How many of you are hiding your CDing from your kids (teenagers or older)?

[Marleena]

Just wondering how many of us are hiding this from our kids? I'm in the if they don't suspect, why tell category. Mine don't know unless my ex-wife told them. They have not asked, but they are also in their twenties and married now.

Also, should we be telling them?

[Nikki A.]

Mine are 19 & 22 I haven't told them but I do suspect that they suspect. I almost told my daughter last week but decided to hold off. Kids are real perseptive and pick up on the littlest things. I guess that its better that I choose the time than they find out on their own.

[kimdl93]

I'm partly in and partly out. My two sons were apprised of my abberent behavior by my ex while we were going through the divorce. they seem to have taken it in stride and I have a fine relationship with each of them. I'm out to one of my step daughters, and assume that she's told her sister by now, although she's just too polite to mention it. All are in their mid-late 20's.

[Karren H]

21 and 24.... I'm not out to them. The wife wants it that way. And I'm fine with that.. The son is gay and one of the least accepting of others person I know and the daughter may be ok with it but she's had some contact with a few local tg folks and her remarks left me thinking she was less accepting than I had thought. Ohh well.

[ArleneRaquel]

My 30+ year old daughter's reaction has been very negative and then some.

[Lorileah]

If I had children I would just let them find out at the estate sale. Yeah that's it, always good to spring surprises on family when they are vulnerable. (I feel the same as with a spouse, if it is important to you, it is something they should know "just in case" not something they should find out later)

On the other hand I have only told one of my parents and one of my brothers. So the other half of the family will be in for a shock.

[EllieOPKS]

The only people that know about my CDing are on this forum. I would never tell my kids because I don't want to change their image of me. I have the fear of an experience like MsArlene .

[Jessica Louis]

My son is 14 and I have not told him, I'm more worried about his friends finding out and razzing him about it at school. I can handle it being an adult, but if I need to stop dressing for the sake of my son, I will. He's my world and I will do whatever I need to protect him.

Jessica

[DanaR]

My youngest daughter found out about me, after finding a letter that my wife had written to me, when she was 19. After she found the letter, she put two and two together and then called my wife at work to confronted her. Then she called her older sisters and told them. My youngest then went ballistic and did everything to create problems between my wife and I. This happened over ten years ago. My youngest now will talk to me a little about it. My middle daughter has never acknowledged this part of me or spoken to me about it. My oldest daughter attended several Emerald City meetings and a couple of Esprit Conferences with me and my wife; which are all TG events. So three daughters and three different reactions.

[Madilyn A.]

I have 3 grown children, and have not outed myself to them. I've had several close calls, but I think none of them know for sure. My wife does not want anyone to know except herself.

[Ruby John]

I can not understand why anybody would lay this trip on their kids unless they had to. My wife thinks the same. However diferent strokes for different folks. Ruby

[Foxglove]

My son (26) doesn't know anything about it. I've been wondering if I should tell him, because I don't like having secrets. But does he really need to know? I've held off telling him because I worry about how that would change his image of me. I feel pretty sure that he would be accepting of it because the two of us have always been very close. But I'm not sure telling him is the right thing to do.

[wanagione]

I have 2 boys 16 and 18. They do not know and my wife doesn't want them to know. However my oldest found pictures on me dressed about 4 yrs ago. my wife covered it up as games grown ups play. I think he knows.

[Laura912]

Children are 41 and 38 with two grandchildren involved. They never will be told though my wife knows. Interestingly, when the oldest was very young we found several pairs of panty hose in his room. Sound familiar? To our knowledge nothing further has occurred but then people do not know Laura either.
Laura

[Eryn]

My daughters who are currently in college haven't been told. I can't see adding the burden of keeping my secret (I'm not out in my community) to their already full lives. When they are independent we may tell them, but that is in the future.

[WandaRae2009]

I have 2 ages 20 & 23. The counselor we saw a couple of years ago reccomended against it, since my wife is not accepting much like Karen's it sounds like. So until she agrees the kids remain in the dark.

[Jenniferathome]

I will never tell my children (all college age). That is a burden they do not need to carry for me

[Launa]

I never volunteer any infromation like this unless, I was pinned in a corner and had to come clean.

