Asako
01-04-2012, 08:14 PM
Let me see...where to start about how the day was hell? It started with work, as it almost always does. Honestly, it's kind of sad that is where it normally starts since I'm almost always in a good mood when I wake up in the morning. For the reference, I work for Pizza Hut and hate every day of it. Though, it beats being unemployed.
Corporate people were there today and yesterday. I honestly wanted to strangle two of them because they were. In. MY! WAY! ALWAYS!!! I can't tell you how many times I nearly ran one of them over because they weren't watching their surroundings. They KNEW we were busy! Worst of all, they saw fit to alter one of the routines to where it now takes twice the time to do it and it has to be done twice a day. So much for my breathing room to make future orders that are due right when we unlock the doors.
It didn't help that I had to deal with a "certain kind" of manager today through the whole time I was at work. He's the sort that always jumps to the conclusion that when things aren't "where they should be", it's because people are being lazy and don't want to work. Did I mention that he interrupts and cuts people off without really giving them a chance to defend themselves? Or that if he hears someone complain about anything job related, his first response is "Well, if that's the way you feel, we can always replace you!". I could honestly write a book about how much of an ass this guy is.
After work finally ended, I went to the bank to cash my paycheck which I had stupidly forgotten to get yesterday. I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting an idiot that ran a yield sign. The bank itself was all good. Afterwards, I went to Wal-Mart to get somethings that I needed. Again, I had to hit my brakes to avoid hitting someone who hit their brakes at the LAST SECOND to make a quick turn.
By this time, my patience with people was wearing thin. I was out of smokes. I had only had a SINGLE cig and that was at 8am. Got my things at Wal-Mart just fine until I went to check out. Well, someone paid with a Lonestar card and messed up. This caused the terminal to crash. 10 minutes later, I'm on way out the door with blessed smokes and bath stuff. I paid my cell phone bill and headed for home. While sitting at a stop sign on the way, I was just far enough way from the curb that some idiot decided to squeeze between me and the curb with their truck to make a right turn.
Not even 5 minutes later, I had to hit my brakes AGAIN because someone decided that they weren't going to sit at the yield sign and wait for me to drive past. Needless to say, I raged pretty hard. Thankfully, I was right around the corner from home by this point.
The whole day's events slammed into me with the force of an 18 wheeler when I was sitting underneath the car port smoking my 3rd cig of the day. What brought that about? I had let my mind roam across all the non-TG issues in my life and then the TG-issues cropped up at the same time. I haven't even been able to dress at all for the last 10 days or so. Hence why the depression hit like an 18 wheeler. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.
I said "Hi" to my parents and then locked myself away in my room. Flipped on some Dream Theater(Forsaken) and just started browsing the 'net. I ignored the urge to just curl up and cry. The tears wouldn't come no matter how bad I would want them to anyways. Within about 2-3 hours of music and menile internet fun, I felt a little better but the hole in my heart is still there. A hole created by living a lie.
Something must give and I will sooner be DAMNED than let it be me ever again. I gave several times to depression, insecurity, fear, and anxiety but never again. I may not always be able to be strong but I won't break. If I give in and break, then how I can continue giving Life the Eternal Finger for the cruel joke it played on me? I will live as me and to Hell with those narrow-minded fools in my life who refuse to see and/or accept that to live a lie of this kind would be nothing more than experiencing a slow and painful death.
These are the thoughts going through my mind. Once in a while, I will voice them. Personally, I find it twistedly humorous that a few bad days back to back has reaffirmed my resolve to press onwards on my path.
Corporate people were there today and yesterday. I honestly wanted to strangle two of them because they were. In. MY! WAY! ALWAYS!!! I can't tell you how many times I nearly ran one of them over because they weren't watching their surroundings. They KNEW we were busy! Worst of all, they saw fit to alter one of the routines to where it now takes twice the time to do it and it has to be done twice a day. So much for my breathing room to make future orders that are due right when we unlock the doors.
It didn't help that I had to deal with a "certain kind" of manager today through the whole time I was at work. He's the sort that always jumps to the conclusion that when things aren't "where they should be", it's because people are being lazy and don't want to work. Did I mention that he interrupts and cuts people off without really giving them a chance to defend themselves? Or that if he hears someone complain about anything job related, his first response is "Well, if that's the way you feel, we can always replace you!". I could honestly write a book about how much of an ass this guy is.
After work finally ended, I went to the bank to cash my paycheck which I had stupidly forgotten to get yesterday. I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting an idiot that ran a yield sign. The bank itself was all good. Afterwards, I went to Wal-Mart to get somethings that I needed. Again, I had to hit my brakes to avoid hitting someone who hit their brakes at the LAST SECOND to make a quick turn.
By this time, my patience with people was wearing thin. I was out of smokes. I had only had a SINGLE cig and that was at 8am. Got my things at Wal-Mart just fine until I went to check out. Well, someone paid with a Lonestar card and messed up. This caused the terminal to crash. 10 minutes later, I'm on way out the door with blessed smokes and bath stuff. I paid my cell phone bill and headed for home. While sitting at a stop sign on the way, I was just far enough way from the curb that some idiot decided to squeeze between me and the curb with their truck to make a right turn.
Not even 5 minutes later, I had to hit my brakes AGAIN because someone decided that they weren't going to sit at the yield sign and wait for me to drive past. Needless to say, I raged pretty hard. Thankfully, I was right around the corner from home by this point.
The whole day's events slammed into me with the force of an 18 wheeler when I was sitting underneath the car port smoking my 3rd cig of the day. What brought that about? I had let my mind roam across all the non-TG issues in my life and then the TG-issues cropped up at the same time. I haven't even been able to dress at all for the last 10 days or so. Hence why the depression hit like an 18 wheeler. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.
I said "Hi" to my parents and then locked myself away in my room. Flipped on some Dream Theater(Forsaken) and just started browsing the 'net. I ignored the urge to just curl up and cry. The tears wouldn't come no matter how bad I would want them to anyways. Within about 2-3 hours of music and menile internet fun, I felt a little better but the hole in my heart is still there. A hole created by living a lie.
Something must give and I will sooner be DAMNED than let it be me ever again. I gave several times to depression, insecurity, fear, and anxiety but never again. I may not always be able to be strong but I won't break. If I give in and break, then how I can continue giving Life the Eternal Finger for the cruel joke it played on me? I will live as me and to Hell with those narrow-minded fools in my life who refuse to see and/or accept that to live a lie of this kind would be nothing more than experiencing a slow and painful death.
These are the thoughts going through my mind. Once in a while, I will voice them. Personally, I find it twistedly humorous that a few bad days back to back has reaffirmed my resolve to press onwards on my path.