Competition amongst us gurls or...?

[Melody1985]

One thing I love about this community is that for the most part, we seem to stick together. Maybe it's survival instincts (since the rest of the world is against us), and groups tend to bind together when necessary, or perhaps for other various reasons. But regardless of the reason(s), I have found, in my short time, that we are very supportive of one another. Am I wrong?

The real question I am asking is if you guys think there is some level of competition between us? Whether it's healthy competition or more intense. For example, do you individually compare yourself (passable looks) to others? Or see other members comparing themselves to others? When I say this, I realize that it's natural and kind of unavoidable to not compare to some degree, but there is a line that separates a healthy comparison to that of which typically is followed by jealousy and envy.

Men and women in general both do this, usually about completely different things. With guys, it's typically whose car is better, or who has the biggest "whatever." and since this is a crossdressing site, I'll stick to one of the things that some women compete in, and that's clothes/looks in general...

Which leads to my last question, as MtF CDers do alot of us get caught up in what has generally been a female quarrel, or are we still too masculine to care enough about that drama? (this question is not directed at TS's, since they identify as female, and no disrespect is aimed at GGs here at all).

Hope this makes sense..

[DanaR]

I'm not sure what you mean. I've known for a long time, when I go out that I'm one of the prettiest girls there.:D

Seriously, I try to look the best that I can. Other than that, I don't really care.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I have noticed this too.

Males are naturally competitive by nature, and want to be good at what they do and want to be the best if they can. Whether they are jocks arguing who is the best football player, gearheads arguing who has the best car, or the geeky guys like me arguing about who has the most Star Trek trivia knowledge, men are competitive. It is not surprising that some men who dress up would also be a bit competitive with each other. I don't feel it is a problem or a bad thing per se, provided it is good natured and healthy competition ("good sportsmanship") and it is not taken to an extreme.

[Launa]

I'm not sure what you mean. I've known for a long time, when I go out that I'm one of the prettiest girls there.:D

Seriously, I try to look the best that I can. Other than that, I don't really care.

I'm one of the pretty ones too.

[ArleneRaquel]

I'm not in competition with anyone, I try to look my best, which isn't easy at my age, I'll be 64 next month and that I eat too many sweets.

[wishing2bali]

I, unfortunately am guilty of this. I don't really try to compete, but I do find myself quite envious of some of features some of you have. Not naming names, but seeing certain people's pictures makes me want to strive to be that much more pretty/passable/good at makeup or what have you. I have tried to get over this hurdle, but for whatever reason I almost always fall victim to society's outdated view on how a woman should act, and look while in public.

[Marleena]

Good post Melody!

In my case I'm not in a competition at all. I'm here to make friends and try to fit in. I'm working at becoming a better me. When I'm here I am Marleena and one of the girls. I compliment you other girls, and try to help out where I can. I do get envious sometimes of other girls if they look good. We all would love to look like supermodels, I'm sure.

I cringed the other day after telling another girl here she is beautiful, it sounded wrong in my guy mind. Afterall I'm in reality a GM complimenting another GM.lol I quickly dismissed it though as being Marleena (me) talking.:) GG's have no issues complimenting each other.

[Annie D]

I think that we all consider ourselves lacking in some feminine regard and that each one of us strives to become better than we currently are. I truly believe that is the feminine nature in each one of us and we try to learn from one another. I have noticed that even when we give advice it is with love and understanding. When we share an experience, we either emphasize or rejoice for one another. I know that we I start a thread or make a reply, I honestly want to read what all the girls have to say and their opinion. This is truly a forum for sharing and that is what makes all of us happy.

[Melody1985]

I also want to point out that there is nothing wrong with competition, especially if it pushes you to be better like Rachel said..

[Karren H]

Oh Yeah!! Get your skates and throw your sticks into the center ring!! I love to compete and do the best I can at what ever I attempt,... Have an ice hockey tonight at 11 pm to prove it. Lol

[Sister Rachel]

Brilliant question, if I ever sober up:heehee: I'll try to formulate a meaningful answer! .. meantime, love 'n' kisses :)

[ArleneRaquel]

Competition is fine with me, but when enfemme that's the least of my concerns. That being said when I do attend CD/TS/TG events I do have to admit that I do want to look better ( more femmy ? ) than the other ladies my age. So maybe I do have a competitive streak after all.

[Kathi Lake]

As feminine as many of us strive to be, we are - at our core - guys. Testosterone flows through our veins. We are constantly on a fight-or-flight hair-trigger. Yes, we're competitive. It's our nature, some more than others.

