But Daddy's not wearing tights!

[JamieG]

I took my 6-year old daughter to see "The Nutcracker" this weekend. As we're getting ready to go, my wife and I told my daughter that she should put on a nice dress, and because, it's cold, a pair of tights. She resisted, saying "But Daddy's not wearing tights!" My wife chuckled, and said "Not today." I concealed my amusement, because in fact my wife was wrong. It was cold, and I had tights on under my slacks, but this is not something I wanted to bring up then. Of course, my daughter is smart as a whip and picked up on the "not today" remark: "Daddy, do you sometimes wear tights?" Those of you who know me, know that I am determined not to lie to my kids about crossdressing, but at the same time am trying to delay the full disclosure. I responded, "I always wear tights to ballet class." And my wife kicked in "That's what you wear for ballet." However, this didn't stop my little interrogator: "Do you wear tights any other time?" I seriously wonder if this kid is destined to be a lawyer. "Yes, I've worn them for costumes," I replied. Fortunately, that seemed to satisfy her. All-in-all, I thought it was an interesting exchange. If she continues to press at a later date, my wife and I agreed that it would be okay to tell her about (and maybe shows pictures of) my drag Halloween costume from many years ago and my stints performing in a charity drag show the past two years. I hope that this will help her to understand that despite what she may hear elsewhere, there's nothing wrong with a man dressing like woman, while at the same time if she let's it slip to teachers, friends, etc., we can always explain it away.

[kimdl93]

I think your approach makes perfect sense. She'll grow to become far more accepting of the things that make her Dad special and more open to every person's uniqueness.

[Marleena]

Awww...what a cute story! She sounds wonderful, and kudos for handling it the way you did with your SO Jamie!

[Katie83]

What a great story, i love the way you handled it too.
Can't help thinking it won't be that long until i get questions like that from my 4 year old daughter! Hopefully i'll handle it all as well as you did.
Katie

[IamSara]

Jamie,
You handled that very well. As did your wife. I would like to think that I would have handled it in the same manner as you did. As Kim said your approach will help her to become more accepting of this and other things that come along in her life.

[Chickhe]

With my daughter, she is learning what's appropriate to wear too (tights when its cold, pants when playing in the park, skirt to look nice...)... I'm waiting for the day I have to make her a bet (she only likes wearing skirts) that if she wears jeans, I'll wear a skirt!... the part that will shock her and my wife is, I'll actually do it!

[rachaelsloane]

Hi Jamie,
You are destined for a long conversation as your daughter has already pressed you about the wig. Fortunately, my daughter was older when I wore tights while exercising with my wife.
Happy holidays to you and your family,
Rachael

[RADER]

Hi Jamie;
I thought your conversation with your daughter was priceless. You did a great job.
But what will you say if she asks you if you are wearing a bra????
Now that is one I would like to be a fly on the wall. LOL
Good luck and Happy Holidays.
Rader

[Claire Cook]

Yes, what a wonderful heart-warming story. You're a lucky father -- and she is a lucky daughter! When that day comes for full disclosure, I'm sure it will go well. And I loved Rader's question!

[JamieG]

Thanks to everyone for the comments. I'm glad you enjoyed this little anecdote.



But what will you say if she asks you if you are wearing a bra????
Now that is one I would like to be a fly on the wall. LOL
Rader

You may find this hard to believe, but I hardly ever wear a bra. I usually wear a body briefer under my femme clothes, and I don't feel the need to wear one when in drab. So, the honest answer can be no. However, I have experimented with creating cleavage recently, and I do have one push up bra. If she asks "Have you ever worn a bra?" I suppose I'll have to say, "Yes, Daddy has dressed as a woman for a Halloween costume and a show."

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like it's just a matter of time, Jamie! Your girl apparently doesn't miss a thing! My older girl was like that, causing me to keep nearly all Sherry's things in storage and no pics of her on the computer! She's off and married now.

I'm so fortunate, (maybe?), that my teen still at home doesn't notice ANYTHING that isn't all about her!

[SarahLynn]

......However, this didn't stop my little interrogator: "Do you wear tights any other time?" I seriously wonder if this kid is destined to be a lawyer. "Yes, I've worn them for costumes," I replied.....

