Arrgghh!!!

[AlexisRaeMoon]

I've had a great window of opportunity to tell my wife about my desire to crossdress (see my thread in the New Member forum for details), yet I can't do it! I feel like my head will explode if I don't say something soon, but I can't work up the nerve. I've been dressing behind her back for too long now, and I want that to stop. I'm so encouraged by the positive stories I've read here about supportive wives, but I just don't have the guts. Help!

[Karren H]

Neither did I... But being sloppy let her in on my secret! Telling your SO and the uncertainty of changing everything going forward is a huge step....

[Elle1946]

You don't know what will happen untill you tell her. I told my wife and she was good with it, after a while. News like that can take a while to think about, because it brings up a lot of questions. GOOD LUCK!!

[Nichola]

I agree with Karen, it is a huge step. Just prepare yourself for the worst case scenario as well as the fairy tale ending.
Weigh up the pros & cons very carefully & good luck if you do decide to tell her:)

[kimdl93]

The only way to overcome that fear is to prepare yourself mentally. Walk yourself through the conversation, anticipate her questions and be prepared with honest answers.

You can do it. That, however, doesn't assure that your wife will be supportive or accepting, but really you have no other choice. If she finds out by accident, you'll be in a worse position in every respect.

[Kelli Ca]

I spent a long time hiding my desire to dress, and came out to my wife slowly. You could try hinting about panties during intimacy and build from there, that's the route I took and it worked out well. In the end it is really how she takes it that makes the difference, if you two can share this it will be a really great thing. So in short slow, little hints may be the best course to gauge her reaction. I will look forward to hearing how it goes good luck

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

The question that you have to ask yourself is would you rather she find out on her own, and have to put the pieces together herself and sort of write the "story" for herself of what it all means, or would you rather tell her, let her ask you the questions directly, and help her to paint a more accurate mental picture about it?

I know it is a big scary thing to think about doing, however keep in mind that often the deception is what makes the revelation worse than the crossdressing.

[Lorileah]

The question that you have to ask yourself is would you rather she find out on her own, and have to put the pieces together herself and sort of write the "story" for herself of what it all means, or would you rather tell her, let her ask you the questions directly, and help her to paint a more accurate mental picture about it?

I know it is a big scary thing to think about doing, however keep in mind that often the deception is what makes the revelation worse than the crossdressing.

I agree. Right now you are in control of the situation. If you let it go one and she finds out on her own, you will be on the defense. I also caution against the "surprise reveal" and would say do it slowly and cautiously. But I say do it sooner than later.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I also caution against the "surprise reveal" and would say do it slowly and cautiously. But I say do it sooner than later.

Right. Definitely don't do it en femme. Tell it to her dressed as the man she married, if she wants to see pictures show her but just understand that it is going to be a process of introducing this aspect of yourself to her and her getting comfortable with it. Always be mindful of her comfort levels and the speed at which you approach it all with her. You don't want to spook her with too much, too soon. Remember you've been sorting this out your whole life and she's just now coming to it.

[Jenniferathome]

You do have the guts. The first word is hard, the next 1000 are really easy. Once you say, "Honey, I need to tell you something..." it comes easy. Do it when things are calm, maybe even after a glass of wine, and you have time to discuss. Good luck

[Stephanie47]

I think the key to the situation is somewhat dependent on the length of the marriage. Just laying it out there after not revealing such desires, may not turn out for the best. Yes, maybe we all should have bared our souls to everything we ever did or experienced, but, ...... to what expense. Should I have told me prospective bride that I wore my mother's slips and clothes years before we met, especially if the urges were dormant? What if the urge to dress first overcame your resistance after marriage? It is not an easy subject. Yes, sooner or later your cross dressing will come out. Explain away the hidden bra or panty! Not easily done, unless you want to confess to an elicit relationship that will destroy your marriage anyway.

Hopefully, after years of being together your positive attributes will out weigh your negatives. Everybody has faults. Hopefully, your wife's views of cross dressing are not a marital deal breaker. If your cross dressing is not a total deal breaker, then you must adhere to the boundaries your wife establishes. It may be a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship or more than that. It's up to her. That's my opinion on any issues that arise in a marriage. Would one spouse tolerate the other spouse smoking a cigarette or weed? Would the user force a cigarette or joint into the other spouse's mouth? I don't think so! It's the same with cross dressing.

[JamieG]

The only way to overcome that fear is to prepare yourself mentally. Walk yourself through the conversation, anticipate her questions and be prepared with honest answers.