Kathi

[Marleena]

Somehow I really can't think in guy mode when I'm here.

Maybe I'm just weird, dunno..

[KellyJameson]

For many years I avoided competition in any form because my self worth was so low that I could not tolerate another blow to it by being " less than " someone else. This was because I was raised in the sickness of being taught that you have no value unless you are better than others in every way possible by parents whose own sense of worth was built on the shaky foundation of comparison to others.

As I have struggled and found personal acceptance based on my own values and not what others define for me I have become open to seeing that competition can be a healthy way to test and better yourself without taking from another.

What I still do not know is if I'm comfortable with competition based on superficial qualities like physical beauty. I admire beauty and wish to be beautiful but I fear the risk to my own self worth that I have worked very hard to acquire because it than takes me back into the world of measuring myself against others with that win/lose mentality and I have noticed that I want to be the best looking person in the room so clearly I have not completely healed from past hurts otherwise I would be indifferent.

Beauty is a form of power and the more power you have the more power you want but power comes at the cost of self love and acceptance because it distorts reality

I think unhealthy competition is one of the reasons for bulimia, anorexia, depression and other labels. It is a vicious trap that sucks the soul dry. Before there is competition there must be self acceptance independant of ones relations to others.

[Eryn]

I think that it's a sort of "cooperative competition." I like to look good but I have my limitations. I have friends who look amazing. They win, but that doesn't mean that I can't draw inspiration from them!

[docrobbysherry]

As a man, I've always been very competitive. But, never about a guy's looks!
Ever since I found out MANY really pretty women aren't worth the trouble in the long run!:brolleyes:
I may be as superficial as they come!

That being said, I've NEVER been jealous of another CD. Envious? MAYBE!:daydreaming:
And, Sherry can be a G-D deva! She thinks she's SO HOT sometimes that she NEVER considers there's any competition! Her competition is strictly WITH HERSELF:eek:
No idea where THAT'S coming from!:straightface:

I've met some really stunning women AND CDs! They have a lot in common. They all often turn out to be just regular folks if you treat them that way!:)

[Marleena]

Sherry you just nailed it! I too am in competition with myself to look better.:)

[Gillian Gigs]

The only person that I have to be better than is myself. The goal is to become all that I am meant to be. Every now and then I get hooked into the competitive game, and I need to remind myself of where it leads. Macho pissing contests usually lead to someone getting wet, pay attention to the wind direction. LOL

[Barbara Ella]

the discussions have narrowed to the crux. Most of us are not in competition with others, but are focused on the internal competition to be the best we can be. I am relatively new, and an old crotchety fart, but i want to look as young and beautiful as i possible can. All i have to compare to is the other beautiful girls on this site. jealous, no, envious, yes, but in a positive way to attempt to extract what I can that I can use to feel my inner fulfillment. I will probably never pass, but I hope to get to the point where I can post pictures and feel that I have arrived and can hold my head up higher than i do now, and I do hold my head up. I am proud of who I am, and i do not want to ever embarass anyone else here.

So, yes, we all should use each other to better who we are. take the best, physically, and emotionally, and improve who we are. i am here, and i will get better, deal with it world, I am.

Babes

[cindy777]

Being a very competive person by nature, I try not to care as much as I use to about certain things. In hockey I use to want win so badly I wanted to literaly kill the member from other team, but now I don't even know the score half the time and just enjoy the game and the beer afterwards. I still do my best but don't do everything to win as in the past I might have.

One thing I have found since joining this site is the great sense of sharing and caring that is present in so many posts. After looking at some many beautiful girls on this site, I am trying my best to be the best I can be, just like in the old Army ad. If I am able to learn from beautiful people, I am all for it. The people here on this site have taught me more in the last month than I would have learned on my own in a few years and for this I am truly greatful.

To sum up I am not in competion with anyone here, just trying to improve my look and take any and all advise given to me.

Cindy

[Kelly DeWinter]

Hmmmm ,

I think it is in human nature to be competitive, people both male and female are competitive , in different ways. Sometimes I see som girls here including the GG's and think, wow if only I could look like, or do what she does or had her attitude. Then again I also would like to think I encourage others to better themselves and to see themselves in a better light. I enjoy a bit of competition, who doesen't ?

[Vanessa5]

I used to be very competitive. Now not at all. I want to be the best me I can be. That means I admire and build up everyone I come in contact with. I have come a loooong way believe me. Always being on top usually means you only get one perspective and that is down on everyone else. When I use to race my r/c cars I always wanted to beat everyone all the time. So much so sometimes it wasn't fun. Now I run with both my kids and kids in the neighborhood and fun IS the most important thing. If we aren't smiling then we are doing it wrong. For some those juices just never quit and they have to be/or have the best of everything.