Why didn't you tell her the truth, ie., that you wear them when it's cold, just like you expect her to do. Tell her even those big husky football players wear them when it's cold. (any one remember the NY Jets and Joe Namuith (sp) commericals)? In that way she will not think it odd when she sees you are wearing tights and it's cold out. Now i'm not saying you lied to your daughter but i think you could have been a bit more honest with her.


I too wear tights when it's cold. Wore them when i rode a motorcycle and it was cold, wore them when driving a truck when it was cold, wear them now when it's cold and i have to be outside. Or when i expect i'll have to be outside working. Wore them one weekend when my dad and i went hunting.

Dad is the typical homophobic and truely believes anyone who wears tights/pantyhose is more than a little weak in the wrist. He saw my PH and then told everyone in the hunting camp his son was queer. It's a good thing most of the other men were also wearing something to keep their legs warm. Since i can't stand the feel (the way they wear) of the waffle patterned thermo's my dad wears almost 24/7/365, PH/tights are the only way for me. I told the men this and most agreed with me which is why they too were wearing them. Turned out dad was embarrassed for trying to make me the butt of his sad thought process.

SarahLynn

[DonnaT]

It might have been a good time to just tell her that lots of men wear tights, especially if it's cold enough. And that they make tights for men as well.

You could always show her a web page having mantyhose for sale, as proof.

[tiffanyjo89]

Seeing as she's 6, you did the right thing trying not to mention your crossdressing at the moment.

Perhaps when she's around 10 or so, but not in the first grade. Let her have as normal of a childhood as possible. That being said, if she, at age 8 or so, or whenever "changes" start happening, pulls the same card of "Daddy's not wearing a bra," you and your wife are the ones who have to make the decision of how to handle that...it's an area I have no personal experience in (heck, I haven't even had a committed relationship to the point of talking about kids, much less a simple girlfriend).

[suzy1]

A little off post but did you enjoy “The Nutcracker”? I love the Ballet and I love Tchaikovsky. And there are plenty of men wearing tights in that ballet!


SUZY

[TxKimberly]

My daughter was seven when she pinned me to the wall for the third or fourth time. I couldn't stand the thought of lying to her, and had already ducked the question several times, and so I caved in and told her the truth. That has been about a year now, and I would have to be honest that I now wish that I had not told her. Too much anxiety over it and too much worry that she might have to pay a price for that knowledge someday. In a moment of high stress and personal anguish I did what I thought was the morally right thing with my daughter and I now have serious doubts if I have done the right thing or not.

[tiffanyjo89]

Morally, I do believe it is right to tell your kids about this. What age? Now that's the million dollar question.

You do have to worry about who they tell (cause they will, if they are young).

Most crossdressers manage to keep it from their children until they are grown, but I believe today's generation can probably handle it slightly better as young teens.

[KatieV]

It's a chilly day and I'm wearing control top tights right now under my jeans - how utterly practical and toasty warm, the effect is slimming and did I mention that the way that they feel is marvelous? It's a simple pleasure not to be denied.

[Jessie29]

Say they are for sport haha. Many athletes wear tights to keep warm when running ect.

[JamieG]

A little off post but did you enjoy “The Nutcracker”? I love the Ballet and I love Tchaikovsky. And there are plenty of men wearing tights in that ballet!

Hi Suzy. Yes, I liked it a lot. It was my second time, and the first since I've taken up ballet myself. It was done by a local dance school with professional guest performers in the major roles. I could tell sometimes when the students were a bit off with their timing, but some of the pros were really amazing. And yes, there were plenty of men, including the classic Mother Ginger in drag. My daughter liked the first half but got bored with the second, since it's really just dancing and not much of a story. I think she'd like it better when she is older.


My daughter was seven when she pinned me to the wall for the third or fourth time. I couldn't stand the thought of lying to her, and had already ducked the question several times, and so I caved in and told her the truth. That has been about a year now, and I would have to be honest that I now wish that I had not told her. Too much anxiety over it and too much worry that she might have to pay a price for that knowledge someday. In a moment of high stress and personal anguish I did what I thought was the morally right thing with my daughter and I now have serious doubts if I have done the right thing or not.

Thanks for bringing this up Kimberly. It is definitely something to consider. Once we tell, there is no way to take it back. Has any ill (other than fears and doubts) come of telling so far?