Anybody else go through phases?

[CrossBound]

I'm finding that I seem to go through phases when wanting to dress. Lately I have had no desire to dress. I have met a new girlfriend and when I'm when I'm with her, I have know desire to be a girl. It seems like when I'm between girlfriends is when I have the strongest desire to cross dress. When I'm with my girlfriend I enjoy being a male. I'm beginning to wonder if my desires to cross dress come because I miss having a significant female in my life? Anyone else feel this way? I haven't dressed in about 2 weeks and have no desire to do so.

[Kristy_K]

I wish I could say that love cure you of your desires for CDing. But this is probably only a temporarily deal. Temporary meaning it could be a few months or a few years.

I said that only because I have been there and done that. But Caution when it does come back, it will want to make up for lost time. And with CDing as with any girl it could be a real B***h if it doesn't get her way.

Good luck,
Kristy

[Kaz]

Sounds like you are relatively young Crossbound? When I was a young guy I was very serious about being a guy with my girlfriends and at those times I definately thought that this would go away When I met the woman I married I didn't dress until several years into the marriage... managed not to go there for a few years... but I had the house to myself for a whole weekend doing gardens and repairs etc... and the urge came back big time!

Don't get me wrong even now, I can go a few days or weeks and not feel paricularly bothered... but I know I won't last long and don't even try holding out. When Kaz wants her share... I embrace the return! Yesterday I didn't dress at all.. no desire. Not a good time in my life... lots of difficult stuff to deal with, even most of the day... just got on with stuff... but tonight she is back... not so strong... but she is enjoying herself and I don't want to go to bed!

[Barbara Jo]

It's been said that when a CD has a Girl friend, they sometimes live (CD) vicariously through her and she becomes a substitute for cding, even if he truly loves her.
Then if/when they break up, the CDer feels he lost his "feminimity (his girlfriend) and reverts back to CDing.

Having been through this myself, I have to say that there is some truth in this.

[Jenniferathome]

I did until I came out to my wife. Since then, my desire is actually greater but controlled easily as I know I can dress any time I like.

[KarenSusan]

I haven't dressed for awhile (6 months) and now I'm finding the pendulum swinging back.

[Patsy]

I can only speak for myself, but for me it's a bit like being an alcoholic or a smoker. Sure I can give up for a year or two or ten, maybe forever, buts it's lurking there in the background, just waiting to spring out again. Oh dear, this sounds a bit negative doesn't it. I don't mean to imply it's a bad thing in itself like excess alcohol or smoking (after all the negative side of our thing is more to do with societal pressures than health or an ability to function), just that the impulse is of a similar nature and strength. On a personal note renewing my feminine side has reduced my drinking dramatically (binge drinking was always a macho thing with me). Anyway, at least we have a choice. I understand TSs, as opposed to CDs, have no choice, the bell goes off, and that's it. I put myself somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, for now anyway.

[Marleena]

I use to go through phases but now the urge is constant. Between girlfriends it sounds like you are creating a replacement.:)

[RenneB]

Well I must say it's nice to see another friend from the DTW area in this chat club. To answer your question, I'd say yes. Being born with a male body and a female brain can be a bit confusing at times, but "we" are all in different phases of our lives. So you might want to map out a long term plan of where you want to be and who you want to be with. No one plans to fail, we just sometimes fail to plan...

Renne.....

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree with Kristy! It'll come back! It's o-k to enjoy the 'break' but don't get too use to it! 'She'll' be knocking at you door! Hugs!

[Launa]

I'm going through a phaze right now, I want to go out more. I have dressed at home for years and its still ok but not as much fun as getting out there.

[TommyII]

Yes i go thru phases. Sometimes I'm just lazy and do it easy, like satin sweats and a cami. Other times I get into the whole deal with dresses/skirts, hose & heels. A new girlfriend seems to limit things until you tell them and they accept or move on.

