Confusion!!

[sue1965]

I recently moved in with a male friend who has this huge 6 bedroom house to save money to make a permanent move to Florida in the fall of 2012. My friend knows of my cross dressing and his two rule's were he didn't want to see me dressed and also not to let his two son's (20 & 17) know. We were out over new years weekend and my friend was pretty drunk. When we returned home, I am not sure why (besides the alcohol), but he asked a few question's about my cross dressing in front of his boy's!!!! They were surprised to here this conversation and started asking question's, witch I Happily answered as they are completely OK with it. Since that night, The older one has been here since college is out and has talked more about the dressing and has said it wouldn't bother him at all if I am dressed. As he says "if your more comfortable dressed in woman's clothes, then go ahead"
His dad realized what he did a couple days ago when his older son asked why can't I dress while he is at work. So this past Tuesday as we we out, he opens up and says it is OK for me to dress but he still doesn't want to see me and his boys don't care.
So I am a little nervous about dressing up. Some what confused still but I plan on dressing up tomorrow and see how it goes!!!

[Nicola2876]

I seems like his sons are cool about it but he isnt. Have you asked him why he doesnt want to see you dressed?

Im sure after the sons have seen you dressed once it will become the norm.

Good luck x

[david]

HI SUE1965 go for it girl it is your life and it is two short to waste waiting for approval from him if two boys are happy then the floor is yours .bE YOURSELFand enjoy life. davinaxxx

[Laura912]

Perhaps the your male friend is afraid of 1)his own reaction towards you being positive and 2)non-residents of the house thinking he is gay for having you living there. Also, the younger generations are much more accepting that us older ones. Be aware that if you are trying to keep things low key, the sons will tell the rest of the world about you.
Laura

[Karren H]

I think its some level of embarrassment that still lingers deep inside... Or that uncertainty about how they will really react.... I know I have it... I'd have a hard time dressing in front of my kids... Going out in public is one thing... I could care less what people think but when it hits closer to home..... Just sayin...

[DanaR]

My guess would be that your friend is just uncomfortable with the subject; which could be his feelings or how he might think of what neighbors or friends might think about him.

[kimdl93]

I think its just a fact that younger people are more accepting of variations than their parents' generation. I have been dresseed around my adult daughter and oe of her friends - and it was really a non-event. To use my daughter's words, they were "cool with it".

[Chickhe]

Here's how I do it... My wife is somewhat okay with it and she has never seen me practice dressing in the off season from halloween... so I dress fully on special occasions and we enjoy it together. The other times, its for my own enjoyment/learning. If she said she was okay with me dressing all the time, I probably would not change much... the main reason I don't really want to change my lifestyle or hers. ..she also could be saying it just to be nice even though inside it bothers her.

...in your situation, I might offer for them to see you on a specific date all done up to look your best to cure their curiosity, but otherwise keep it private. You don't want to impact them much... living with other people can be stressful...they have some view of the perfect house mate and you have yours.

[Marleena]

Go for it and have fun Sue. You can be the lady of the house (too much testosterone there).:)

[AllieSF]

Sue, I would say that if you are a part time dresser, that you really just need to consider how important is this home for you to live in. Is it cheaper and safer than some other option? So, if there is a chance that the owner or primary renter, the dad, may change his mind, why even go there and give him a reason to ask you to leave? I think that you have to consider that risk when deciding whether to dress or not. He may eventually give in and let you dress as you please, but if he is still uncomfortable, then you may need to respect his previous wishes and agreement with you. Good luck.

[sterling12]

Since your getting all these mixed signals from your Landlord, I would advise you NOT to dress around him. And probably not around his children. Often people will say or do the exact opposite from day to day, moment to moment. But, it's often someone else (like you) who faces The Consequences! Now, if you want to stay in that house, if a roof over your head is important to you; why take The Risk?

Other people will certainly tell you to go for it. But they aren't trying to save money, and they don't have your priorities.

So, you decide what is important to you. Take a risk....and lose. Or, maybe it will turn out just fine.....maybe? What he told you when he was "tanked up," means nothing! If The Boys change their minds, that means your probably gone! And, if you dress, and the next time he's "drinking," and he just might make a pass....then, what do you do?

My OPINION, leave it alone. When you get to Florida, lots of time to dress up and be your Gurl Self. If you get down here to my neck of The Woods, I'll even get you an Invite to many T-Gurl Social/Private Events around the area. You can wait!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[EllieOPKS]

If I were you I would honor your friends initial request because that is where his comfort level is. He made a mistake while intoxicated and spoke up in front of his kids. Besides, when you get to Florida you can dress as much as you want.

