Scared to Tell Wife............

[Megan G]

Hello all,

First off let me start by saying that from what I see so far you have a very nice place here, I have seen alot of places on the net that deal with the subject of CD'ing but unfortunately most have a pornographic nature and most people's motives are only to get up a girls skirt:mad: . Finding this place is most likely the best thing that could have happened to me.

ANyways like the title to this post states, I am scared to tell my wife of 4 months about my big secret. Ever since I have been with her I have put "Trisha" on the back burner so I could properly court the girl of my dreams and after 1.5 years she agree'ed to marry my. Almost 2 years to the day that we met we were married and have lived a happy life exept for me........ Trisha has not been out for 2 years! I have not dressed once since I met my wife and it is really getting to me, emotionally. I really miss the comfort I find in wearing a skirt and pantyhose and all the great stuff that comes with it...... talk about being deprived and stressed out:(

So it is with a heavy heart that I have decided that I must tell my wife, and the funny thing is what I am scared of the most is telling her that her husband, who is heavy into hunting and fishing and NASCAR likes to wear pretty skirts and blouses and pantyhose with heals. Talk about a ego killer, her masculine husband will never be looked at the same.

Is there anyone who can advise on how to approch this?

Thanks

Trisha Good ----- counting the days to wearing a skirt again!

[fanci]

Hi

I'm sure it will be different for everyone; but I wrote my wife a letter. I took me almost 2 weeks to get it to say exactly what I meant. I put it on the kitchen table and ask her to read it and I went into the living room. The letter ask her to join me if she thought we could work it out. I now dress twice a week for her and once for me. She gave me a new name to fit our expanded relationship and I think she enjoys fanci as a best friend. And to my surpise she didn't alter her perception of me as a man, but added the facet of Fanci.

Take this with a grain of salt and I hope it helps. WTW I was also terrified of telling her.

Fanci

[tiffa]

Its allwayes a little tricky :confused: I jst started wearing a single item at atime:o and i think that broke the ice for she said to me is that agirls cammy or thats a girls ve kneck jumper isnt it so i hade to say yes:) then we started talking.she hade seen me shaveing my legs ,but i youed to say it was because i ride abike alot:cool: good luke and hope it wont upset your relationship:ukflag:....tiffa

[Vivian Best]

There are as many ways to tell her as there will be people suggesting ways. You are probably in a better position to determine the best way because you know her. For your sake and her's please do not delay to long in telling her because it will only get harder and the results could be more volitle. Hopefully, after two years of knowing her you should have a hint of how she is going to accept what you tell her. If your relationship is strong and she doesn't accept or understand manybe she will tolerate.

I think you need to be prepared for the fact she will be shocked and hurt. You have just shattered her picture of her masculine mate. Think this all out and make sure you are prepared to tell her you are the same person as you were before. She just knows about a part of you she didn't know before. You are the same person as before. Be sure you keep telling her you love her and want her a part of your like and nothing has changed except she now knows something she didn't know before. Let her know you felt it was unfair to you'alls relationship to not get this out on the table. Be sure to give her time...Be supportive of her and the ordeal she will be going through. Above all, do not expect her to jump right in and help you dress right off the bat, there is a good chance that wil never happen. I'm finally to the point where my wife just tolerates.

A suggestion thought, watch for any opening about crossdressing or any thing pointing to crossdressing in the paper, on TV or in a magazine and if you have good communications with your wife you could use that as a springboard to tell her. You could even use transsexual or homosexual bits and bridge to crossdressing. The best approach is to be honest and open. Let her know what life has thrown you, you don't know why, it just is. In my case it was not a choice, it just was!

Good Luck, Vivian:rose2:

[ericatgirlnj]

My wife found out by a mistake. First I left my email open and she saw an email dealing with crossdressing. She confronted me I told her that I did it but don't do it anymore. 2 months later, she found a recipt where I bought a wig. I finally came out and told her everything about me dressing. She almost filed for divorce and gave me the option of throwing everything out which she did or get out myself.

Now, I am dressing without her knowing again and being as careful as I possibly can. Some wives will not accept it. If we get in arguments she will call me a sissy or a faggot or even a c*&^sucker.

I would love to share it with her but she wants me to be the man and dressing like a woman is not a manly thing. Be careful, but definitly tell her

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Gotta run this morning, but here's a number of resources with some good advice.

Marla GG wrote an excellent post about this. http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13841 also see Marla's thoughts on the "acceptance pendulum" that may come afterwards. http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12890

http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/?p=11 - Great advice from the author of "My Husband Betty"

http://www.geocities.com/FashionAvenue/1258/tell.html - Shirley Ann also has some good info for SOs on her site, which you might want to offer your wife when she's ready. Our own Dixie Darling has some great info for SOs as well, which will help you anticipate many of her likely questions. http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/forwives.htm

http://www.yvonnesplace.net/yvonne/letter.htm - An example of one CD's coming out letter.

