Where do we go from here?

[Ria]

If you're anything like me you have slowly grown to accept your CD self and have over the years invested in clothing and makeup to complete a full transformation so you can see what you look like and how it feels to be all dolled up. A wonderful experience.

Being a straight, married man with two young kids, and firmly in the closet save for my accepting wife. I have been left with the feeling of what now? I have taken the step of going out to some nightclubs and had a great time (solo) but I'm not sure I want to cultivate this behavior often.

What I mean is... going out to a nightclub dressed as a women is fun and extremely exciting but should I allow this activity to become routine for me? Thereby needing to push another limit or go out more often. The last thing I want to deal with is getting stopped at a road check or getting into an auto accident or whatever else Murphy's Law could throw at me while dressed up.

I don't want to be a mall walking crossdresser, this isn't the direction I want to go. Those who have the courage to do this type of thing are brave and I respect them and their expression but it's not for me.

I can be read easily, so exposing myself this way doesn't float my boat. I relate more to the flamboyancy of a drag queen but I can't dance or lip since to Cher songs.

I guess this where many of us join a CD support group etc but I'm not ready for that. Not sure I would ever be but who knows...

So this where I'm at, a feeling of what's next? Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed and down about this, but I am curious. My crossdressing life is only a part of my identity, though a secret one.

It seems to me at 39 years old I have fully explored the possibilities of a crossdresser (95% of it) and now I'm in the management mode of my affliction. Not wanting to push any further limits for fear of what it might reveal or cultivate.

To me, being a crossdresser is much like having a rolling tongue, or brown eyes. It chose me, I didn't choose it. I'm stuck with my brown eyes along with the compelling desire to express a feminine sense of self along with it's inherent "excitement".

So I thought I would write this, throw it out there, maybe some of you can relate.

Ria:daydreaming:

[kimdl93]

Of course, we can all relate. Not everyone wants or needs to push limits or explore boundaries. its really all about what works for you in your life. It seems you've been pleased with what you've expereinced so far, and that's great. You also have a family to consider and a wife who accepting and supportive. So, you have no obligation to go any other direction, unless your spirit moves you to do so.

As one of the mall walking, grocery store shopping, Starbucks sipping, dog-walking, out to the neighbors kind of CDrs, I don't have expectations for anyone but myself. I do want to live more of my life openly en femme, but that's what feels right for me...inside and out. Its not a model anyone needs to follow.

[JessHaust]

I reciently came to that exact question, "what now?" . I was lucky enough to find a great group of like minded people in my area. They had started a 'meetup' group with the goal of providing us an outlet for our obsession.
I've only been a member for a few weeks, but I have already been to a concert, a poker game and a clothes swap meet. I also have on my calendar a soical this Thursday, a Diva contest at a museum, and two more concerts. Oh, the concerts are by a CD band and they are fantastic. Each time I found these events populated with the nicest, sweetest people you ould ever ask to spend time with. I've been able to spend hours, in converstions with girls like me, in person, in full glorious dress!
I only hope that you can find such a group in your area. Ours is at Meetup.com, but I'm sure there are other sources.

[Nikki A.]

What do you want to do next?
Jess came up with an idea. There are groups out there and maybe you can explore what makes you happy.

[DonnaT]

Just go with the flow of everyday life. You don't need to make it a lifestyle (oh, I'm a CD so I must get out and about). You live the life you are currently living, and if something should come up that interests you, then you can determine whether you want to act on it.

[Krista1985]

Try a femmecation maybe?

A get away to a TG bed and breakfast where dressing is expected and encouraged over a couple of days with outings planned and events too. Or to a CD friendly city, San Fran or Las Vegas maybe. Just a thought for getting some extended femme time outdoors without making it a habit.

[DanaR]

I'm kind of this situation myself. When I was a member of Emerald City and involve with Esprit, it seemed like a lot of your time involved going to a bar or lounge; which really doesn't interest me anymore. So the last few years, I've pretty much stayed home, except for a few times out visiting some of my GG friends that work at different place. I would go out and maybe get my makeup done and visit a friend so two, then pickup my wife and go home.

Now, my wife and I are planning a couple of shopping days and maybe go to a movie.

[docrobbysherry]

No, I CAN'T relate, Ria. But, since I'm NOT u, that shouldn't matter!

There's hardly a morning I don't wake up with a new idea for Sherry. Somewhere for her to go. A new outfit to try. A new look, figure, photo angle or pose, etc. Maybe something too kinky to mention! Lol!

To me, that's what life's all about. So many people begin dying long before the actual event. It seems to me, when you've run out of new things to do, to try, to see, it means you're preparing yourself for THE END!!

[Wendy Volare]

I just love how everyone is so authentic on this thread !
Its nice to be ourselves and not fitting or doing what seems to be en vogue for everyone
I am just starting btw



Wendy

[Ria]

I know, "all dressed up with nowhere to go" is a popular topic here and I guess that's partly what I'm feeling. The other part is a tough thing for me to put my finger on.

I like some of your thoughts so far... thanks

[Vickie_CDTV]

I would re-consider joining a trans support group. If you want to dress up, go out but not be concerned about passing and want to wear whatever you like, a trans group is a perfect venue. It is safer than a nightclub alone, and you don't have to worry about passing in the general public. If the group has SO support, and your SO is willing to talk with other SOs, even better.

[Wendy Volare]

Thanks Ria.....just sayin do what seems right....The posts helped me to realize i do not need to fit into a mold say bar hopping in drag thats not me at this stage...I still thrive on affirmation

[Jenniferathome]

I haven't gotten there yet. I have oly recently started to get out. I have a long ways to go. Dates with my wife, vacations, so much still to do.