[Gaby2]

Nice story, Sue.
I think that took tremendous courage for your friend to open up, revise his opinion, and allow you the option to choose.
Best wishes for whichever decision you make.
I'm considering taking in a lodger (musician, male, American - got to know him before Xmas) to ease the financial strain.
I wonder whether that will compromise my freedom at home.
:rose2:Gaby

[Badtranny]

This is one of those things I don't understand about CDrs.

Why is it so important that everyone in the house see you? You have your own room, so you can lounge around in whatever you want. Under-dressing seems to be a big deal so just put on some sweats or something over whatever you want to wear underneath. If you want to wear a nightie or sleep shirt or whatever, just put on a robe or something when you leave your room. There is no way I would walk around in front of two young men in anything less than full coverage anyway. Unless of course I wanted the attention.

If you were out, and I mean OUT than this would be a non-issue. All of your friends would have seen you already and nobody would care. But you're not out, you're closeted and that's fine so why not stay closeted until you are in a situation where you don't need someone's approval? You can still go out with friends and do whatever you were doing, but your shame has caused you to conceal an aspect of your personality that is now considered an embarrassment to your friend.

Hopefully you will move and start a new life where you can be proud of who you are.

[Badtranny]

I wonder whether that will compromise my freedom at home.

Only if you let it. Just make a decision that you will not hide in your own home.

[kimdl93]

This is one of those things I don't understand about CDrs. ....Why is it so important that everyone in the house see you? ......If you were out, and I mean OUT than this would be a non-issue.

i know some folks will be offended by that comment, but I think its a good point. I think the desire to be dressed around loved ones is probably, whether conscious or not, is a desire for affirmation and acceptance. Everyone needs some affirmation from others - we're social animals.

Still, its someone elses home, and that, by my standards would require respecting their preferences.

[Marleena]

Maybe I read wrong, but the house owner said it was okay? It's up to the OP to dress, or not?

[Gaby2]

Only if you let it. Just make a decision that you will not hide in your own home.
That's a simple statement, Melissa, full of common sense.
And I that is how I think... sometimes one needs encouragement and/or a timely reminder from others.

[Eryn]

A lot has to do with the exact situation.
Are you paying rent? If so, then you can do as you wish as long as it isn't illegal.
Are you a guest? If so, you should abide by your host's wishes.

The bottom line in either case is if you wish to keep this person as a friend.

[AllieSF]

Yes, Marleena, he eventually said it was OK. But we are just cautioning her to be careful and think a little more before starting to dress, since there was some alcohol involved in the subsequent change of heart.

Another thing about dressing is whether she will be dressing to hang around the house, or to walk through the house on the way out the door. If it is to hang out around the house, I stick with my previous recommendations. If it is just to pass through the house dressed to get to your car, I would, for the immediate future anyways, just put on a pair of baggy sweats over your femme attire and finish up somewhere on the road. I have done and occasionally still do that very successfully and it really then just becomes a minor inconvenience to my bigger goal of going out dressed. maybe later after you are there longer you can revisit the topic to see if he is still OK with it all.

[Julogden]

My 2 cents worth, abide by your friend's wishes for the several months that you'll be living there, and then when you move to Florida, hopefully into your own place, then you can do dress as you like whenever you like. The opinion of your friend's son really has nothing to do with the situation, as he has no say about your living agreement with your friend. If you can dress while your friend is away, then take advantage of that, but don't push him on dressing when he's home. It's his house, he's doing you a favor, so follow his rules.

If you can't do that, then you need to look for some other place to live.

Carol

[Marleena]

Yes, Marleena, he eventually said it was OK. But we are just cautioning her to be careful and think a little more before starting to dress, since there was some alcohol involved in the subsequent change of heart.

Okay, I get it.:) He (homeowner) still does not want to see it though. Tough call, I just say stay out of everybodies face then.

[Gaby2]

Maybe I read wrong, but the house owner said it was okay? It's up to the OP to dress, or not?
Hi Marleena. Sue is staying with a friend, who has difficulties with her CDing, which she respects.
Nevertheless, I'm sure her friend wants her to feel at home which probably explains his gradual change of heart.
It wouldn't surprise me if his level of acceptance continues to rise and he might actually request her to be "herself".

When I entertain guests at home, most often the last thing I want to talk about is CDing.
Recently a group of my SO's close friends visited my place for an afternoon.
They know I CD, which pleases me.
One GG expected to find cloths lying around and was a bit perplexed that there was no "evidence" anywhere.

