So, they finally did not put up with me

[johanna.kitten]

In the past I have posted that I am OK dressing at work.

Now, this time, it all went tits up! Not kidding, I had hatred email-snottograms
sent to me. Not really overdoing things, I just wanted to start the new year fresh.
So, my first ever 4 inch heels, all dressed in white (blouse and long cotton skirt
down to the floor, kinda hippie style). Then add pearls and silver/white gold bling, also my new 22 inch jet black straight hair and blue nails. Perhaps is was a little bit too much for them and I have to break them in slowly.

I got seriously depressed and I have not been in the office for two days. All I am
after now is the freakin' hormone replacement therapy or I'll top myself. Life is
not worth living the way it is - I have to become a woman no matter wot!

/Johanna

[Marleena]

Okay so you found the haters at your workplace Johanna. What is the policy for dressing there, and did you inform them that you are TG, or transitioning? Not sure what is going on here need more info to go on..

[Laura912]

We would like the world to accept us as well as do thos on this forum but it hasn't happened yet. I am sorry for your pain but don't have any good verbal analgesics. You have a few routes to take...one is through human resources where you work; the other with your therapist. Sometimes the males have more trouble with your changes and can be more virulent in their responses. The women here will help. This is your safe harbor. Maybe tone things down a little and move ahead slowly and steadily.
Laura

[kimdl93]

I don't know how it works there, but have you talked with HR about your transition? It seems that would be helpfull. I don't know the legal situation there, but I would think that if you're determined to transition then you need to get it all on record and, let the mean spririted SOBs deal with the legal consequences.

[gailprice]

Johanna even though this country is so politically correct and every one is told to treat every one else equal, unfortunately their are still biggots out there who think it's their way or no way.
You need to inform your HR dept or your boss and give them a date you intend to start your transition and dress as a female. Then they may wish to inform those who work with you (if you accept) and should include a friendly word with your colleges that any harassment or bullying of any nature will not be tolerated. I think this even included in our legal system. This should give your colleges an opportunity to ask any questions. Then if they are not comfortable with its hard luck on them they have to adjust as discrimination is not acceptable. Also your colleagues may want to ask you questions, and even though you dont have to answer but it may be a way of getting people to accept the way you are.
If you have harassment or bullying (which includes emails) then inform your HR or boss, then if they choose not to follow this up then seek legal advice. Please try not to leave your job and stay at home however if you find this is the only option and it leads to you loosing your job you can file for constructive dismissal (Harassment and bullying). But you will only win this if you take reasonable action and report everything to your HR, do everything in writing and keep copies also record all dates of any events. If you have a good trusted friend in work try and get them to witness any events.

If any one can add to this as i may have missed something plus Johanna needs our support..:)

[Contessa]

Johanna, I wish you well in your endeavor. Keep your chin up as they say it may just be a little misunderstanding. I have dressed at work only twice I am not transitioning and have not and will not. I just did it to leave work and this is in the evening close to eleven o'clock. So not to many left at work just our crew. I think you are in a different situation, as you will be transitioning. If you try to wear more modest looking clothes until you know that others have accepted your dressing. You might try ladies slacks and nice tops. With heels and the like then once once everyone knows it is okay with management then go back to skirts and such. I think that you will go in the correct direction when you return to work. Good Luck

Contessa Marie

[johanna.kitten]

Lassies, good to have your feedback.

I have only heard from two haters, one of them might be a little bit of a muppet as he did complain a few months back when I was wearing a thin little blanket over my shoulders as it was cold in my office.

Policy is according to British law regarding discrimination of any flavour, be it sexual preferences, age, ethnic origin, colour of your skin, religious views or political ones. Now, so, I got it in my contract that I can wear whatever I like at work I like, it just need to be smart - I guess they never thought they would have a little crosser on their hands. ;)

@Laura - yeah, perhaps chilling for a while would do the trick. I like to mix, and using simple things like femme jeans/top is not too bad, it is easy and can be confused with drab for many.

@Kim - I have told HR about my transit, and I am not sure the head of HR is happy with me - well, we do go for drinks every Friday. :) At least I got the support of the manager of Professional Services, which is good. She really loves my idea that one day drive a Lamborghini Diablo SE30 Purple/Blue JOTA down a French motorway at the excess of 400km/h being woman, wearing a purple dress/purple drivers shoes by Sparco, all painted in purple and a dragon tattoo all the way from my neck down to under my feet - this is a cool thing to do.

