First time out en femme!

[Danika140]

It's been days since my first outing but I still remember the rush of emotions. One of my best friends from high school whom I have not seen in 7 years decided to come visit me here in Tampa from WI. I was ecstatic as this is a woman that I am very close to and cherish deeply. I knew she had just come out of a devastating break up with her now ex boyfriend so I decided to do something extreme to make her smile and laugh. Let's face it, laughter is the best natural healing tool we have!

I got up early the day of her arrival and painted my nails, had a friend help me with my makeup, put on knee high boots with a 5" heel and a fuchsia racer back dress that came just above my knees. I felt great as I looked into the mirror. My friend couldn't believe how amazing I looked which boosted my confidence even more! I had this feeling of complete surety and confidence as I stood there looking into the mirror, marveling at who was looking back at me. I didn't have any pockets so I packed all of my necessary items into a purse I had purchased and headed for the door.

As my hand touched the door handle I heard movement outside and I froze. Uncertainty and doubts flooded into my mind and my resolve crumbled like a sand castle against the ocean waves. I took a deep breath and steadied my nerves. To my relief, my friend just looked on with a silent inquisitive look knowing that this was a decision I needed to make on my own. What seemed like minutes, I turned the handle and stumbled out of the apartment on unsteady legs from the mixture of adrenaline and awkwardness from the heels.

Struggling to remain steady and deliberate, I looked like someone trying to learn how to walk in stilts on ice. A college age girl that lives in the area saw the debacle and came to my rescue. I briefly explained my intentions and she started offering reassurance and advice on how best to conquer those unnatural catastrophes we love as heels. Upon reaching my vehicle, she told me that I would be a very beautiful girl which definitely made me blush like no other.

I felt great conquering a part of my fear. I was out of the house, in public. Now came the next test of wills and that was teaching myself how to drive a 5 speed manual car in heels. It was a steep learning curve but to my surprise, didn't take long to adjust my driving style to.

I managed to make it to the airport without causing a wreck or getting pulled over for wreckless driving. The thought "of all days to be pulled over, this would definitely be the most awkward of them all" crossed my mind every time I saw a police officer. I pulled up the curbside pickup area and found my friend Ashley waiting with her bag. I got out to help her load up her luggage and for her to see me and was rewarded with a friendly smile and laugh! She hugged me and said I looked very good which was great to hear.

All in all it was a very rewarding experience that taught me a few things.

1) Majority of people out there don't give a darn what you look like as long as it doesn't affect them.
2) People who do ask "why?" are usually sincerely curious. I've found that being confident in your decision to "why?" really helps alleviate further questions or gives a great conversation starter.
2) It sucks driving in heels and I will be bringing flip flops next time to drive in.
3) It takes 10 times longer to get ready in the morning than just rolling over and throwing socks and shoes on!

Practice makes better and I'll keep on practicing!

Danika

[Hope]

Congratulations!

That first time is always harrowing, but it does get easier, and better.

I feel like we should be awarding merrit badges.




2) It sucks driving in heels and I will be bringing flip flops next time to drive in.

You will learn. Though to be honest, most of the time I do slip off my shoes when I am driving. My wife keeps a pair of "driving shoes" under her seat ... though in her case it is so that she doesn't scuff up her heels. And it is easier to drive when you aren't in heels... But you will learn...


3) It takes 10 times longer to get ready in the morning than just rolling over and throwing socks and shoes on!


Well, it DOES get easier... it used to take me almost an hour to do my make up. now it usually takes no more than 15 minutes for the full job, and it looks better too. You will get better at the tasks, and they will get easier - but it will still take a bit of time.

[Elana]

Congrats on going out dressed!. :) i agree with the heels part and driving, i always bring flats now to switch in between. Not to mention it also always takes much longer for me to get ready going out enfemme. Thanks for sharing.

