Which appearance is better for passing?

[irenetancd]

Hello sisters,

Last month I went clubbing en femme (picture left). One of the girls suggested that I change my hair/wig to black color to be more passable.

I bought a new black-colored wig yesterday and went out clubbing. Yet, there were girls who just 'read' me straight out.

Of course there were other aspects that made me stand out like a sore thumb; awkward walking with heels, terrible makeup; insufficient hip size etc.

Anyway, I would like to hear your honest opinion about which appearance you prefer, for various reasons - passing, looks better, hotter etc.

Thank you very much.

[DAVIDA]

I don't see a problem with either.:)

[BRANDYJ]

I like the black hair better. But I think you are believable in the other picture too. So work on the walk and wear things that don't show the lack of hips... or wear some hip padding. You look very good from chest up.

[jillleanne]

Read you straight out how? Were you talking to them directly? If the pics are a true tell all, I would think they would have a hard time reading you at a distance in the black hair( here we go with the blending in thingy again ), judging by the pic which really only shows your face. There is alot more to appearing like a woman than just a hair-do. Sitting, walking, talking, hand size, cheek bones, body language, hand movements, body shape, neck, body hair, the list is endless and for all intense purposes, if you do get to have a one on one conversation with someone who does not know you, they will read you in about 30 seconds at best. There are very few of us that can pull it off for an evening in public and I am not one of them, nor is that my goal when out and about. I do try to be as femme as possible, blending so as not to demand a " hey, look at me! " style, but I can only hope for acceptance by the public, not trickery. I dress for me because it makes me feel normal, not for the public to judge. We have to accept the fact that IF we decide to attempt to blend in public we must also be ready to explain why we enjoy doing it. I would think if you asked most transexuals who live full time as females this question you would get an accurate answer as to what is actually possible on average regarding reality verses fantasy.

[Cynthia Anne]

Trying to be honest as I can, I studied the pictures for ten minutes! Sorry, but they both are picture perfect! Hugs!

[kimdl93]

its hard to judge from a couple of pics....the both look pretty good from here. Do you feel that the hair is fairly realistic/lifelike?

Your face is pretty and feminine - again in the pics. So perhaps you need to work on those other items you mentioned...and not worry about passing. GGs will see through it all.

[sherri]

Ok first thing, you are gorgeous. So is passing really all that important? Isn't it enough to be a ravishingly attractive gender-bender? After all, any interested party is gonna find out sooner or later anyway. Just sayin. I say, count your blessings and have fun.

[KIMBER SAND]

Both pictures look great you will pass no problem

[scarletyahara]

I did a test with a blonde and dark wig and the blonde wig seemed to highlight my face more

[DanaR]

Looking at your pictures, either wig looks good to me too. There might be something else people are picking up on. I'll agree that you might need to work on you mannerisms and walk. If a girl walks like a boy, people will say something to her as well.

[KarenCDFL]

I think that both work very well.

[Barbra P]

Hi Irene

Personally I don’t think many, if any, of us “pass” 100% of the time and sad to say that most of us don’t pass at all. I was at a recent support group meeting and due to a guest speaker there were girls attending that I had never seen before. Two girls showed up and I’m sure that most people seeing stills of them would never guess that they weren’t GGs. From head to toe they looked great, great hair (expensive wigs), very professional makeup, fantastic clothes and accessories including some pretty awesome looking jewelry, and platform stiletto high heeled shoes. These girls looked gorgeous and I think the sentiment that swept through the room when they walked in was WOW!. I’m sure there were quite a few of us who upon first seeing them wonder if they were GGs who had come to listen to the guest speaker – there were GGs in attendance. However, I don’t think anyone had a doubt as to their true gender within minutes of their walking in. Stance, hand gestures, the way they sat down, their demeanor wasn’t feminine and most of us in the room hadn’t as yet heard either of them speak.

Still photos are often misleading unless they have been taken by a talented amateur or professional photographer. The picture of you as a redhead shows great facial features, beautiful cheeks and the hair color compliments your skin tone beautifully. In the photo with the black hair your face looks almost flat with only a hint of your high cheek-bones – the lighting (flash?) has washed out your face. I suspect that the camera metered for the black hair at the expense of your face.