You do have the guts. The first word is hard, the next 1000 are really easy. Once you say, "Honey, I need to tell you something..." it comes easy. Do it when things are calm, maybe even after a glass of wine, and you have time to discuss. Good luck

Jennifer and Kim both give great advice on how to work up to it. If your afraid you won't be able to get the right words out, put it in a letter, and give it to her at a time when both of you are fairly relaxed and free of distractions. Be sure to sit with her while she reads it so that you can immediately answer any questions she might have. From reading here, you probably know what the most common questions are: "Are you gay?" "Do you want to become a woman?" "What does this mean for our marriage?" "I'm not a lesbian, how can this work?" "Will you start dressing all of the time?" etc. You may want to answer some directly in the letter, but be prepared to answer the rest if she asks them. If she seems overwhelmed, tell her about this site and the private section for GGs. She may need to talk to other women who have gone through the same thing. I wish you both lots of love and happiness.

[DanaR]

This will just to add to some of the information that has been given already. One of the sad things about telling your SO, is that after she knows other than you, she probably will have no one to talk to about this. When I told my wife, this forum wasn't around. So my suggestion to you, would be study all that you can here so when and if there are any questions you will be able to point her in a direction. After you tell her there could be all kinds of questions going through her mind.

This is a tough thing to do, but I think that it is the right way to go. Honesty is always the best policy.

[Barbara Ella]

This is likely the hardest thing you will do. Do not rush in and try to wing it. Write things down, read them, talk them over in you rmind. Discuss with yourself the variety of scenarios that could play out. This is her life that you are throwing the heel into the works on. Be prepared for rejection along with some acceptance, but be prepared for the attitude to bounce around as she takes things in over the following days. Be honest and open. Let her lead the conversation. do not do it while dressed. do not expect a final answer immediately. do not push her. Accept what she says and do not argue over any points during the initial talk. What she says now may change after further thought...or it may not...either way, it is her conversation to direct and your arguing points will not help you.

Just random thoughts if you decide to tell her. Lots of good advice from the girls here, and it will be so much better than if she finds out by accident.

Babes

[Kaz]

This really is a biggy... I don't know the stats as they are not documented for some reason, but I have been here 2 years or so and there are many who didn't make it through this and they subsequently left the forum... it is easy to be persuaded by the success of others... Tread carefully, you risk everything... if it works at first, even then there have been lots of examples of temporary compliance until the SO had got their head together - it will take time for her head to adjust and where she lands is anyone's guess.. and I am not sure that it is down to your skills as a communicator... there is a lot involved.

I am not advocating keeping it hidden... I did for decades... but my family made it... the girls are now all left home (just)...

There are success stories here, but there have been horror stories too in the past... less so now for some reason... had I come out to my wife early on and she had accepted it then I can dream of having had a different life... though I am not sure how it would have panned out with the kids... but if she hadn't... or if she came to learn that she couldn't accept it (the usual run) - I would have lost everything that I have now...

Mind you... I guess it could have been a whole better too!

You don't know how it will pan out. Be careful... and keep us informed... You never know, even I might be able to say something that helps?

God we really do need some good research into these issues - it could really help so many people!

[Gillian Gigs]

I agree that it is a really big step to tell your SO. Having said that, I believe that, I still say it needs to be talked about, even if she never supports you in this life style. Marriage is not about you, or her, but about "us". We all want to be loved and accepted, whether you are male, female, or somewhere inbetween. I think that it is better to tell her on your timing, and not as a result of her finding out. Love is the glue to any relationship, so increase the glue content in your marriage, and then sit down and talk.

[Dawn cd]

It sounds like you're putting pressure on yourself, Arianna, to do it soon. Relax. This has been inside you for years—probably as long as you can remember—so it can wait another few days, or weeks, or even months. Get your head on straight. Read some posts here about telling your SO. Then choose a moment when you are both relaxed and enjoying each other's company. Remember, because your wife loves you, she wants to be close to the real you. Revealing yourself is an act of love, but to pull it off you first of all have to love Arianna.

[cdsara]

I had the same problem I told her in bed one night when it was dark and I didn't have to see her face. I said i need to tell you something then I was commtied to tell her.

[elizabethamy]

It can be difficult for her once she knows, though it's been easier for me -- much easier -- that she does know, and we are working together on fitting my CD issues and habits into our marriage (in fits and starts, with bad moments as well as good). When you do tell her, reassure her that you are the same person she married -- you've just learned some big new things about yourself, but that you are still you.