The thought does intrigue me, and I would love to CD socially.
But I'm not ready for that just yet.
Indeed, I fear our friend's curiosity would have had me posing as a token-CDer.
CDing is too important and personal for me to take that risk.

:rose2:Gaby

[Badtranny]

That's a simple statement, Melissa, full of common sense.
And I that is how I think... sometimes one needs encouragement and/or a timely reminder from others.

Glad to help. I'm like the tranny Jiminy Cricket.

[Badtranny]

i know some folks will be offended by that comment, but I think its a good point.

Oh, I wouldn't say offended Kim, just curious.

I totally understand the desire to be accepted by your friends, but this seems like a weird way to do it. The friend was very clear that he didn't want to see it, so there is plenty of room for education and bridge building but that doesn't come by flouncing around the house in a nightshirt. Why not have some real discussion on the issue with the friend instead? Ask questions, answer questions etc etc. How do you think the friend would react if he came home from a date one night and the OP was "dressed" while chatting with his youngest son? Personally I don't see it going all that well.

I think everyone knows I'm all about freedom of expression but we need to be smart about it. Here is a chance to really educate someone and expand their horizons and instead we risk the very real possibility of making the wrong impression because we can't resist letting someone see us in our outfit.

There are a million ways to express your femininity without "dressing", and I don't mean by doing the dishes.

[Kaz]

This is one of those things I don't understand about CDrs.

Why is it so important that everyone in the house see you?

Not so sure about this. Kim posted a great response. I DO NOT want to be seen around the house... so I guess this means I am not a CD?

Back to the OP... It is highly likely that your friend wants to keep you as he knows you... if you have been friends for a while he will have a memory store of his relationship with you. Maybe he doesn't want to mess with that. He may be worried that it will affect how he perceives you and may negatively affect the relationship... I would take all this positively and go softlt softy... you are getting a green light... he is a good friend, he has got buy in from the kids so if they discover/see you or find things in your room (they will snoop!), they know and are on side! He now has to deal with his issues... time to discuss things?

[Badtranny]

Not so sure about this. Kim posted a great response. I DO NOT want to be seen around the house... so I guess this means I am not a CD?

Now Kaz you caught me generalizing, BUT based on many (not all) of the posts on this board, it does seem like a lot of CD's want to be seen by someone, unless they are waaaaaay closeted. In the OP's case she must be out a bit if her friend knows so I read her post as if it was coming from someone who REALLY wants to dress around the house among the occupants. My question is simply; why? So you can be yourself?

Why not just throw on a pair of pink (or Pink) sweats and a big tshirt with some big fluffy socks. Sure it's "cross" dressing but who would have a problem with that? I guess what I'm saying is, at some point the OP is going to have to integrate this dressing thing into her life. She clearly doesn't WANT to stay closeted to whatever extent she is so if she eventually blends these "modes" that I hear about then it would be no big deal to see her wearing girls jeans, or a sparkly Tshirt, or cute jewelry.

Or maybe it's like Allie says and she just wants to get out of the house. Well, I know the guy isn't TG friendly yet, but if he's a real friend I can't imagine him getting mad if you're just breezing out the door. That's GOT to be better than hanging around the house in your finery chatting with his sons. Straight dudes get a little touchy if they think you might be "corrupting" their manly sons.

[SarahLynn]

I seems like his sons are cool about it but he isnt. Have you asked him why he doesnt want to see you dressed? ...

If i had to guess......he doesn't want the sons to think he is gay. After all he has a man dressed like a women in his house and i'm sure he believes his sons will think he is gay.

If it were me i'd only dress in my room until he says to bring it out to the common parts of the house.

SarahLynn

[sue1965]

Well just an update. I am sitting here this afternoon in a red top, black skirt and heels. No wig or make up. The oldest woke up around 10 and said to me "i thought you were going to be all dressed up" We talked for a bit and I went up stairs and changed. He complimented me and said you can dress like that anytime, that it is fine. :)

[Gaby2]

Well just an update. I am sitting here this afternoon in a red top, black skirt and heels. No wig or make up. The oldest woke up around 10 and said to me "i thought you were going to be all dressed up" We talked for a bit and I went up stairs and changed. He complimented me and said you can dress like that anytime, that it is fine. :)

Nice one, Sue!
Gaby:)

[sue1965]

Well the father and son had another talk about my cross dressing and my friend said he is Ok with me dressing while home but Still prefers to see me in male clothes. :)
His son has made it pretty clear he doesn't care, "if It is what makes you feel comfortable, then do it". He knows neither of us are gay.

