Maybe worrying about "passing" is too over-emphasized

[Kali]

Went to the post ofice to pick up a package.

I gave the female clerk the yellow notice.

She wasn't someone I was familiar with.

She looked at it, looked at me, then went to find the package.

I had shaved and was wearing earrings and a very light touch of lipstick.

My hands were covered by gloves

She looked again at the form, then at me, and asked "Is this you?"


I've used this same PO dozens of times to pick up mail that way; that is a question I've never been asked before.


Since I shaved off my beard I realized that with the right make-up, I can maybe look like a matronly grandmother type, with a good wig and ignoring the fact that I'm 6'4". I wasn't wearing a wig, though I have long, thinning grey hair. And I try not to dress like a matronly grandmother ;)

Perhaps to a very short, non-native american postal clerk, my height wasn't an issue and she couldn't reconcile my appearance the the male name on the form.

Who knows, but I've always thought that people see what they expect to see.

[kimdl93]

Your right. If you can get out and do things without causing problems for yourself or others, then it really doesn't seem to matter.

[Karren H]

Yeah! Changing peoples reality to my reality is actually a lot of fun!

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree worry does you no good! Just go and have fun and be yourself! Hugs!

[docrobbysherry]

We ALL have mirrors! When you're HAPPY with what u see in yours, the heck with what anyone else sees!

Unfortunately, as a closet dresser, I've NEVER BEEN happy with what I see in my mirror before I go out! So, most likely anyone else's vision of me is going to be an IMPROVEMENT!

[Kali]

We ALL have mirrors! When you're HAPPY with what u see in yours, the heck with what anyone else sees!

Unfortunately, as a closet dresser, I've NEVER BEEN happy with what I see in my mirror before I go out! So, most likely anyone else's vision of me is going to be an IMPROVEMENT!

I am definitely NOT happy with what I see in the mirror.

Facial and body hair really disguised how fat I had gotten (who knew). Now, without either I realize that I won't be happy with how I look until I lose at least 70 lbs, and that not a gender specific issue.

[Rachel Flowers]

people see what they expect to see.

..which is why most laides who pass pass. If you give off a confident womanly air, the height, the shape, the fur can all pass people by. Once we accept, love and enjoy ourselves, then the rest is much easier.

[kimdl93]

I am definitely NOT happy with what I see in the mirror.

Facial and body hair really disguised how fat I had gotten (who knew). Now, without either I realize that I won't be happy with how I look until I lose at least 70 lbs, and that not a gender specific issue.

Been there. That weight is so easy to gain and so difficult to lose and keep off. I've been on a steady but slow weight loss path for a number of years now. I've managed to avoid the yo-yo effect by taking it slow and balancing food intake and exercise. Good Luck!

[vivianann]

I agree that passing is overated, like others have said, how you present your self, and being comfortable in your own skin, and having confidence when out enfemme goes along way toward being accepted, and blending in

[Barbara Ella]

I really agree with the main thought coming through here. If you are doing the dressing to satisfy the inner feelings, than you should listen to those feelings. When i finally see something in the mirror that truly says to me that what I see makes me feel right, that is when I hope I can stop rushing headlong into trying to be a raving beauty (fat chance). My breast forms come today. The epilator arrives tomorrow. So far I am pleased, and may even be able to post some pics of the new dress that got here yesterday. Makeup and wigs are in the near future. When I am happy with what i see, I know I will give off that same feeling, and those seeing me will feel the happiness also, regardless of exactly what I look like under an analytical viewpoint. Not concerned with anyone's analytical examination of me. I think that in public, no one really spends that much time lookng at me to make more than a cursory impression (even in long checkout lines). And happy hits first and hardest. I know it will be hard to lose the worry about being clocked by someone, but worry can drown out happiness, so smile..

So...get happy...then just do it...you will "pass"

Babes

[Starr]

i have gotten to the point i really don't care if i totally pass or not.. as long as i can dress and feel good about fem myself then that is all that is important to me... i think i like being at the point where they wonder was that a Man or a Woman... love the puzzled looks they have as i smile and walk off.. If you enjoy being yourself, who cares if you pass or not..

[Nicole Erin]

Probably all TS and Cd would like to pass but let us say you don't. Is that going to stop you from living life?

[Jorja]

Passing cannot be over-emphasized. It is an important and necessary procedure when sitting at a big table with a lot of other people and many yummy dishes to sample. ;)

[Eryn]

I'm with Jorga, everyone has to do their part with passing! :)

One thing that active CDing has done has made me an active observer of people, particularly GGs. Guess what, few GGs are truly happy with their appearance! That's what keeps all those cosmetic counters and weight loss centers in business!

There are various levels of "passing." There is, of course, the ideal of being unmistakably a genetic female. A few of us can do that, but not many. The rest of us depend upon making sure that no definitive masculine cues slip through. No matter how smashing you look, a beard and a bulge in the wrong place are rather telling. Luckily, the non-definitive cues, such as height, voice, and adam's apple are not exclusive to males. There are females who have one or more of these traits and that fact means that we have "plausable deniability" on our side. An observer my suspect that I'm not female, but the doubt in their mind and the potential embarrassment of saying something insensitive to a genetic female will cause the vast majority of observers to keep their doubts to themselves.

While out shopping, I recall seeing a GG who was 6'2" in flats, who had a very short-cropped gray hair, and who was wearing jeans, T-shirt, and sneakers. The only thing that was definitively female about her was her relatively modest bustline and voice. It's likely that she didn't care too much for her appearance in the mirror, but she didn't agonize about "passing" because of the simple fact that she was female.

That encounter taught me a lot. I'm too tall and my voice isn't very feminine, but if you were to stand me dressed next to this woman I would exhibit more obvious feminine cues than she. One or two iffy cues aren't going to sink me any more than they sank this GG. The most important cue is self-confidence. That isn't easy at first, but with experience it gets easier each time.

[ArleneRaquel]

I'm almost 64 years of age and have been dressing enfemme full time since 2003-2004, I don't care if I pass or not I just want dress as a woman and live as " Arlene ".:battingeyelashes:

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Yeah! Changing peoples reality to my reality is actually a lot of fun!

I love how you look in the brown top. Few people can wear brown and not look like a wallflower. Then again, you personality always shows through and there is no way you could be a wallflower.

[Kaz]

I'm almost 64 years of age and have been dressing enfemme full time since 2003-2004, I don't care if I pass or not I just want dress as a woman and live as " Arlene ".:battingeyelashes:

I am close to this state of mind too... I feel like my natural state is en femme but I crossdress as a male when I have to! I also like brown!

171626

[Cheryl T]

It's not so much "passing" as it is being confident, pleasant and being accepted as who you are. People are willing to accept you if you can do those things. I'm sure that I don't "pass" to the point of being Unread, but no one has ever made a rude comment to me and I've had many wonderful interactions with others because of how I conduct myself.
We were standing in line to pay for some items at T.J.Maxx one time and suddenly this ball hit me in the leg. I turned and picked it up and handed it to the little boy in the shopping cart with his mother. Moments latter it hit me again, then another repeat. After the third time the lady said to the boy, "that's enough honey, the nice lady doesn't want to play anymore" and she gave me a big smile.
That's what it's all about, not about being "passable", but about being a part of society.
:2c: