How to tell the difference between fetish and lifestyle

[Miss_Roslyn]

I just found this forum yesterday and I've read a lot of posts ranging from all topics but one thing I'm having trouble dealing with is: I can't tell if it's a fetish or a lifestyle for me. I do occasionally cross dress but it's usually when I'm in the mood and I don't have much desire to when I'm not about to be intimate with myself. And I have told no one about it. My girlfriend may have a clue but I don't think so. What what advice can you give me?

Thanks in advance
Roslyn

[NV Susan]

Hi Roslyn,
Don't know about you but I think for many of us {me included} this started out as a fetish then became a lifestyle. I've been CDing most of my life starting when I was 9 or 10. I always thought it was just a faze I was going thru but quickly learned it would last a lifetime. This can be a fun road to travel, with a few potholes along the way!
Good luck to you....:hugs:

[NicoleScott]

Roslyn, I hope this thread can remain on track, addressing your main concern and not getting sidetracked on whether or not you should tell your GF. But we'll see.
I know there are certain things, inanimate objects, articles of women's wear of all kinds, that for some unknown reason excite and arouse me, and have from a very early age. I never viewed crossdressing itself as a fetish, but some do. I do know that crossdressing allows me to have it all at once - all those different things that excite me can be combined in a makeup/dressup session for a very exciting experience. Many things that I wear when fully transformed (pantyhose, for example) do not by themselves excite me, but are part of the overall dressup experience, and the reason I wear them.
Whether it's a lifestyle or fetish: it doesn't have to be one or the other, but maybe some of both. I know what drives my crossdressing, but I also enjoy getting and being en femme for an afternoon or evening. For me, it's not dress up-get happy-undress. I enjoy the planning and preparation as well as the dressup session, and also taking photos for later viewing.
Finally, what does it matter? We are driven to dress occasionally, and trying to put ourselves in a box usually results in a less-than-perfect fit. And, only you can answer if there is a sexual element to it - one that is specifically about the clothes/makeup rather than the femininity. It's natural to wonder what drives us to dress, and that answer will most likely come to you in time. Have fun!

[CO_Bobbie]

This can be a fun road to travel, with a few potholes along the way!


For me it's migrated to a little fetish and a lot of lifestyle. I agree with Susan that it does tend to morph into something different than what you start with. Oh, and BTW, depending on your situation, those potholes can be the size of the Grand Canyon.

[Karren H]

No mater why you do it.. If you do it long enough it becomes a lifestyle.

[Lorileah]

It's not a gang it's a club (for those over 50 who remember that).

A fetish is actually something that is supposed to have magical or special powers. In a sexual connotation, a fetish is something is strongly NEEDED or desired in order to function is some sexual capacity. In other words (as our former president used to say) if you can't play without it, it is a fetish. If you need the clothing to fulfill a fantasy, it is a fetish. In a broader sense if you only do it to get sexually excited, it may be a fetish.

Now jump to lifestyle. That would be more something you do or need to do on an ongoing routine basis. It may have sexual connotations, but doesn't usually (i.e. people may say that BDSM is a lifestyle, but if they ONLY do it for sexual reasons, it is a fetish. If they live day to day and do non-sexual things associated with that it could be a lifestyle). Here using dressing a s a lifestyle is probably not accurate either in most cases. There are the ones who dress 24/7 but have no innate feelings of being transsexual, and those may be in a lifestyle.

It could be a hobby, it could be an inborn need, it could be a cultural rebellion. It is what it is. It is a personal things. And much like other labels into a category is impossible. Is you is or is you ain't? No one is 100% anything.

[Marleena]

Lorileah pretty well summed it up. Only you will know for sure. Here's a "what am I?" article that may help. http://www.transgenderlondon.com/what_am_i_tv_cd_tg_or_ts.htm

[April_Ligeia]

No mater why you do it.. If you do it long enough it becomes a lifestyle.

I agree totally with Karren. There is nothing sexual to me about putting my eyeliner on straight, but I do enjoy the process and do it nearly every day. Maybe I'm in the minority, but I crossdress full time at home, and am not a transexual. It is just the way I like to look, and my SO agrees.

[Sally24]

I find excitement when thinking about dressing, which may be similar to what you feel. When I actual get dressed I do not get excited at all, its just exhillerating and fun. That can be the deciding line between fetish and lifestyle (or TG).

[Josephine]

For me it started as a fetish, when I was in my 20's & 30's. Now it is not sexual at all, as I love being with a real woman. I do it because I love the way it makes me happy!! I don't think it really matters too much if its a fetish or whatever, as long as it makes you happy.
All the best
Josephine

[Miss_Roslyn]

Thanks girls for all the advice and being so welcoming. I will think alot about this. I really wanted to get this out there before I formally "join" this community. Hi to everyone, I'm a 24 year old straight male with a awesome girlfriend who doesn't know.

[LilSissyStevie]

Don't get too hung up on the "fetish" word. The vast majority of the time it just means "preference." Often, when people want to disparage your sexual preferences they call them fetishes. Otherwise, what Karren said.