What would you do if your girlfriend did not like your dressing?

[Brittany CD]

If your girlfriend said to you that she didn't like you crossdressing or if you know crossdressing is something she does not like, what would you do? I think I would give up crossdressing in a heartbeat, but it would be tough

[AllieSF]

It really depends on one's relationship with their SO. I have read enough here to realize that even an accepting spouse may have their back steps going from supporting to non-supporting. I think that with this knowledge, if my So decided after previously knowing and accepting my dressing, I would seriously consider re-analyzing the relationship and if no room for improvement could be seen by me, I would end the relationship and keep on looking. I would definitely not try to fool my self into thinking that I can give this up for true love before getting married. It would be hard enough to try to compromise significantly after marriage. I would rather suffer now for a short period of time rather than have to suffer the rest of my married life after.

[Marleena]

I would have to agree with Allie. If she flip flopped on me I would have to consider leaving, I'm getting up in age. This is very important to me, I can't give it up now. Luckily all is well so far.:)

[DanaR]

The key here is compromise. One person shouldn't be able to tell you what you can or can not do. That said, both have to be considerate of each others feelings. If your SO doesn't want you cross dress around her, don't.

[Launa]

I wouldn't dress around her if it bothered her that much but I wouldn't stop either. If I was younger I would stop for the family and the relationship etc... but now I've hit middle age and I like this side of me, so I'm doing it more this year and I will be going out more too. I'm not leaving this earth with ever doing it again.

[Miranda-E]

If your girlfriend said to you that she didn't like you crossdressing or if you know crossdressing is something she does not like, what would you do? I think I would give up crossdressing in a heartbeat, but it would be tough

What would I do, I'd find someone else.

[Shiny]

You wouldn't give up cross dressing, you'd give up the girlfriend! That's just how we are pal! Sorry--

I showed the picture of my avatar to my now, ex-girlfriend. She was amazed, astounded, then perplexed then put-off! "Are you gay?" Was the next question. "But, you're not doing that anymore right?" She said to satisfy her psyche. No one understands our condition except us, the afflicted.

[Foxglove]

You wouldn't give up cross dressing, you'd give up the girlfriend! That's just how we are pal! Sorry--


Agreed. It's like asking, If your girlfriend didn't like you eating, would you give up eating? There are some things it's simply in your nature to do.

[jennCD]

My wife does not "like" the fact that this is a part of me, but she accepts that it is a part of me and has not ever said "you cannot" (other than the understanding that she does not like shaved legs on me). I need not stop but at the same time, I need not make it an obvious obstacle in our relationship. To me, I consider that acceptance. She has not left me, so she accepts me. That is more than I have the right to ask for.

:)
jenn

[tinalynn]

Good luck stopping! I've tried, when my (then) GF found out, she didn't like it. She eventually came around (due to the non-caring attitude of a lesbian friend she outed me to), and I've had freedom in the house since. She doesn't like it every night, and wants little to do with it, but does allow it. However, since the baby person arrived 9 months ago, she doesn't want me doing it in front of him. I have no problem with that, so we've adjusted our compromise.

You need to determine what her motivation is for telling you to stop. Stop dressing in front of her? Stop going out? Stop all together? Or just not change so often? Figure that out and work out a compromise. If she wants to be with you a compromise can be sorted out... Good luck!

[Trish]

I'm to set in my ways. I would have to look for a new girlfriend.

[Tina B.]

Well I'm another one in the keep looking category, I've been married for 40 years, and I can't imagine what life would have been like if I had not found a women that accepts me for who I am, the older I get, the more I need to dress, and I remember what it was like when I tried to resit it, I just couldn't go back to that, ever.
Tina B.

[eluuzion]

I suppose it depends upon your definition of a “girlfriend”, as well as the degree of significance Cding plays in your daily life.

I can not imagine ever finding myself having to face that dilemma...

But I suppose one option would be to do what any person would typically do that chooses to be in that type of relationship…
I would cry, then apologize for upsetting her and promise her I will stop. Then I would advise her that I already have a mother that is still living, so I can’t really start calling my girlfriend “Mom” yet. But since my father is dead, I could offer to start calling her “Dad”…since she is interested in being my parent. If she was ok with that, I would ask her what other “rules” and/or “changes” I need to follow, then I’d eat my vegetables, brush my teeth, get in bed and beg her to read me my bedtime story. :heehee::D:heehee:

But that is just not me. Entering a relationship with expectations of “changing” my partner, or changing myself to meet the expectations of a partner is a self-deceiving recipe for failure. Prior to either party committing to a relationship, I believe in having an initial joint discussion where both parties share their personal expectations, rules and limits which they apply to their relationships. At a minimum, those issues which are important enough to potentially warrant ending a relationship.

