Question for those who haven't ventured out dressed yet.

[Marleena]

In my case i'm a big chicken.lol. My biggest problem is walking, and mannerisms to blend in. That will take some time to learn after so many years of being a GM. I have made it as far as a car ride with the wife and stopping at a few stores while I waited. I went to my bank's ATM dressed, that's it so far.lol.

If you haven't been out and want to what is holding you back?


Oh...and to those who have gone out dressed how did you overcome your fears??

[shybi]

hi marleena

i really would love to go out dressed i look at myself in the mirror and think wow you look good girl..lol but then i think do i really look that good, then i look again and just see the male me looking back and think can i really fool anyone into thinking i'm nothing more than a guy dressing up badly, i really do want to go out i think i just need someone to say you do pass just go and get them girl.

maybe one day it wont just be a dream and i can do it.


wendy xxx

[paulaprimo]

hi marleena,

i feel the same as wendy does, when i look into the mirror i am happy and see a beautiful woman...then thinking about going out scares me to death! i'm afraid to be seen as a dude in a dress. but i must admit. each and every day i get stonger and build up my courage, and i know one day i will go out...wishing you the best, big hugs, paula

[mrhodes]

my biggest fear is being recognized by somone i know from my guy life, because i live in a small area and im a semi known person.

[Rachel Flowers]

Everything up to the neck is fine for me but this is a man's head, complete with beard and moustache and very short hair. The lovely gazing eyes, even made up, don't stop that. One day, int he right place, probably with Mrs F alongside me...

[JessHaust]

I just started going out in November, but now I'm out at least once a week. How did I do it? Not without a lot of fear, thats for sure. The thing that I have learned is that most people don't pay anywhere as much attention to those around them as we fear. Secondly, of those who do, most could care less. I really can't say how many times I have been made, really, I have not seen anybody react in any unusual manner. Now I'm sure I've been made, they just have done nothing to show it. And really what we are afraid of is being pointed out, made fun of, laughed at. I can tell you it has never happened.
The first time you go out and there you are, people around you, just relax, act normal. I learned a long time ago that no matter where you are, if you act like you belong, people will assume that you do. It's hard to transfer this to girl mode, but it's just as true there. And when you get back, you will begin to acept what I'm telling you, nobody cares! Everytime you go out it gets easier and easier.
I met a new friend last night and she told me all about flying em femme. I was floored, never imagened you could get away with it, but she does and says it's really no different. The TSA agents are NOT looking for cross dressers, they are looking for terriorists! she said one agent looked at her ID, looked back at her and say 'you look much prettier than your picture!' smiled at that was it.
May take me a bit to get to her level and fly en femme, but you can go out, I promise!

[VanessaJCD]

I don't go out because I walk and talk like a linebacker and would not pass in the dark. Therefore I do it for my amusement only. It would be nice to think that I could but one look in the mirror tells me otherwise.

[Nikki A.]

Going out at first is scary, but if you feel that this is what you want to do you will and you'll find out it's not that hard. My first forays were to TG friendly venues.
My real first public test was on a long weekend to Denver where I met a member of this forum. I packed very little drab clothing (so I wouldn't chicken out) and spent the whole weekend as Nikki. We went shopping, to IHOP, dinner. I stayed in a hotel, went to the desk dressed, walked through the lobby to go out. After all that I just decided that I was doing nothing wrong and have continued going out.

[donnatracey]

I can understand the initial fear - which I am really trying to overcome. Yesterday morning I drove over to a local mall (10 miles) en femme which was a first for me. I had no intention of going in but parked my car away from the main doors to Macy's and proceeded to walk about 200 yds or so past the door and then back. Several women walked past me, as well as a few cars and guess what? I survived...:heehee:

Took a few pics with my phone cam but sadly it was a very breezy day and my wig was a mess!!! When I got back to the car I removed the wig, earrings, bra w/pads and then went into the mall in drab. I did leave on the eye makeup, nude lipstick, cute glasses, girlie jeans and sweatshirt, bracelet and had a blast!