[Gaby2]

Hi Sue,
that's lovely hearing how you all have been discussing CDing at your friend's place, despite his reservations.
That says a lot about him.
:rose2:Gaby

[DanaR]

Well the father and son had another talk about my cross dressing and my friend said he is Ok with me dressing while home but Still prefers to see me in male clothes. :)
His son has made it pretty clear he doesn't care, "if It is what makes you feel comfortable, then do it". He knows neither of us are gay.

It sounds like your friend would rather you didn't dress in female clothes in his house. He owns the house and sets the rules. Out of respect for him, I wouldn't crossdress outside of my room. His son doesn't count in this equation.

[JenniferLynn0370]

Hi Sue,

Congratulations on your progress! Are you considering perhaps wearing some feminine items regularly like a top or pants, flats or ladies sneakers, etc around the house?...something subtle yet visible? Maybe that will bring him to more full acceptance/allowance. Who knows, maybe you could become the "lady of the house"! :-)

Hugs,
Jen

[calebsmithxd]

Personally, I like what Melissa and Jennifer suggested in terms of dressing, but doing it with subtlety and with an eye for blending things from male and female mode. To me, it's the most logical solution and a good way to meet in the middle, so to speak.

[eluuzion]

If I was ME and navigating the scenario you have described, I would tread lightly on borrowed land. You are essentially breaking the two primary terms set forth originally and jointly agreed upon to be conditional to your permission to live there.
Your desire to be "yourself" and openly display your CD interests are understandable, but the fact still remains that you are violating the conditional stipulations of your residency in that house, which he could decide to enforce if things go south at any point.

Things may appear to be moving in a favorable direction for you right now...but you will certainly not be the first person to experience a sudden reversal in your presently accommodating friend's behavior. Courtroom battlegrounds are full of people trying to build a defense around personal accounts of change and hearsay recounts of verbal encouragement made by the plaintiff.

Of course that defense is no defense... not relevant,quickly disregarded, and hopelessly vacant in support for your position...against a plaintiff "friend" who has for whatever reason, reverted back to his original unfavorable outlook on the issue...and the jointly agreed upon conditions of your residency, which he is using to justify his issuance of your walking papers...lol.

It may not seem "fair"...but the "legal" system has nothing to do with fairness and compassion...It has everything to do with what you can...or cannot prove with documented evidence. He is still in the "right" here, because you have violated the joint "agreement".

This is typically the part where you need to say..."oh, he would never turn on me and do that!" :heehee:

I can introduce you to a few of my ex wives and girlfriends that proved that making those types of assumptions will set you up for a very expensive train wreck.

jus' tossing out some thoughts that may or may not apply to your situation.

hey, maybe they are setting you up for an "intervention" or a surprise B-Day party! :D

anyway, good luck with it....:hugs:

:love:

[paulaprimo]

my thinking on this is, your landlord might be concerned about what the neighbors would think of him, if they got wind of a CD staying in his house. back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and i was a "manly man" if i knew a CD was staying at my friends (male) house, i would be thinking that my friend was some kind of freak, amongst other nasty stuff...lol

[Foxglove]

Like some of the others here, I'd advise caution. I also don't think the son's opinion/approval counts for much. It seems to me it would be easy for you to go too far, and you might be asked to move out. I'm not on the spot, of course, so you know the situation better than I. I'm just saying that if it were me, I think I'd be careful about pushing things too far. Good luck!

Annabelle

[noeleena]

Hi,

First the two rules should be keeped as youv not said any thing about as to his background you may not know & as there was his wife at some stage as youv said his two sons i know it..... seems...... to be okay & drink was a factor its his house you are the invited one so he has a reason as he does not wont to see you dressed as a woman i would respect his wish in what he asked. as to his sons thats not the issue ,

Im looking at this from a womans perpective & the repurcustions after the fact could be bad news, i really would respect him & his wishes. for his sake,

...noeleena...

[JessicaM1985]

I agree with Melissa. Talk to your friend in complete guy mode and just have a heart to heart talk with him. Of course he should have had enough common sense to know that of he is going to take a known crossdresser into his home, then a crossdresser is going to crossdress. :lol:

At any rate, it's wise to back off on dressing for now. It sucks, but you gotta roll with the demands of your host if you want a place to sleep. As someone who was homeless for almost a year, trust me when I say it is MUCH worse than staying in guy mode for a while until you get your own place. Who knows though, he might get over his phobias and you can be the hottest looking gal on the block again. But just chill a bit and go slow for now. Maybe consider an androgynous look, or some other compromise. Best of luck darlin'. :)