cassandra54
12-25-2011, 10:57 AM
This has turned out to be the best Christmas ever. Ever. I want to start by wishing all of you out there a Merry Christmas, if you so believe.
Christmas is a time of giving. Period. I got my SO some nice things, got a nice package together for the Salvation Army Christmas Angel drive at work and sent my Dad and Stepmother some money. I also bought a new wig, and a few items of lingerie and a ring. But that didn't even scratch the surface.
My SO got me some very nice makeup items. I was just blown away. She could not believe I was speechless. I am dressing now almost everyday when I am home from work. I realized that she too it probably androgynous, just like I am. It's what I think is our great attraction for one another. The realization of this has crept up on me lately. I noticed the more I dressed en femme, the more she dresses like a dude. I told her that and she said I was feminine enough for the both of us. What a great gift this has been, knowing not only am I good with who I am, but I can dress around someone almost all of the time I am at home. I am confident that soon we will go out together, but I am not pushing my luck. But wait there's more.
I've always gotten angry and upset when people mistreat me, are dishonest and so on. I almost got sent home from work last week, because they gave me a really menial job. I obsessed about how wrong it was, all the dirty pool they play and so on. I think I've finally put the work issues behind me. I figured what the hell, why should I care what they have me do. It pays the same and very well. I also get mad when things break, or don't go my way. I guess I always wanted people to think I was special in the sense that they would care about me and address their issues. And then it hit me yesterday.
In a lot of ways, I am just like a little girl. Not by the way I act, but how I want people to notice me and care about my problems. Really when I think about it, I am just hurt when this happens, not really angry, I just want to cry and pout. So now I know why I get mad the way I do. I wonder if that's why a lot of me get mad and behave badly, like I did. I realized another way my SO is just like a man. She is the strong silent type. She doesn't talk about anything. It pays the same and very well. I can come home everyday and be Cassandra, my SO's little girl.
Christmas is a time of giving. Period. I got my SO some nice things, got a nice package together for the Salvation Army Christmas Angel drive at work and sent my Dad and Stepmother some money. I also bought a new wig, and a few items of lingerie and a ring. But that didn't even scratch the surface.
My SO got me some very nice makeup items. I was just blown away. She could not believe I was speechless. I am dressing now almost everyday when I am home from work. I realized that she too it probably androgynous, just like I am. It's what I think is our great attraction for one another. The realization of this has crept up on me lately. I noticed the more I dressed en femme, the more she dresses like a dude. I told her that and she said I was feminine enough for the both of us. What a great gift this has been, knowing not only am I good with who I am, but I can dress around someone almost all of the time I am at home. I am confident that soon we will go out together, but I am not pushing my luck. But wait there's more.
I've always gotten angry and upset when people mistreat me, are dishonest and so on. I almost got sent home from work last week, because they gave me a really menial job. I obsessed about how wrong it was, all the dirty pool they play and so on. I think I've finally put the work issues behind me. I figured what the hell, why should I care what they have me do. It pays the same and very well. I also get mad when things break, or don't go my way. I guess I always wanted people to think I was special in the sense that they would care about me and address their issues. And then it hit me yesterday.
In a lot of ways, I am just like a little girl. Not by the way I act, but how I want people to notice me and care about my problems. Really when I think about it, I am just hurt when this happens, not really angry, I just want to cry and pout. So now I know why I get mad the way I do. I wonder if that's why a lot of me get mad and behave badly, like I did. I realized another way my SO is just like a man. She is the strong silent type. She doesn't talk about anything. It pays the same and very well. I can come home everyday and be Cassandra, my SO's little girl.