[girlygirly]

I never volunteer any infromation like this unless, I was pinned in a corner and had to come clean.
I'm not even sure being pinned in a corner is enough for me. There's always some sort of semi-plausible explanation that offers at least an inkling of cover, but an admission is like the image of a man in ladies clothing, it lasts forever.

[Jilmac]

My kids are all adults now and I'm an empty nester, but when they were living at home I think they may have suspected because of my being careless. That said, they have never mentioned anything about my dressing since they moved out and none of them come home to visit so I don't deem it necessary to tell them unless I am confronted.

[girlygirly]

My kids are all adults now and I'm an empty nester, but when they were living at home I think they may have suspected because of my being careless. That said, they have never mentioned anything about my dressing since they moved out and none of them come home to visit so I don't deem it necessary to tell them unless I am confronted.
Based on my experiences, most people really DON'T want to know, anyone who does would want to know for all the wrong reasons. I would prefer not to make anyone uncomfortable by telling them.

Most people seem willing to grant me my privacy, even when I might slip up a little on purpose. I don't wear dresses or makeup, but I do push the limits pretty far without getting called on it very often. The gal I was seeing last year never saw me once in men's clothing, and once watched me put a pair of panties back on after we had sex. Sat there in bed and watched me get dressed in broad daylight, but she never even asked about it, or my tanline from wearing bikini bottoms all summer.

[suchacutie]

There are many aspects of my life I don't believe I should be required to share with offsprings. My transgenderism is one of them.

Tina

[Julia Welch]

They don't need to know ... Hell I can't understand this thing myself let alone try to explain it ... My wife knows and enjoys this side of me but that's it ... If I'm ever discovered that will be a different story, but one I'd rather not ever have to tell.

I'm very comfortable in my closet thank you :)

[Gianna]

My son, 20 and daughter 17, don't need to know and never will, I suspect. There was one time my daughter (then about 11 or 12) caught me dressing for work with only pair of red high cut cotton panties on and stood at the door to the bedroom and yelled "What the?!!!" My wife consoled her telling her they were men's underwear (they were) and I blew the whole episode off. I distinctly remember thinking, 'if I wanna wear pretty, red panties, I'm gonna'. I haven't heard anything about it since, but the red panties mysteriously disappeared.

[Marleena]

Great replies! It looks almost unanimous for NOT telling, including Wanda's counselor.

[Chickhe]

My kid is young, still in elementary school... so I'm really concerned about bullys. Just the other day one of the kids insulted her because she showed another kid a karate kick... another kid that also took karate...where they also teach respect! This kid is a problem kid, but my point is, you don't want to give the bullys any extra power.

So my plan...don't tell the kids anything. Show them a good time. This means to me, dress up on halloween and make it fun. This way, most of the kids will say...you're dad's cool!... and you have to be frank about it if anyone asks...'yup...did it...scared a lot of kids...it was a blast!...I'll probably do it again next year if I can think of a good character to be...'

When the kid is older, she will remember the halloweens and not be too shocked if she ever sees me dressed up!

[Julogden]

My son is 38 and my daughter is 35, son doesn't know (as far as I know) and my daughter does know and is okay with it. She asked to move in with me when she was around 19, well after her mother and I were divorced. At that time, I was very actively dressing, so while I was open to her moving in with me, I felt that I needed to tell her about me in advance so there wouldn't be any problems after she was moved in. She took it well and moved in, and proceeded to use my makeup and even raided my wardrobe a little. She ended up moving back to her mother's after a few months though, as the area where I lived didn't offer much in the way of jobs for her, and she was too far from her old friends.

Carol

[RebeccaLynne]

Just wondering how many of us are hiding this from our kids?

Not me. I don't "hide" from my children. And I wouldn't equate "hiding" with non-disclosure.


Also, should we be telling them?

For what purpose? Is there a compelling necessity there? If so, enlighten them.
If not, why would you?

[docrobbysherry]

Married and high school daughters. I've been waiting for a nice way to tell them to appear here. Still looking for a way that WON'T hurt me, them, and make their lives more DIFFICULT!

The odd thing is, even if I told them they probably wouldn't believe me! Unless I showed them EVERYTHING! NOT something that interests me!

[Noel Chimes]

I have 2 daughters 20 and 21. The younger of the two is a "tomboy" and since they now live with me I tried to break the ice with her. It didn't come out positive at all so the subject has never been discussed since. So telling them about Noelle is out of the question.