I’ve written to a number of newbie’s that they should go sit at the mall and just observe GGs. Watch how they stand, walk, sit down, sit, stand up. Watch how they interact with other GGs, their arm and hand movements, how they position their feet, how do they hold their purse? I’ve noticed that most of the GGs at the mall, I’m talking about adults not teenyboppers, are generally dressed rather poorly and by that I mean not very feminine – a lot of sweats, fleece, tees, ratty athletic shoes or flip-flops (yesterday the temperature was in the eighties here in San Diego). Regardless of how they are dressed as you sit and watch them you know they are GGs, not because of how they are dressed but because of their demeanor, they have spent their entire lives as GGs and they are confident of their presentation regardless of how they dress.

Far too many CDs when they go out overdress for where they are going and they don’t blend in. Four inch heels, hose, pencil skirt, silk blouse, makeup, jewelry, etc feels good, looks good when we look at ourselves in the mirror and stands out like a sore thumb at the mall. When we don’t blend in we draw attention and attention invites scrutiny, and it doesn’t take much scrutiny before most of us are clocked.

I don’t go clubbing these days, but I suspect passing is even more difficult than just being out in the general public. I’ve been to enough parties of various kinds to have observed that women act completely different than men at social events. Women tend to be more relaxed, they may move to the music even when they are just standing, or sitting, talking to someone, and they aren’t particularly concerned that other women will think they look foolish, maybe fluidity describes it best, most women are very fluid in their movements, Men on the other hand tend to be stiffer, guarded about what they do and emotions they show and how other men may perceive them; decades of projecting the macho façade is a difficult thing to change.

[gailprice]

I think Both look good xx

[docrobbysherry]

its hard to judge from a couple of pics....the both look pretty good from here. Do you feel that the hair is fairly realistic/lifelike?
Your face is pretty and feminine - again in the pics. So perhaps you need to work on those other items you mentioned...and not worry about passing. GGs will see through it all.
I can take face pics that look realistic! Even full length body shots that look completely fem, too. But, could I PASS up close? NOT in a black out at midnite at a Brail convention! Beside NOT looking fem up close, I neither move, act, or sound like a female! U should ask folks in person if u pass!

[Cheryl T]

Both looks are wonderful, but I think the black hair looks more "natural". Of course the black hair could have been read for other reasons. If it is a synthetic wig then black would appear more "shiny" under strong lighting and look more like a wig. The other factors you mentioned would also be causes, but as for the look you have, you're great either color.

[Jorja]

First, I think you look great either way.

Second, why worry about passing? Passing is something you do at dinner time so everyone can enjoy all the dishes available on the table. Passing is something you do when overtaking another vehicle on the highway.

Finally, dress and color your hair too celebrate you. When you feel pretty and attractive, that is all that really matters. Be yourself not someone that others think you should be.

[J'lyn GG]

Coming from a GG. The black wig is much more passable. I don't know why. It just is.

[Krististeph]

The black, in this picture.
best advice: if the eyes are heavy, the lips should be subdued, & vice versa. I know, i am resistant to it too, but every time i follow the rule i just said, I do look better and less artificial.

Good luck, & have fun: don't dwell to much on the negative.. (I know, sounds rubbish to me too, but it is true)

[Leslie Langford]

irene, judging by your screen name and your pics, I have to surmise that you are of Asian origin. If this is the case, then of course, the black wig would look more "natural" for you, as Asians' DNA preordains them to have black hair.

That is not to say that Asians cannot successfully pull off different hair colors - many do so, and often with spectacular results. Dyeing one's hair - especially varying shades or auburn has become very popular among the Asian GG's that I know. But a "natural" hair color for them it is not by the true definition of the word. Perhaps that is all that girl meant when she suggested the black wig would make you look more "passable", or more specifically, in keeping with your ethnic origin.

BTW, much as I like the blondish hair as well, I also find that the black wig makes you look more striking...

[suchacutie]

The black wig seems to fit your coloring better. Having said that, both give a passable look, but as we've said many times here, that's just the tip of the iceburg :)

tina

[carnut62]

I like the black one better

[Gianna]

Ilene,
You are truly a beautiful girl either wig you choose - I'm Asian and although a little older, have come to adore the shiny black hair that is undeniably (and genetically) a part of all Asian girls. FWIW, the black wig suggests you are comfortable with your appearance (no need to change anything at this time) and the blonde wig says you have made a change, possibly for attention, which you would certainly get from me. Why not do both depending on your mood?
Gianna

[Alice B]

I agree. Both are fine and you look very passable in both.

[Barbara Ella]

Must agree, it is not the looks that will give you away at all. That said, I like the black wig.