Small steps....but am looking forward to taking bigger ones!

[AllieSF]

Some really great advice so far. I do go out and my initial goal when starting to dress was to go out to a nice restaurant (you know, the ones with table cloths!) just like I would do in guy mode. Real fear needs to be attacked in little steps as you build up courage to take the next step. So, shopping for women's clothes in guy mode is great practice, because you will need a similar attitude when going out. That is, As said above, I belong here, I can buy what I want without the need for explaining myself to others and I belong here and maybe even better stated, I have the right to be here. So, by building up the attitude, courage and confidence in the little steps, the bigger step actually becomes smaller. As many on here do for the first outings, maybe just drive around, then walk around dressed to get the feel and to fight your own insecurity and fears. As Jess said, once out and about, your courage level goes way up and so does your enjoyment.

Other things that you can do at home, is to practice your walking in flats and heels, sitting, female mannerisms and movements and your voice. I by no means pass, but do blend fairly well. I have taken some first timers out before and from what I can tell enjoyed it and learned from their own experiences. Good luck to all of you who want to get out. There are a lot of sisters and brothers here and around that do not mind helping you to get out.

[ArleneRaquel]

I just did it, the more that you do something, that you are afraid to do, the easier it becomes to do it. That been my 50+ years of CD'ing. I first ventured out as a girl circa 1968, very late at night, during the summer, while my parents slept.

[Rachel Flowers]

Members have made the point several times before that it's not a test - in a busy shopping centre, someone who is relaxed and getting on with their business doesn't stand out and no-one is going to be checking your ID and DNA at the entrance to the shop and dragging you off to the ducking stool when they find you have Y chromosones.

[Montse]

I admire all of you that have the guts to go out and one day soon I'll go for an evening drive, but to be in public... I could never blend in, too big too hairy and too square faced. I dream though...

Montse

[Kaz]

I started like many members here... I never did until I was satisfied with how I looked (OK I'm never satisfied, but..!). So not before I had a realistic looking wig and was confident that my beard didn't show through the beard cover. Make-up also transforms us! Then it was small steps... going somewhere where no-one else was and getting a feel for walking around in heels, getting used to the feel of a light breeze on a skirt, the feel of being outside (it is so so different), etc... practicising really. Then it was the mall car park. My first real one among people was in the dark of early evening around 6pm in a busy city. Parked the car in a car park, got out and went for a 10 minute stroll walking past people.. It was cold and I had a coat on - I chickened out on heels and wore flat boots. I knew then that there was no turning back... I was on a growth curve! Nobody noticed and I blended in.

Of course I also practised in hotel corridors, lifts occasionally, which is scary when someone gets in with you! Then it got to walking about in busy areas in the daytime.

I don't get much opportunity to get out at the moment and I lost my nerve a short while back, so I have taken some steps back, so I never got as far as restaurants, cafes and socialising like many here. I hope I get to continue again soon... the force is strong!

[Katelyn B]

The hardest step i found was the first, after that it got easier and easier.

The very first time was simply me leaving something in the car which I needed and only discovered one I'd changed, I wasn't going to go back into drab, so I just walked to the car. It helped it was winter, so it was dark.

After that, I just forced myself to do more, starting with walking to the post box, then going out to crowded places. The scariest thing was coming out to my friends and going to see them as Katie, then actually going out with them as Katie. Each step was a small one, and there are still many steps I need to take, but once you take the first one you're set.

/Katie

[RADER]

I don't go out because I walk and talk like a linebacker and would not pass in the dark. Therefore I do it for my amusement only. It would be nice to think that I could but one look in the mirror tells me otherwise.