[Kathy Smith]

Oh, it's difficult! I went through all sorts of turmoil for weeks. Like you, I just _knew_ that it was time to tell her, but was scared of the possible result. In the end I decided that I simply _had_ to tell her because if she found out by herself the result would be far worse for her, if not for me. I don't want to hurt her, she's my best friend as well as my wife.

So, I wrote her a few pages of text and saved it as a password protected pdf on a usb stick (stops snoopy kids from "borrowing" it!). I told her everything, how long it's been going on, that I'm still the same bloke, not gay, not going to suddenly appear dressed up as a drag queen, no intention of ever transitioning etc. etc. I also left her with various links and info from the web. All in the same file. I left the stick by her computer and rang her up later in the day, asking her to read it and giving her the password. Then I was on the edge of my seat for the rest of the day, almost panicking on the way home. She was fine with it. She never bothered with the web links. I think she's just put it down to one of my usual hare-brained schemes!

Oh - we've been married for 26 happy years. :-)

[Janelle_C]

:battingeyelashes:This is a big step for you I know how hard it is to keep it all inside to your self. So I guess you have to decide if you want to live in side a closet inside your own home. When I first talked to my wife about it see was ok with it but did not want much to do with it. It made me feel good that see knows but sad that see didn't want to be part of it. But that was in beginning almost 30 years ago now she is very supportive and helps shop and buy shoes and makeup. She has come a long way she loves me and says she just wants me to be happy even thou since I’ve been coming hear I’ve started to talk to her about getting my ears pierced and shaving my body she seems ok with it but I think she is getting nervous. But I think if you tell her you also need to have a little patience with her.:daydreaming:

[prettytoes]

After 27 years of marriage, lots of hiding, telling myself I could stop (yeah, right!), and many expensive purges, my wife found out the hard way. She found one item (a sports bra) and began a thorough search. I came home after a weekend away to all my clothes spread out neatly on our bed. It did NOT go well! IWe didn't talk for several days. Finally we sat down and discussed it; there were lots of tears, and many questions from her.
Now she is OK with it, with some boundries. I feel much better not having to hide anymore. I sleep better at night, have far less stress, and I am generally much happier.
I only wish that I had told her long ago. I tried the little hints..."borrowing" her underwear because mine was all in the wash, trading underwear after being intimate, and buying and wearing women's underwear because "it fits me better, is more comfortable, and is cheaper".
Not telling her and keeping it from her for all those years created a lot of guilt. I deeply regret not telling her and having her find out the way she did. She is a great woman who doesn't mind as long as it makes me happy...and pink (or any other color!) toenails make me happy!
I can't predict how your wife will react; but what would be better for both of you, telling her, or having her find out on her own?

[RenneB]

I hear you Arianna as I have had the same dilema. It's like throwing a grenade. Most likely it'll explode, however, there's a chance that it won't. It was that type of thought that has kept me in the closet with my SO. A few months ago, Renne left her knee high 4 inch heel boots on the bed after a day of running around in the comfy clothes. That was when I was just about ready to let her know everything. Long story short, she was ready to drop the D word if it was true, that would have left me in a low rent apartment and no family. It blew over and after taking a look at the other side of the line, I'm not ready for the 50/50 chance of it exploding.....

It is a decision that you alone will need to make based on sooo many things in your life. I agree with Nicola on this one. Be prepared for the worst and you'll either be pleasantly suprised or get what you expected...

Renne.....

[Emma Leigh]

After all the good advise that has been handed out on this thread, I feel I need to add a note of caution without trying to appear negative. Some have said (wisely) to be prepared for the worst, my seeming rock solid relationship of some 10+ years did not stand up for long after the revelation. For all the success stories, there are still failures. I still think you have to tell her, but I did not want you to think acceptance is guaranteed.

[J'lyn GG]

Yes, you need to tell her, but know that her life will NEVER be the same, regardless of how she feels about the cding. And you will be the reason. Give her some leeway.

I do NOT agree with telling her little by little or slowly. Once this is out, things will be forever changing in your/her marriage and life. If you tell her little by little, those changes will be even more often. (not fun, believe me) A letter might be good, just b/c you will be able to say everything you want/need to. And you won'tbederailed by the emotion of it all. Depending on her personality, let her read it by herself, but be available when she is ready to discuss it. Don't let her ignore it. IMO, DADT is MORE harmful than the lying.