Babes

[karanne]

I like the black hair better. But I think you are believable in the other picture too. So work on the walk and wear things that don't show the lack of hips... or wear some hip padding. You look very good from chest up.Another vote for the black wig. (I assume it's not a cheap one.) As Barbara said, be ruthlessly critical of your 'presentation'. Go hang out at a mall's food court with a couple shopping bags and a cuppa coffee and study the other girls. (The shopping bags are for two reasons: to help stimulate the economy and (if you're going en drab) to give you a legitimate reason to be there. (We don't want Security thinking you're some kind of stalker, now do we?)

Second point: your chin. I presume you've shaved closely, but razor burn and a beard shadow can burn you too. I assume you're not dressing like a Congressional Intern, but you might be overdoing it. When women at the mall are wearing denim skirts or tennis shirts, and you're wearing a silk blouse, hose and heels, it stands out.

I'd say practice in the mall first (an excuse for shopping!) with a cuppa coffee until a sales clerk's 'ma'am' is automatic. Then progress to clubbing ...
Lady K.

[Acastina]

I bought a new black-colored wig yesterday and went out clubbing. Yet, there were girls who just 'read' me straight out.

Of course there were other aspects that made me stand out like a sore thumb; awkward walking with heels, terrible makeup; insufficient hip size etc.

Anyway, I would like to hear your honest opinion about which appearance you prefer, for various reasons - passing, looks better, hotter etc.

Thank you very much.

It must be the walking and the makeup and the hips, because you look great both ways. Such nice cheekbones! You can buy clothes and wigs and pads, and practice the other stuff, but Nature gave you a big leg up.

I do agree with the consensus here that the black one suits your coloration a bit better. It's hard to tell from just the head shots what else in your total look might be giving you away, such as whether the hairstyle suits your stature and shape as well as others might.

I've been through about 20 different wigs over the years, many just for fun but some to enhance passability (the former are the flossy ones; the latter, the more plain ones). It's hard to tell from the small photos, but it looks like you darkened your eyebrows for the black wig (or lightened them for the strawberry blonde). Good; an important detail that is often overlooked. I've used a concealer stick as a base to hold eyeshadow on the brows when I need to lighten the color. Get 'em sticky, put on the color, and brush it in gently.

With regard to hips, I, like many of us here, suffer from an anatomical condition called gluteus minimus...can you say "Veronica 2"?


I've been to enough parties of various kinds to have observed that women act completely different than men at social events. Women tend to be more relaxed, they may move to the music even when they are just standing, or sitting, talking to someone, and they aren’t particularly concerned that other women will think they look foolish, maybe fluidity describes it best, most women are very fluid in their movements, Men on the other hand tend to be stiffer, guarded about what they do and emotions they show and how other men may perceive them; decades of projecting the macho façade is a difficult thing to change.

You nailed that, Barbra. Loosening up, especially when we feel ourselves to be under scrutiny, is one of the last frontiers of passing reasonably well, and don't we all loathe that we were conditioned to be "stiffer [and] guarded" about letting emotions flow? Women also tend much more to have a little smile that suggests serenity and keeping a little secret.

[laceyjessica]

great in both i am a sucker for red heads though

[ReineD]

Both wigs look fine, but it's not the wigs or the clothes that will give you away. It is your physiognomy (forehead shape, brow, the distance between various points on your face, face width, chin, cheeks, neck, shoulders, etc, compared to the GGs who are standing next to you.

You can show us your face in a small pic here, but in real life and at life size, people you interact with will see you at hundreds of different angles and they will see every expression on your face. Some people won't clue in, but others are sensitive to subtle gender cues and they will.

Just put a big smile on your face and be proud! If you do get read, you will come off as someone who is confident in who she is! :)

[Madilyn A.]

You appear very passable in both photos. The dark hair looks more natural and I would guess is closer to your natural color. The blonde look is more glamorous, at least to me. But in both you look very girly and naturally beautiful.

[Eryn]

I think a dark brown color would be more passable than the colors, but you look great in both of those photos. It takes a lot more than hair to bring off being female in a close-up situation like you describe.

[Amanda Stubbs]

I agree with most of the other posts, you look fine in both wigs ! Achieving perfection is hard, very few do, I certainally never have !
Like you I have shoulders broader than my hips. I've used hip forms many times in the past but found them very uncomfortable in hot weather, I don't bother at all now. I find buying dresses to fit my shoulder size (16-18uk) in an A-line style or with a looser body fit more flattering to my shape. It's cooler in the summer too !