Yes; I am in the same boat. With very big hands, shoulders, legs, a Paul Bunin frame, The only thing
remotely Fem about me is my desire to wear a dress. I would look like a freak walking around outside in a dress.
Most likely scare some one to death. LOL
Rader

[Carla Stevens]

I'll add my experiences.
I've only been out a few times. A couple of those were for a drive in the early evening in the dark. I was extremely nervous, especially between the house & car as I was convinced I'd be spotted by the neighbours.
For the entire time I was out driving I was convinced that everyone could see me.
I've also been out in daylight twice to go to a CDing shop over an hour away. I left the house partially dressed & in full make-up. Getting between the house & car was nerve racking as I didn't want a neighbour to spot me. I put my wig on & finished changing in a quiet country lane out of my village.
Again I was convinced that every other road user was going to realise that there was a CDer in the car, especially when I was stopped at traffic lights with traffic both sides of me.
Getting out of the car fully dressed at my destination was a test of nerves, but I managed.
I felt a lot less nervous the second time I went out in daylight to the CDing shop, both during the drive & even parked up further away from the shop in a residential street. I got out of the car more relaxed than last time & took time to put my handbag over my shoulder, locked the car & put the keys in the bag before walking to the shop.
I've now also become more at ease shopping for clothes in guy mode.
I now really need to make the next step & go out shopping whilst dressed, but need to work on my walk & mannerisms. I don't know yet how to handle talking. Do I just talk like a guy or should I try talking more softly? I'll have to decide.

[Kelli Ca]

my wife has told me that she is not yet comfortable with wigs and make up and doesnt want to go out, so i am totally respecting that one day maybe she will be more at ease?? who knows? anyway i dont think i could pass and would probably be a chicken of getting looks and comments

[Anna Lorree]

I live in a pretty rural area where everybody knows everybody, and I have a very visible job. Because of that and as a compromise with my wife. She is worried about our kids having to deal with the fallout from a "sighting".

Anna

[docrobbysherry]

Going out in vanilla public dressed? For me, stressful beyond belief!:sad:

Going out dressed with OTHER GIRLS? TOO MUCH FUN!:devil:

All u have to do is attend a CD "convention"! SCC, Be All, DLV, etc., etc., whatever.:thumbsup:

Just show up out of the blue like I did at the SCC 3 years ago! Prepared to not dress at all if I didn't feel like it. After 1/2 hour with dressed girls from here, I couldn't wait to dress!:D

EVERYONE should try it! For me, going to the mall dressed is like showing up naked! While dressing at a convention is like a kid going to Disneyland!:heehee:

[Lucy_Bella]

I was like many here ..I had the over whelming urge to be seen...I, like you would make short trips or just step outside , but it wasn't enough it was a rush.. I finally mustard up enough nerve to join a local " Trans Group " ..In these groups they plan safe outings and more or less pressured you into going by showing pictures and talking about the night's out you missed because you were to chicken.. I got with a Gay friend of mine and asked if he would go to one of these events with me.. He said he would, so by chance his S.O. lived very close to the club our next event was at .. I was able to be escorted by three gay males to this club.. There were gentelmen the whole time..
I met up with my group we introduced ourselves and funny thing!! I went my own way with my friends..We watched the drag show talked I even stood outside on the sidewalk of a very major street a few times to have a smoke..You forget after awhile that you are even dressed up but sometimes it does occur to you that in fact you are out in public dressed.. Will I ever do it again? I highly doubt it ...It really wasnt for me..

But it cured my getting out urge..

[sami1952]

same here,scare to death going out in plubic by myself, that was until i had a talk with my sister( i had come out to her a few years back) being gay herself,she said go out and enjoy yourself and i did that night. that was the turning point for me,i go to the club,park and just drive around. Glad i chatted with her. I owe her for her words of encouragement.

[carnut62]

To be honest going out dressed is less stressful to me than talking in front of 2-400 people. Sure I worry, especially from my house to the main street outside of my neighborhood. After that though I loosen up a lot.

