Aprilrain
12-19-2011, 10:13 AM
I'm stuck at my boyfriends house waiting for the door people to come and install a new front door. I've had too much coffee and not enough food. I'm a little bit sick too so not only do I have to much time on my hands but I'm feeling a little loopy to boot!
Anyway here is my thought. I know we like to go on and on about gender ID being separate from sexual orientation and I believe this is true.....to a point. Indulge me for a moment.
So here is my point. If one is used to dating or being married to a cisgendered heterosexual female as a male and then transitions to female would they not then lose the pool of potential partners they are used to dating? Yes of course they are a lesbian now and have that pool from which to draw however in my limited experience lesbian identified woman are for the most part quite different in their presentations and expectations than hetero woman and the male female dynamic is gone. Not to mention that many cisgendered lesbians take a rather dim view of trans woman!
Perhaps a less common but similar experiance would be that of one who lives as a gay man and then transitions to female.
Both situations seem as though they could be problimatic for the transsexual who is trying to find a partner.
None of this is to say that a heterosexual TS woman, such as myself, has it any easier finding a mate, however I don't suddenly find myself thrust into a different "culture" altogether. Again, in my limited experience the gay community is in many ways sort of it's own culture. Being "gay" seems to have more attached to it than just being attracted to the same sex, which makes sense. As a marginalized and maligned subset of the general population gay people find it necessary to politicize their sexual orientain in order to gain some equal footing within a heterocentric culture. But I digress.
So for those of you who identify as lesbian and who aren't married do you find dating in the gay community to be a culture shock and also has problems finding a mate ever caused you to consider halting your transition?
Anyway here is my thought. I know we like to go on and on about gender ID being separate from sexual orientation and I believe this is true.....to a point. Indulge me for a moment.
So here is my point. If one is used to dating or being married to a cisgendered heterosexual female as a male and then transitions to female would they not then lose the pool of potential partners they are used to dating? Yes of course they are a lesbian now and have that pool from which to draw however in my limited experience lesbian identified woman are for the most part quite different in their presentations and expectations than hetero woman and the male female dynamic is gone. Not to mention that many cisgendered lesbians take a rather dim view of trans woman!
Perhaps a less common but similar experiance would be that of one who lives as a gay man and then transitions to female.
Both situations seem as though they could be problimatic for the transsexual who is trying to find a partner.
None of this is to say that a heterosexual TS woman, such as myself, has it any easier finding a mate, however I don't suddenly find myself thrust into a different "culture" altogether. Again, in my limited experience the gay community is in many ways sort of it's own culture. Being "gay" seems to have more attached to it than just being attracted to the same sex, which makes sense. As a marginalized and maligned subset of the general population gay people find it necessary to politicize their sexual orientain in order to gain some equal footing within a heterocentric culture. But I digress.
So for those of you who identify as lesbian and who aren't married do you find dating in the gay community to be a culture shock and also has problems finding a mate ever caused you to consider halting your transition?