Therapist: LMFT? (Plus an Emotional Release)

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

So over the past few months, my depression has been increasing drastically. Over the past week, I have been the most depressed than I have ever been in my life (even as a clinically depressed person). In the past four days, I have cried more times than I have in the past ten years. I can't sleep, I can hardly eat, I have no energy to run and focusing on work has been difficult.

Before, only my best friend knew. Now, my best friend's mom knows, my best friend's boyfriend knows, my mom knows and my stepfather knows. Sooner or later, more and more will know, especially since I posted a cryptic message on Facebook. What I thought was simple crossdressing is turning out to be more, much more. Honestly, I should have seen this coming considering that when I was in middle school, I wore wigs, nail polish, makeup and dresses to school but this was the mid-1990s "goth" thing. Hell, my mom mentioned that I've always had feminine traits regardless of how masculine I tried to be.

Anyway, as much as I'd love to type on and on about the emotions I have been experiencing, I'm trying to stick with my question:

Should I be concerned about the fact that the therapist I'm seeing next week doesn't specialize in gender identity "issues" and specializes in LMFT? I've read through some threads on this forum and I know that even though the general consensus is that gender therapists are the way to go, many have successfully gone to therapists who don't specialize in gender "disorders". There is/was a therapist in my area that specializes with transgenders/transsexualism but when I tried calling her, I got the fast "busy" signal on numerous occasions (signifying trunk/carrier issues) which makes me believe her practice is no longer around. So, I decided to settle for someone relatively local to me and I believe that they also take my insurance, which is a plus.

When I called to make the appointment, I was asked why I wanted to make an appointment. My response: "I don't know how to say this....extreme depression caused by gender identity dysphoria." I was actually asked if I'd rather see a female therapist than a male therapist and from what I remember from past counseling, this isn't a common question. Am I safe to assume I was asked this because the person making the appointment understands the "condition" I'm going in for?

I'm scared, having trouble coping with this but I have made my decision and I'm going to mention this when I go in next week. I understand the risks of transitioning with the aid of HRT but I also understand the risks if I don't make a transition. I know that I will lose friends and may even lose some family. Luckily, I work for a very large and diverse company who received recognition for its transgender guidelines (no sense hiding it anymore: I work for The Boeing Company). This is not a fad or a fling and it won't go away. Even though I would never take my own life, I have had many thoughts of suicide, which to me is a sure sign that I'm not happy with myself currently.

Uhg, I'm so sorry, I didn't expect to type all of this so I hope you were in the reading mood. I'd just hate to waste time and money on a therapist who doesn't know enough to give me my letter, only to have to turn around and do it all again with another therapist that will make me completely pay out of pocket (which I'll do if I have to). I want to be helped, not "cured". I know what needs to be done for me to be helped. My ethnicity includes Italian, Irish and German; my mind has been made and it cannot be changed.

[StaceyJane]

My therapist who I really like doesn't specialize in gender issues but did an internship with a TG support group.
Remember the first session is really a job interview except it's not you applying for the job it's the therapist. You have the right to ask all sorts of questions to see if you feel comfortable with the therapist and her experience.

[AllieSF]

I think that you are fine starting with your local therapist and that they asked you a very good question when setting up the appointment. You probably have other issues too so, they can definitely help, until you feel that you need someone else for your gender issues, if they do not make you happy in that area too. Try them, be totally honest and very open with them on all topics, even the embarrassing ones. They are there to help and work with you and need to know everything. They know what to look for. If you feel that they are not the best source of help to you after a few sessions, then ask them for a referral to a qualified gender therapist. It is your life and money and any good professional will gladly help you out with that. Good luck.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You seem to be thinking straight. This puts you in a position to make a good judgement. In other words, you can interview them.... There are many people that will tell you they can help but will end up learning more from you than you will benefit from them...keep plowing ahead regardless if your first try doesn't go well. Trust your instincts...it took me three tries before I found someone that could help me..

One reason to see a therapist with ts experience is that it really helpful t meet other people...CDs, ts , etc....it's incredibly informative and affirming to talk to real life people that are going through the same thing

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

Strange thing: I tried calling the therapist who specializes in this sort of thing one more time and I got through; must have been a temporary thing. I left a message and also sent an E-Mail. Excessive? Maybe but it seems this counselor is recommended by many, including GASS (Gender Alliance of the South Sound). If I don't hear from her by Monday, I'll be forced to go to my appointment Wednesday with the other counselor but regardless, I hope this all pans out in a relatively quick fashion. I'm a very fast-paced person which means my goal is definitely something to happen in the next few months, if not sooner.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Good luck..