Please realize that you must treat her better, after you tell her, than you ever have before. She will probably need the reassurance and extra care. Please don't go changing your male self. If you do the car repairs now, continue to do them. If you chop wood, continue. Etc. She is still your queen, treat HER like it.

[SweetPea_GG]

JMO

It won't get any easier the longer you wait and you risk daily of her finding out on her own and it blowing up more then if u would of had the guts to tell her yourself. I don't know how long you have been married but keeping it from your wife will end up hurting her more IMO. And I would think you do love and care for her otherwise it wouldn't matter for u to tell her or not. Does she not deserve a honest husband? Ppl think they are "protecting" their spouse from their secret by hiding it but we are all married to grown-ups right who know how to take care of themselves? Give us a chance and tell instead of taking the easy way out and hiding it cause you might be scared of the outcome or want to protect your spouse. If you are hiding it all to save your marriage from the dreaded "D" word then really what kind of marriage is it other then based on lies and secrets you are hiding from your spouse and really from yourself too,..

I speak from expirence as a GG who found a stash of items on my own..(after 15ys married but 20yrs total together) I was am still am so hurt and it's been a year. I don't trust much still and when he has to go away I think the worst but I'm still around trying to make it work..it's far from my ideal marriage but I am working with the hand I was delt.

[lady heather]

im married to one and he just let me know about two weeks ago. he kept it from me for almost 5 years. i would let her in cause for me i would of rather known before just recently and i think she has the right to know. even if it is just alittle bit at a time

[josee]

Looks like you got some excellent advice from some of our wonderful GG sisters. If you tell her yourself you are able to keep it out in front of you. You don't have to worry about coming home to a pissed off spouse who found out while you were away and has had all day to stew on it. The letter idea is pretty good if you have trouble saying the words. Just be gentle.

[Eryn]

That "head exploding" feeling of stress is also affecting your relationship with your wife whether you like it or not.

Yes, it is a hard subject to broach, and you need to handle it carefully. Yes, you do want to plan, but don't plan so much that you end up tangled up in it.

The best approach, IMO, is to pick a time where you and your wife will have a couple of hours of uninterrupted time for conversation. You then say to her, "Dear, there is something that has been bothering me for quite some time that I'd like to talk about."

Consider the situation reversed. If your wife said that to you you would definitely want to know what the problem is, right? So will your wife.

I was in exactly your situation. I procrastinated for a very long time. The actual talks were easier than the agony of the procrastination.

Your wife's life won't be the same afterward. Neither will yours. Our lives are constantly changing and part of being a couple is to help each other through those changes. Change is natural and often for the better.

[Misti]

I've had a great window of opportunity to tell my wife about my desire to crossdress (see my thread in the New Member forum for details), yet I can't do it! I feel like my head will explode if I don't say something soon, but I can't work up the nerve. I've been dressing behind her back for too long now, and I want that to stop. I'm so encouraged by the positive stories I've read here about supportive wives, but I just don't have the guts. Help!

Hi Arianna, I posted this in your Visitor Messages, so as promised, here goes again:
Again, I want to welcome you to the forum. I was just reading your post, "Arrgghh!!!" (Note. Arrgghh 2. I got the: "The text that you have entered is too long (1220, and then, 1103 characters). Please shorten it to 1000 characters long.") OK!

I want to wish you and your SO the very best of luck in your "very precarious" quest. There has been some "great advice" given to you in a very short period of time herein. Surprisingly, the "old diehards" haven't chimed in, yet, only those loving and very thoughtful sisters have. The best part, and I sincerely echo it: "For the sake, sanity and safety of both of you, please do be careful, do it on your terms and time schedule - but do it you must!" :straightface:

Arianna, I haven't read your "New Member" posts yet, and I do so want to post my very, very carefully considered response to your plea [here] in your post, because it is so "Damned" critical to all CDers with SO's, most especially, GG's. :sad: Love her from this moment forward "more than you ever thought possible, and then some - maybe even double that;" she is your "only anchor" in this crazy mixed up life of ours. :devil:


This really is a biggy... I don't know the stats as they are not documented for some reason, but I have been here 2 years or so and there are many who didn't make it through this and they subsequently left the forum... it is easy to be persuaded by the success of others... Tread carefully, you risk everything... there is a lot involved. There are success stories here, but there have been horror stories too in the past... less so now for some reason.... God we really do need some good research into these issues - it could really help so many people!

Right on all accounts - as are so many herein - but most especially the "Good Research," part, Kaz. I could have used it, as would, and will, many, many others like us...