[Wendy Volare]

This is eaxctly what I love about this forum...the sharing is so real. I too go through phases and hearing others experience helps me soooo much.....Its more and more Wendy time lateley

Wendy

[Regan]

Crossbound,

Great to see so many Michiganders, I am in the Kalamazoo area but I grew up in Detroit. I am 52 and have gone through phases for years. Every time I thought I wanted to stop, like when I started dating, it it would not be long until I realized this is a major part of who I am and the desire will never leave. I finally realized that I am a cross dresser and it will never change. The ladies on this site are giving me the peace of mind I have been searching for for years. Just enjoy and don't worry if you go back and forth.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is normal for the desire to ebb and flow for various reasons. It is unlikely that the desire will go away completely though and it will probably return in time. Because of this, if you do become serious with your girlfriend, you really need to tell her about your dressing prior to making a commitment.

[NathalieX66]

I wish I could say that love cure you of your desires for CDing. But this is probably only a temporarily deal. Temporary meaning it could be a few months or a few years.

I agree with Kristy. Mainly because the more I spend time with women, the more I want to be like them. They make me jealous in how they are, they way they act, and the way they present themselves. The situation gets exacerbated.....at least for me, anyway.

[jillleanne]

Let me guess, you did not find the clothing your new girlfriend wears got you excited? Oh, they do? I figured so. When the thrill of seeing, touching, etc. with her dies down a bit, that feeling you lost will be back. Just be patient.

[kimdl93]

Your attention is just being focused where it should be at the moment. Two weeks is nothing. For some people, those dry spells can last years.

[rebekkadg]

Generally my CDing takes a bit of a lapse when I pick up something new and interesting to do for a short period of time. Sooner or later that wears off though and back to working on being the best girl I can be. I also don't typically do much CDing activities when I am not feeling well---I just don't feel like I can be pretty at that point and when I cross dress I want to look and feel pretty---being a 100% guy when I am not feeling well just fits better. Nothing attractive about being sick, nothing attactive about being a guy so might as well spend my unattractive moments as a guy in my mind.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

The dry spells happen for a variety of reasons. Since coming out in 2009, I've had two major dry spells, both of which were last year and lasted several months. I actually even started to get worried when I realized I had gone a couple of months without even considering crossdressing, because I was worried that I had gone through all of this time of coming out about it, being open about it, and having everyone know about it, and then what if it was gone?

But it wasn't gone, it came back, like it always does. But I also think part of why it wasn't lingering so much those few months was because I was distracted by other things that were taking a bigger priority in my life, and that *because* I'm so out in the open about my crossdressing I don't dwell on it the way I used to or obsess over it in the regard of it being something to worry about.

I think there's two things going on for you right now, one is that you are in a new relationship and you are excited and happy about it so you are thinking about that more and you aren't focusing on your crossdressing because your attention is directed elsewhere. Also, as has already been said, you probably are getting some fulfillment of your girly side vicariously through your girlfriend. This combined with the excitement of a new relationship makes your crossdressing take a back seat to the more vital stuff to think about right now.

For now just enjoy the vacation.

[dominique]

I know how you feel. When I first met my wife I went through the same phase as you. But as the relationship develops you will feel the urge to start again. There will many times that the urge disappears for ages then watch out, it'll come back with a vengence.

[Karren H]

My phases are much smaller and more like obsessions of the day.... I'll be marching along.... "Squirrel!!". boom.... I'm off on a tangent... Phasettes...

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/398661_10150463193482051_714332050_9211155_2153503 57_n.jpg

[Linda Stockings]

I can definitely say "been there, done that", quite a few times. And, I also agree with what all these ladies have been saying. For me, a new GG girlfriend or SO somehow always "took the edge off" my desires, especially in the beginnings. I would also buy them clothes, but never anything they felt uncomfortable wearing. Naturally, I loved seeing them in things I would cherish for myself. Eventually, they would lose some interest in dressing so pretty, and gravitate to the more casual, yet still enjoy sexy styles. Some even loved full fashioned stockings, heels, corset, whatever I asked for or showed interest in. My desires to CD would being to regain strength. This did 2 things for me: 1) I never got bored in the bedroom; 2) my desire to dress in those styles would increase. However, my desire to be with them as a man in the traditional sense, stayed strong. I felt the best of both worlds. Over time with them, my desire to CD would also increase. I chalked it up to having more time for it, but really don't know. My current GF says she loves playing the ultra sexy roles, loves heels, skirts, stockings, makeup, sexy hair, everything. I feel very lucky. She once said that if I wanted to try her clothes that I could. BUT, she also said early on that she dumped a guy after catching him in her clothes. I wanted to know if it was simply because he did not ASK first to try her things, or if she just couldn't handle his feminine side. She's made quite a number of comments that make me believe she's actually figured me out. Such as, "I love that we both love high heels; you know more about shoes, stockings, lingerie, styles that flatter my figure (hers), and fashion in general than I do". "Do you want to try my heels? Have you ever worn stockings?". The list goes on. ANYWAY ONE THING I FEEL THAT IS SO IMPORTANT - possibly above most things is..... IF WE WANT AND EXPECT OUR LOVING GF'S, SO'S, WIVES, ETC. TO STAY WITH US, WE MUST CONTINUE TO LET THEM HAVE US AS MEN....MEN! PREFERABLY WHENEVER THEY WANT. We must honor their agreed upon boundaries. They are doing a wonderful, amazing thing to stay with us when we show them our feminine selves! I just really feel we owe them that, and so much more. Sorry for my over enthusiasm. Stay safe, be happy, Linda

