Evolution

[ReneeT]

I took a trip down memory lane today. I reiewedall the threads i have started here since i joined? It lays out an interesting journey.... While i am still often somewhat shallow, my focus has definately matured and crystallized. This is not just a hobby - it is who i am.

As a side note, i looked at my posts as a prelude to giving my wife the cd.com web address and pwd, as well as my name. I have ki da committedto myself not to start the new year with anysecrets.


PLEASE -TALK ME OUT OF THIS!

[Cindy M]

I kinda sorta don't want my wife reading my posts, even though she is accepting and supportive. Although I don't fully open up with my feelings here, it's like reading someone else's mail, to me.

I've written several posts with my true fears and feelings, but always have deleted them without posting.

Proceed with your plan with caution. Just my opinion.
Merry Christmas, Renee :)

[AllieSF]

Yes, you really have "evolved" dear Renee. I don't think that I have enough years left to go re-read all my posts, if I want to continue writing new posts. Regarding inviting your wife here, I think anyone trying to dissuade you from doing so is way too late. I agree that opening up all of my posts to an SO would be really scary, as I, like you a little, have evolved more into what I am doing. So, my early posts may be somewhat embarrassing. I also agree that is is like reading someone's personal mail. Since this is a support forum, it is a great place to toss out ideas or opinions and then see how well the do in the general public. It then becomes a great learning experience, for me at least. I may not back down in an argument or discussion with someone at that moment. But the discussion and the various opposing remarks stick with me for analysis at some later moment, or maybe in the next discussion on the same or a similar topic. Interesting theme here.

[Eve_WA]

Well first off... theres your own admission that you want to be talked out of this action that says volumes.

Secondly, isnt it against forum rules to share a login?

If she was to post anything, it would be confusing as to whom is posting.

I would just have her create her own login so she can create her own identity and then let her know your name so she can follow you that way.

[Jorja]

I took a trip down memory lane today. I reiewedall the threads i have started here since i joined? It lays out an interesting journey.... While i am still often somewhat shallow, my focus has definately matured and crystallized. This is not just a hobby - it is who i am.

As a side note, i looked at my posts as a prelude to giving my wife the cd.com web address and pwd, as well as my name. I have ki da committedto myself not to start the new year with anysecrets.


PLEASE -TALK ME OUT OF THIS!

It appears to me that you already know what you need to do. I do not know your wife and only you know if you are handing her a loaded pistol so to speak. From your other posts here I get the feeling you and your wife communicate very well about your path and there are no secrets.

[StaceyJane]

I would suggest having her join as a loved one.
We all go through a time of searching and sometimes our thoughts should be just between us. That's why we have open forums and invitation only forums.

[ReneeT]

I so much apreciate everyones perspective here, and it really helps me to arrive at rational decisions.

Cindy, i, for good or for bad, have bared my soul here. While most of you dont know me in person (some do, i hope to meet more of you), you all know more about me than my wife or my mother. I have kept much from my spouse, and i have finally come to the realization that i am denying her the opportunity to make her own decisions based on the facts, not just a filtered or spun version of them. Allie, it IS scary. I may not follow thru, to my ultimate detrimant.

Eve, i dont actualy think i want to be talked out of it - just the opposite. I am looking for encouragement to follow thru with what i think i should do. You are right, though- sharing a login is not right. Thanks for calling me out on it. I wont do that.

Jorja, i wishwe didnt have secrets. We have too many. I want to correct that.

Stacey, i like your idea

[Pamela Kay]

Renee,

Only you can make this choice and there has been some good advice given so far. I understand your not wanting to keep secrets from your wife, I kept my feelings and issues from my wife for a short while and it was the hardest thing I have had to do. I had to find out who I was and what was happening with me before I could explain it to her. She was hurt that I kept it from her even for the short time I did but we discussed it and I came clean and told her I was in counselling and starting on a path to transition. I would not want her to read the posts I have here because there are things which I put out for advice that would most likely hurt her more, even though being honest is the best policy I believe what you have already discussed with her is more important than what you have discussed here in the past while trying to find yourself.

I believe if you want to be honest with her in the new year that you start fresh on January 1st. There is no reason to bring up things that may or may not have been true while you were sorting out your feelings. Be honest with her from this point forward as you continue down your path of discovery and change. Bringing out past feelings is not always the best way to address the feelings you have today.

I hope you continue to reach your goal.

[kellycan27]

There is absolutely nothing that I have posted in my time here that i would have a problem with or be fearful of my SO reading.

[Just Elizabeth]

I have kept much from my spouse, and i have finally come to the realization that i am denying her the opportunity to make her own decisions based on the facts, not just a filtered or spun version of them.

Renee,

I applaud you for this realization. I am an SO, and am terribly frustrated by my husband's inability to open up to me. We are working on our ability to communicate, but it is not easy for me. I feel I have waited so long already, and I would really like to know what he's feeling and thinking. As you said, I feel I should be allowed to make decisions based on the facts, whatever they may turn out to be.

Good luck with your wife, whichever way you decide to go. I hope the best for both of you.

Just Elizabeth.

[sandra-leigh]

Secondly, isnt it against forum rules to share a login?


Yup. She should have her own, so she can talk about you behind your back ;-)

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Renee, one of the things that I like about this site is the way that we are able to grow and mature.

Although I applaud your desire to be completely honest with your wife, I would echo the suggestion that you give her her own login together with your username so she can look you up on here rather than risk the wrath of the admins by sharing your login with her (a big no-no).

Have a great Xmas and a Merry New Year.

[Starling]

Although I have said things here which might be hard for my SO to read, I would show her all my posts if she asked, no matter how embarrassing to me some of the early ones might be. However, if she were to wander around freely without adult supervision, I'm afraid that reading some of the goofball stuff that gets posted here (present company excepted) would confirm her most pernicious misconceptions.

:) Lallie

[ReineD]

You are right, though- sharing a login is not right. Thanks for calling me out on it. I wont do that.

Just as a reminder, here's a link to the rule stating that sharing a password might risk you being banned:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=welcome#faq_sep_acc

You don't need to share your password in order for your wife to read your posts. This section of the forum is open to the public. She can read all your posts in this section without logging in, if she doesn't want to become a member herself.

Alternatively, she could establish her own membership and then she could go into all the sections except for the private forums.

I'm glad you're considering sharing everything about yourself with your wife.

[ReneeT]

I do agree with the consensus here and will tell her about the site and encourage her to get her own login. Maybe she can find solace on the FAB forum

Elizabeth, i hope your SO comes around. For me, though, it has taken 22 yrs, and for that i am ashamed. My wife is a wonderful person and deserves so much more

Lallie, i share your concerns about her reading some of the more, shall we say, unusual, posts. I guess we will just have to talk about them when she has questions

Thank you all for your thoughts here. They have really helped me

[Sheren Kelly]

While I admire your motivation to be more transparent, I am also wondering if sharing your most personal thoughts will come back to haunt you later.
Are you and your wife divorcing or even contemplating such? Your posts can be used against you in a settlement. By all means let your wife know where you are and where she stands, but this site can be like a diary, and what you write here is a record of your journey as you have discovered.