You may need to be more patient than you'd like tho...duo have a lot of hair on your face"?

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

Good luck..

You may need to be more patient than you'd like tho...duo have a lot of hair on your face"?

Not really, no. It probably grows at a rate slower than average but laser is in my near future.

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

You also wouldn't want to waste money on a therapist who plays head games, control games, believes he or she is the gate-keeper. I went to a therapist who claimed to have a specialty in helping trans people, but she (a transwoman herself) was into the gate keeper role big time and she wanted me to do things in a certain way - her way. As Eddie Izzard might say, "f**k that." The first meeting was my only meeting with her. It was out of pocket and very expensive.

Yea, I've had experience with counselors that do that (not related to TG). I've even been misdiagnosed and put on medication that had the completely opposite effect than what it was supposed to have.

I feel a little more comfortable about talking with someone who doesn't specialize in GID now, so thanks all. However, if I do in fact get in touch with Dr. Fawver before Tuesday, I will probably choose her because she specializes in it. Plus, she has a PhD and I am indeed a sucker for impressive acronyms.

[Hope]

I went to high school with a woman who is now a therapist in the Seattle area who deals with a lot of trans clients... I can get you contact info if you want.

I know she identifies as a lesbian, and I think she would identify as gender queer... so she understands the struggles from more than just an academic view point. I would be happy to give you contact info if you are interested and PM me.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Stephanie,

When I transitioned five years ago in Helena Montana there were no healthcare professionals versed in trans related issues within a 600 mile radius of me.
I had to educate both my doctor and my therapist concerning who and what I was concerning transition.
It sounds like you need to do the same thing concerning your therapist.
It's alright to have a therapist not versed in such you just have to present yourself and your situation to them.
If they are any sort of professional they will bring themselves up to speed quickly.


Julia

[Jorja]

The reason it is suggested that you see a therapist that specializes in gender identity issues is to save time getting to the bottom of your situation. A therapist that does not have the experience has to learn. Learning takes time. This does not mean that this therapist can't help you, it just means it will take longer while they learn. If you like many people are footing the bill for the therapist, it can be considered paying to educate the therapist and not paying for the therapist's knowledge and experience with your situation. The difference can be like going to a bottom of the class general surgeon or a top of the class Cardiac surgeon for heart surgery.

[Kristy_K]

If you can't be honest about everything with your therapist then you shouldn't see them. Be honest with them and yourself is the first steps to take. Good luck...

My therapist said she won't give me any letters for at least six months for gender maker change when I first visit with her. She sounded so hard core to me when I first met her. I thought at the time she was a therapist with a attitude.

But I received a letter from her after two months because of what she saw in me. To be honest I don't think she believe me at first. I think she does now. All because I was honest about everything or at least that is my opinion is why she did. We get alone real good now.

Kristy

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Not really, no. It probably grows at a rate slower than average but laser is in my near future.

Actually if your hair grows slowly that may hinder hair removal... Only a certain percentage of hairs are actually alive and growing and those are the hairs that die during treatment..

Laser is often helpful to thin the herd, but it only sometimes removes enough..and many times hairs that you lasered come back ...

Be honest about this because if you don't you will be sorry in the future as you shave your face every day...

Start these treatments yesterday...after a couple laser treatments that will give you a good idea of how much more hair removal you need..

[ZosKiaCultusC7]

Actually if your hair grows slowly that may hinder hair removal... Only a certain percentage of hairs are actually alive and growing and those are the hairs that die during treatment..

Laser is often helpful to thin the herd, but it only sometimes removes enough..and many times hairs that you lasered come back ...

Be honest about this because if you don't you will be sorry in the future as you shave your face every day...

Start these treatments yesterday...after a couple laser treatments that will give you a good idea of how much more hair removal you need..

Oh I agree. My goal is to have everything in progress this year, including hair removal. I don't plan on going full time right away so I'll have a bit of time to take care of everything, hopefully before people start noticing.

[Babeba]

At the end of the day, being in therapy is about having a relationship with someone you trust to help you. If you get that out of this LMFT therapist that's great. If you don't... that's okay too, the door may now be open for the gender counsellor. Don't feel bad about trying them both out, just be honest with your needs. Ask about that letter right off the bat, if you can't do it through that counsellor they will be able to tell you right away so you can get going with a person who can.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

No one will ever notice your hair removal..that's a great reason to get started ...i was a year or so late getting started and i'm still paying the price...