Outgrowing CDing

[Foxglove]

Hello, everyone, and happy new year!

This may sound a bit naive to some. I admit that in retrospect it sounds very naive to me. But there was a time in my life when I thought I might eventually "outgrow" the need to CD.

I don't remember exactly what my thinking was. It was a bit incoherent. But it was more or less along these lines: because of my upbringing and experiences in life, I was very conflicted, which led to low self-esteem, which led to me wanting to dress like a woman. I don't think that makes sense, but it seemed to at the time.

Anyway, I had the idea that as I got older and wiser, I'd gradually come to terms with all the turmoil inside me. I'd come to understand and deal with all the influences that had shaped me, and having attained the inner peace that age and maturity bring, my need to CD would fade along with all the old conflicts.

This hasn't happened, of course, and it doesn't look like it's ever going to. I know now that CDing is as much a part of me as my hands and feet. But did anyone else ever have a similar way of thinking about their CD habits?

Best wishes, Annabelle.

[Carol A]

You know sometimes I to wonder why and will it ever go away. You see I dress almost everyday and now it has become very comfortable and common place. I dress apply my makeup and choose a wig for the day and go about my everyday life. There doesn't seem to be the excitement in it anymore just and everyday habbit which I have grow use to and it's just me and my way of life. No I don't believe I will ever give it up.

[josee]

Annabelle, I know that I had similar thoughts. I hoped and wished and prayed that I would grow out of it. At times I even thought I had. I am learning to accept that it is a part of me now.

[suzy1]

If you listen to the more mature members here they will tell you it’s a life sentence.

But I love it!


SUZY

[Foxglove]

Annabelle, I know that I had similar thoughts. I hoped and wished and prayed that I would grow out of it. At times I even thought I had. I am learning to accept that it is a part of me now.


If you listen to the more mature members here they will tell you it’s a life sentence.

But I love it!


SUZY

Yeah, I've accepted that it's for life now, and I love it, too. But some of us (as Josee testifies) at times have had the notion that it might go away. And isn't a nuisance to hope and pray that something that gives you the greatest pleasure in life will go away?

[justbejulie2]

I guess my experience was a slow roll. I knew at 10-12 years old that I loved touching/seeing women's undies. I don't believe I actually wore some for the first time till I started experimenting and then slowly collecting my (ex)wife's castoffs 20+ years ago. Being separating now for 2+ years, I have finally started buying. I've never felt that I wanted the CD urge to go away. The good feeling doing it is too strong, and it is clearly who I am. I know that now, since when my kids aren't with me, it's 100% feminine attire at home a lot of the time. Always with a cover-up close at hand though:-) The kids were up to midnite last night, so I think I'm good for another hour or two:-)

[Karren H]

Well for sure when I was young... I never figured I'd get wiser because I already knew everything! Lol. But no.... Never figured I'd out grow it let alone escalate it like I have.

[Tina B.]

Yes in my youth I thought I would outgrow it, then when that didn't happen, I was sure marriage was the "cure", so I got married, and it was the cure, at least for a while, then it started coming back, that nagging feeling that I just had to dress, now at almost 68, I've figured out it's here to stay, but at this point in life, that's OK, I would miss it if I did find that "cure", not to mention the waste of a great wardrobe!
Tina B.

[jillleanne]

I have some friends that because of some serious trauma in their lives, they are able to supress it for years at a time more or less but it never leaves us completely. I do wish I could have been born this way in say another 75 years from now when society will be far more accepting of it. It almost seems we were born too soon. I played sports all my life and I was always ahead of myself in terms of any of the sports being 'up there' in popularity; badminton, curling, snow boarding, handball, etc. I did them all far before they were accepted as popular and most still aren't, and yet, many are far harder than say tennis or baseball. Oh well, sucks to be me. lol

[BLUE ORCHID]

If you listen to the more mature members here they will tell you it’s a life sentence.

But I love it!
SUZY

Hi Suzy & Annabelle, It's like joining the Mifia you just cant quit.

Orchid For Life

[KrystalA]

Hmmm, in answer to this thread I have a question. Why would you want to quit? For me at least, it brings joy and inner peace. Why would I ever want that to stop?

[Claire Cook]

Outgrown? Heck no, it's ingrown!