It's unfortunate that you waited until after the marriage ceremony to come out to her -- and while it's understandable, you're going to have to take your lumps for that. But the longer you wait to tell her, the worse her reaction will probably be over not telling. (For many SOs the "not telling" is far more problematic than the CDing itself.) So bite the bullet and do it sooner rather than later.

I know you're worried that she'll freak out that her knight in shining armor wants to be the damsel sometimes, but I suspect she's picked up on your "softer" side, and that in fact that might be one of the things that made you attractive. After all, GGs talk about wanting men who are tough but tender. We just happen to take that a bit literally. ;) But do reassure her that she'll still be getting her "man time" as well.

It's a really tough thing to do, so good luck!

[Wendy me]

haveing been with my wife for twenty something years well we have kinda danced around the issue andnow we are getting things out in the open ...trust me this is not easy but if i had told her in the begining things could be a lot diffrent now ... if you think it's hard to do now then think of saying .... honey there's something i have to tell you for the past twenty something years we have been together i have been .......well you get the pitcure tell her as soon as you can ... trust me the longer you waite the more rtrouble it will be.....wished i had....

[Megan G]

Thanks for the reponses and kind words, I have been putting this off for far too long already and it is starting to be a burdon on my concience. It is not something I want to do, it is something I have to do so I can get this off my chest.

I have often thought about telling old GF's when I was involved with them but as usuall I stoped just shy of actually doing it. I always looked to the internet for help on this subject but like I said in my first post most sites are Pornographic in nature and only cause me to force Trisha back further into the closet. That is until I found this site.

Now after reading the posts on here for the past 2 days I feel that there is a good that comes with CD'ing that you do not see alot of on the Net and it is re-assuring to see this as I will be able to pass along positive comments to my wife for the questions she has when I break the news.

As for now I have the day off work and the wife is working until 11pm. I think it is time for Trisha to come out of the shadows for a couple of hours and stretch her legs, it has been 2 years since I have wore a skirt and stockings and I have never had such a strong urge to do so......... I really thought this woud have gone away.

[Wendy me]

trisha once a cd always a cd i also tryed years ago to see if it would go away ... it never did and if anything it has def,,... grown to be more of who i am even to the point were i feel like i am doing something wrong in drabs
be careful and go slow when telling her .... take the time to minde her feelings ... now that your marryed it's not abought just you it's soooo mutch abought the two of you.....

[maryf12750]

You'll get plenty of counsel on your issue, I'm sure. If you'd like a private line for support from me, feel free to e: maryf12750@yahoo.com. Sounds awfully like my former situation and I share the quest to find decent forums, of which this has become a primary, decent, and supportive link. Be glad to hear from you!
Mary F>

[Denise Robinson]

Honestly....... just tell her. then take it how it comes. though depends if you are happy doing it in secret or not.

as you may know i told my wife... shes still coming to terms with it, but had to tell her for her sake too.

good luck whatever you decide

hugs

[Crunchie]

hi trisha

i know where you are right now i was there in march this year iv'e been maried to my wife for nine years now and the thought of telling her scared me to death.
all sorts of things were running through my head like what will she think of me the embrassment etc etc so in the end who i wanted to be just had to come out for better or for worse so i told her in march this year and her responce was well dont worry we can go to the shops and get you some girly things if thats who you want to be then i'm cool with that.
well as you can imagine i was lost for words:D and still am now how lucky am i things went from good to better we have been shopping loads of times and she is joining the gg forum so you have got to tell your wife for both your sakes it could be the best thing you ever did;)

[Shelly Preston]

Hi
I think telling it the best solution as if you strat dressing again and get caught
Well all hell could break loose

Be prepared for a lot of soul searching and hurtful remarks.
You will get the why has it taken you so long to tell me etc.
Have as much information as possible available for your wife to read and give her the time to read it.

Not forgetting the genetic girls section if this forum.

Good Luck

[TVG]

Hello, nice to have you here. Like Fanci I also wrote a note. I found it helped to coalesce my thoughts and present them in a way that expressed my true feelings. I did exactly the same thing. Put the note in the study, told her there was something I wanted her to read then went upstairs if she wanted to talk. I cheated and did return to the study after I figured she had enough time to read and digest my words. Sooner or later, most likely sooner, you will concede to your urges. If you were to start dressing and didn’t tell her you might think by keeping it hidden it will not affect her, but because of the sneaking and plotting unconsciously you will start pulling away from her. It won’t be long before she feels it and realizes something is going on. You can be sure she will imagine something far worse then dressing. I came out to my wife because of the tension that insidiously built between us over a few years. At that point I figured I had nothing to lose. If I didn’t tell her I knew my marriage would eventually fail anyway. As for the manly stuff, because everything I do is so guy, she not only didn’t have a clue but initially had a hard time believing it. Fortunately she fit into the minority that not only accepted it but actively participates. I really didn’t expect it and certainly had no way to predict it. By telling her you assume a heck of a risk. But if you want the kind of relationship that grows it will be your only choice.
IMHO.