[JessicaM1985]

I wouldn't call it competition, but I do like to look at all the girls here and see how I can improve my own look. I see it more as drawing inspiration as opposed to who's hotter. I can call that one right now; you gals are, hands down. But I'm trying and with the limited resources I have, it will be slow going. But that's ok, because I need to take those first steps slowly anyways.

If there are any here that are trying to be competitive with it, you need not be. The sad truth is that no matter how hot you are, there will ALWAYS be at least one person in the world hotter, and beauty in itself truly is in the eye of the beholder. That said, there's no reason why I can't try to look my best. :)

[Cynthia Anne]

I don't compete with no one! I already know I'm the best that's ever been!:D:eek::brolleyes:
Hugs!:hugs::)

[Foxglove]

It's true there are some beautiful girls on this forum, and sometimes I'm envious. But I don't get my knickers in a twist about it, and I don't feel that I'm in any competition. What I'd like to learn from them is how they did it, and then maybe I could do it, too. I want to look as good as I can, and if it's not as good as others, I can live with that. Beautiful girls give me something to aim for, not to compete with.

[Claire Cook]

It's true there are some beautiful girls on this forum, and sometimes I'm envious. But I don't get my knickers in a twist about it, and I don't feel that I'm in any competition. What I'd like to learn from them is how they did it, and then maybe I could do it, too. I want to look as good as I can, and if it's not as good as others, I can live with that. Beautiful girls give me something to aim for, not to compete with.

I like Annabelle's response. If we were in a beauty contest, that would be one thing. I know that some of us look great, some of us (like me) not so great. When we post a photo, it's both for approval and (hopefully) constructive comments. I look at these photos in the same way I do when I check out what other women are wearing -- what works for her , what doesn't, and what might work for me. I think the same applies to those of us who share our out and about experiences. We aren't competing for who passes the best, or who had the most awesome time -- we are sharing in hopes that others will enjoy reading about them and perhaps be encouraged to come out more.

[KrystalA]

Why try to compete with anyone? I crossdress for myself. Well, and my SO. She loves seeing me en femme.

[Tina B.]

I'm 67 years old, fat, and bald, so you win! But fortunately I've never had a completive bone in my body. Sports where fun, but everyone was so busy trying to win, they forgot to have fun, so I gave it all up, I never cared for gambling either, winning just is not that big a deal for me, and the loss of money hurt, so why play. I sure don't compete with anyone when it comes to dress, as I am a closet dresser, and dress just for my own pleasure, and need not meet anyones idea of feminine but my own. I do love it when I get an unsolicited your cute, or that looks good on you, from the wife, but it's not a matter of competition, it's flattering.
Tina B.

[PretzelGirl]

Sometimes competitiveness is a subconscious thing. I don't think I am being competitive, but who knows. What I do know is that I like to look at the pictures and read the knowledge of others and gleen improvements for myself if it fits into who I want to be and how I want to approach this.

[kimdl93]

I would agree that each of us compares ourselves, consciously or not, with others. But I would also agree that I don't compete with others...if anything the comparisons are a way to improve myself.

[Kaz]

I'd like to say I am not competitive - I am not a sporty sort of person - but as a guitar player I am hell bent on being the star and not the 'also ran'. Here it is more about learning and getting better at being me I guess. I do try hard to look good as it is important to me and that's why I post pics... for constructive feedback (and also a bit of showing off if I think the pic is a good one! :heehee:).. BUT...

When I see a pic of a really gorgeous girl here I am so jealous! Is that competitive? Or is it jealousy? I know I don't have the age or the looks to be a full on glamour queen, so I am not competing as such... but I do have these strange feelings that cause me to think about upping my game!

[Jessica86]

I don't compete either. All women have something about them that sets them off! Every single one! We do too! I haven't seen a picture on this site yet of a so called "ugly" girl. There is always something nice to point out, and if we were all the same....who would look? That's the fun!!! I know I'm freakishly tall, and a bit on the heavy side in my love handles (I think I'm fat at 190 lbs being 6'06" and my wife HATES I think that.) Then again, I always get compliments on my hair, eyes, and how long my legs are....so I just compete with my self to bring my best features forward. I can't fix what I don't have, or have too much of....lol...but I just deal with it, and strutt my stuff just like the song!!!