[Barbra P]

Hi Annabelle

I don’t think it was naïve at all and I think you were really on to something. I think you were absolutely correct that when we get older, more mature, and wiser that we will in fact come to terms with the turmoil that resides within and our need to CD will fade. I think that is a totally reasonable assumption and the fact that I’m 68 and at least three members of a local support group are even older than I am, one near ninety who dresses full time, doesn’t afford sufficient proof that your thinking was in anyway flawed. The real question is at what age we will attain this maturity and wisdom and will any of us reach said age?.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I actually do occasionally have long periods of time where I don't feel much of a desire to crossdress, which I don't think is all that uncommon, but I know sometimes during these periods I start to worry, what if I don't crossdress ever again and I already told everybody about it and bought all these clothes, etc. But usually it's only a few weeks later that I find myself craving the feeling of wearing a skirt again and I'm actually usually pretty relieved about it.

[Foxglove]

Hmmm, in answer to this thread I have a question. Why would you want to quit? For me at least, it brings joy and inner peace. Why would I ever want that to stop?

Well, there are reasons to stop. It would make life simpler in a way. But I'm with you: it brings joy and inner peace. But I'm talking about younger days when my mind was working in a different way.


Hi Annabelle

I don’t think it was naïve at all and I think you were really on to something. I think you were absolutely correct that when we get older, more mature, and wiser that we will in fact come to terms with the turmoil that resides within and our need to CD will fade. I think that is a totally reasonable assumption and the fact that I’m 68 and at least three members of a local support group are even older than I am, one near ninety who dresses full time, doesn’t afford sufficient proof that your thinking was in anyway flawed. The real question is at what age we will attain this maturity and wisdom and will any of us reach said age?.

Interesting thought, Barbra. But if you're right, I think I'm going to have to be pretty old for any change to occur. At what age will I attain maturity and wisdom? The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. Of course, there's also the point that right now I don't want to stop CDing. In the past, I could perhaps have done without it. But I've come to the conclusion now that it's too much a part of me, that it means too much to me.

[Marleena]

If you listen to the more mature members here they will tell you it’s a life sentence.

But I love it!


SUZY

Suzy nailed it for me. You can try to hide it, try to deny it, but eventually it wins. It's a sweet surrender.:)

[Briana90802]

I think that in my youth it was more of a sexual thing that I had hoped I would outgrow. But now I'm realizing that, for me, it's a part of me as much as my career is, or the car I want to drive, or as simple as my favorite color. For me dressing is my way of feeling sexy. Kinda like standing tall can make you feel proud, or looking at the floor can make you feel depressed.

[Piora]

If you listen to the more mature members here they will tell you it’s a life sentence.

It is a life 'sentence' - and the sentence goes.... "I'm a crossdresser for life!" :)


Outgrown? Heck no, it's ingrown!
Ewww! Like a toenail? :heehee:


Marleena said:
It's a sweet surrender.

Hey, I like that! Says it all.....

Seriously, I cannot imagine that it would not be part of my life. I think there will come a day (and an age) where I might be too frail to get into the things I enjoy wearing....but that day is not here yet, so bring on that new dress!

[Annie D]

I had similar thoughts when I was in my 30"s and then again in my 40's and they came back again in my 50's and now that I am in my mid 60's quite frankly I stopped thinking about it. Besides I have so much invested in my clothes and in my shoes, I can't afford to give it up!

[Barbara Ella]

In my short time in my new life I wondered if it would dissipate, and made the decision that I don't have time to stop this wonderful activity. And after reading the posts here, I couldnt even if I wanted to.

Babes

[Diana Bain]

from the title of a Doobie Brothers album "What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits." I don't plan on stopping, don't want to stop (not throwing 45+ years of CD'ing down the drain...lol):D

[Launa]

When I was in my early 20's I was having a good time like a young male full of testosterone. One night I took my clothes into the back yard and torched them and it felt good. Well it came back and I have no desire to try and shove it under the rug again. That is like hitting myself over the head with a 2x4. If I want to get hit in the head then I will go to the boxing ring.

[Cheryl T]

If you listen to the more mature members here they will tell you it’s a life sentence. SUZY

I would not call it a "life sentence" Suzy.

It's more like the third thing you can count on ... Death, Taxes and CD... but more pleasurable than the first two.

