AnitaH
01-04-2012, 11:06 PM
As we've entered a new year I've thought some about my life, or rather the changes in my life, during the past year and hopefully that has helped me to see where some efforts should be directed in the the new year.
In the last third of the past year I finally came to terms with who I am. After 40 years of suppression and several years of therapy I have finally accepted that I have a strong Feminine side. My CD issues are not a bad habit nor an addiction I have long standing transgendered issues. I can now happily accept that and for the first time in my life I am finding some peace with myself and peace with my God. (No I don't want to turn this into a religious discussion) I feel complete when Anita is present in my life. As soon as I accepted that this is me I had the discussion with my wife. It was a scary time as she disapproved of my CDing in the past but something this important to me should not be kept from her whatever the outcome. She has been somewhat tolerant, understanding that it is a part of who I am. We openly talk about these issues and she says she understands but I'm not totally convinced of the ultimate outcome. She does say that since accepting myself that I have become more attentive and considerate of her. She says I've become the husband she had wished I could have been before
Anita became real to me. She has also noticed that I've appeared to be happier lately.
So for the new year I believe that I must make room for Anita, to express that part of me that was suppressed for so many years. I need finally to be myself. The family situation has changed making it much harder to do this but somehow I must find a way. I work in a environment that is highly visible and can be intolerant. Being myself could be costly to me in this economy but I must be true to myself. I also must be attentive to my wife.
I don't know what the new year may hold and I don't normally make new years resolutions but I'm making an exception this year. I guess I have two resolutions.
1- to make more time for Anita
2- to be attentive to my wife
Thank you for so many fine people here you have all encouraged me.
AnitaH
In the last third of the past year I finally came to terms with who I am. After 40 years of suppression and several years of therapy I have finally accepted that I have a strong Feminine side. My CD issues are not a bad habit nor an addiction I have long standing transgendered issues. I can now happily accept that and for the first time in my life I am finding some peace with myself and peace with my God. (No I don't want to turn this into a religious discussion) I feel complete when Anita is present in my life. As soon as I accepted that this is me I had the discussion with my wife. It was a scary time as she disapproved of my CDing in the past but something this important to me should not be kept from her whatever the outcome. She has been somewhat tolerant, understanding that it is a part of who I am. We openly talk about these issues and she says she understands but I'm not totally convinced of the ultimate outcome. She does say that since accepting myself that I have become more attentive and considerate of her. She says I've become the husband she had wished I could have been before
Anita became real to me. She has also noticed that I've appeared to be happier lately.
So for the new year I believe that I must make room for Anita, to express that part of me that was suppressed for so many years. I need finally to be myself. The family situation has changed making it much harder to do this but somehow I must find a way. I work in a environment that is highly visible and can be intolerant. Being myself could be costly to me in this economy but I must be true to myself. I also must be attentive to my wife.
I don't know what the new year may hold and I don't normally make new years resolutions but I'm making an exception this year. I guess I have two resolutions.
1- to make more time for Anita
2- to be attentive to my wife
Thank you for so many fine people here you have all encouraged me.
AnitaH