[Wendy Volare]

For me sharing with another CD in real time would be my next step but also scary for some reason

geuss i need the next little push

Wendy

[Marleena]

Ria I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this at times. I just embraced this recently, had I been younger it would be much easier. I would love to go out as Marleena but my confidence isn't where it should be yet. I'm still trying to get comfortable with the way I look. I'm not satisfied yet.

[Ria]

I'll be the first to admit... If I could pass as a "beautiful" women (as defined by mainstream society). I would go out in public all the time. It would become a habit I think. Who here wouldn't right?

In the right party atmosphere (club) Ria has had positive attention, a sexy drag queen on the town! =P ...but I'm not sure I'm willing to put this body and face out in broad daylight for all to see and judge... that's a lot of pressure.

Yes I could push through the fear and eventually desensitize to it, but... why? I'm not a women. I don't even want to be a women, I just like playing at it.

So there is a strong element of insecurity that I battle with. It keeps me from going out the door more often than not, it keeps me home and safe... which might be good. But sometimes that desire to have a girl night out is too strong... so I say, the hell with it, lets do this!

[EllieOPKS]

So Ria maybe you just put it away for a while. Long enough that the next time you allow yourself to be Ria, it is something exciting again. Just a thought.

[ReineD]

So there is a strong element of insecurity that I battle with. It keeps me from going out the door more often than not, it keeps me home and safe... which might be good. But sometimes that desire to have a girl night out is too strong... so I say, the hell with it, lets do this!

When I first was online reading everything I could about the CDing in an attempt to better understand my SO, I came across a blog from a well seasoned CDer who seemed to be very secure in herself, who certainly understood herself very well, and who also had a large following. She said something that struck me, and this was (I paraphrase): "Crossdressers dream of taking it as far as they can, and they seldom take it as far as they want to".

Identity, or fetish masquerading as identity? After all my years here I still haven't figured it out. I guess this depends on a person's level of GID. And I suppose the next thought is, so what if it's fetish? Does it make it any less real?

Just an idle thought.

[jillleanne]

First, the brown eyes? We can change them to any color you desire with contacts. Lastly, relate to your thread? Of course. I have asked myself that many times as well in the past. I accepted to just go with the flow and where I end up is where I will finish. Unlike you though, I needed to come out to anyone that cares to know so no closets here, maybe not by choice but rather need to give myself some sanity in day to day life. Maybe all you need is an epilator?

[rnkaari]

Nice quote..which blog are you talking about.would like to give it a read.

[Karren H]

Followed by the question. "Where will it end?". Really don't understand why just about everyone needs to "evolve"... Is there not a place where you stop and say "I like this and I'll think I'll stop and stay here for ever"? Never happy with the current situation?

[Ria]

Followed by the question. "Where will it end?". Really don't understand why just about everyone needs to "evolve"... Is there not a place where you stop and say "I like this and I'll think I'll stop and stay here for ever"? Never happy with the current situation?

This is so true and what I have been contemplating... Why not embrace the day, live for the moment and enjoy? I'm a goal oriented person, with an eye to the future, I like progress, I like change. Maybe it would do me good to just chill and enjoy myself, today and now. I don't need to "go" anywhere with this unless something catches my curiosity.

[DanaR]

Sometimes you won't know what to do until you try a few things. I'm not into the bar and party scene, I tired of that real fast. Most of my involvement with groups was around the lounge scene too. Up until a couple of years ago, I attended belly dance classes, that was fun. I've thought about taking some sewing classes, so I'm kind of up in the air on things to do.

[drag n fly]

Maybe it's just that I'm a recovering drunk, sober a long time now, but the "old one is too many, and a thousand not enough" used to describe alcoholic craving might just fit in here...for me, anyhow...But, the big difference is that it's not going to explode my liver, or cause me to puke on my shoes...or awaken with a hangover...or do really stupid, mean, irritating things, like booze did...Give me CDing any day..I love it...smooches Jackie

[suchacutie]

There have been a few threads with generic titles like, "Your CDing goals for _____" (pick whatever time frame). In the first few years after discovering Tina, I had a list of mundane goals that mostly centered around all the explorations we need to have in order to be successful in presenting our feminine selves. But now, after 6 years, my eyebrows are arched, I can tuck at the drop of a hat, I've evolved to enjoying various makeup possibilities, my nails are almost the way I want them, I have a reasonable feminine voice, and I have a fashion sense. Basically, I'm pretty comfortable with Tina, and given an hour I can transform pretty easily (ok, the nails take longer :) ).

So, what now? I think we all come to this point eventually if we keep at it long enough. A number of the most "mature" girls on this site have had angst about stopping for months at a time after they'd come to this impass. After all, don't we have times like this in our male lives as well?

A few weeks ago my wife noticed that the projects that she and I (and Tina) make are always given away, and that maybe it was time for she and Tina to define some projects that they could do for themselves. After a few moment's meditation I realized that I ought to be stunned by the prophetic nature of this statement, and I think the answer to "what now?" lies within these thoughts.

Tina definitely has some things that she enjoys. As time has passed, we've come to realize that by letting Tina be a person like anyone else, that part of life has its own goals and aspirations. In order to fulfill those goals and meet those aspirations, Tina needs to become a distinct part of life, not an afterthought or a "when we can". She needs time that is a natural part of life, and her separate activities become part of the thread that is day-to-day life.

So, my answer to the question is that the natural evolution is for our femme selves to be just that: natural...a part of the thread of life...a part of daily activity. When that happens the "what next" is handle just as we do for any other part of our lives, evolving naturally. Yes, this probably thins out the "pink fog" and maybe some of the initial excitement of the newness of our femme selves diminishes on a day-to-day basis, but that can be revisited by special activities. After all, isn't that why we all take vacations? :)