[Foxglove]

I think the consensus here is clear, and I'm in agreement with everybody else: I don't want to stop, I don't plan to stop, and I don't think I could stop (not without great cost). But what I was saying is that at one point of my life I thought the problem might eventually go away on its own--I might outgrow it, as I put it. And I was wondering if anyone else had ever thought something like that at some point of their lives. Some people have indicated they have, others the contrary.

I suppose the main reason I was asking is that up until I discovered this forum, I'd never been in contact with other people like myself. So I was operating in a vacuum, so to speak. One thing I've learned here is that a lot of people have been through pretty much what I've been through. There's all sorts of variation all over the place, of course, but I've found that I have a lot in common with a lot of people. I'm not nearly as unique as I once thought I was, though I'm not sure if that's good for me or bad for you or what.

[Elsa Larson]

Even when I've managed not to crossdress for months or years at a time, I still thought about it at least once each day.

It's no longer fun for me to prance around the house in lingerie, hose and heels with a full crop of facial and body hair. IF I'm going to dress in women's clothing, I want to look as feminine as possible. Otherwise, I'll spend all my time in guy mode and only think about crossdressing.

Part of this is due to my basic laziness. It's a LOT of work (many hours spread over a few days) for me to get pretty and not always worth the effort. It's even more work to stay pretty - keeping everything shaved, trimmed, polished and groomed so that one only needs to worry about getting the hair and makeup right before venturing out.

[Diane Smith]

I think a lot of us have had similar experiences, Annabelle. We spend the first few decades of our lives wondering when this urge will go away, and finally just have to embrace it when it becomes obvious it is not going to dissipate on its own. For me, this epiphany occured shortly after I turned 40, and I decided to jump in with both (high heeled) feet, so to speak, at that time. I think that's the reason you see so many 40- and 50-something sisters posting online and in transgender groups and events -- we are more inclined to become visible after we have exhausted all hope that the behavior will resolve itself. Those who come to understand the innate and lifelong nature of being transgender at an earlier age have a tremendous advantage over those of us who struggled with it, and I think there are probably more young people now -- thanks to the Internet, other media, and changes in social attitudes in general -- who will not have to question themselves quite as much or for as long.

- Diane

[Patty B.]

I always had hoped I'd outgrow or get past the cd'ing, but now at 59 I guess I'm resigned to the fact it's not going away.

[christina s]

I was definitely hoping i would outgrow this at one point then i got onto a big dexter kick and came to realize . He has his dark passenger he has to satisfy by killing , i have a pretty passenger i have to please by throwing on a pair of pumps and a dress from time to time .

[Foxglove]

I think a lot of us have had similar experiences, Annabelle. We spend the first few decades of our lives wondering when this urge will go away, and finally just have to embrace it when it becomes obvious it is not going to dissipate on its own. For me, this epiphany occured shortly after I turned 40, and I decided to jump in with both (high heeled) feet, so to speak, at that time. I think that's the reason you see so many 40- and 50-something sisters posting online and in transgender groups and events -- we are more inclined to become visible after we have exhausted all hope that the behavior will resolve itself. Those who come to understand the innate and lifelong nature of being transgender at an earlier age have a tremendous advantage over those of us who struggled with it, and I think there are probably more young people now -- thanks to the Internet, other media, and changes in social attitudes in general -- who will not have to question themselves quite as much or for as long.

- Diane

This is a good post, Diane. It would have been nice if we'd had the internet a long time ago. I know that I was completely on my own with this problem for a long time. I also hope that things will be easier for young people today. Just knowing that you have lots of company is a great comfort, and maybe they can come to terms with things a lot more easily than a lot of us did. Imagine if you could spend your whole life actually enjoying your dual personality, rather than agonizing over it. Whether the reality of the situation is better for them, I don't know. They'd have to tell us about that. But I'd like to hope it's better. I really wouldn't want anyone to have to go through what I've gone through.

I recognize now that I indulged in some wishful thinking in the past. But when you've got so few options, I suppose you cope any way you can.

Best wishes, Annabelle.

[noeleena]

Hi,Elsa,

Your last 4 lines is interesting to me.
Basic laziness , lot of work , to get pretty not worth it & more work to stay pretty & all the other bits. & the last bit venturing out .

wow. is it that hard. , is this every day,.....
You & mamy others must have what i dont have,

see if i can get this right, going out. wash or shower, light shaveing.