I haven't been out dressed in 5 years but I remember it well. I have found a nice resale boutique in the south part of town that I actually went to today after yoga class (I wear leggings but work my tush off too). I email with the owner sometimes about what I am looking for. I brought my stuff in a bag ;) I shopped as a man, only got a double take by one lady when I first got there. There was probably 7 other ladies that came through looking while I was there. After I found what I wanted to try on I grabbed my bag and went to a changing room. I dolled it up and had a good time trying stuff on. I got all dressed without wig and walked to the front to ask if they had a belt that would go with the awesome sweaterdress I found. She found me a belt and brought it back. I then probably walked around the store another 4 times while trying on clothes and picking up something else I saw half the time with a wig so I could get the full effect of the outfits.

After a great time I bought the sweaterdress and 2 sweaters and a great fitting shirt that looks awesome with my new gap jean skirt. I just carried my bag with me when I left and told her I would be back in 2 weeks, hopefully dressed ;)

I had a friend tell me once he was shopping at Kohls and a friend of his walked right past him, he said he almost fainted. But in the end the friend never knew who he was.

If you are worried drive 10 miles from your home, find a place you can go comfortably. I find resale shops online and email them and ask if it would be ok if I came by . Do it slowly but have fun too.

[kimberly ann487]

My opinion is you can't learn to swim unless you get in the water. Going out in public validates our efforts to look feminine. I have never had a problem in public even if according to my worst critic, my wife, I am the praverbial "man in a dress" 99% of passing is half mental.--Y.B.

[strangeone]

I think the key is not to do it alone, I couldn't believe my luck when a friend of mine decided she was going to convince me to enter an amateur drag show competition thing. My arm has never required less twisting and it was much fun despite the fact I spent all my time worrying about how I looked not my act and came dead last. meh

[Reggie Campion]

I haven't completely gone out yet but have gone out in stockings bra and panties under my drab look. Want to get the makeup right and if i do, i know that all the other problems will be taken care of; can walk in heels, fold my legs properly, not being to aggresive when i walk just don't want ot look like a man in a wig and a dress.

Reg

[RitaRich]

"The only thing to fear is fear it's self"
That is the advice a GG gave me during my first makeover. She told me that the first step in going out is to get over being afraid. I took her advice. Though I was still afraid, I acted like I wasn't and I couldn't be more pleased with the result.
The fear I haven't been able to overcome is walking from my apartment door to my car with all my neighbors who only know me as a man seeing me.

[JessHaust]

I can't go out, I look like frankenstein in drag!
Ladies, this is what we all think. The point is, who cares, nobody.
My hands are so big, i can pick up 4 drinking glasses with one hand. My shouders look like I wearing football pads. Really, I feel absolutely like that, we all do. Go out, you will not believe how wonderful it wil be when your realize that no one is really looking, and those that are don't care! GO OUT! Enjoy yourself.

[Chickhe]

I don't have much fear going out now, but it took a lot of experience to get there. I discovered my whole life was being impacted because my fears were stopping me from doing a lot of things. Once I overcame my fears I started feeling a lot better about myself. My advice, whatever it is you are scared about...face the fear so you can learn to deal with it.

[Jeninus]

Marleena raises an interesting question. Well, I finally did go out. Yesterday my wife and I went to the King of Prussia Mall with me full en femme -- girls, waist cincher, Veronica, wool knee-length skirt, (hose, of course, no girl should go out without being properly dressed) wig and got a makeover at MAC. My nerves were tight as a drum at first, but I relaxed while walking to the MAC when no one seemed to be paying me any attention. After the makeover I felt like I was melting into the crowd. Actually, I could hardly recognize myself in the mirror. Relaxed. We met a friend, had lunch in the Nordstrom Cafe and went shopping. My wife and friend kept a surreptitious eye on passersby and apparently hardly anyone gave me a second look. Now the fear is over and our friend said he'd be happy to go out with the "girls" again. And we will. You gals should too. But take your wife or SO and try to add at least one really close and long-time male friend.