[monalisa]

I just worry if I should die suddenly there will be a lot of feminine clothes in the closet and dresser that will shock the daughter. Too bad there isn't a self destruct button for the clothing in the final minute of life.

[cindybabe]

Only my wife and folk on this forum know, i wouldnt want my children to know and there is no need either

[Melanie Sykes]

Mine are 6 and 10 and don't know. I don't plan to tell them, but on the other hand I'm of the view that if they are going to find out then it might be better at a young age as they'll have fewer prejudices. So if they find any of my femme stuff and ask questions, I'll answer truthfully (unless I chicken out!), but I won't say anything if they don't.

[Kerigirl2009]

I have four children ranging from 16 to 8. As far as I know, only my oldest knows for sure, this was a recent slip up by me. here is the story if your interested

I decided being home alone one day while the kids where at school, I was going to let Keri dress up and enjoy the day, something I have not done in a bit so why not.
Seeing as I work nights, this is typically the time that I try to get some sleep so I was sacraficing my down time, but we have to do what we have to do right.
Well as it turns out I was more tired then I thought, because I laid down on my bed and next think I know its almost 3pm, 30 minutes after my oldest son get home from school.
I quickly changed and went upstairs but the house was empty, phew....
Well I went outside to get some things from the garage and my son was in there cleaning up (surprised) I started to talk with him as he was upset with his girlfriend, well he didn't like my advice and gave me some of his own. Heres the quote from my son "why don't you go back in and sleep like a woman"
This through me and I was pretty much speechless, but I did leave and go back in to ponder the ramifications of what is going to happen when my wife finds out he knows.

Well my son was helping me with a house project so we went off to get some supplies, he started talking and I tried to reassure him that it was not that big of a deal and it will pass, It was during this time that I inquired into what he had seen, He said he saw me sleeping and my wig.

So I asked him how he felt about it and such and then went on to explain that yes I have been doing this since I was about 9 years old and asked him if he thought his current problem could be worse then what I have dealt with for years. His reply was "hell no"
I asked him how he felt about it and he responded You do what makes you happy, its no big deal. I asked him if he could keep this to himself and he said he would.
So far the only thing different between my son and I is he gets a kick out of calling me mamme.

So I still keep it a secret from my other three children but I am not ashamed of my secret because it is my life and I choose to be who I am.

[diane51]

I without a doubt keep it from the kids. I have no intentions of having them meet Diane intentionally or not.

[AmarilloStephanie]

Nope, only my wife and this forum know and I'm thinking I'll keep it that way. I see no reason in my situation to put this on anyone else, especially since I don't even understand it.

[Marleena]

Not me. I don't "hide" from my children. And I wouldn't equate "hiding" with non-disclosure.

For what purpose? Is there a compelling necessity there? If so, enlighten them.
If not, why would you?

Either/or..hiding/non-disclosure.

I already answered it's not a questionnaire, just a discussion for opinions.

[Anna Lorree]

Our kids are 9 and 10. We have elected to not tell them. However, I have assembled resources for kids in case they figure it out somehow and we have to explain it to them.

Anna

[PretzelGirl]

I feel that if I can tell others, then I can certainly tell my kids. But there are limitations on the how. My youngest wasn't told until she got older as she was going through drama queen teen years. My oldest daughter was told when she moved into the same area as me. My son hasn't been told because he hasn't been within 2000 miles of me in years other than one or two day visits. And I certainly would want time to talk if/when I come out to him and telling him and sending him on his way wouldn't be the right way to do it.

[Jane G]

Our kids 19 & 23 both know I cross dress. It's not discussed much. I have a very good relationship with them both. Our son is still like a best friend at 19 and our daughter is also very close and lives a few streets away. They just picked up on stuff over the years and worked it out themselves, we never actually told them. I'd be suprised if most of the late teen and older kids mentioned in this thread don't know more than you think about dad's fem side. They can certainly deal with it.

Different for younger children, I agree they should be brought up as society expects and allowed to make up there own minds, as they become adults.

