the people looking at you part. Safety wise, I think Vegas is even better and IMHO (for tourists) it's almost expected to see something that you might not normally see everyday. I've been away for the weekend in Vegas and I dressed the whole time and never had even the slightest problem.

[connie23]

Hi,
I agree that you are safest if you go to where you would go in drab. I started going into a Wal Mart for some make up shopping. I also walked through a mall after a make up session in MAC. The SA went with me so I felt more confident.
It was really scary but, no one really noticed.
Don't be tempted to go out late in a place where you could get in trouble. The most important thing is to think about safety. Where would a single woman really feel comfortable? Once you are more comfortable, going out with sisters sounds great.
Hugs,
Connie

[RitaRich]

Marleena,
The timing of this tread is perfect for me. I was just about to start my own about my day of hitting Vegas dressed.
I've been spending a lot of time and money creating my ideal fem look. Yesterday it all came together.
It started with a makeover at Just You. Amy did a great job with my dried-out, old man skin. She also did my hair and it was the first time I'd seen myself with a great do. I then went to a local gay club to play some pool. I love playing, but I've never tried it enfemme. The Stratosphere is my old hang-out so I went there next. I hit several of the bars in the casino. The bartenders where great and called me Mam or gal. I couple of them even went out of their way to say hello.
One of the first treads I started here was: Which room do I use? Several woman who posted said that when they're in Vegas they use the Ladies and have never had a problem. Yesterday I gave it a try. I figured that there was less of a chance of trouble using the ladies and that the worst that could happen is that I would be asked to leave. I knew which one would be the least crowded and went for it, (or IN it). I was in and out as quickly and casually as I could without any problems at all.
I agree with you about being careful. Just don't be so careful that you don't have fun.
Rita

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Hi Marleena!

Always remember hold your head up, look people in the eye, smile, and be confident in who you are Girl Friend!

Hugs

[sissystephanie]

Marleena, I have been going out in public dressed enfemme for about 60 years. For the past 6 years, since my wife died, I have gone out dressed completely enfemme, but wearing no wig or makeup. In other words, I am just a guy in feminine clothing! Have never had any negative comments made to me, just compliments on my outfits! As others have said, just be confident in yourself!! In a Casino people are thinking about winning, not about what you, or any others, are wearing!! In other places most people are not paying much attention to the way others are dressed, unless the clothing really stands out. Don't worry about going out, just do it and have fun!!

[Katelyn B]

It depends on your definition of safe.

Your're never 100% sure to not illicit a negative reaction from someone, in my experience groups of young men (i.e. Chavs), but if you're somewhere youd normally be, like a shop or in town during the day, the worst thats going to happen is some teasing and shouting, which whilst horrible and confidence sapping, isn't the end of the world (even though at the time it feels like it). I'm building up my confidence slowly by doing normal things, like food shopping, my piano lessons, seeing friends at their houses as Katelyn. I've found no mater how ready and prepared you think you are the first couple of times feel scary as hell, but afterwards, when nothing bad happens, feel amazing.

[Annie D]

Like you, I experienced the same anxiety and fear about going out and I'm sure that most of us have been there as well. In the beginning, I tried to go to places where there were few people and I think that it was a good idea because it gave me the courage to continue going out. It was kinda like falling off a tall building, it is pretty much fun until that sudden stop at the end. Then I found out that if you are in a very crowded environment, people either ignore you, don't realize that you are a crossdresser or with so many people around are afraid to make a scene. Like so many have said before me, hold you head up, do what you want to do, shop or use a service and go about your merry way or is it Mary way?

Going out dressed or not, I think that it is more fun to go out with someone else because the conversation with another person is so much more interesting than the one you have with yourself and besides the person who you go out with can watch the people you encounter much better than you can and give you a better appraisal of their reactions to you.

Have fun!

[Schatten Lupus]

You can no more guarantee your safety being dressed than guarantee your safety in the car getting to your destination to be out. But remember the only person that can make you feel bad about being you is yourself.

[Eryn]

In general I feel quite safe being out and about, but I am also careful not to put myself in a situation that a prudent GG would avoid. No dark alleys, midnight strolls through parks, seedy bars, or other "unseemly" venues.

If your experience follows mine, you might find that being out is more stressful for your SO than it is for you, at least at first. You will be caught up in "living the experience" and not have much time for worry. Your SO, OTOH, will likely be more protective of you than you are yourself. They really are like lionesses protecting their cubs!

As you both gain experience you will also gain confidence, and you'll be able to enjoy the experience of being womanly rather than being caught up in the mechanics of wearing the clothes, makeup, etc. Eventually a gentleman will hold a door open for you, you'll get ma'amed, etc. and you'll realize that you really can do this.