TVG

[Colibri]

It is a 50/50 bet she my like it or she my leave you.

[Bobbie Lee]

you are a braver girl than i am, i know where you are at and trying to go. i wish i could tell the "man" in me to be a man and just say hay honey this is bobbie, you will be seeing a lot more of her but that would most likely mean me not seeing the wife again, except in divorice court. do keep me up on how this works out, i need all the pointers i can get. bobbie

[Dixie Darling]

Trisha,

I left you a private message about your original post.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Sissy Jay]

Here! try this one! and it's most likely the truth anyway! " Hey honey I love you more than life itself, nothing can or will ever change that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, nothing can or ever will change that either. Having said that there is something really important to me that you should know. First off just on case you might be thinking it, I'm not gay or anything and I don't want a sexchange operation.... Pause.... But this is still I think really important that I tell you about this before you find out on your own. No I'm not cheating on you either! I love and adore you too much to do that". "Please don't be upset with me, but I...Pause...like womens cloths" .."you excite me more than anything honey, but so does wearing womens clothing". " That was really important to me that you know from MY MOUTH and NOT MY ACTIONS". There Trisha, I hope that gives you an idea of how to aproach her without threatening her femininity and or womenhood. It worked for me because it came from deep in my heart and soul.

yours truly sissy Jay

[Megan G]

Well if you ask me I think she already know's. After doing some thinking about how to approach the situation there are some things that have happened over the past month or 2 that really jump out at me.

1. Content advisor on Computer has blocked alot of sites that I go to quite often like fictionmania, storysite and those types of pages. It is password protected and I did not enter one...... had to been her. I have almost been caught a few times surfing CD sites, maybe I have and she just has not said anything.

2. Once joking around I asked if she wanted a divorce. Her reply was "Unless you are a mass murderer you cannot tell me anything that would upset me enough to divorce you, we would work thru it" I left it at that and made a sly comment about being a serial killer...... one chance blown!

3. She has commented on how much attention I pay to her wardrobe and what good taste I have in womens fashion. Maybe she does know it is I that want to be in that skirt:angel:

The list goes on but that does not make it any easier to tell her, she is at work tonight till 11pm and I have taken this chance to dress up for the first time in 2 years and let me tell you...... it is nice to have Trisha out of the closet again, I miss this feeling of comfort being at ease with myself. I am working on a plan on how to tell her and hopefully I can do it tommorrow.

Hugs

Trisha Good

[Gale R]

Hope it goes well for you Trisha, i was one that was caught out by a silly mistake (underwear not my wifes), she immediately thought i had a lover.
So i had to come clean and tell her the whole story, took a while for her to believe me, had to show her the panties i was wearing:eek: , but now 2 years later she actually asked me to loan her nail polish and eyeliner, buys me panties without being asked and takes me with her on little shopping trips.
Also the feelings of guilt are now becoming a memory that i will forget with time and the relief of not having anything to hide from her is too joyous to explain.:)
Hope you deal with this in a sensitive way.
Hugs and best wishes, Gale.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

just remember no promises! no promise that she will accept...and dont promise her you will stop(that would be a lie)...i waited 15 yrs and it looks like it will turn out to be tooo long.. i do not think she will ever accept it, we have been talking about separating. so thats my 2 cents..

i wish you all the best

[Sarahgurl371]

Trisha,
I agree that you should tell her. That's my opinion. I waited for 6 years and only admitted to lingerie and stuff. After she was OK with that I figured I would tell her everything, big mistake, sould have just owned up to it in the first place. The years of hiding had a huge impact on my own well being, guilt, shame, fear of being found out. Eventially it became too much, and I had to tell her. You say that you haven't dressed in two years, but you still think about it and surf the net etc. Seems to me, that you are a CD. I know that may be a shock to you, but I cannot tell a lie. (joke, ha,ha) Anyway, once I admitted it to myself, I had to do something to improve MY quality of life.

So I told her. Its been two years now, and a marraige of 14 years may go down in flames. She has serious trust issues with me now. Mind you, I have never dine anything to hurt her, intentionally or otherwise. But hurt her I did. Now we are trying to figure this all out. I would suggest that you have some helpful, informative info on hand that she could read, if she is willing. This site also has a forum for GG's only, that I hear has been very beneficial for the wives. I would definately stress that you do not do this because of her. My wife thought that she was inadequate in some way, therefore, I became a crossdresser. I could not stress to her enough that this is in no way her fault. I was born this way.