[tracigirl_tv]

My daughter (14) lives with her mother, my ex. Daughter does not know, which is the way I want it. My ex and I are not on good terms, but to her credit she has not spilled the beans. Meanwhile, I live w/ my gf (who knows and supports). Gf's 22 year old son lives with us and does NOT know about my CDing. Out of respect for gf, I have kept it that way, which means I'm wayyyyy out of practice with my CDing these days He works from home on computer and is looking for full-time work....hey, anyone have anything for him? *lol*

[Sandra]

Our daughter was told when she was 14, she will be 23 this year. We told her because Nigella was dressing more often and we got fed up of having to hide. We sat her down and explained it to her, her reaction " yeah well I had an idea " like WFT, we had been so careful her next comment was " can I borrow your clothes"

Amy has no problems with her dad and when we told her that infact Nigella was TS she said " I'm not surprised"

One thing I will say, don't tell your children then tell them not to say anything, that is way to much to expect, if you want to tell your kids then you have to be out of the closet. Amy asked if she could tell her friend, we told her she could tell who she wanted to, she did tell her friends and you know what all of them was ok with and ok with her.

She only had one issue and that was with a boy a year above her at school, (I'll add here that with Amy we had been to the school and told the head master there just incase and problems happened ) he had been niggling at her for a while and this one day her went to far and she punched him in the face, he went running to the head, Amy was summoned, the head told her that really he should expel her but he wasn't going to, as it had been brought to his attention that this lad had been pushing for it.

I would hazzard a guess that most children have some idea and they just don't say anything....don't think that kids now matter what age don't see things, they have eyes like hawks and don't miss a dam thing.

Amy left home when she was 17 to live with her boyfriend 300 miles away, and when they visit the only thing she finds hard is when we are out and people either stare or laugh, me and Nigella ignore it as we have lived with for so long, but Amy does get shall we say a bit cross, so much so that at times we have to hold her back, she is one very protective daughter.

[bridget thronton]

My kis are in their twenties. Both son and daughter tell me it does not bother them. The reason for telling was avoiding having some one see me out and dressed tell them for me (my wife insisted I do this if I was dressing outside the home).

[Marleena]

Sandra makes a very good point that kids are very observant. If my kids ever questioned me due to seeing me or being told by my ex-wife I would tell them, but I won't volunteer it. My new wife agrees, why dump it on them since they don't live with me?

My extended family (new wife's girls) have seen me in shorts and pantyhose. The older one has borrowed pantyhose from me too. They don't know to what extent I dress though (fully). So I won't volunteer that. I thought her son had busted me in makeup earlier this week too as he is the only living with us now.

In our case here the wife and I agree to not divulge anything at this point. If one is dressing 24/7 then it is more difficult, no doubt.

[Gwendolyn]

I'm pretty sure that while almost all parents are away from the house the kids have taken the opportunity to snoop around off-limits areas. While some things like clothes and underwear could easily be assumed to belong to a wife or g/f how do you think they might explain finding wigs, breast forms, or other items that are fairly rare to have around the house.

I would say that most kids have found something out and are keeping their mouths shut about it.

[Ashley Lyn]

Step-son knows.. step-daughter 'caught' me :doh: Both in their forties, so no biggie! They don't seem to care, and haven't passed it on to anyone else, that I know of..! Current SO (wife) is supporting.. :) I showed her my 'closet' before we even got serious.. So much easier!! Current step-son thru supporting SO, does not know, and I'm sure it would be an 'issue'.. He's 21 and would NOT understand.. DRAT!:heehee:

[Cindi Johnson]

My son is in his mid-20's. We practice "don't ask don't tell". But does he know? Of course. Probably has for at least ten years. Kids snoop. Kids are very perceptive. But blood is blood; even if I go 24/7, I have no doubt that he'll still love me. And I him.

[Joann Smith]

I have three , two boys one girl , the boys are 29 and 25 the girl is 21, the daughter knows and is totally geeked about it... She still daddies girl...so she picks out alot of my clothes to make sure i am up to date and lookin cute... The boys ...they never have said any thing to me about it althought i do belive the oldest saw me once. He talked to his sister about it and i have no idea what she told him but nothing was ever said to me ...So if i had to make a guess i would say yeah thay know . I mean for crying out loud there is a picture of Joann on the bedroom dresser. I have never felt that I had to explain it to them unless they needed it...so far i guess they do not need one...I anguished long and hard about my how this would effect my kids lives so i kept it on the low untill the youngest turned 18 ...Then the boy clothes went in the trash ...at least most of them need to keep some work clothes . I do not belive in living a lie and at the same time telling them to be true thier selves and follow thier dreams as they see fit.. not as other see fit for thiem to live... So far no really bad reaction from any of them not even during heated arguments has any of them evern brought it up or tried to use it as a arguing point. I guess weather i am wearing a mini skirt or work boots Da's word is still law in thier eyes...