[Aprilrain]

There is an easy solution too the heels problem.....FLATS! Im too tall for heels anyway so very rarely wear them if I do they're like 2 inchs 3 at the most. I'm assuming that since you posted this in the TS section that you are considering transition? If so you will need everyday wear anyway
good luck

[Julia_in_Pa]

Danika,

Yay!! Congrat's on getting out there!!

As for driving in heels I learned how with my 79 Volvo wagon with a 5 speed.

You'll get used to it. :O)


Julia

[Kristy_K]

Congratulations Danika on your first outing.

Sounds like you are off to good start girl.

I drive in heels but they are only about three inch. It is like everything else practice and practice and more practice.

Hugs,
Kristy

[SandraAbsent]

As for driving in heels I learned how with my 79 Volvo wagon with a 5 speed.

Totally off topic here, but my very first car was a 79 Volvo 240 with a 4 speed manual. Yep that's right I said 4 speed! To date I still say that he was my favorite car, and yes I name my cars. His name was Klouse. He had so much character (rust) I just loved him. He was also Canadian built so there were no MPH on the speedometer and every where I went I had to always be doing the math in my head to figure out where I was going!

On topic, congratulations Danika. That first step is so major in most of our lives. Not only in confidence, but also in defining to ourselves who an what we are. At the time I first went out into the world, I was confident that I was a crossdresser, because that was the only thing I knew and understood. Stepping out gave me the confidence to start doing things like going to support group meetings and hanging out with other transgender friends. The more I learned and the more I learned about myself, I came to an understanding of what was going on in my head all these years. I never would have made it if I never stepped out for the first time.


1) Majority of people out there don't give a darn what you look like as long as it doesn't affect them.

I've found that most people are genuinely just good people. I tend to put myself in places where I will find good people and tend to avoid places where I will encounter bad people. This really is no different than before in my life so its not really a big change for me. I like good people!


3) It takes 10 times longer to get ready in the morning than just rolling over and throwing socks and shoes on!

When I first started, It used to take me 3 hours because I had to start over from scratch every time. Things like shaving, cleaning my brows, and any other grooming thing that is woman related now just gets done through out my day like any other woman. Makeup will come easier the more you learn technique, the more you learn about your face, and the more you learn about what products work best for you. My mornings are very routine so that I am ready in time for work on time. Now from bath to door takes an hour and a half. which is about how long it takes my sisters so I am not too worried about it!

[EnglishRose]

There is an easy solution too the heels problem.....FLATS! Im too tall for heels anyway so very rarely wear them if I do they're like 2 inchs 3 at the most.

Me too. My goodness, 5 inch heels? That sounds dangerous.

[Danika140]

There is an easy solution too the heels problem.....FLATS! Im too tall for heels anyway so very rarely wear them if I do they're like 2 inchs 3 at the most. I'm assuming that since you posted this in the TS section that you are considering transition? If so you will need everyday wear anyway
good luck

I'm an average 5'8" so I can pretty much get away with wearing any size heels. I am most definitely going to transition! I have been on the fence struggling with the decision to transition for so long that it's eating me up inside. When I start to feel like I can live my life and be happy as a male, the urges and wants to have breasts and wear women's clothes comes back. So I know that if I don't transition then it will always be on my mind.

I had a great time out en femme and definitely can't wait to do it again! I am blessed to have so many friends here in Tampa who are willing to go out with me for support and to help me with my transition! University of Tampa has a very active LGBT organization that is pretty active so I am really looking forward to getting involved when I start class on the 17th.

I am so sure about transitioning that I am looking at what I need to do in order to go to Cosmetology school. I feel that this will be the best way to learn how to apply makeup plus learn a valuable skill I can use during and after my transition!

[Traci Elizabeth]

the urges and wants to have breasts and wear women's clothes comes back. So I know that if I don't transition then it will always be on my mind.



I am glad you had a great time out. BUT by your above statement it seem the you want to transition for the "wrong" ..."large boobs & women's clothes? You have got to be kidding. That sounds more like a sexual turn on than anything else.

