I Love it When You Call Me Names.

[Ellaine]

Transexual or not, your opinions are invited.

Question for non-transexuals.

Are we remaining TG's going too far in dropping our male name when dressing?
Is it not a useful reference when others seek to assess where we are coming from if we retain our male name (even if ) as part of any adopted femme name?
Eddie Izzard being a case in point, doesn't even bother with a femme name, or at least not in public.

Adopting a femme name does raise difficulties for the uninitiated (public), when we say we dont want to be a woman, but drop our male name as if in denial.
Also perhaps it would be less dificult for family and friends to refer to our male names, whilst TG friends and accepting SO's would be happy to call each other by the femme name.

I'm thinking it may be easier to answer to two names, if in mixed company, than to expect non TG friends to ajust to dropping the name they know you by at work or otherwise.

I'm also thinking perhaps it would help those of us who will never be, or feel themselves fully convincing. After all, who are we trying to convince, and what of?

Would this not convey acceptance that transexuals are going to be the woman they are; and that tv/cd's aren't trying to be something they are not.

I'm not advocating or criticising, or wishing to offend....just airing unconcluded thoughts so please be gentle. :)



Ellaine

[Wendy me]

Ellaine ok look to me i am wendy and thats way ok with me see yes i have a "him" name but when i dress and be wendy i am so mutch not "him" see that whole lable thingy was at on time a big thingy to me ....cd, tv, or what ever ... will i ever go through with srs?? who knows this life and this path i am on i haven't reached the end so who knows ... but skip the names and lables and should we call you.....ok just call me happy ...and being wendy makes me me she makes me happy .... it would be rude not to give the person that makes you happy a name ...

so far i can't find my owners book must have got lost at birth be you and be happy all else just is not worth bunching up your pantys......

[KatieZ]

I can only answer your question with a question.

Does wearing a bra and breast forms raise difficulties for the uninitiated (public), when we say we dont want to be a woman?


The name is just another part of the illusion we are trying to create.

Hugs

[ChrissyCrossedLegs]

Ellaine
Not going to be harsh with you.. not at all.. i get totally where you are coming from.
When I arrived at my first TV chat room it asked for my name, so I gave it.. like i had for the past 30 years of my life... I was dressing in clothes, but i had no wig, make up.. what did I want them for.. this was all about wearing womens goreous clothes.
I got in there and someone asked.. "do you prefer ***** or *****Y they had tried to feminize my male name...
'pardon me, I don't follow'
'Well **** isnt your real name obviously, its your fem name, just wondered if you prefered it with a Y at the end'
I sat there for 10 minutes thinking everyone in the chat room was mad! What were they talking about..
I aint the smartest cookie in the box, but I aint thick either, and the idea of having two names took me a long time to get used to.
I have seen people in TG chat rooms, that I KNOW are dressed totally in drab go nuts when you call them 'mate' (male term). I know one locally that has been to my house, won't give me his male name at all. (which i totally understand is his choice btw).
I think the whole name thing can be confusing....

STONE ME... ok folks.. intermission.. SOME JERK JUST LET OF A FIREWORK OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE and scared me half to death.. its 1.40 am btw...

Where was I, oh yeh.. off to bed.. waffled enough..

I am at peace what ever anyone calls me.. dressed or not dressed.

[Faye Emmette]

I have assosciated with motorcycle people all my life. There are people who's only name I know is "Kentucky" or "Joss". At work and with parents they are Jim and John. I can only think it odd to call them by their birth name at weekends and so it is with our adopted names here.
hope this helps.

[Stephanie Brooks]

Are we remaining TG's going too far in dropping our male name when dressing?
Is it not a useful reference when others seek to assess where we are coming from if we retain our male name (even if ) as part of any adopted femme name?
Eddie Izzard being a case in point, doesn't even bother with a femme name, or at least not in public.

Most people who know Steve want nothing to do with the femme side of me, regardless of what I call myself. Using two names with them really isn't much of an issue. I'm a guy who can grow a beard and mustache. I'm not supposed to look like a woman.

My "out" times are in an anonymous public that is hostile to ambiguous gender and to gender that's incongruous with sex. It is difficult enough trying to be on the street en femme without adding other confusion. My real boy name isn't Steve; it's actually one that is unquestionably male-only. To use that would be to put myself at risk.