@gailprice - At the time I am mixing a little bit to break them in at work. Sometime I go for 100%, but most of the time I do, perhaps, 70% femme - and always 100% underdressed as they do not need to know about this. I have no particular date set for proclaiming the start of my actual transition - I am quite worried about all this.. :(

@Contessa - I am a little bit envious of you... you kinda got a little bit of another thing I fancy and that is the colour - basically I'm 44 yo, white, male and I want to be a 25 yo, blackish/darkish woman. Can this be done? Well, at least I will do them
more plain women's - not too many dresses/skirts/bras - actually, now when I come to think of it, I am not too fond of skirts and bras. But I do like my dresses.

OT: Hehe - and I did go mad this weekend, as said - my first pair or 4 inch, I did actually buy 8 pair and 16 pair of shoes this
weekend. Then indulged myself in dresses, coats, makeup, hair and then limo to the way out club. I am a sick puppy and do need help, I know this.

/Johanna

Ah: BTW - Did I tell you I was attacked some weeks back? I had this eastern-europeean guy attempting a date-rape on me.
I was in this bar in London W1, had 5 drinks (according to AMEX) - which I can handle, no problem. But then, I woke up by the side of the motorway intersection of M25/M23 down towards Brighton. (Google is your friend.) I can't even get there on my Oystercard. I was found by the police, they thought I was dead. I had no cards/no money and basically nothing. As there were no physical evidence of violence the cops did not drive me home. I had to walk - it took about 12 hours.

[kimdl93]

Good for your manager of Professional Services and the head of HR needn't be happy. Just needs to do the job. Have fun in your Lamborghini.

[Presh GG]

Johanna,

How do the GGs in your office dress ?

[johanna.kitten]

Yeah, thing is I need to be comfortable with both of them. It is not easy as one of them is from Scotland, another from Lithuania, I am from some other freaking country - and we all live and work in England. We all got, I guess, different views of life. This is not easy. Don't get me wrong - I am tolerant, I have lived and worked in 9 counties, worked in some more of them and visited about 100, yes that is about 50% of all. Kinda like to get around.

/Johanna - Kitten

[johanna.kitten]

Johanna,

How do the GGs in your office dress ?

The GGs dress kinda business-bitch type. I am happy about this as this is what I like. I'm in a cold climate, it is dark and this town is all money or nothing - so, I am happy to do the same as the GGs. I really don't like to dress up sexy/****ty unless it is for my own pleasure. So, from day to day, I just like to be like the other girls. No real need to overdo things. Said it before, will again - look at the GGs around you, what do _they_ wear?! Pay attention to this! How dull are not their day-to-day dressing!? Look at that, if you're not happy with not being out of the closet - then, here is your chance, no-muppet will ever notice. I mix almost all the time at work, I don't think they notice that almost all of it is women's - unless I overdo it.

/Johanna

[gailprice]

Dont worry do it at your own pace and i am sure your be fine. xx

[Marleena]

Johanna if you can find out who the haters are you can get that fixed, based on what you've explained. It is not acceptable in your workplace.

As for dressing, since they know about you, you only need to dress appropriate to their guidelines for female employees.

It also sounds like somebody put something in your drink. The police should have helped more IMO.

[moondog]

The emails should be fairly easy for the IT department to trace back to the senders.

[johanna.kitten]

Hehe - I _am_ head of IT at the organization I work for so - I do know. The strange thing is that the mucking fuppet that sent me the snottograms sit only 4 seconds walk from me and _he_ still did not own up, _he_ did not have the guts to come up to my face addressing me what _he_ had to say. Now, I have the guts to dress at work (not all the time, and sometimes only mixed), this takes a lot of courage for most people, it really does - it took me years before I could do it. Why is it that I have to put up with shit like people being utter cowards and having not so cool opinions?

/Johanna

[moondog]

That's why he used email, easy to be an idiot and hit send, but to stand in front of someone and be an idiot, well, that takes a village sized idiot.

[AllieSF]

From your previous posts, and please correct me if I am wrong, you do not want to be found out by some people because you may not be able to stay in the UK. You are dressing pretty much as you want to, are starting to get hate emails, and you seem to brag about your 5 drinks and waking up along side the road. I think that you already are going 400 km/hr with this life style and maybe should ease up on the gas pedal before something worse happens to you. If you are so concerned about getting booted out of the UK, why are you doing what you are, which like you are continually trying to push the limits? It seems like you want something to happen to you. Slow down, enjoy life and the current opportunity that you have where you are at. A slower pace will also let you think more clearly and hopefully act more maturely, which in my opinion based on what I have read in this post and some of your previous ones, you are not doing. I do wish you the best of luck..