[Katesback]

Perhaps for the first time ever we agree. The post sounded like it was written by a CD. Kind of reminded me of the post a while back where someone was claiming to have had FFS and showed pictures of themselves less than a week after the so called surgery with some tape on the face. Botox perhaps but FFS come on. The girls that have had FFS laughed.

As far as some advice to the original poster. There is a reason that teenage girls dont get to dress like you claim you did. THey have to grow up to be a woman before they can wear those clothes and KNOW HOW to wear those clothes.





I am glad you had a great time out. BUT by your above statement it seem the you want to transition for the "wrong" ..."large boobs & women's clothes? You have got to be kidding. That sounds more like a sexual turn on than anything else.

[Aimee20]

I'm going to have to agree with Kate on her advice, there are definite times and places for evening-wear and most of the time they involve night time and loud music. None the less, congrats on your first time venturing out in the world hon but please do remember for your own safety that most of the time the girl-next-door look is much easier to get around with and far more comfortable.

Attention can be good and bad and the last thing I want to ever see is another news story about one of our sisters being beaten/raped/murdered.... So just be mindful of the attention you are drawing

[Claire Cook]

Danika,

I cannot think of a better way of coming out -- and getting comfortable with yourself -- than by spending time with an understanding GG friend. I'm sure you've had / are having a wonderful experience. I, and I'm sure many of us have found that GG friends share experiences and emotions with us when we are en femme that they would not do when we are in guy mode. I hope you have a great visit! Maybe she has some hints on dressing and appearance?

Oh, and yes, I never drive in heels -- on fact, rarely wear them in Florida! Sandals, flats or sneakers work for this girl --- just think about the number of everyday FL gals who don't wear heels!

[Pamela Kay]

Congratulations Danika!

I just went out dressed my first time last week to attend my first TS support group meeting. I was a little over dressed since I wore a sweater dress and everyone else wore jeans but they didn't care.

I'm glad you are finding out who you are while you are young, it is harder when you get older. It's liberating to discover who you really are. I know there is some excitement at first but as Kate and Traci have indicated there is much more to it than just dressing.

Are you ready to lose most of your friends and family? Do you have the money or are you willing to give up nearly everything you make or own to pay for the cost of transition? Have you looked into the possible health risks involved with the hormones and surgeries? Will you be able to stay employed at your current job through transition? These are just a few of the questions that you have to ask yourself to determine if you really want to transition.

I felt much the same way you did when I finally figured out who I am after hiding from it for most of my life. Since then I have been in counseling, talked with my wife and decided to remain friends but divorce sometime next year after 25 years, decided to sell the home I had always dreamed of owning to pay for surgeries when the time comes, came out to some trusted family, joined a MtF support group, and am preparing to start HRT.

These are just a few things to ask yourself but the first question you have to answer is "Am I willing to give up everything to be my true self, and can I live with myself if I don't?" I have had to ask myself these questions based on a lot of input from this forum.

I am so glad that the transitioned members have decided to stick around and share their knowledge and experience with those of us who are just beginning. They have always been straight forward and honest and have helped me a lot. I truly value all of their opinions and advice, even if I don't always like it.

[Danika140]

I am glad you had a great time out. BUT by your above statement it seem the you want to transition for the "wrong" ..."large boobs & women's clothes? You have got to be kidding. That sounds more like a sexual turn on than anything else.

Before you jump on me for what it may sound like to you, I encourage you to go read my introduction post that explains my feelings. I also encourage you as well as others to find out my current situation before judging my choice of attire.

I just separated from the military and still learning about this side of me. I've repressed this side of me because I've had to so forgive me if I have the "kid in a candy store" mentality right now. One outing is not nearly enough to make me want to transition but feeling like a female on the inside for the better part of 19 years is.

[Hope]

Me too. My goodness, 5 inch heels? That sounds dangerous.

Nah... just pack a parachute when you wear heels that tall. And know where it is appropriate to wear them.