P.S. When you finally do "Do It," Arianna, you "both" can find "More Love and bliss together than you ever thought possible?" :love: It has happened that way for me, "Thank the Good Lord!", And amazingly, even though I am sitting here breaking in my new 3" high black sling-back heels, "so I won't break my neck when I go out," ala the sage warning from my "Loving" SO, I'm still not all the way "OUT there" yet. :daydreaming: It's been, and will continue to be, a very long, rocky and arduous journey, so it seems? :devil:
P.S 2. [As I promised,] I will continue this [here] in your Post ASAP.

L&R,
M.

[Maria 60]

When i told my wife it was one week back from our honeymoon and she could have said that i kept a secret or why that i waited till after the wedding to tell her, but instead she just asked a couple of questions and she said she understood why i didn't tell her, and then went on telling me that i could wear her skirts but she didn't want me to wear her panties or pantyhose and we went out to buy me a few pairs. i was in hiding at home with my parents all my life and i wasn't about to go threw another life time in hiding. I took a big chance but it's what i wanted and thank God that she was cool about it and still is. I read about other women that aren't so accepting of it and think that you know your wife and must have a good idea how she is and how she's going to take it. Good luck and lets us know how it go's.

[docrobbysherry]

Do it the way I did it with my ex! She found a strange bra in our bedroom! (Left by accident, by the way!) And she was, SO RELIEVED to hear I WASN'T HAVING AN AFFAIR!

[AlexisRaeMoon]

Thank you all for the wonderful advice! I can't tell how much I appreciate it. I'd like to write more, but can't right now. Still trying to decide what to do. I love her so much I just can't stand the thought of it going wrong, even though I have this feeling it might go well. More later...

[Allisa]

Maybe I should'nt be answering you about this but I thought maybe a view from the other side of supporters,I had 2 very serious relationships go bad in part because of my CDing,there by marriage was out of the question,they could not handle the whole idea and my not disclosing this part of me was to much of a lie.I can't understand how anyone can commit to another person without coming clean.But that being said I wish you all the luck in your quest,listen to the others, they are much wiser than I in these things.Bye,Lisa.

[Kathy Smith]

Arianna,
I know that my previous post was so positive, but remember that only you will have any idea about how your wife might respond. It's true that sometimes they are ok with it and other times it's a disaster. My own idea at the time was to flood her with as much personal information as possible, all my hopes and feelings, being completely honest (and with a mega-helping of reassurance on the side!). It's a real possibility that it won't work for you, we have to be honest about these things, but if your marriage is otherwise stable and happy there is a probability that you'll be able to work something out (be very prepared to make compromises though). Remember that you are asking her to change her view of you and she may not like what she sees. That change of view is for life. Tread carefully and good luck.

[AlexisRaeMoon]

Hi all - thanks again for caring. So, there seems to be a consensus that I need to be honest and open. What's up for debate is what to expect her reaction to be. Obviously, none of you know my wife, so it's hard to say what the outcome might be. If you'll indulge me for a moment, let me explain how I found myself in this situation to begin with...

My wife has seen me crossdress, in person, twice. Now, it's probably not what you think. I've never been "caught." The first time was Halloween about three years ago. The night before a party, I still didn't have a costume. Every year I wanted to crossdress (it's the one night you can totally get away with it!), but never had a good "hook." Well, thank god for Sarah Palin! It was a popular costume that year, but I was one of the few men that braved it. I pulled the old "wouldn't it be funny if..." line. She said, well, I've got a black suit that will probably fit. That's all it took - I was off and running! We decided it didn't look right without breasts, so she let me put on a bra (giggling the whole time, of course). She seemed to be enjoying me make a fool of myself. I needed shoes too, and she had a great pair of black boots that fit me. The next day I went out and got a wig (still in use today, mind you) that I knew wouldn't be stuck in the trademark Palin bump, for later use. That night (with the kids safely ensconsed with their grandparents), I shaved and began dressing. I needed my wife to help get the wig looking right, and she let me borrow her makeup. She even suggested I carry a purse - and let me bring along lipstick to touch up later. It was an unbelieveable evening. I even had a few people at the party going for a bit. Most people realized I was a man, but sometimes it took them a bit to catch on.