[Eryn]

Reading your posts I see a serious problem of harassment via email, but your response to it is, IMO, a bit less than serious or professional. These are your co-workers and they are behaving in a unprofessional manner. If you do expect them to treat you properly calling one of them a "mucking fuppet," even privately, isn't a good way to encourage that behavior.

Concerning your dress: Are 4" heels, hippie style white blouse and skirt, and blue fingernails common dress for GGs in your workplace or industry? We CDers have a lot of fun with clothes, but transitioning is not a good excuse for wearing out-of-place clothing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm on your side, but this battle will be a lot easier to win if you stay close to the GG norm for your situation. I get the feeling that you're having a bit too much fun with your clothing!

[johanna.kitten]

That's why he used email, easy to be an idiot and hit send, but to stand in front of someone and be an idiot, well, that takes a village sized idiot.

Hehe! It really cracks me up... poor *******, he probably suffer a lot. My shrink mailed me and wrote something like "It is bad that your workmates have these thoughts. And he goes on about that they might have their own problems that they are trying to cover up by being nasty to me, whilst they are actually - only revealing their own weaknesses."

I am ace - I love what I am doing, I just hope I will do it better next time.

/Johanna

[Beverley Sims]

As in most threads there is a leveller,
Johanna I have nothing to add, all the advice about go forit is ok, but
Allie Sf...... has put the warning in there and please read that carefully.
If you like the UK you want to stay there.

[johanna.kitten]

Eryn,

I was perhaps overdoing it with the hair. Nails should be fine as GGs do it over here. The heels, so-so. I just wanted the
actual training as I'm not good at walking. I need to practice practice practice - and as my place of work is good for this, I promised myself to start doing this, this year. We got really good hardwood floors that makes an excellent sound - even in my men's shoes.

Ah, and Eryn, I do work in IT for a software house in north London. Not too many GGs around. But, hey - most of the time I am quite relaxed. I study the GGs and aim at what they are doing, seriously.

/Johanna

AllieSF,

Yeah, I know - I do lots of things I should perhaps not, but I am what I am and there is no stopping me it seems. I have had things even worse... parties that started in one country and ended up in a third, or xmas parties that went on for 5 weeks. But never mind, that is just me.

I got no worries getting kicked out of this country, it is only the taxman I worry about. I can go on living in any other country, got no family or friends, I am all on my own. This way I have slightly more freedom in a sorta way.

/Johanna

[Acastina]

Not really overdoing things, I just wanted to start the new year fresh.
So, my first ever 4 inch heels, all dressed in white (blouse and long cotton skirt
down to the floor, kinda hippie style). Then add pearls and silver/white gold bling, also my new 22 inch jet black straight hair and blue nails. Perhaps is was a little bit too much for them and I have to break them in slowly.

/Johanna

Being from California, I have little idea of what is appropriate in your workplace, but what you describe does come across as over-the-top flossy for office wear. Good luck finding the balance.

[johanna.kitten]

Being from California, I have little idea of what is appropriate in your workplace, but what you describe does come across as over-the-top flossy for office wear. Good luck finding the balance.

Eh, Hm - but in a sort of way I always wanted to stand out. When in 10th grade I was wearing black suits and sometimes
women's shoes along with high end fashion picked up in France, Italy or Japan. I always had this in me, I like to go to trance clubs/hard house - wearing something almost transparent and cat-eye lenses, perhaps adding some Bob Marley type of hair.

/Johanna - I am Johanna, I do whatever pleases me

[Marleena]

So basically what you're saying is you pushed the limits on purpose?

See you later, and good luck!!

[Eryn]

Eryn,

I was perhaps overdoing it with the hair. Nails should be fine as GGs do it over here. The heels, so-so. I just wanted the
actual training as I'm not good at walking. I need to practice practice practice - and as my place of work is good for this, I promised myself to start doing this, this year. We got really good hardwood floors that makes an excellent sound - even in my men's shoes.

Ah, and Eryn, I do work in IT for a software house in north London. Not too many GGs around. But, hey - most of the time I am quite relaxed. I study the GGs and aim at what they are doing, seriously.

/Johanna

Yes, I can understand that there is probably a lack of examples of proper wear for a female in IT. I worked in aerospace in a past career. I noted that there was a completely different unwritten dress code for GG technical staff and GG clerical staff. The technical GGs were considerably more conservative in their dress. Your clothes should be appropriate for the tasks you are doing and I doubt that you're getting paid to practice walking in heels.