Then get my skirt, top, shoes ,head wear on shoulder come pack pack bag lippy & eyebrow liner on . & with in 10 to 15 min's out the door & that will be every day if im going down the road.

Gee i did not know it was that much effort. may be i missed something .. ooops may be being a woman is different.

...noeleena...

[ArleneRaquel]

I don't think that it ever goes away, it may be dormat for a while, but it will always be there. As I have gotten older my desire to dress enfemme as only grown, now I dresses enfemme better than 95% of the time. :battingeyelashes:

[Kristy_K]

The only way I that I have ever seen people quit CDing was to either Died or Transition.

[Beth Mays]

The only way I that I have ever seen people quit CDing was to either Died or Transition.

Now that is the BEST post so far in my book!

[docrobbysherry]

I didn't start dressing until my 50's, Annabelle. My entire life I've gone from one hobby to the next. When CDing stops being so much fun, or something I'd rather do rears it's head, I'm prepared to move on!

If that day ever comes, I'll have the biggest garage sale anyone's ever seen!

[Eryn]

Have you ever bought bed linens, a comforter for example, that came in that neat little clear plastic zippered case? Ever try to put the comforter back into the case?

That's a bit how I feel about crossdressing. I kept it compressed into a tiny part of myself for decades. Now it's out and expanded so much that it won't go back.

[josee]

Have you ever bought bed linens, a comforter for example, that came in that neat little clear plastic zippered case? Ever try to put the comforter back into the case?

That's a bit how I feel about crossdressing. I kept it compressed into a tiny part of myself for decades. Now it's out and expanded so much that it won't go back.
That's a great analogy Eryn.

[kimdl93]

Your earlier thinking pretty well describes my own. I know there was a time between 19 and 22 when I thought I could just ignore this part of myself...and I did pretty well, until my wife suggested I dress up for a little bedroom play. With that little bit of encouraging my desire to dress came back stronger than ever.

[Alice Torn]

It is no longer just a sexual high for me. My libido went south a few years ago. At first, it was a sexual fetish, for years. There were years, that i did not dress, but in my 40's and 50's. it greatly increased. Like Doc said, if there is something else that comes along, and replaces it, it could be greatly lessened. Humans are infinitely capable of adaptation, and change, so I believe a man can refrain from it, given the right circumstances, such as prison, the military, homelessness, starvation, etc. Or, being injured badly, in a care facility, roommates who would persecute. As a lifelong single, I find dressing up as a pretty lady, kind of replaces the mate i never had.

[Kaz]

I think the Eagles nailed it in Hotel California... 'you can check out any time you want, but you will never leave'...

[Meg East]

I have become happier now I realize this is me, nothing to change, nothing to question, it is who I am and I don't see any reason to change. What I grew out of was the need to question myself.

[Foxglove]

Your earlier thinking pretty well describes my own. I know there was a time between 19 and 22 when I thought I could just ignore this part of myself...and I did pretty well, until my wife suggested I dress up for a little bedroom play. With that little bit of encouraging my desire to dress came back stronger than ever.

I had a very similar experience. Whatever chance I had of letting go of CDing forever (nil) became greatly reduced at that point.

[Stephanie47]

When I was a teenager in the 1960's, I thought I was defective because I enjoyed wearing women's clothing. There was no Internet; no written material; nothing! When I was in military service I had absolutely no desire to dress, and, I never thought about it-UNTIL. Until I thought about getting married. Then the remembrance of dressing returned-not the desire. Was I gay? Was I a pervert? I thought the desire would not return. Well, being married to a very sexy young woman, who loved slinky nightgowns, I was a goner. The urge returned modestly. It wasn't until the stresses of life arose that the desire really surfaced. Now I really enjoy the inner peace being en femme brings me. Why does it do that? I don't know. At sixty plus I really don't care anymore. I'm sitting at the keyboard banging away in a Jean Nicole knee length aqua sheath dress, Smartfit aqua double layered slip, aqua bra and matching panties, hosiery, shoes, wig- everything. I feel wonderful. And, my mind set is total acceptance now. If I'm going to beat my head against the wall, it's going to be because I did not buy that pretty slip and not why I'm different.