Wanting To Get Caught?

[Laurel B]

I was wondering how many of us that are still in the closet want to just get caught. I am still in the closet and have been trying to come out to my wife for a few years now. I dress in front of my kids (7 and 5) when she is at work or out of town. I also go to my grad class en femme. I have been pushing the envelope lately with my dressing, wearing push bra and light make up around her. I think I am doing this as the chicken way to come out but I don't know how to do this and I want to. That's it, I just want to be caught???

[Marlana]

Be careful what you wish for. You may lose all you have. Be sure this really is what you want.

[kimdl93]

So, Laurel, do you think your wife doesn't notice when you're wearing light make up and a bra? And if you dress in front of your kids w/o your wife's knowledge - are you expecting them to tell Mom, so you won't have to? And how do you attend grad classes en femme without coming or going en femme?

Even chickens have more sense than that. It seems to me that you need to be honest with yourself and with your wife....rather than hoping that things will turn out ok by accident.

[Karren H]

Apparently I sucked so bad at wanting to get caught... No one ever caught me! But being a pig... Let my wife find some of my things... Not what I wanted!

[kimdl93]

Better a pig than a chicken!

[SweetPea_GG]

JMO but I think dressing around your kids without your wife knowing about you is wrong. I think that together as a couple the choice should be made how to deal with the CDing from the kids point of view. Maybe she would not be comfortable just yet with the children seeing that or maybe she would of liked to have a nice sit down talk with them about it before just you dressing around them.

Again JMO but it will likely go SOOO much more smoothly if you get the courage and sit your wife down and talk about it rather then hoping she will figure it out on her own which could turn into a train wreck of emotions for her. Trust me...been there done that and I have TONs of resentment still after a year.

[Stephanie47]

Your children are five and seven and you think they cannot tell the difference between what mommy wears and daddy wears. If the @#$% hits the fan you will not have a leg to stand on. If you think a woman cannot tell her man is wearing 'light' makeup and a bra, you're deceiving yourself. I'd really step back from being en femme in front of your kids without the approval of your wife.

[Marleena]

Laurel, I think you'll look back at this post eventually and say "what was I thinking?" Good thing you did post because you're going about it the wrong way. You should not be dressing in front of the kids until you both discuss it. This could very well cause big issues in the marriage, and rightly so. If you feel safe to tell her then you better, instead of trying to get caught. Just my opinion.

[Eryn]

From the information you've provided my opinion is that you're already "out" and your wife is wondering why it's taking so long for you to want to discuss the issue. The only surprising thing is that she hasn't brought up the topic herself.

Do everyone a favor and have a talk with your wife. Better to get things out in the open than have both of you maintain a fiction.

[Laurel B]

Thank you to those of you that are giving me good advice. I know that I should tell her, but I am lost here and can't find my way.:sad:

[Launa]

It can be a hard thing to stand up and have the upfront conversation with the wife but in the end it is the best way to figure it all out.

[giuseppina]

Thank you to those of you that are giving me good advice. I know that I should tell her, but I am lost here and can't find my way.:sad:

Here is a thread that was a sticky for a long time about how to tell your partner:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner&highlight=

[DameErrant]

No matter how bad it may be after you tell her, if she finds out on her own, or if you "get caught," it will be much worse. The added fellings of deception and betrayal will be added to all the other feelings of shock and surprise. Believe me, I know. Sit down and have a talk with her as soon as you can make an opportunity. Be prepared for all the usual questions, "Are you gay?" or "Are you planning to transition?" or "How far are you going to take this?" and of course, "Why didn't you tell me all this before?" Have answers prepared. Be honest.

[Kelli Ca]

Hi I was going through the same thing with my wife. this week Ifinally came out and told her i liked dressing. luck has it she was ok with it. i would take it slow and feel her out. I would think shes noticed the make up and bra. tough choice good luck

[Eryn]

Thank you to those of you that are giving me good advice. I know that I should tell her, but I am lost here and can't find my way.:sad:

Let's make it really simple. You love your wife, right? And I'll bet that she loves you too. If she had something that was really bothering her I'll bet that you'd want her to tell you about it so she wouldn't have to face the challenge alone. The same thing goes the other way.

Wait for an appropriate time, with kids asleep and a couple of hours of free time ahead of you both.

You say "Dear, there is something that has been bothering me for quite some time and I'd like to talk to you about it."

Then, talk about it. It won't be easy or smooth, but you'll get through it. Don't forget that listening to her is just as important as talking to her.

I don't think that there is much chance of her rejecting the conversation. She has a vested interest in your happiness and you have a vested interest in hers.