Sure, it would be great to be able to use my given name while en femme. Had I known more about myself growing up, perchance that would have happened. I didn't, and it didn't. Today I follow a path that has people who seem to like Steve, and who want little to do with Stephanie. I could change that path, and follow one more consistent with who and what I am. As I reflect, I'm probably doing a little of that now.

[Phoebe Reece]

A femme name is used by many for security purposes. Many of us never chose one until we started to contact other CD's. You can come across some strange people out there and an alias is a good thing to have at times.

A femme name is also useful when you are trying to get others to address you as the gender you are presenting. If I am dressed as a lady in public, I expect to be treated as one, regardless of whether the other person knows my true sex or not. It is generally considered simple courtesy among most TG people to address them in the gender they are presenting. If you have people only know you by your masculine name, how are you going to get them to refer to you as anything but "sir or he or him" instead of "ma'am, ms., she, or her". The idea of using only your "real" name will only cause more confusion with people who have just met you or that are only casual acquantances.

However, with close family members (wife, children, parents, etc.) the use of a femme name should be optional based on their comfort level and attitude about your crossdressing. My wife and kids never refer to me by my femme name when it is just us around. If we are in the company of other CD's they will use the polite conventions that apply.

Besides all of that, you would never get all TG people to agree to a particular convention to use regarding names. You can't even get everyone to agree to what the difference is between a crossdresser and a transvestite - or to even agree that there is a difference.

[Jamie M]

I can see where you are coming from too Ellaine . I had never considered the fact of using a girls name until i first contacted the other CD's through various means . in those situations i discoverred that they all were using other names and i wasn't going to be the first to start putting my real name about so I found as Pheobe already said it was useful as just an alias . I never really considered myself as a julia ( well jenny then actually but that's another story ).

Time moves on and i got married to kelly and we began discussing this side to me . From then on kelly has actually found it useful to seperate the two people she sees me as and so now julia definately has a life all of her own. This sometimes takes me by surprise how far she can take this idea of two people but hey , who am i to judge , it works for her and that works me.

so in essence i would say that using a femme name for me has no particular value , it doesn't make me feel anymore girly but it has evoloved as a useful way for kelly and i to cope with this side of me

[Ellaine]

Wendy Good for you girl. It's great that you feel complete in your femininity. And why not? you've got it all going on babe! ;)

Katie :) I agree, the forms etc are part of the illusion. But more than that, they complete the feel. which is perhaps a greater priority than illusion.
If I introduce myself as e.g. Ellaine John, I can hardly be accused of schitzophrenia.

Sammy :) Quote "I think the whole name thing can be confusing.... " You are on the button there. The TG umbrella is enormouse and any aspect may only be relevant to some.

Stephanie, For most of us, our location and the people in it can make for extra difficulties, unlike the "arty" cosmopolitan areas that are so TG blase. It sounds as if you are bravely toughing it out rather than being completely closeted. Respect and best wishes hon.

Hi Phoebe, I don't sugest "only using your real name". Even when I sugest adding your male name, I should have perhaps just said adding any male name would convey recognition of original gender rather than being seen as in disguise, (for want of a better way of putting it ).
Right on .. to "you would never get all TG people to agree" lol

We are such different folks, with different circumstances, in different societies seeking different things. I got that message ages ago lol But you gotta think someone might benefit from exploratory discussion. Otherwise, we'd all end up talking endlessly and repetitiously on make-up. I'm just one of those "500 monkeys on typewriters, who given time , might produce a bible". I'm sure you know the (daft) phrase I refer to. It's all good lol

[malecynthia]

From then on kelly has actually found it useful to seperate the two people she sees me as and so now julia definately has a life all of her own. This sometimes takes me by surprise how far she can take this idea of two people but hey , who am i to judge , it works for her and that works me.
This seems to fit ino my scenario, Julia. Cynthia is someone who is kept in hibernation most of the time and only comes to life when my wife and I feel in the mood for her participation in whatever we are doing.
I think I'd like to be Cynthia all the time, but life has practical limitations and from what I've seen in here, I consider myself to be one of the fortunate minority who can be my alter ego in my wife's presence and with her full participation on a purely part time basis.
Cynthia (for the time being)