If we are able to reach a joint agreement that will establish a solid and secure foundation for a relationship, we move forward. If we can not do that, we acknowledge the fact although we care for each other now, we probably would not be happy together in a long term relationship.

(But whatever the outcome…we should agree to continue having sex together…). heehee

I guess my point here is that I take the opposite approach to the typical tactic of assuming your partner magically knows your position. I cover important issues prior to making a “girlfriend” commitment, rather than making a “girlfriend” commitment first, and waiting until a crisis occurs to discuss them for the first time.

Regarding the scenario you presented…it would be a definite deal-breaker for me. Not specific to the CD issue…but her approach to conflict resolution in a relationship. It is a dysfunctional strategy employed by people who view relationships as primarily a power struggle for “control.” For a person with self-esteem issues, a relationship consists of a leader and a follower, not mutual support and compromise between equal partners.

If you agree to quit (“change”) for her now…I predict it will simply be the first of many ultimatums she will direct your way in the future.

Just my thoughts…:hugs:

:love:

[Jenniferathome]

Not a chance. Cross dressing is a part of me that I know I can not nor will not give up. It is not like smoking. I would try to talk about it on a deep level but make sure to communicate that "stopping" is not on the table if you love each other, you will work out some compromise.

[cassandra54]

funny you should ask that. i think the biggest reason that where i am today is because of her. she's got some issues for sure.

about 6 years ago, i thought it would spark our love life if i dressed in lingerie in the bedroom. she wasn't too thrilled about it but we did it. she gave me some of her old panties and a bra. she bought me a garter belt, matching bra and panties. and so it went.

i discovered that i liked dressing out of the bedroom. we went together to buy my first dress and so it started. we had issues and the biggest with her was lack of intimacy. not just the physical kind, but communication. we had an open relationship and i dated for a while. she had some health issues and i had to choose between taking care of her and a new girlfriend. i choose her, much to my regret.

i continued to dress up about once a week. i didn't have a wig, breast forms or glasses. i do now. i don't buy stuff just because it's on clearance. i buy some stuff because i think it's pretty. i have a nice wardrobe and it's growing. me and my SO were talking about going to Dairy Queen drive-up when i was dressed. i talked to her about going to the movies. she told me to look into places that were safe to go on the internet. i found this forum. well.

i discovered that most likely i am both androgynous and transgender. as a result, i am in male mode because of my job, vacations, chores and so on. the rest of the time, i am pretty much Cassandra and life is pretty good. my SO and i go shopping all the time for women's clothes. she even bought me some makeup for Christmas. but here's the deal.

like i said she has issues. even though she bought me makeup and she takes me shopping for clothes, she says she doesn't like it and doesn't approve. she says she thinks is't creepy. she told me this, this week during a really big argument, when i found out she went online to find help for her total lack of organization and motivation. i really beleive that if i left her, she would become a hoarder or she would meet a man that might take her for her money or even worse. hen we finally spoke to each other on saturday, what does she want to do? go shopping at kohl's and penneys. she asks me if i want anything. she knows damn well what that means. today she wants to go to dillards where they have 1/2 off clearance.

i don't know what her deal is. i think she is androgynous and i think that is one of our great attractions. i don't know if we will ever be intimate. i am just going to enjoy whatever nice and fun times we might have. i am going to dress whenever i want. i will try to reach out to her and see if i can help in any way.

so here's what I've decided.
1. i am going to continue as Cassandra. This year I am going to really enjoy being a woman on a part-time basis. If she doesn't like it, doesn't approve, thinks it's creepy, I really don't care anymore. We spend a lot of time together in this house when I am dressed. She led me to a door, I opened it and I like what I saw. I have told her this.
2. as far as her issues go, well i can relate and really do care for her. I've had some mental health problems as well in my life and will be there for her, to help and support her in whatever way i can. She not only needs this, but deserves this. My biggest challenge will be to avoid the circular argument. What I mean,is when i tell her something about herself, or an issue i have with her, she flips it around and says its because of something I did. I know she does it to avoid self-examination and when she get me mad, especially when I say something that isn't very nice, it get the pressure of of her.