[johanna.kitten]

So basically what you're saying is you pushed the limits on purpose?

See you later, and good luck!!

Not sure - perhaps the 22 inch jet black straight hair was a little bit too much, but hey - this is the way I'd like to look. If I had my freakin' way I'd have really dark skin as well.

/Johanna - in central London, not more than a few steps from Piccadilly Circus.

[KaTanya]

Well, the white outfit and the blue nails does seem a little over-the-top for the workplace. Add in a couple fuppets looking for any excuse to lash out at you, and it's really not surprising.

As much as I hate to say it, it does sound like an HR's problem to solve.

And do be careful about accepting drinks from strangers. Cold wet and confused is bad enough. It could have been worse.

[Eryn]

Not sure - perhaps the 22 inch jet black straight hair was a little bit too much...

Around SoCal, an IT person without a ponytail is a bit odd! :)

[Momarie]

After reading a few of your posts, I find some of your stories grandiose and hard to believe.

[johanna.kitten]

Well, the white outfit and the blue nails does seem a little over-the-top for the workplace. Add in a couple fuppets looking for any excuse to lash out at you, and it's really not surprising.

As much as I hate to say it, it does sound like an HR's problem to solve.

And do be careful about accepting drinks from strangers. Cold wet and confused is bad enough. It could have been worse.

Yeah, most of the heat came from one person. This person have had comments on other things too. I got a little thin, soft, white blanket over my shoulders at times in the office when I feel cold. The person did not like that either.

Yeah, don't know when that drink got spiked. Thing is that he never left me alone anywhere in this club/bar. It was really annoying, but then again, I made it. I had a closer call once at university out partying with a friend, he, however - did not
make it home, it could well have been me.

/Johanna


After reading a few of your posts, I find some of your stories grandiose and hard to believe.

My life is as boring and dull as you can imagine. I got not much to share in fact, today was really not that great at all. I had to
calm down at the office, white t-shirt and blue jeans, women's shoes, no heels just low rubber sole with thin fabric upper. No bling, no make-up and back to short hair. Was told off by my senior manager that I need to at least tell them at work if I plan to not rock up for two days. Two days - and I still did not get any hormones as was planned.

One thing is good. I got an email regarding my name change and by the looks of things I can change my name to my woman's legally - so this is good, application is about £100 for given names (per name) and I think it was £80 for surnames. However I do need other peoples permission to use my cool Italian surname.

/Johanna

[Presh GG]

I find your discription " Business- bitch" most telling.

And I too find your posts mostly fantacy.
Why don't you do yourself a favor and grow up.?

Presh GG

[johanna.kitten]

I find your discription " Business- bitch" most telling.

And I too find your posts mostly fantacy.
Why don't you do yourself a favor and grow up.?

Presh GG

I am trying my best not to grow up. It is the one thing I don't want. Would it not be great to not have to age? It is bad
enough that I am no more physically fit enough to attend long weekends at raves. Trance, Goa and hard-house was my life and now I can't do it any more.

/Johanna

[MsJanessa]

I'm not sure what you mean by "business bitch"---if you mean conservative--skirt or pants suit, with appropriate blouse and 3 inch or less heels, then that's the norm in most offices, at least in the US--if you wanted to "fit in" perhaps thats the way to go--OTH if you want to make a statement and be in other peoples faces--then "hippie chick" would work---but don't expect everybody's approval--

and since you say you are the head of IT where you work and you know who sent you the e-mails, why don't you just turn them into your HR department with your supporting evidence and let them handle it? Confronting the individual and becoming involved in public office drama probably is not your best career move

Finally, your social life sounds like you are headed for trouble---5 drinks really isn't normal or healthy alcohol consumption for a regular evening out---you might have ended up in the ditch, passed out without your cash or cards with just the booze alone. I'm assuming that what you are posting is reasonably close to the truth (contrary to some of the posts above, I've known other T-girls who have had similar experiences and for some its reality, not fantasy) but that's what concerns me--it sounds like your life is spinning out of control--none of this is meant as criticism---it's your life and you can live it as you wish but it might be better for you to take a step back and take an objective look at what you are doing and where you are heading. Just sayin'

[Miranda-E]

I don't see working and expressing ones gender identity as a fantasy. not everyone hides from their wife, kids and the world.
The hair is the hair. The hippie skirt could fly where I work, the blue nails not so much.