During one of my first outings, one of the more jarring things that happened when I was at a mall with a friend and we were looking at a jewelry kiosk. The salesgirl came up to us and said "Can I help you guys?" My brain went into emergency mode and I desperately tried to figure out how she had "made" us so easily. Turned out that she hadn't, but GGs often refer to other GGs as "you guys!" Sometimes we are our own worst critics!

[Elsa Larson]

Even if you pass seamlessly, don't go anywhere alone that your wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc would not feel safe. And it's possible to have a purse snatched in the daytime in a crowded place.

[Barbra P]

Hi Marleena

If your trip to Las Vegas happens to fall April between the 5th and 8th you are really lucky. This year’s Viva Las Vegas falls on that date and the city will be full of cross dressers enjoying the sights en femme 24/7. You can check out VLV’s website HERE (http://www.vivalasvegas.net/). I know several girls who are planning on going next April and most have been before.

My first time out, other than on Halloweens past, was this spring when I went to an out of the way Avenue store shopping, and yes I was extremely nervous. I joined a local transgender support group and I got up the courage to go en femme for my third meeting. The meetings are held in a private meeting room at a local San Diego Coco’s and to get to the meeting room one has to walk through the main dining area. My heart was racing when I walked in the front door and proceeded to walk through the restaurant, I was sure all eyes were on me. The old heart was again racing when I had to go to the restroom and I was told to use the Ladies Room.

I attended another meeting last night, maybe my sixth dressed en femme, and walking through the restaurant, or using the Ladies Room, seemed completely natural and I didn’t give it a second thought. I have been shopping at Penney’s and used the Ladies Room there as well. My Therapist asked me to come dressed en femme this month and last and when I said I didn’t think I was to walking into a crowded medical center and sitting in the waiting area so dressed she merely said “You’ll do just fine.” I wore jeans and a nice top the first time so that I would blend in, but for the second time she asked that I wear a dress. She was right, I did just fine and while I know several people clocked me I had no negative experiences and actuall enjoyed going en femme the second time.

I don’t think too much emphasis can be placed on blending in and if are dressed like the rest of the women around you most people won’t pay any attention to you. In a crowded casino, regardless of how you are dressed, most people will completely ignore you, they are too busy concentrating on their gambling and you are just another gambler and not worth thinking about. The same is true at the mall, with the possible exception of young adults and teenagers, but the vast majority of people are wrapped up in their own thoughts and unless you standout for some reason will pay very little is any attention to you. Sales Associates may notice but my experience, limited as it is, has been that I have never received a negative word, but I have received complements. Wait till a man holds a door for you or people address you as Miss or Ma’am, bet you’ll really like the feeling.

[prene]

My first time I drove around a lot.

Then I cased the joint, make sure it had a small people base and not to many high school kids (they are rude).
It was fine for me, scary but all in all OK.
I passed almost always from behind or far away but my voice is a give away.
Even when people could see I was cding they were OK at least tollerant.

My pervious post:


I have a posting of my first times.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?127596-Got-a-bite-to-eat-and&highlight=

[ArleneRaquel]

Marleena,
I go out almost every day enfemme, usualy I'm walking to or from shopping of some sort of shopping. I would avoid any group of teenagers, their gender doesnt matter, but boys can be especially nasty. About 5 - 6 years ago I had a very ugly run in with a group of teenage boys.

[Marleena]

Great feedback so far ladies! Feel free to keep it coming. I need to know what I'm getting into here...

[ArleneRaquel]

I believe that Las Vegas will welcome you and be very supportive, but I would still test the waters, even though I expect Vegas to be a friendlier place. I hope that you and your wife have a fantastic in Vegas. My wife & I were married in Vegas, so I was a double winner, I married a beautiful woman and ended up ahead at the casinos

[Melissa Rose]

I'm totally out in the mainstream (mall, restaurants, movies, businesses, etc.) 1-3 times a week, and I have never experienced any problems. Actually, I've had more uncomfortable situations arise when someone has not read me and thought I was a GG (i.e., some of the same problems GGs experience when out in public). My mantra to those new to going out is dress appropriate for your body, age and the venue. The idea is to blend in. When in doubt, observe GGs to gain some insight and guidance; aim for the middle 80% and not the 10% at the extremes (under dressed and over dressed). Being overdressed is the most common error made by those new to going out. The more you stand out, the greater the reason for someone to take notice. Most others are too wrapped up in their own life and immediate situation to notice you. Yes, you will probably get a few stares and whispered comments, but there is nothing you can do about it and you are anonymous. You can't directly control what others think, but you can control how you react to it.