[Crissy Kay]

A very interesting subject!! As I see it, most members here try to support each other. We react here, pretty much the opposite of how we are in male mode with other men. As men we are taught to get to the top by any means, and crush any man that stands in your way. Here, we get to leave all that behind, and act as we belive women should act with each other.

[Melody1985]

Thanks for all the great replies here. This was definitely a subject that I have thought about for a while now, and it's good to see a good mix of ideals about the level of competitiveness we have.

Later :) :)

[Sophiewouldbenice]

I like to see pictures of other, to see what is possible and to get some ideas :) , also it is nice to get an idea how the others run around outside ;) - but by trying to improve my en femme appearance I do not compete, you can only improve yourself for yourself, here is no gain or price to win - probably there is one, self confidence, but thats not competition.

And by the way, here are so many of us with different goals for there life, appearance and gender - cannot believe that there can be any real competition if the goals are different - but as I wrote there is also no sense in competition from my point of view ;)

[MarcyHunter]

Gone cottin choppin.

[Annaliese2010]

Too tractd 2 othr girls.. rathr make luv thn war...sx trumps bichiness i guess lol...

[Lynn Marie]

Yes, we compete with one another. It amuses me just how competitive we are even though we are attempting to emulate females. Personally I try to avoid competition in drag. Got way too many male attributes that are just too damn hard to fix or cover up.

On the ecouraging side, I do feel that the better side of our nature does make an appearance when interacting with other CDers looking for our approval. Everybody needs a little encouragement, and we may need it more than most.

[eluuzion]

I think it is important to keep things in proper perspective…

“It is not whether you win or lose,
It’s whether I win or lose!”

“I used to be extremely competitive, but I have mellowed out with age.
Now I just want to win.”

:D:heehee::D

This is a great thread, as I was recently having a similar discussion about this topic with a friend of mine… (Charlene Darwin). Relative to “physical attractiveness competition”…here is what we came up with…

Competing through physical appearance may be just another one of those evolutionary based behaviors that continued on through time on an unconscious, instinctual level. It was a critical function for Wilma Flintstone, when a woman’s ability to survive and reproduce depended upon her ability to attract a superior mate. (The best hunter with the biggest club, lol). Youthful appearance and good health improved a female’s chances of attracting a good provider and protector. You know, the old theory of…“survival of the titty-ist“, err…uh…I mean the “fittest.”

Youthful appearance, facial symmetry, body shape…waist-to-hip ratio (WHR) etc. and similar issues are still primary factors influencing the determination of female “attractiveness.” Cosmetics, plastic surgery and all the body “enhancement” paraphernalia are just adaptation strategies to appear more “attractive”. The more physically appealing attributes you can display (over your “competition”), the better you will potentially fare in society.

:)So, there ya’ go…one (evolutionary) “theory” for physical appearance competition. It does require a stretch…but if you squint your eyes…you might see two areas of applicability (competition) on the forum:

- “Who” is “passable”…and… who is “the most” passable.
- “Who” is the most “authentic” representation of a “genuine” CD, TG, TS, TM, etc.

I am not suggesting any of these issues represents dysfunctional or vindictive behavior on this forum. I am just sharing some personal observations (of typical human social behavior) on the forum that I find quite entertaining. :thumbsup:

For the record…I am impressed at the forum’s (aka…moderators’) ability to maintain an overall supportive and respectful environment for all of the members. Pretty amazing when you consider the size.

Am I an innately “competitive” person? Yes. But just like everything else, sometimes “competing” makes sense…and sometimes “competing” would be engaging in nonsense. With all due respect…for me…competing for physical attractiveness is nonsense. Particularly on this forum, where honest representations and “genuine” identities are unverifiable, as well as being subject to the influence of tools like photo-shop, :heehee:.

Heck, for all I know…some of you here could actually be guys, which are just pretending to be girls! :eek:

:D

:love:

[Jenny Doolittle]

Interesting question and observation.

I look at those that come in here as friends I just have not met in person yet. Obviously we all have a common bond. We are not in competition with each other and we do have a common enemy of sorts, those that are too closed minded to accept us.

I have over the years heard of what others have done to gain confidence and have emulated them, doing many of the same things such as getting out on my own. The makeup tips are always something a girl can use to improve her self image. Hearing the pitfalls of others has certainly helped in my own journey to being accepted as Jenny.

I guess the main reason I come here is to enjoy the companionship of those I share a bond with that most don't understand. I want to help others to avoid negative experiences within their own family and friends, so I share my own experiences and let them do as they wish with their own choices.

Lastly, Now might be a perfect oppertunity to say, "Thank you" to all those that I have helped me though tuff times and shared in my own growth. "I love you all for the help!"