[johanna.kitten]

Yeah, I know I do drink way too much - the 5 drinks is not even breakfast for me. The hair I had to let go, and when it comes to the nails I usually do black or/and white. But one thing is good, I don't hang out with Pablo Escobar and Bob Marley no more if you catching my drift, nor do I do the designer stuff. So, I'm getting better. Shit, I'l late for work, 7 minutes late - gotta go.

/Johanna

[Vickie_CDTV]

The fact I woke up in a ditch along the highway 12 hours from home would worry me far more than what my coworkers thought of my clothing.

I'd just follow the dress code there. Since you are in IT I guarantee you there is another foreigner just waiting in line to come in and take your job and all the company needs is an excuse to fire and replace you. Why give them the rope to hang you with?

[t-girlxsophie]

Remember Johanna you are dealing with cowardly F**kwits,and anything out of the norm for them will freak their tiny minds.But O would say maybe you should have made it a more gradual process,but,and this is a compliment honestly,You do seem a bit Kooky so that wasn't going to happen.But what is way in your favour is that you went through the correct channels,and the 2 muppets will be the one's facing tough questions and consequences.I wish nothing but the best for you hun

take care
Sophie

[TGMarla]

You've gotta be you. If you can only find your peace by the road of transition, then you're going to have to buy into it all the way sooner or later. There's an old saying (that I kinda made up): The only way around this mountain is through it.

But remember that for most people, seeing a person transitioning from one gender to the other is a bit shocking.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

yawn...

you are just blabbing whatever you feel like and looking for responses...thailand, fast cars, four inch heals..screw the world, poor me, drinking....it's really getting old..

Can't tell whether you are troubled, whether you are loopy and believe what you write or just making stuff up for fun...winding us up as you say over there..

if you act anything like the way you post, no wonder there are issues..

[johanna.kitten]

Yep, I have calmed down some at work the latest days. Mixing, gotta break them in. Helped CEO with some techie stuff yesterday and I noticed he looked at my leggings and women's shoes - but said nothing. Good! Transit is at it earliest stages, I've been chasing up the NHS for two hours today for HRT but got nowhere so far. At work there is no sings of me being in transition, but we had a little bit of an after-work last nite and I took the opportunity to tell them about it and show some of me dressed when on my holiday (very different from what I wear at work). We spoke at length, I suspect, about transitioning and my dressing, the only comment I really got was regarding my pearl earrings - best workmate did not like them, "too girlie" he thought. That is OK, I can wear others.

This morning I had a walk in SoHo, London - one of the street vendors in the red light saluted me: "Hi darling!". That felt good. Nice one!

My GG friend is giving me a dress she can't wear, she is size 11 and this one happens to be 12 and would probably fit me.

/Johanna - in sunny but cold London

[ClaireT]

After reading a few of your posts, I find some of your stories grandiose and hard to believe.

You're not alone. I find ALL of these stories hard to believe, inconsistent and a work of pure fiction.

[donnalee]

Let me see; just to sort some of this out - You hardly get any sleep, you drive far too fast, you believe you can handle 5 drinks at a sitting without inebriation and you take other foolish risks. I'm not sure how old you are, but it sounds like you're not planning on getting much older. If you're in your early 20s, I'd probably say get on with it, that's the time in life to take risks, when your reaction time is good and you're physically more able to deal with danger. I've always been amazed that I managed to survive to the age I have, knowing the chances I took when I was young, but I also know that almost everyone I came up with is long dead from foolish chances; Darwin is a harsh taskmaster.
I spent a lot of years herding drunks and can tell you this with certainty; more than 2 drinks in an evening (unless you are very large or the drinks are heavily watered) and you are drunk; adding more just makes you drunker. Drinking with strangers is risky from a number of points, which I think you've already discovered. What finally woke me up was the realization that there were important things I needed to do, and that kind of life would prevent me from being able to do them. I hope you come to that realization soon.
Donna

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Darwin is a harsh taskmaster.

Donna

That about sums it up

I honestly hope Johanna that you are ok and take good care of yourself..:straightface:

[johanna.kitten]

Hey, I never had the desire to fookin' live - I was put on this shitty planet by a ***** that later ODed on heroin and my **** of a father is unknown due to my mum's sweet profession. I only found out when the cops called me at the age of 22, attending uni. I have no reason what so ever to take care of this freakin' organism they call my body. Don't let them do it to you! Leave things behind, like bullshit... racism, politics, clubs, gender, philosophy, what-ever-have-you, ffs, from now on I just do things my way. I am Johanna and I do what pleases me, the rest of them can just put the lid on.

/Johanna - I'll calm down in a minute... promise - lassies, sorry about this outburst - I need my HRT nowly or else