In the past few years, I've continued to dress in private, never having to courage to own up to how much I really loved dressing up. It's been a struggle, but here we are. About a month ago, my wife brought home this silly candy cane girl costume that she used for something. She said, "we should take a picture of you in the dress for a card!" Ha ha - funny. She was joking, but that was all the impetus I needed. That night, I brought it up again, and after taking a quick shower, back to her side of the closet. I borrowed the same tights I used for the Palin costume, and tried to borrow a bra. She wasn't going for it this time. After putting on the dress and heels, and of course, the wig, I asked for her makeup bag. That's when I got the "honey, what are you doing?" But she caved, and I disappeared into the bathroom to make up my face. I came back and she said, "are you wearing eyeshadow???" But shook her head and followed me out to take the pictures. That night, I could hardly sleep.

The next day, she actually e-mailed me at work as ask where the pictures were. She wanted to see them! She admitted later that she thought it was really weird that I got so into it. But, no harm, no foul. We actually ended up printing a few holiday cards, and get this: She handed them out to some close friends at a party! We had the whole thing planned out, and it went great. Of course, everyone was laughing their ass off, but I think it was mostly because I looked pretty good (or so I keep telling myself). That right there is the "window of opportunity" I referred to earlier. My wife has actually seen me dressed as a woman, thinks it's weird, but amusing enough to share with friends. The missing piece, is that she really doesn't know how much I actually enjoy it. My dilemma, essentially, is that I'm afraid it will just make it too awkward if I admit that. But, after every stunt I've pulled so far, I'd have to think she couldn't be completel shocked. I mean, come on, how many dudes are willing to, without any prompting, put on women's outfits just to get a laugh? I'm not talking high school jocks in cheerleader outfits, but serious girl-time, kids.

If nothing else, one of the things I've always loved about my wife is her loyalty. She will stand by someone she cares about until the end, and I know she wants what's best for me. One of the hallmarks of our marriage is a willingness to support each other's individual activities. It's never about stopping the other person from doing something because you don't like it, but it's about encouraging each other. The ultimate test will be to see if that extends to something that's just a tad outside the norm. I appreciate the caution some of you have expressed, and it certainly gives me pause. I feel like I'm in a bit of unique position here, since many of you had to bring this to your SO completely cold - with no inkling whatsoever. My wife has seen me wear her clothes, now I need to tell her how it makes me feel.

Thanks again for letting me spill my guts, it's therpeutic. I appreciate any other insight. Cheers!

[JamieG]

Arianna,

Just because she's seen you in drag twice, don't expect that she knows or even suspects. Before I came out to my wife, she had seen me in tights on our first Halloween as a couple (I was in a unisex jester costume), I wore a french maid costume for her because I lost a bet, I bought a spandex unitard in order to make a Spiderman costume for another Halloween, and I threw on a long red wig after watching a glam rock movie. Oh, and I never complained when watching "Priscilla Queen of the Desert," "The Birdcage," "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" etc. How many "normal" guys do all of those things? Still, when I came out to her, she was completely surprised. She said it all made sense, but only after the fact. Up until then, I think she just thought I was open minded and had a few cute quirks.

[DanaR]

My wife has seen me crossdress, in person, twice. ......................She admitted later that she thought it was really weird that I got so into it.

She might think that it was fun, but it isn't something that she has to deal with on a regular basis. She mentioned it to friends because it was funny. When you tell her, it might not be funny to her anymore or want to share with her friends.

I hope that it goes well, but do you homework and try to understand what she might be going through.

[AlexisRaeMoon]

I know, I'm sure it will come as a surprise still. I guess I'm just trying to look for indications that she might be ok with it. I mean, I imagine there are some girls that would be outright disturbed, joking around or not. It would be nearly impossible to tell her if even the mere idea if a man in drag grossed her out.

I can totally relate to the whole idea of Halloween costumes that aren't drag but involve elements of it. Rock star? Need a wig. Elf? Gotta wear tights.

[kimdl93]

Regardless of the cautionary comments from others, you really don't have an alternative. She'll either find out by accident or you'll tell her. Don't put too much weight on the comment that seeing you dressed as a woman is "weird". It is weird in a way - because its outside her experience.

I would think its safe to assume that she has at least had a momentary thought that your interested in dressing for more than the amusement value. So, try to find a time to have this conversation. Don't have a hidden agenda - like ok, can I get dressed up right now. Just make it a conversation about the feelings you have about dressing. Focus on your emotions, the need and be prepared to answer all the inevitable questions. This won't be easy, but if she's the person you describe, it will be ok.

[jillleanne]

Not to worry girl, the guts will come easily when you can no longer stand living with the lie, and the burning desire to move forward with who you are inside and the need to express yourself more. As Toyota once said, " Oh! What a feeling!".