[Zelgadis]

Well, I suppose again, I am the odd one out (this is actually normal for me). Although I do use an alias, it is not a female name. It's my favorite anime characters name, Zelgadis Greywords. This is the name I usually use on forums and such, and many people, although they might know my real name, still just call me Zel. When I play my online game (Dark Age of Camelot), although a few people do know my real name, they are so accustomed to calling me Ele/Elegant/Goth (Elegantgothic Lolita), or Sweet (Sweettrans Vestight), that they still use that. Even my rl friends lol, my friend kim still calls me Soupy, because one of my Earthdawn characters was named Sempai, and since he has a hard tiome pronouncing japanese, just started calling me Soupy... he calls ME that lol. In a way, they all have become a part of me. I suppose in my case, they are more like nicknames than alias'... ok... I'm ranting (again)... I think I'll stop, hehe.

[Julie York]

Ellaine.
I can just imagine you playing Super Hero games when you were young.

A: "I'll be Super Marvel Man!"
B: "Yeah and I'll be The Tornado!"

C: "Yeah! And I'll be.......Steve!"

A: "Eh?"
B:"What?"


Many years later.......the "Playing At Being a Girl"...game.
A: I'm Susan!
B: Hi I'm Caroline.
C; Hi...I'm....Steve!

A: Eh?
B: What?


:D

Doesn't work does it?

[Ellaine]

Ellaine.
I can just imagine you playing Super Hero games when you were young.

A: "I'll be Super Marvel Man!"
B: "Yeah and I'll be The Tornado!"

C: "Yeah! And I'll be.......Steve!"

A: "Eh?"
B:"What?"


Many years later.......the "Playing At Being a Girl"...game.
A: I'm Susan!
B: Hi I'm Caroline.
C; Hi...I'm....Steve!

A: Eh?
B: What?


:D

Doesn't work does it?

hehehee Julie :) Perhaps it's just as well that when I was young, we had to rely on bats and balls, and for indoor games would have Snakes and Ladders!! Television was one of those " I know someone, who knows someone, who has one", kind of things! Oh such wonderful days lol

Yet if I were to take up the idea I discuss above, for myself, and I may do yet; I'd go for something like Ellaine John. Not because my real name is John, but because in u.k. when you address a stranger, it is common ( in both senses of the word) to call a male John.
I love my femininity as much as most, but I recognise that the majority have problems relating to a male percieved as camouflaged as a female. O.K. so that is their problem, but I see no harm, since I don't take myself toooo seriously, in reaching out a little to "Jo Public" and taking the edge off a little.

I take great care to put my family first, so for the most part I remain closeted. But the day will soon come I think, when I have to say, enough. The day may well come when I just out myself totally and live the life, ( my wifes' loyalties will remain with the family. ) as my own concience, in conflict with family, dictates I must. C'est La vie.

[Shelly Preston]

The idea of a female is to complete a circle

Can you imagine someone dressed who is completely passable giving there name as Kevin or David ?

I doubt it

As for me my wife chose the name Shelly and I like it, but Shelly is firmly stuck int he closet

As for********** he has to go to work and meet family etc


Of course some are very lucky Could be male or /and female.

Alexis , Francis etc

[Julie York]

Actually now I remembered something which might be interesting. I was in Sheffield once many years ago and there was a very beautiful tranny who was really very well known in the clubs and so on, and quite a known character (so I am not outing anyone) and as far as I remember 'she' was never known by any other name than .......Trevor!

[Ellaine]

Hi Julie :) Which brings to mind a clubland DJ called John Pleases Women, well established in the S.W. UK... which kind of says that if you are a CD/TV and not overly serious about yourself, you can get away quite happily with a male name. It is not essential, even if it appears so to those new to forums. All too often the desire to fit in, once you have found others online, seems to make a femme name obviously essential.

The Internet is still relatively new, but more and more, we see girls taking to the Japanese cultures and tollerance of sexual ambiguity , and adopting ambiguous sounding names. Perhaps it is these girls who will move the goalposts a bit further on from the advances in acceptance we see in the Goth culture.

Optomism anyone?

:)