[Vickie_CDTV]

The black wig looks best, the black matches your skin tone better and looks more natural (I assume your real hair color is black?)

[bobbie c]

omg are u serious? your lovely,in both! passable? overrated,feel good, look good and as my wife said....put your shoulders back...lol

[Shananigans]

Passing in pictures can be relatively easy for some people IMO. Your mannerisms and behavior are going to be much easier to "read."

But, just going by pictures...I say go with black. The lighter color is easier to "read" mainly because it looks more like a wig.

[crossIsFun]

Might just be the camera angle or lighting but the left brings out yourface/cheeks in a more passible way to me.

[Patricia Jane]

I tyhink they both like natural on you.When you look this nice I would not change!

[vivianann]

You need to go with you natural hair color when choosing a wig, that has been my experience when wearing wigs that are my hair color.
Whe I have worn wigs that were too blonde, or too dark my being read rate goes up dramatically. I see peaple notice me, and then do a double take (look), because they read me. When your hair color is a sharp contrast to you skin peaple notice you more, and it does not matter if you are a man, woman, or a crossdresser.

[Stephanie47]

I think the black wig suits you better and would make you 'blend' more with the expectations/bias of the crowd. That being said I personally think either wig gives you nice presentation. Like others have stated, it is probably the male mannerism or absence of female mannerisms that may give you away. Adding more of an hour glass figure or wearing a dress gathered under the bust may obscure the lack of hips. I've watched many of the presentation instructional videos on YouTube and elsewhere which point out female mannerisms (walking in heels, leg crossing, etc). But, just sitting in the mall and sipping coffee, I think you would not get made until a guy tries to pick you up close in and personal.

[Dana7]

Given your ethnic appearance, I would say that black would be more passable in a generic sense. But passability is much more than just one or two elements. As you have indicated it is a whole-person issue.

[RachelZ]

I'll be biased and say I like the blonde one :)

[sara.s]

You look very passable (appearance wise) with black wig. It suits your face very well..

[sara.s]

Passing in pictures can be relatively easy for some people IMO. Your mannerisms and behavior are going to be much easier to "read."

But, just going by pictures...I say go with black. The lighter color is easier to "read" mainly because it looks more like a wig.

The moment I saw this thread I remembered myself posting a similar thread and your response and then I see you here. What a coincidence.:hugs:

[Kelli Ca]

I cant say you look amazing in both

[Rachel Morley]

Ooh ... it's a tough call as they both look good but I have a slight preference for the black one.

[ArleneRaquel]

Both are great, but I prefer the black wig.

[Crysten]

You look great in both pics. May want to work on the other aspects like you said, hip size, heels, etc. Either hair color looks great on you.

[Crysten]

Given your ethnic appearance, I would say that black would be more passable in a generic sense. But passability is much more than just one or two elements. As you have indicated it is a whole-person issue.

Given the fact that Asians outnumber us by like 10 to 1 globally, WE are the "ethnic" people. We are the weird round-eyed people from far away northern europe, and they are normal folks. You may think this is strange, but I believe it's true.

[TatianaJames]

Honestly I dont think you could be read unless you talked without mastering the voice or other little things like unpracticed walking or gestures. You look VERY good so I dont think it has to do with your hairstyle.

[Lori B]

either one,,,you look fantastic.....prolly go bald and pass no problem:heehee::hugs:

[MissMarcie]

I like the dark hair the best.


Ok first thing, you are gorgeous. So is passing really all that important?

Passing in public is always important.

[marlaNYC]

as ReineD said, it's all about the confidence. if you feel more at home in a dark wig, then that is how you're going to better present, and vice versa. as soon as you're comfortable, either will work. the pictures - granted, they're only thumbnails - well, you look totally at home and natural. but if you're out, it's about what makes you feel more secure in your surroundings.

[Elana]

Both look pretty and passable in my opinion, You look pretty in both, the black one is more of the natural look, but i like the lighter wig cause it gives you a more lively look in a pretty way.

[Reyna Roland]

I think the red, maybe? But the dark hair may attract less attention! Your beautiful by the way! =)

[CindyT]

I don't see a problem with either.:)
I agree, would need to see a full body shot to be sure, but one thing is for sure, either face will pass in my book!!!!

[cdliz15]

I think the black looks more natural.

[Mark/Rebecca]

The black looks more natural as it matches your brows. Not artificial. Very pretty and definitely passable