[Stephanie47]

I did not engage in cross dressing and had absolutely no desire for over two years. I did not even think about it. I did not even think about it when I was dating my future wife. Before I proposed I did think "Do I tell her I wore my mother's clothing when I was younger?" I had no desire. I thought I may have been gay? I wasn't. I did not know what cross dressing was back then. Several years after marriage cross dressing started to creep back into my personna.

Today, I'm pounding away on the keyboard fully dressed, except for makeup- undergarments, slip, hosiery, heels, dress and wig. I did not expect to end up like this forty years ago, but, here I am. And, my wife knows. However, we do not talk about Stephanie.

[danielletorresani]

I go through phases, too. Mine usually means 2-3 years off and about a year to a year and a half on.

[Soriya]

It's common for most of us. It has always been that way for me but you are half way there to figuring out why as you notice it's when you are single. My phases on where far shorter then off. In my teens, maybe a couple of years, then nothing until 25. Again for a year + then nothing until a couple of years ago but that was just to figure out why I had done it in the past in the first place after a TS friend of mine encouraged me to do so. Dressed almost everyday for close to a year and figured out that during each phase I did in the past was during really bad times in my life. Obviously did it for comfort of some sort, looking for some type of connection. After I figured all that out, it stopped again. Now a year and a half later, I have dressed a few time but it doesn't feel like I fell in the pink cloud, it's more out of boredom. I split from my Wife over 2 years ago and have been alone since, no dates whatsoever. I need to get out of the house and find new hobbies LOL.

[CrossBound]

It's at the point for me when I look back I think to myself, "Did I actually do this?" I've gone through down times before but never where I actually questioned why I ever done it.

[AlexisRaeMoon]

The longest period of abstinence I had was from a few months after I started dating my wife until just after we got engaged, so I guess that was a little over a year. The urge was completely gone - no desire to dress whatsoever. What changed? After being out one night, we got back to her apartment. She had been wearing these awesome T-strap heels that looked amazing on her. She took them off, grumbling about how much her feet hurt, and thought it would be funny to put them on me. She slid one shoe on my foot, and it fit almost perfectly! I nearly passed out...she took it right off and that was that, but the next time I had an opportunity to try on those shoes...back on the wagon ever since. I also took an extended break when my first child was born (I was NOT going to be a cross dressing dad! No way!), and that lasted until the 9/11 attacks. Many people decided life was too short, and my reaction was to fall back into something that gives me the greatest comfort. Never been off for more than a couple months, max, since then.

[karen.k]

i agree with what you said barbara jo... it is true. let me take it a step further. it doesn't have to be a break up, it can be just getting bored of sex with that girlfriend or having a girlfriend or wife thats not sexual enough for our libido, being sexually unsatisfied. we then find the sexual diva that we are looking for in ourselves by becoming her....

[TxCassie]

I am the same way. I've had periods of non-dressing, not even a thought or desire, and then slowly, the desire came back. Each time, it's come back stronger and stayed stronger. Currently,I don't dress everyday, but I address Cassie everyday, either by reading and sometimes replying to the postings here, looking online for clothes, or maybe just putting on a blouse. I think for me, I am gay, so I don't have a wife and never really had a LTR BF, when I had other major issues going on in my life, primarily, job related, I did not dress. It's when I'm relaxed, alone, no major pressing issue for me to address that Cassies..says.. Hey.. It's Cassie time.