[RenneB]

Well I've had Renne leak out a little, just enough to know how the SO feels about it but not enough to let the entire cat out of the bag so to speak. From my perspective, you have one option and two possible outcomes. Tell her everything (not something I'm planning to do after she found Renne's boots) and see how she reacts. Option 1 she is accepting and understanding and loves you forever not matter what. Option 2, she says that's it and drops the D word which, at least in my case, puts me in a low rent apartment and no big house, etc.... Since I'm pretty sure that my SO is going to go with option 2, I keep Renne packed away and cover my tracks pretty well.....

Putting the outfits on in front of the kids is going to lead you to spilling the beans... Most kids that I know, will share anything they know with the SO... Sounds like the clock is ticking.....

Renne.....

[prettytoes]

My wife of 27 years found out the hard way. She found my stash of clothes. I pretty much wanted to die when I went up and found everything neatly spread out on the bed. It created a real bad time for us. There were lots of accusations and bad feelings. Now she is OK with it, with some limitations. I really wish that I had told her years ago. I never imagined that she would ever accept it, at any level. It is really nice to be able to have my toenails painted, wear panties 24/7, sleep in nighties, etc.
My only regret is that I kept it from her for all those years. I have no way of knowing how your wife will react, but I'm sure it will be better if you tell her, rather than have her found out some other way. Good luck with it!

[kitchenette]

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. Be strong. You can do it. The secrecy and hiding can damage the relationship way more than the dressing itself. Have faith that you can make things right.

[Barbara Ella]

FIRST - Stop dressing in front of the children. If your wife finds out, you will be dog meat, regardless of how she feels about the dressing. They are her kids too, and you have no right to cut her out of the decisions. She will be pissed. Even after you come out, if the kids tell her that you did it, she will be pissed.

I can honestly say my wife did not recognize female bikini panties when I wore them in front of her. they really do look like male bikinis. But dont fool yourself that she doesnt notice what you are doing. The longer you wait to figure out what to do, the more upset she can be.

She may take the parading in a negative way if you leave her hanging too long, thinking that you are flaunting her femininity in some way (subliminally showing her that the only way you get a female you like is to do it yourself?). If that happens you will have so much more explaining to do than if you just come out.

Start talking. The main rules are honesty and communication. You will find a way if you really want it. Lots of threads on this.

Babes

[Jenniferathome]

Before I came out to my wife, I had "hoped" she would ask and somehow open the door but that is a cowards way out. If she finds out by any other means than you telling her, it will not be good. Kids can't keep secrets so you are so far out there, you should simply tell her. You will be happier for it.

[darci.c]

Tell her you're going shopping, ask her if she wants to come with, and head straight to the women's sections of the department stores.

She'll figure it out.


By the way, I have to say I agree however, that you should keep adult discussions among the adults, and not get the kids unnecessarily involved. You are a parent, and in my opinion, a child's needs come before the parents.

[Stephenie S]

You didn't mention that your wife is blind, but that must be so if you are wearing a pushup bra and makeup in front of her. I am so sorry to here this. But the good news is that you can continue to crossdress until the kids rat you out. Better up their allowance.

S

[lingerieLiz]

"but I am lost here and can't find my way" Are you kidding or lying? I can understand someone who stashes stuff away and secretly dresses. Wearing a bra around the house? Come on!

With all you claim your wife knows. I would suggest you talk soon.

[SweetPea_GG]

Thank you to those of you that are giving me good advice. I know that I should tell her, but I am lost here and can't find my way.:sad:

There can be tons of excuses made (that you are lost or scared of what will happen or what will be said etc). But give your wife more credit then what you are giving her now and sit down and talk to her. If you really really can't do it face to face (but I suggest face to face cause it's more personal) then write her a letter and start spilling your guts. You are only hurting yourself your marriage and also you are hurting your wife by keeping it from her and you are most likely hurting your children who at those ages are very impressionable. Have you even talked to your kids about your dressing? If not and you expose them to this I am sure it can be confusing to them.

You need to stop thinking about yourself and put the needs of your wife and children before you and your dressing. JMO

[Babeba]

I cannot stress enough that you should read through the thread linked on the first page, and have the respect for the woman you promised to love and cherish for better and worse, the mother of your children, to tell her either in person or in a letter, what you are doing and why. The mind games you are playing at now have to stop, and you have to be clear about it.

You also really should respect her boundaries - if she doesn't like it and doesn't want to see it, fine (if she is okay with the idea and wants to see and participate then all for the better but mind the fog). Work out a time and place when you can do it without her, and make sure she has an equal chance to indulge in an activity she doesn't usually get to squeeze in. Also make sure she doesn't miss her husband... It is important to try not to let this put a further distance between you so make a point of making sure you two stay connected and talking.