Now the Grandkids .....that a whole nother story

Joann

[knitknerd]

I am Anna Lorree's wife. I was determined that our kids not know because it isn't their burden to bear and growing up is hard enough. If we have to explain it someday we will hopefully be able to do it adequately. But it is confusing even for us at times. I can imagine how confusing it might be for a growing developing kid. They are still trying to figure out how biology works. I didn't want to complicate things before they get basics figured out.

[evadan]

Twin 22 year old sons and an 11 year old son. I don't plan on telling them and I'm sure my wife would rather it be that way. One of the older boys still lives at home which really puts a damper on my "Eva" time. It's time for him to get out on his own!

[Bizarre Suzanne]

Marlena...My daughter just entered her 50s, and my son is two years behind. My son (and his family) do not suspect...but my daughter once found my freshly washed lingerie in the dryer...and asked me if I dressed (replied that one of my friends had spilled stuff all over herself when visiting me, and I had lent her some clothing...was washing hers and will send it back)...But I will not let either of them officially know...






Just wondering how many of us are hiding this from our kids? I'm in the if they don't suspect, why tell category. Mine don't know unless my ex-wife told them. They have not asked, but they are also in their twenties and married now.

Also, should we be telling them?

[Piora]

Great replies! It looks almost unanimous for NOT telling, including Wanda's counselor.

Well, perhaps. It really depends on the individual situation. You might remember this thread I started a few months ago...

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?160490-Outed-By-a-Pair-of-Shoes-The-Saga-of-How-I-Finally-came-Out-to-My-Daughter&highlight=

It happened by accident that my daughter questioned why I was buying a pair of women's high-heel black pumps. So, it was something I simply could not explain away, and I didn't try. My daughter is 25, and she and I are extremely close. She was very accepting and it did not cause any awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings between us. Some aspects of it bother her a little bit, and she has a bit of trouble picturing certain aspects of my CDing (like wearing makeup) But she is very supportive and had helped me buy some clothes. She sends me links about makeup and has respected my wishes that she cannot mention this to anyone else.

I think daughters are more accepting, generally than sons. Not the case every time, I know. But that's my take on it.


I just worry if I should die suddenly there will be a lot of feminine clothes in the closet and dresser that will shock the daughter. Too bad there isn't a self destruct button for the clothing in the final minute of life.

I pondered this for a long time over the years. My daughter is my only family (she's an only child) and I also have no brothers or sisters. She would be the one to go through my closet upon my death, so that's one concern that I no longer have.

[Stephanie-L]

None of my children, either biological or step, know. Though one did find my stash in the attic many years ago and wondered about it, nothing has been said since. We only have one child left at home, she is 17, and may suspect as I have become a little more open in the last few years. I eventually plan on telling her as I am really a TG rather than a CD, so dressing en femme is becomming a more important part of my life. I am really waiting on things to settle in the relationship with my wife, I expect that we will be seperating sooner or later, for a variety of reasons, before I bring this up with any family members........Stephanie

[Chazity]

This post scares me my kids are still young and im not sure what I am or what I will be when they get older

[Danni Bear]

7 (yep you read correct) 4 girls and 3 boys. 41 to 30 year old range and they have known all their lives. no secrets and no big issues from it either. crossdressing or transition

may be strange but thats life in my family. only one who had a problem was my dad and that ended with his death 20 years ago

[CindyT]

I have 4 grown children and some grand kids and have not outed myself to them. I've had several close calls, but I think none of them know for sure. I'm keeping it to myself until I go, then they will find out. My late wife (R.I.P.) was not really sure either since I never actually came out to her so I don't think anyone really "knows" about Cindy. I don't think it would be a huge surprise to them though since I often joke about it and just get polite smiles! We have had much tragedy in this large family that I am part of, this is just minor compared to some of the things that have happened in the past...

[Marcia Blue]

Two of my three children know of my dressing. The oldest does not know and is the most conservative. The middle son has seen me dressed and is OK with it. The youngest has said he is TG also.