[ReineD]

When I'm with my girlfriend I enjoy being a male.

Is this a new girlfriend when the feelings are still at a high and you both are releasing all the dopamine, oxytocin, and elevated levels of testosterone and estrogen at the beginning of a relationship? This is the first stage of love and these feelings abate in most relationships, the experts say usually after six months to two years, when the relationship moves on to the emotional attachment stage. Do you think your desire to CDress would return then?

If so, it's an indication that your CDing is sexually motivated. You enjoy the thrill or the high of it all, and you don't need to CD as long as you experience these feelings when you are in the throes of new love. In other words, you really like to experience this particular type of high (some people are addicted to the hormones it produces) and you've perhaps discovered that you can provide these feelings by yourself when you are not infatuated with someone.

Case in point:


When the thrill of seeing, touching, etc. with her dies down a bit, that feeling you lost will be back. Just be patient.


it doesn't have to be a break up, it can be just getting bored of sex with that girlfriend or having a girlfriend or wife thats not sexual enough for our libido, being sexually unsatisfied. we then find the sexual diva that we are looking for in ourselves by becoming her....

[Fiona Scott]

Sounds like you are relatively young Crossbound? When I was a young guy I was very serious about being a guy with my girlfriends and at those times I definately thought that this would go away When I met the woman I married I didn't dress until several years into the marriage... managed not to go there for a few years... but I had the house to myself for a whole weekend doing gardens and repairs etc... and the urge came back big time!

Don't get me wrong even now, I can go a few days or weeks and not feel paricularly bothered... but I know I won't last long and don't even try holding out. When Kaz wants her share... I embrace the return! Yesterday I didn't dress at all.. no desire. Not a good time in my life... lots of difficult stuff to deal with, even most of the day... just got on with stuff... but tonight she is back... not so strong... but she is enjoying herself and I don't want to go to bed!


Kaz you are spot on with this comment. This is just exactly how I am. When Fiona wants her share she just has to have it, but I can go weeks with out any desire to be her, then "bam" she wants attention. When I first met my wife Fiona went into complete isolation but slowly over the years she has come back and I would not be with out her now. I decided long ago not to fight her. I am what I am but I do wish I had mentioned it to my wife at the start of our relationship. I'm pretty sure she knows but she chooses not to bring it up, and we are still as much in love now as we were 32 years ago when we first met so why spoil it.

[suzy1]

[QUOTE=Karren Hutton;2715029]My phases are much smaller and more like obsessions of the day.... I'll be marching along.... "Squirrel!!". boom.... I'm off on a tangent... Phasettes...



Karren, I know what you mean. I’m getting more like you every day. Should I be worried?


SUZY

[Courtney_Glenn]

I Flow in and out. It's normal for me

[Laura912]

It seems to be like the tide in the ocean.
Laura

[PretzelGirl]

Karren, I know what you mean. I’m getting more like you every day. Should I be worried?

Only if they don't have hockey rinks in Hampshire.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brittany, I dress almost every morning and evening sone evenings
I don't feel like dressing then I log on to the forum then something
magic happens and here I set all dressed feeling pretty.

[Cindia]

The only phase I haven't gone through in the last 10 years or so is the complete purge. The "off" times seem to be getting shorter lately also.

[darci.c]

Hmm, these are interesting thoughts.

I think that when I'm in a relationship with a girl, I do tend to dress less. I guess the explanation that you're getting enough feminine vibes around you makes sense, but that still doesn't explain why when I know I have female friends coming over I don't change clothes (back to guy clothes)

I guess there's a part of me that just feels right this way. I would do it at work if I didn't know it would make everyone else uncomfortable. Too bad we live in a world full of all kinds of ridiculous expectations.

[strangeone]

I find that when I have spent a lot of time amongst female society I am less inclined to cross dress, maybe it's a testosterone/estrogen balance thing?