Note: Blatant sex discrimination. In Nordstrom's I went into the Lady's Room with my wife. As you enter, there is a room on the left with two easy chairs and a sofa facing a room-length mirror and counter where the ladies can chat or fix their makeup. To the left is another room with nine stalls, ceiling to floor (so you can't peek in to see who's home). While I was on the pot a lady entered the stall to my right and it sounded like an elephant relieving itself of a vast amount of urine (damn, thanks to my "prostrate" I could never match that. I waited until she was gone. My friend went into the Men's opposite. He says there is a wash basin next to the door, one urinal and a single stall and that's it. Clear discrimination.

Final Note: watch those MAC artists. By the time Sherry finished ringing up my bill it was close to $600.00. It should only cost me $50.00 the next time because I now have everything needed, but it is an expensive hobby to get started if you go the MAC route. Sherry also said it would have been far more embarrassing for me to have had a makeover while in drab. Customers came in but paid me no notice - according to my wife.

[donnatracey]

I would like to know what you spent the $600 on. Many girls have gone for a MAC makeover and while I realize it's expensive, that seems a tad high to me. I've been thinking of having a MAC makeover in drab and with a $600 bill, you have me re-considering....:sad:

[RileyEvans]

I don't go out because I think I would see someone I know and I don't think I could pass, mainly because of my shoulders. I do plan on going for a drive at night the next time I get to dress.

[Jeninus]

Donna, maybe I should post an itemization. I haven't really gone over it carefully, but I know each of the brushes was expensive and everything costs at least 3 times what similar products would cost at a drug store. Whether the quality justifies the difference, I can't answer. I did watch with horror as the bill kept mounting and mounting, but by then it was too late to cancel everything. The makeover is a sales tool and by the time the artist is finished you're so deep in the Pink Fog it's too late. But go anyway, you'll love the pampering you get.

[donnatracey]

No itemization is need, Jeninus...was just a bit curious but do know their brushes are expensive. I wouldn't mind paying for the actual makeup, etc especially if they could do something for my face!....I guess they get you in a moment of weakness after all the pampering and you see the finished product! If I go, I'd expect to drop at least $250 or so and wouldn't mind in the least......:heehee:

[Jeninus]

Riley if you aren't a giant, the key is that the hips should match the width of the shoulders and the waist should be about .72 the size of the hips. Don't wear a moustache or a beard - you will get clocked pretty quickly when adorned with facial hair. You probably need a waist cincher and something like a Veronica to achieve the female silhouette. The rest consists of attention to a multitude of details, mannerisms and learning how to walk "properly." That gets you away from the "Man in a Dress" look. Spend a lot of time girl watching to learn those tricks. Most of us can do it and you probably can too. And don't forget, most people don't observe the people around them, including us CDers. But watch out for those bratty little girls. They are the worst because they are always super observant and they have big mouths.

[Dana7]

The times I have ventured out fully dressed fall into two categories: First, Halloween, when it is ok for any guy to be dressed as a girl and be perceived as "in costume only", and therefore not questioned, and second, when in the company of an SO who was fully supportive and understanding. (which is not the case with my current SO) It is much easier to venture out with someone who can be supportive. But on the times when I went out for Halloween I was unaccompanied and still had a great time because I went to places where I knew I was safe and where people were having a good time, i.e. parties, dancing, etc.

So I would suggest that for your first time out that you might want to find someone in your local Tri-Ess group or another supportive person, unless you want to wait for an occasion like a costume party or some other event where it is acceptable to dress as a woman.

There are several accounts of people on this forum I've read where they just take a drive in a car or go to a park or some other place where they know it is safe. I'd avoid situations like places where there is a possibility of encountering kids or less-than-mature people. I've found that youths can be fairly uncouth and ill-mannered toward a CDer, even on Halloween. And I'd also plan on making it fairly brief; it's kind of a hassle dealing with the issue of going to the ladie's room. Better to avoid that on your first outing.

