I HATE mirrors...

[Asako]

I've always hated mirrors for the fact that they reflect back the ugly truth of what I was born as. This new-found hate for mirrors comes from a different experience.

I had taken a shower tonight and as always, the mirror got really foggy. As I was drying off with the towel, I glanced at the mirror to see if I could use it yet for the sake of using my flat iron. Hard to use the darn thing behind my head without a mirror. Thing is, when I looked at it, the fog and water condensation had blurred the image enough to where my face wasn't so "masculine". It had almost a feminine "look" despite the blurring. I stared at it with fascination and a big, stupid grin on my face until the mirror cleared up enough that the illusion was lost. Then the depression hit as hard as before.

Well, my therapist is getting an answer to one of her questions that she wanted me to think about. I just wish the answer hadn't been so depressing. It's times like this that I wish I were just weak enough to cry every so often. It wouldn't accomplish anything physical but I'd sure as hell feel a lot better after the "I feel hollow and empty" feeling went away.

[LeannL]

Asako,

Don't take the mirror to seriously. They often distort things and fool the mind. You will get revenge on the mirror soon. What the mirror can't show you is the sensitive caring soul inside that body. You know that you are a female inside and it shows. All of us would love to improve our looks but the reality is that we can't do much even with surgery. The biggest way to change our looks is to become comfortable with whom we are and to exude confidence and contentment. There are a lot of not-so-feminine looking women out there that are truly women because the exude femininity because of who they are and you can do the same.

Hang in there,

Leann

[LeaP]

Mirror, mirror on the wall ... There's something essential in the human experience captured in fairy tales.

Most of the time I have the same (negative) experience with mirrors. Every once in a while, though, I see something else. It doesn't have to be fogged, I just have to be open to it.

Lea

[Aprilrain]

This is why god invented FFS. Some of us were blessed with naturally feminine facial features but most of us were not. if you think the mirror lies just wait till you here what your friends say! its the waiters door men and random bums that will give you the truth. In the last 2 months I have been called sir no less than 3 times and some bum came up to me and said "are you a dude?" well at least he was unsure. Though I was not wearing a dress or skirt at any of these times I was wearing obviously female clothing and my hair is getting quite long now. I certainly don't sound like a dude and I know I'm not just fooling myself on that because I'm consistently ma'amed on the phone. My wife is mystified that anyone would think I was a man but I think she sees the radical change in my appearance and the way I carry myself where as they see the masculine facial features (brow and nose mostly) I will say that all the waiters that called me sir were foreign, I'm pretty tall anyway but they were really short for men. The door man was not a foreigner, I think my height coupled with the fact that I had no makeup on and was wearing a down parka made my gender presentation less than obvious. OH well FFS in less than a week now!

[Julia_in_Pa]

Asako,

Attempt to first accept the image so that you may have information on how and what to change in order to become the true you.
yes, I know, easier said then done.

This is why therapy is so important.

Julia

[Asako]

Julia, I don't know why I keep coming back to your post but I do. As I think about your words, I count down the days until the appointment for my second session.

[Hope]

I have a mirror / nemesis too.

In my case it is a mirror at work. The mirror in question is about 100 feet away from where I usually work, and there is a lot of "stuff" between me and it, but if I stand in just the right spot and look up, I can see myself in it. I started my current job as Mr. Boy... and when I started, and I looked in the mirror, it caused the usual depression you talk about. But then as I started to transition, it got worse. I would feel like I was having a good day, looking particularly femme... but then I would catch a view of myself in the mirror... and the illusion would be shattered... I would be filled with rage; at the mirror, at myself, at the world.

But lately... I have been catching glimpses of myself in that mirror... and I am liking what I see. It isn't all right yet, but it is getting SO much better... And all because I did the work to make it better.

You can do it too. Make that mirror your bitch. Own it.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Asako,

I know the difficulty sister.

Be the kindest to yourself as possible by sharing everything with your therapist.

Don't withhold your feelings or emotions from them. The more they know the better the discussions and the better the resolve will be for you Asako.


Julia



Julia, I don't know why I keep coming back to your post but I do. As I think about your words, I count down the days until the appointment for my second session.