I hope all goes well for you, you have a 50/50 shot of her truly being the girl of your dreams and one who helps you become the girl of your dreams. I would try to point out the good qualities that we seem to possess - more feminine qualities inhernent to our special group, as I have heard time and time again how GGs want those qualities in a man, but few men possess them.

Good Luck

[sara_also]

Hi Trisha,
I am Saras' other half...a GG as y'all call us. The way that he told me was before we were married but he asked a few questions first.......told me a few websites to go to to check it out....Shirley Ann Sometimes was the best I think . We talked, he did not really dress during this time. He kept finding me places to explore and learn. There are some good books out there also. I don't believe in lying to anyone but since it has been two years since you dressed you could start as mine did saying for some reason you really like the feel, colors etc of panties. Discuss the fact that if you go in Walmart and look at all the colors,fabrics and feels that ladies clothes have and then look at the mens department......what have you got......brown,gray,bllue and black.......dull........
The main thing I think is go slow.......stop and think how you would feel if she told you that she likes to dress in mens cloths only (okay guys some of us pretty much do that now) crossdressing for women seems to be okay...what can I say. be prepared to answer alot of questions and reassure her you do not want to have surgery.........that is always our big fear. Loosing the guy we fell in love with........good luck and tell her I would be glad to talk to her anytime.......if she private messages Sara I will get it....we share everything..........pegi

[DonnaT]

Arm yourself with all the information you think may be of assistance so you can be prepared to answer her questions, if any.

Also, see http://www.3dcom.com/couples/vkol/TELLING.HTML

and

http://www.avitale.com/sotelling.htm

[Megan G]

Thanks for all the replys girls......

I am going to tell her this weekend, that way we have an entire day to talk without worring about work ect......

Now just to think up the words.:o

[Colibri]

1. Content advisor on Computer has blocked alot of sites that I go to quite often like fictionmania, storysite and those types of pages. It is password protected and I did not enter one...... had to been her. I have almost been caught a few times surfing CD sites, maybe I have and she just has not said anything.


If she has blocked it because of the CD side then I think she would not be happy with it.

And the "we would work thru it" Bit to me sounds like I would help you to stop dressing.

0.02

[DonnaT]

Best wishes Trisha!

[Megan G]

Thanks for all the kind words and well wishes, I have decided tommorrow is the big day. After taking the past 2 days to re-affirm myself ( dressing for the first time in 2 years and LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT) I have decided to not put this off any longer and bit the bullet.

I am going to drop a few hints tonight when she gets home to try and guage her reponse but either way the bomb is being dropped tommorrow.

Wish me luck

Trisha God

p.s. If you do not hear from me one way or another tommorrow things have gone sour and call the cops as she might have shot me:p

[Andrea's Lynne]

Trisha,

My heart goes out to you and I wish you and your wife the best.

Please try to put yourself in her position. If she were to tell you, "I'd like to stop shaving my legs, get a crew cut, wear jeans, flannel shirts, and work boots" how would you feel? It is a difficult position for both partners.

Best wishes,

Lynne

[paulaN]

good luck tommorow. don't be ashamed of your crossdressing when you do tell her. It's who you are. you may want to ashamed of not telling her sooner. we're all pullen for ya.

[JulieNY]

Probably a good call to talk with her. Yay for doing it. Have the strength to follow through!

Have faith in your choice of a loved one to accept you. Or, at least give her the chance.

I think it was a shock to my gf considering the masculine things I like, but she took it well. It can happen. Things are better between us now.

And maybe she'll be more dissapointed you like Nascar than skirts :p. I kid, I kid. Hope all goes well!

[Megan G]

And maybe she'll be more dissapointed you like Nascar than skirts


I could only hope:D , the count down is on..... she will be home in just over an hour and I am going to tell her then. I will update all of you as soon as I can.

Hugs

Trisha

[Joanne_'jojo']

Trisha,

I really hope all goes well, then at least you can give me some tips :) (kiddin, well kinda).

I've been procrastinating on this one for a few weeks I just can't seem to find the right time, when I think I have something worked out life happens and the moment isnt right, or I just can't get it straight in my head how I'm going to say it.
I know what I want to say but don't want to get gushy and need to keep a single line of thinking going but have so much to say I loose track of how.

I know I have to say something, as I've had several "mood swings" when I havent been able to get any femme time. I know it upsets my wife 'cos she tends to think its something she has done and I can't explain it, so ends up in a muted silence and we communicate very well on everything else which only adds to things. I've been working early shifts so end up trying to explain its just tiredness and lack of sleep, but I cant keep that up for ever.

Very best, hugs

Jojo

[Missy Anne's GG]

Hi Trisha,

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things go well for you tonight.

Missy Anne's GG