[JessicaM1985]

I don't go out because I'm not out out to more than like 4 people. I'm taking baby steps with my goal of looking like a girl on a regular basis. I'm also one of those gals that lives in a kinda small town and have been a member of the local music scene for like 5 or so years now. So the chances of me being clocked are VERY high. I want to come out to people in guy mode first, before I start making a lot of sudden changes. While I believe I have every right to look the way I see fit, I also believe I have to keep the feelings of,others in mind when I make these changes. I can imagine the confusion that would take place if I just showed up to band rehearsal one day fully en femme. I could take the 'dont care' approach, but would lose my place in the band by doing so. I feel that it takes smart planning, and careful consideration of where you choose to start going out in girl mode.

[Pam]

Yes in the same situation as many others and very afraid.
Would be better to do it with a friend and have meet one or two over the years ( but I was not ready )
Only really just started with make up and my wig feel odd and I am not sure how it looks
Good luck to all

[~Joanne~]

I have only had one venture out to date and that was on halloween. It seemed the best date to venture out even though there is a difference between a totally enfemme woman and a man in a costume.

I was extremely nervous the whole time due to the neighbor seeing me leave. We lived in an apartment building at the time and as I came down the stairs, this male neighbor came in the back door and ran across the building to see me as I got into our car. My GF had pulled it around to make leaving a bit easier on me.

Needless to say, it set the tone for the evening. She teased that he just wanted to look at my legs (which is probably my strongest asset) which may have been true. We drove quite a ways out as to not run into anyone when she hit something in the road. She pulled over on one of the busiest roads possible and got out to check as did I. Amazingly I wasn't as nervous standing on the side of the road as I thought I would be and walking around the car listening to my heels click was beyond amazing.

We drove a bit making a couple of stops to get something to drink, one was at a walmarts which had an outside vending machine but I refused to get out lol and the next was a gas station where I felt the same. finally she gave up and went in herself. Looking back I should have at the walmart because the machine was far enough from the door that it would have looked like any woman buying a drink. I think it was the loud obnoxious kids by the door that stopped me.

On the way home we had one last encounter as we were at a red light and the guy next to us motioned to me to roll down the window. she did from her side to find out their was an accident up by the rail road tracks and we should find another way around it. she thanked him and he said "have a nice night ladies" which topped off the night nicely ;)

I haven't been out since though I would like to at some point when I am a bit more sure about things, mostly being myself and my fears lol The one major mistake I made was not taking a drab bag in case something would have happened but thankfully it didn't ;)

[Piora]

In my case i'm a big chicken.lol. My biggest problem is walking, and mannerisms to blend in. That will take some time to learn after so many years of being a GM. I have made it as far as a car ride with the wife and stopping at a few stores while I waited. I went to my bank's ATM dressed, that's it so far.lol.

Yeah, but that's huge from where I sit! :eek: That's some real progression!


If you haven't been out and want to what is holding you back?

Well, I think I would want to....if I thought I might pass. Probably if I had found this site back in the 80s (but how? There wasn't anything like this back then!) I would have maybe been able to learn the makeup and everything else that was required to present as a female. As it is now, I might be able to be talked into it if it was another city or area....and I was going out with other CDs. Who knows? But - thinking about it....I don't feel a real need to do it, so perhaps I never will.

[Cindy M]

The biggest thing, in my opinion, is having someone with you for support. Having my Wife by my side gives me confidence and She pushes me along when I hesitate. She helps me pick out clothes & try them on while I shop en drab. Everything I pick out... She says looks ****ty and makes me put it back. In reality, She keeps me looking less obvious and flying under the radar. Blending in is the key to helping me pass. I still have doubts and cover them by trying not to care. I'm working on that. I went to the mall last night and felt better about myself than I ever have before.