Attitude makes a big difference. Most in the mainstream will be unsure how to interact with you. They tend to follow your lead so your demeanor and behavior will often dictate how things go. If you act like there is nothing odd or strange, they will do the same. Some will say to me, "you live in California so everyone is more accepting there". Well, I've been fully out in public in cities perceived to be more conservative such St. Louis, Indianapolis and Chicago, and my experiences have been the same. The same goes for flying en femme, taking taxis and checking into hotels. As far as places and activities go, if you would be uncomfortable having a spouse, girlfriend, daughter, niece, etc. doing anything or being anyplace, don't go there yourself. Common sense applies and the same safety rules for GGs also apply.

Testing the waters is not a bad idea. Ideally, going out for the first time with someone experienced makes it much easier. Often their confidence rubs off on you and you learn a lot from observing them.

[Jenniferathome]

Safety is more dependent on where you go. Wherever a woman can feel safe is where you can while dressed. The mall is a perfect launching point, in my opinion. Lots of contact but in a very public setting and in a place where they want your money so tolerance is high.

[PretzelGirl]

Count on people around you knowing then it isn't a big deal if they don't catch on. Like Melissa said, it is about attitude, be proud of yourself, look people in the eye, and smile. And realize that your wife may be the one to out you. But just laugh with her if it happens. She is nervous too, so don't forget she is beside you the whole way. My daughter has called me Dad many times while out. My wife has ordered for "her husband" and has started talking about "our kids". You just can't change habits and how you are used to referring to people. So just enjoy yourself!

[DanaR]

There have been several posts suggesting that you only put yourself in situations that GG's would put themselves in; which is good to remember. You don't usually see single women talking around at night or in seedy places. Another thing is to always be aware of what is going on around you. You can be in the wrong place at the right time. Be careful.

[Susan_Xdress]

I know Vegas well. Folks are there to have a good time, but people notice what doesn’t fit in. So dress to blend in - no micro miniskirts, net stockings and 6 inch heels …
Go with someone – you need the moral support, also you are not totally isolated and can speak with someone. By yourself, you tend to become isolated and the nerves show.
Always check out where you are going in drab before going out. At all times know where you are, where the bathrooms are, and where the exits are.
This is not intended as scare stuff .. just prudent precautions.

Always, always, always, safety, safety, safety.

[elliemoss]

This is such a great thread, Im planning on going out for the first time ever in the new year a Ellie, some really helpful comments, keep it up....

[DanaR]

One thing that everyone should before going to where ever you are headed to, is check it out before hand. That way you'll know what everything looks like, where the restrooms are located. How far you might have to walk and any number of other question. Be safe!

[NCAmazon]

Well here is a question that kind of freaks some out a bit. In Washington DC a few months back a few TS's were attacked in broad daylight. Could it be a isolated incedent? Did they know the attackers?

There was a very sad case of a gay man in DC who went out at night cross dressed. The problem was he ventured out alone after 10 PM to a straight bar district and walked streets alone at night. He was found deceased the next morning on the street. Did he venture into unsafe territory? Im convinced at night you should never be alone on a dark street when dressed.

Daytime malls, resteraunts and popular streets. If your not safe there I don't think anyone is safe there dressed or not!! Its so shocking that as a guy I go wherever I want at night and have no inhibitions. But the thing is I never see young women at night except to go in and out of supermarkets and stores. Women tend to lingere around malls in the daytime.

[xcdmargo]

I just drove from PA to Florida dressed the entire time. I got gas dressed, had lunch dressed, checked into 3 hotels dressed and stopped to shop at the outlet malls in NC. I always used the family restroom as I know it's illegal in some states for genetic guys to use the ladies room. I do agree though that you should use the restroom of the sex you are presenting.
I cannot agree more with the ladies about dressing appropriately for the situation you are in. Most of the time when I was traveling I wore leggings and an oversize top. I never had a problem although I know I was read a couple of times.
I think the advice of knowing your surroundings and staying in well lit areas is sound advice no matter how you're dressed, but is obviously more sound when you are a woman.
I also try to not put myself in a situation where I might be read by children as I think it's unfair to force a Mom or Dad to try and make an explanation for me.
As long as I've been going out dressed I've never had a serious problem and I can't tell you how great it feels to be out there and enjoying life.

margo

[kimdl93]

I live in Houston and have been going out dressed on a daily basis since July. I haven't had a single problem in nearly 6 months. As others have noted, I use good judgement and don't go places en femme that I wouldn't en drab. And I feel that busy, public places really offer the safest and most enjoyable environment for getting your feet wet. I often shop en femme at the grocery and the mall. I find that people mostly just go on about thier business and largely ignore me. I've also taken the time to identify GLBT friendly restaurants and bars around town.