So yeah, I don't know if that's what's going on with you, but that's my deal, basically.

Oh by the way,

Happy New Year

[Annie D]

When I married the love of my life I did not tell her that I was a crossdresser and I abstained from dressing for about 4 years. In my long life as a CD I have purged, given it up by abstaining from dressing and I have ALWAYS come back. I'm sure that there are hundreds of girls who will say pretty much the same thing; purged, given up dressing for a long period of time and they too have returned to their need to dress. Be careful what I say because if you are anything like the rest of us, you will be back and you will be faced with either dressing secretly or confessing your need to dress to your girlfriend who might at that time be your wife.

[Marleena]

I should add here that I don't ever see an issue coming with my SO. She encourages me to enjoy it. In fact it would be way more difficult without her. She's a keeper.:)

[sammysaenz]

Yeah. That would be a tough scenario. I guess I was one of the lucky ones andmy wife started my dressindressing. But if she told me to stop I probably would. Nothing better than having a happy wife.

[SilkPanties]

My wife has no idea that I like to dress in womens underwear. When she is working away I usually put on my white silk teddy, panties, garter and stockings and hang around the house.

I usually end up getting incredibly turned on and masturbate too.

I think she would divorce me if she found out

[Tara D. Rose]

The girlfriend would have to go. For in my case, being married, if I have to keep Tara surpressed all the time as I have to do now, I get very irritable.

[alwayshave]

i have a girl friend that I came out to shortly after we started dating. She states that she accepts this and has encouraged me to dress more. However, I have always held back. I know its my issue and not hers. I wish I could be more assertive about it.

[Rita D]

A very difficult question, indeed! I told my wife after we had been married several years. I had been lying to myself for many years, though-not being able to put the hated transvestite label on myself, I rationalized that I just had a slip fetish. One day when I looked in the mirror and the person looking back at me was wearing (besides a slip) panties, pantyhose, heels and a bad application of lipstick and eye makeup; I could deny it no longer.
When I told her- she was devastated- but she stuck by me. 27+ years later, she still does not LOVE it, but she tries her best to understand, and gives me time and space to be Rita. Do I wish she was more into it? Yes. But considering the other alternative- I have no problem living like this. She has been a wonderful wife and mother in EVERY other aspect of our relationship, and I consider myself lucky to have found her...

[Rica_6869]

My first wife was totally closed minded to any form of CDing, at all whatsoever. But it was "Me", and she knew it before we ever married.

There was no way I was changing, because I had been transforming my gender since age 14, and when we met I was 19. After about 6 months, I knew I had to come forward and be honest with her, and quit trying to hide it, so I did. To make an incredibly long story short, she "pretended" to try and be understanding, and adapt to it, but she just couldn't. It became a real problem because it wasn't something I started at age 25 or 30, I grew up this way, and it's who I am, period. So, our marriage went down hill from the get go, but I did show some respect here & there, but it didn't matter because she refused to compromise, and I was not "allowed" to be myself. Sad thing was, her sister and mother were totally open minded and actually sided with me, which made her that much madder lol.

We divorced after 8 years, and we remained friends mostly because we have a daughter. But my current wife is EXTREMELY understanding. This time I was much more careful, and seeked someone who was much more open minded. The fact I am TG is a big reason she is attracted to me in the first place. But if for some strange reason she all of a sudden decided she wasn't attracted to me anymore, then it would be a serious problem, because the fact that I am 50% male and 50% female will never change.

[lingerieLiz]

The first thing is to be honest and tell her that you are still dressing. Second, be honest and tell her that you will always be drawn to it. If you don't you are building on a dishonest relationship. Even wives that accept it to some degree don't like it. It will always be a sore point when other things are at issue.

If you lead her to believe you have quit you are lying to her. What kind of trust will she have when she finds out. Mariages have hard times. You need to retink your relationship and find someone new. There are women out there who don't find CDing objectionable. Some of them object to their husbands doing it. Others embrase it. Find one of them.

You will never find the right woman for you if you aren't truthfull about who you are. Divorce is a rough road especally after you have had children.