[Arrows27]

I've always gone through phases, I don't know if can pin down a timeframe of how long they last, but I can say I've gone through 2 full purges about 4 years apart. And in that time there was a good year where I didn't even think about dressing. However, I was also living with roommates so it certainly cut down on the opportunities to dress (and caused a number of close calls... as I am out to no one as a crossdresser). Anyway, about 5 months ago I got my first apartment by myself... so the crossdressing is on in full force at this point. and Considering I work out of my apartment, I spend a lot of time en femme now. Way more than I ever had before. In the last month there has probably been 1 day where I didn't change at some point, where as, living with roommates prior, there might be one day a month where I did dress.

[dbweb]

When I was younger, I would go for years after a purge with no or little desire to dress again. After 3 of these cycles, and 25-30 years of maturity, I have come to understand that I can't ignore these feelings, and have come to accept my fate.

I have steadily grown my clothing collections, wear panties always and bras more and more now, and am always looking for oportunities to go all out when the chance comes along.

I am very close to telling my SO what I have been keeping from her for years, although I suspect she already knows. and hoping to gain the feedom to dress always as I feel.

The point, as I have learned, you can't ignore these feelings you have for ever, the sooner you accept that, the more at peace you will become.

Dee

[sometimes_miss]

I'm finding that I seem to go through phases when wanting to dress. Lately I have had no desire to dress. I have met a new girlfriend and when I'm when I'm with her, I have know desire to be a girl. It seems like when I'm between girlfriends is when I have the strongest desire to cross dress. When I'm with my girlfriend I enjoy being a male. I'm beginning to wonder if my desires to cross dress come because I miss having a significant female in my life? Anyone else feel this way? I haven't dressed in about 2 weeks and have no desire to do so.

I experience the same phenomenon. Over the years, I narrowed it down to two things: 1. the underlying desire to crossdress is for me a knee-jerk reaction to loneliness. My first intimate relationship was as a child, with another boy who liked me dressed as a girl. Over the years, as he would get interested in real girls, and decrease our time together (which was my only source of affection), the only relief from the withdrawal from the loneliness was when I got dressed up and acted like a girl for him. Several years of that during my developmental years resulted in a conditioned response which connected crossdressing to the feeling of comfort from physical contact. Because of the stage of development I was in when it all happened, it resulted in a permanent part of my personality.
2. When I'm involved with a woman and have a source of physical affection, that reaction does not take place, or does so in such a limited way that it's easily suppressed by contact with her. So the crossdressing desire is usually almost always completely gone, or easily quashed by the readily available love and affection I receive from her.
It takes about 6 months after losing the regular physical contact in the terminated relationship for the need for affection to trigger the desire to crossdress. Like Pavlov's dogs, my yearning for affection makes me want to be a girl, even though the affection I received from dressing and behaving as one no longer results in receiving any affection; after dressing up and embracing my feminine feelings, the anticipation of affection which never gets the response it needs eventually exhausts me and I fall asleep, with no sexual feelings involved at all (I very rarely masturbate when 'en femme' and the feelings aren't connected to that state. When it does occur, it seems to be caused by feelings of arousal from looking at beautiful women in a girls fashion magazines/ads or seeing them in pretty clothes while browsing the net). This is perhaps why I have never been the one to break off a relationship; I desperately cling to that which satisfies my most important need: Affection. Because as we can easily satisfy our need for sexual release, that urge is take care of. But we can't give ourselves a hug. You can't satisfy your own need for physical affection. Trying to use sexual satisfaction to do that only results in physical exhaustion, which for a while (endorphins released during orgasm) suppresses the need for affection. But the need quickly returns, which for men, makes us think it's only sex that we want more of. Read my bio for more information about all this.

[Arrows27]

The weirdest phase I've ever gone though was pretty recent... when I shaved my legs for the first time. Because I did not crossdress for a week after that. Apparently the shaved legs were enough to satisfy whatever the crossdressing thing inside me is.

go figure.

[GBJoker]

Holy crap, OP! I sure hope I'm going through what you're going through. That'd make my life quite a bit easier to live. (By that I mean... I should be getting a GF any day now, yay!)

Actually, it's my second biggest theory of why I CD at all.

Also, I do go through similar phases. I have no desire to dress during medium level stressful events, like right now, with a new semester of school starting. But then I have a huge desire to dress when the stress drops back down to near zero, and I get comfortable with my schedule and stuff. As well, I've noticed the desire goes up when I have no friends, and down when I have more than zero friends.